Haiku

[My Erotic Trail]

Hi Huntsman and welcome

i picked up a haiku anthology from the library this very morning and have just read three different versions of your Basho quote.

of the ones i've read so far i like:

Upon the temple bell
A butterfly is sleeping well.

i think the simplicity zones the mind in to the two specific images perfectly. compare it to:

The butterfly sleeps well
Perched upon the temple bell....
..Until it rings! (Dr Curtis Page's translation of Buson's butterfly haiku.

i'm not sure who originally wrote the haiku or if there were several poets who wrote about butterflies on temple bells, but it certainly makes for interesting variations - in my opinion.


and i like your haiku! i hope you post more.

I like that, (~_~)

I was toying with this today (true story)


Trash can shakes
opossum trapped within
running in circles

 

[wildsweetone]

...in some places here you will see young trees lined with tin - a cylinder that the trunk sits inside. it stops the 'possums from climbing the trees.
i can just hear the racket that ol' man must've been making in your trash can. i hope it wasn't while you were trying to sleep!

 

[My Erotic Trail]

...in some places here you will see young trees lined with tin - a cylinder that the trunk sits inside. it stops the 'possums from climbing the trees.
i can just hear the racket that ol' man must've been making in your trash can. i hope it wasn't while you were trying to sleep!

it was afternoon when I come home, I walked to the back door and saw the trash can shake...I walked over and looked in and the opossum started running in circles so I slowly turned it over so it 'skid daddled outta there' <grin

 

[wildsweetone]

.
.
.
possum chases tail
under a shadow -
eyes wide

.
.
.


whose eyes were wider i wonder...

 

[Decayed Angel]

matted grass
is all that remains -
dead possum?

 

[anonamouse]

matted grass
is all that remains -
dead possum?

roadkill haiku spew
no tiremarks on possum head
maybe it, rabies?

 

[twelveoone]

in my recent rambles with pen and paper i've been learning how to write Haiku. there's more rules with this little gem of a form than any of that other stuff you form poets are busy protecting. well, it sure seems that way at the moment. lol

anyhow... with all the 'rules', the dos and the don'ts, there still seems to be a chasm between what is, and the personal preference of readers.

from what i've read, there seem to be many variations of writing ku from the basic 5-7-5, to the what you see is what you get kind of idea (forgive me Basho and others - yes my reading is still in embryo form as yet), through the comparison, contrast and association ideas, beyond the pun, the riddle, the metaphor, the double entendre, Etc. etc. (to miss-borrow an SJ trademark ) right through to the leap Ah-ha! ku. there are more variations than the few i've mentioned here - i don't want to bore anyone.

so, what i'd like to know is...

what do you prefer to see/feel/understand when you read a Haiku?

what is your favourite Haiku? (please post one that has not been posted before so there will be a few different ku to look at.

BTW, If i remember correctly jthserra had written two? of the better articles that I have ever read on haiku, perhaps someone would be kind enough to pull them up.

My opinion ~ haiku does not translate very well from the Japanese to English, too many cues are lost.

 

[anonamouse]

for Senna Jawa
Boron
BTW click on
Are these REALLY Haiku?

 

[wildsweetone]

BTW, If i remember correctly jthserra had written two? of the better articles that I have ever read on haiku, perhaps someone would be kind enough to pull them up.

My opinion ~ haiku does not translate very well from the Japanese to English, too many cues are lost.

I don't know the Japanese language but my daughter does, I may get her to glance over some for me.

I know that in the translations I've read, there are some great variations. I know which variations I prefer (more on the lean side rather than the fatty side).

I've read most of jthserra's (submission page) Haiku essays and found them an excellent starter kit.

What is Haiku?

What is Senryu?

What is Zappai?

Not Seventeen - More on Haiku

More on Haiku - Nature and Kigo

More on Haiku - Kireji

More on Haiku - Anthropomorphism and Suchness

Erotic Haiku

(I have not included book suggestions or reviews)

 

[wildsweetone]

roadkill haiku spew
no tiremarks on possum head
maybe it, rabies?

if it had no tyre marks, how can it be roadkill? roadkill here refers to being run over on the road by a vehicle.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

enlightenment
trapped in a jar
a fire fly

 

[Rybka]

enlightenment
trapped in a jar
a fire fly

Art, I would prefer lines 1 and 3 reversed for a different effect. I would also think on how to make them equal, for example:

"Summer's fire fly
trapped in a jar
enlightenment"


Please keep writing and continue improving!

 

[wildsweetone]

matted grass
is all that remains -
dead possum?

dog rolls
in perfume
...on matted grass
.
.
.

 

[BooMerengue]

he listens so sly
a step, a creak, silent step
eyes widen in shock​

To my LoveyBoy, who now knows listening at doors is not a good thing!

 

[wildsweetone]

he listens so sly
a step, a creak, silent step
eyes widen in shock​

To my LoveyBoy, who now knows listening at doors is not a good thing!

Sweet Lady... do you have any idea what my mind is conjuring up? lol

 

[BooMerengue]

Sweet Lady... do you have any idea what my mind is conjuring up? lol

I'm afraid to ask!! LOL

ummm... LoveyBoy is my 6 yr old grandson, dear. LOL

 

[wildsweetone]

i was just wondering what he was looking at that made his eyes go wide in shock.

 

[wildsweetone]

.
.
.

the crickets' lullaby

cicadas sleep​

.
.
.

 

[BooMerengue]

i was just wondering what he was looking at that made his eyes go wide in shock.

he listens so sly
a step, a creak, silent step
eyes widen in shock​

He was listening to Christmas present discussion; the shock came when I eased opened the door.

 

[wildsweetone]

he listens so sly
a step, a creak, silent step
eyes widen in shock​

He was listening to Christmas present discussion; the shock came when I eased opened the door.

ah. that explains much!

 

[BooMerengue]

ah. that explains much!

Not sure explaining is a good idea though. Wasn't wondering half the fun?

Though I don't ever mind explaining; my answers are usually mundane.

 

[wildsweetone]

yes wondering is half the fun, more sometimes. i was wondering what on earth you'd been getting up to.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

A one legged bird
perched upon a tree limb
gust of wind blows

 

[wildsweetone]

A one legged bird
perched upon a tree limb
gust of wind blows

i hope you caught it!

 

[My Erotic Trail]

i hope you caught it!

had it for one and half years...

Lone Star the One legged Mockingbird <grin
I found the poem I wrote about it and posted it on the last post of
"Chasin Chickens"