Have you ever cheated before?

[policywank]

There is also the fact that, as human beings, we get bored with an unvaried diet.

That applies in all aspects of life, not just sex. If I had beefburgers to eat every night for 20 years my appetite would become dulled, to say the least. You can, of course, become inventive within your marriage and introduce variety that way, but how many of us can actually do that. Besides which, there are few of us who enjoy doing absolutely everything that a partner would like.

The problem with cheating is that it's done behind the partner's back. If it were to be in the open then no harm is being done, but jealousy and insecurity too often intervenes to make that possible.

I think the varied diet point is critical to any discussion of the motivation for extramarital sex. Whether it is cheating, open marriage, cuckoldry, hot wifing or whatever it is never as simple as saying if the spouse was doing a good enough job in the bedroom the extramarital sex would not come about.

Whenever I hear someone say that a woman's infidelity would not occur if her husband was man enough to satisfy her (or vice versa) I cringe at the naiveté. Maybe a few people have it all figured out but every person I know who is in a long-term relationship knows it is far more complicated.

My favourite meal is beef burger and the best ever is at home. However, sometimes I like a different dish. That has nothing to do with the quality or desirability of the beef burger.

 

[DCAllen84]

Huge turn on.

 

[Anomaly1964]

Yes...

Wish I never had though...

Because after you cross the line the first time, it makes it easier the next time...

Very hard to forget the taste of forbidden fruit...

 

[john_johnson]

I like to stay in the gray area tease and flirt for fun.

 

[junk_yard]

Once a "player" always a player... I cheated constantly on wife #1 and wife#2, and now, after many years on monogamy, have cheated on wife #3. And, I am going to continue because she just isn't interested in sex any more. Yep, I'm an old guy with a huge sex drive... I masturbate daily but that just isn't enough. Not easy to find willing partners at my age but I keep trying... suggestions are welcome...

 

[anthilly]

Its a fray area for me, I have on here at least, not sure if thats really cheating tho

 

[Dickstroker81]

It depends on what you call cheating, and I don't mean the gray area. We feel that anything except vaginal penetration is not cheating, it is just sex for fun and we allow each other to have as much sex for fun as we can get and even share anal and oral partners.

 

[CompletelyAverage]

During my junior year of college, I was the "other man" for a girl with a boyfriend. The whole thing ended after he came home from work an hour early and walked in on her giving me head.

 

[sandie350]

ive always been a permisive type of girl......was active at school,and even when i got married,i still cheated with both guys and girls when the urge took me.

 

[WriterWriter]

and if so, did it turn you on knowing that you were doing something you weren't supposed to?

I was already turned on or I wouldn't have done it.

 

[Riles]

I was already turned on or I wouldn't have done it.

lol

That pretty much sums it up.

 

[ForbiddenThrill]

The IDEA of things like cheating, being dishonest (and discreet) having open relationships, doing it together, making others cheat, etc. has turned me on for as long as I can remember. Doing things you aren't supposed to do. Biggest turn on I have. (Hence, my screen name.)

Real life, however, seems to be a bit different.

Have I ever cheated on a gf? Yes. I've also felt guilty each time in my adult life.

These days, as much as the sexual part of me wants to do various things with various girls, I'm a faithful guy and don't cross that line. Flirtation? All day. Sexual discussion? Every day. Picture trading? Yup. My current girl even knows of some of this. She also knows that's as far as I go. (Unless we agree on something else happening.) Knowing I can fuck a girl if I want to, is sometimes ENOUGH. I don't always have to do it.

 

[Freya69]

In college, I cheated on boy friends quite often and several of them encouraged it. When married, I did cheat twice. Not for the thrill of cheating but just because I wanted the sex. I had caught my hubby cheating so I felt justified in getting some on the side as well. Quite frankly I am not sure humans are meant to be monogamous. I think many of us have desire to try something different every once in awhile.

 

[anthilly]

In college, I cheated on boy friends quite often and several of them encouraged it. When married, I did cheat twice. Not for the thrill of cheating but just because I wanted the sex. I had caught my hubby cheating so I felt justified in getting some on the side as well. Quite frankly I am not sure humans are meant to be monogamous. I think many of us have desire to try something different every once in awhile.

I agree with all of this, at least some of us arent ment for monogamy

 

[rbreathe]

I have

but it did not start till I found my wife fooling around. I was mad at first and though "well if she can fuck around, i'm so nailing this gall thats been flirting with me"

ended up being a heck of a thrill bedding this gal. she knew I was married and we kept it all on the down low. during this time my wife got more and more jealous of any lady friend, co-worker or what not I knew. thus it became a whole new turn on.

before the end I had cheated on her a few times. though not as much as she on me.

 

[Laird_Vertron]

. . . . Quite frankly I am not sure humans are meant to be monogamous. I think many of us have desire to try something different every once in awhile.

I think that you've hit the nail pretty squarely with this statement. The simple fact is that unless you somehow find the "perfect" partner, the time will come when at least one of you needs something more. Women by nature need security, but they also need to know they're desirable. Men need a sanctum to which they can retreat, but they also need to know that on some level, the savage within is called on to come out for playtime. If both partners have somehow found their perfect match, it will be utopian for both - but if only one feels that way, it's inevitable that the desire to try something different will make itself known. Is that cheating? Contemporary morals would say yes and in so doing try to convince you that you're a bad human being BECAUSE you're guilty of being human; this, to me, is a pretty rediculous standard to apply. I say that the physical needs and the emotional needs are not the same and your spouse can meet one without meeting the other.

Sex without love is the scratching of an itch. Love without sex is Purgatory at its' finest.

 

[MissProvocateur]

Yes, and the cheating aspect was the impulse to make it happen. It was a big turn on. But the lad I was with at the time was a cheater too.

 

[Sundayschild]

Yes, and the cheating aspect was the impulse to make it happen. It was a big turn on. But the lad I was with at the time was a cheater too.

You seductress you. ....

 

[leather_spitfire]

I met up with an ex once and we found a deserted byway in the countryside. I fingered her to orgasm and she gave me a hot blowjob, all in the back of my 4x4. I guess I didn't think of it as cheating and honestly I still don't though I'm sure others would.

in my early 20s I had a fling with a lady who was in a long term relationship. she broke it off when he finally, in her words, asked her to marry him. I was gutted because she was a fiery Irish girl who loved sucking and riding my cock, but anyway... I think her blasé attitude to cheating on her partner rubbed off on me a bit perhaps. I'd not have vaginal sex with someone else but oral I'm quite happy to!

 

[leoandlioness]

Cheating is lack of communication

This discussion brings two things to light. Quite a number of people want to talk about their cheating because they can't communicate with their spouses or SO's. The desire to communicate is powerful. Sex is a form of communication. Talking about sex is another powerful communication. Without communication a relationship is not half what it could be.

The other important aspect is that monogamy doesn't work. It's a romantic concept not born out in the real world. In the animal world monogamy generally means for life. In the human world we have serial monogamy, where the partner changes but the concept doesn't. Humans think of themselves as monogamous even though they have had multiple partners and relationships in life.

Combine communication with being realistic about the failure of monogamy to work. Real communication with a partner or spouse can create a sexual landscape where needs are met and relationship is honored. Many here have demonstrated that. Real communication can soften the rough edges of each of us. There will always be surprises and disappointments in life. Communication is the only salve that works.

 

[DewMee]

Have you ever cheated before? and if so, did it turn you on knowing that you were doing something you weren't supposed to?

Yes, and yes. It was the first time I had sex with another man besides my (now X) husband. I was excited and scared all at the same time.

 

[mariais44]

wish I had the education to speak for animals as before scribe.... serious its "complicated" and waaay too judgemental from some here I fear..

Moi--- a serial non-monagamist. I flunked it gloriously in virtually all my relationships. men and women

happy holiday and good cums to all lits on here today !




M

 

[DesEsseintes]

No, I've never cheated. I don't usually get in a position to do so, which I think is part of the issue - intimacy can be such a gradual incline that the boundaries disappear, and the emotional cheating can start long before anything else.

I have been in situations where it seemed possible, and where I have been strongly tempted: in such cases there are always push as well as pull factors. But in the end, during my marriage ceremony, I made vows to my wife, in front of my closest friends and family. If that is to mean anything, and if I am to retain my integrity at all, I can't cheat.

That's a very personal, old-fashioned viewpoint, I know. I'm not implying that it ought to be true for everyone.

 

[winepleasures]

In a word, yes. Not alot, but enough. They've only been with people that have a sexual energy that connects with mine. And none of them have ended ugly. We're all still friends. These weren't affairs, they were uninhibited lusts...

 

[skinnysinner]

Yes, and yes to the original. I agree with the observation that humans are probably not meant to be monogamous, but I have found the idea a lot easier to deal with as I grew older! Younger meant jealousy and hurt.

However my recent meets have been with ladies in a similar position to me, and who enjoy exploring some Lit fantasies in real life but without expectations. And I will continue I am sure, but I know it's not for everyone so keep my ways and means to myself amongst my friends.