Have you ever cheated before?

[Freya69]

In some ways, many of the people on Lit are cheating at least mentally if not physically. I don't think that is a bad thing. It is good to have an outlet for our kinky nature when a partner is simply not into it.

I think in our lizard brain, women have a desire to breed with strong, capable men. Not necessarily physically strong and with big dicks but mentally and emotionally strong. And certainly diversifying the gene pool is a good thing for the species. It is nice to have a caring and reliable partner but still it is nice to indulge those animal urges now and then too.

 

[All_4_Love]

No, I've never cheated. I don't usually get in a position to do so, which I think is part of the issue - intimacy can be such a gradual incline that the boundaries disappear, and the emotional cheating can start long before anything else.

I have been in situations where it seemed possible, and where I have been strongly tempted: in such cases there are always push as well as pull factors. But in the end, during my marriage ceremony, I made vows to my wife, in front of my closest friends and family. If that is to mean anything, and if I am to retain my integrity at all, I can't cheat.

That's a very personal, old-fashioned viewpoint, I know. I'm not implying that it ought to be true for everyone.

Oh dear, you are such a beautiful man, Des. I can only imagine the profoundly amazing woman you declare as your lovely wife.

Sending my love and prayers to you both, and to the beautiful "baby Des Esseintes" that I have heard on your voice recordings. Your family is so very blessed.

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

Yes I have, it has been extremely exciting each time I did it. The first time was pay back for her cheating on me. It ended the relationship that needed ending anyway. She just couldn't live with the fact that I could of done that to her, even though she did it to me twice. Ultimately thiscwoman taught me how to cheat without feeling remorse.

Second time was great, however I realy cared for this woman that just did not seem interested in sex, and as a guy I had needs. I finally confessed to it, as she noticed I was not hounding her for sex as much, and the guilt had built up. I do somewhat regret doing that to her.

Third time, was again revenge on a woman who did it to me. Was her best friend. It was so much fun, as this relationship came apart.

Then decided to try marriage. 10 years was enough, after the divorce I swore off monogamy. I will openly tell women now that they are not the only one, and I somewhat avoid serious relationships. This opened up so many doors for me sexually.

 

[WhenInDoubtFuck]

Nope

I have never cheated, but I have enjoyed numerous encounters with women who were cheating. For me it's a matter of personal discipline. Not so much that cheating is bad, but rather that I'm in control of my body, not the other way around. This mostly stems from being (for lack of a better term) a nympho, which has ruined relationships entirely on it's own. While I've never let it cause me to cheat, I have had women who did not enjoy being attacked all the time, so I try to maintain some manner of control over my sexuality for mine and my partner's benefit. If she is okay with being attacked all the time, I'm more than happy to go that route instead.

Cheating also is matter of perception, and while some might think it starts at flirting, other's might be so bold as to think oral or anal sex doesn't count. For me personally, I feel comfortable at around the teasing kisses and light touching level. Anything farther is where I consider it cheating. It's because of the different perceptions as well as different situations that might be going on in another person's life, that I am neither bothered by nor have any criticism of someone who is cheating, so long as they are true to themselves and are not in denial about what they are doing.

For my own life, with the exception of my marriage, I have chosen not to get set on being committed to anyone beyond the here and now. If I find something that is worth going after, I will go after it, but I will also let go of the one I'm with so as to avoid causing them any grief beyond the break up itself. At the same time, I'm entirely open to the possibility of being married again, should I find someone I want to share that level of connection with.

On the more naughty side of things, it's a lot of fun to play with someone who is cheating. Something about the forbidden aspect, having something that belongs to another. Knowing that she is going behind her boyfriend's/husband's back to be with me is, of course, a turn on. I definitely noticed the increase in attention I got when I was wearing my wedding ring also. Occasionally, wearing it out to the clubs or bars, well after my marriage had ended.

Maybe there should be a support group thread "Non-cheaters who love cheaters". Though just to clarify, cheating on him is fun, cheating on me is a quick kick to the curb.

 

[just4me350]

I don't worry about him. His penis is only 3 1/2".

L

Like a big clit?

 

[LadiLucki7]

Yes but usually after a fight so I could pull the ol you have me a reason to cheat deal. Nowadays I just stick to being single and not complicate things

 

[hottyscotty22]

I slept with my ex who I dated for 2.5 years about a month after we broke up when I was seeing someone new. I still feel bad about it, the sex was terrible because I felt bad the entire time. In a way it was like putting the final nail in the coffin so I could move on. I told the girl I was seeing and we are still dating, still hard to believe that I am a 'cheater' as that is something I have always condemned, quite the moral conundrum.

 

[bi_9491]

Yes, And Have No Regrets...

Done with this

 

[russko]

Yes, three times during my second marriage. All three were married women I met online and chatted and emailed for a short period of time.

I was pretty lucky with each of these 'internet interludes'. I had met none of the three before we slept together, and they turned out to be, in each case, very attractive women. And very uninhibited in bed..

There were two things about these encounters that made them a real turn on.

1. I got away with all 3 of them. To this day my ex has not a clue that anything ever happened. Not one.

2. The fact that all three women were married. There is something intensely powerful about the realization that you are fucking another man's wife. Not his ex-wife, but his wife. In each case, both myself and the women were, without consciously recognizing it, taking full advantage of our spouses neglect. It was a quietly satisfying, quietly thrilling aspect that similar encounters with single or divorced women would have lacked.

So why 'cheat'?

For both myself and each of these women, a feeling of being taken for granted, of being basically ignored by our SO was the reason. I never recognized it as this at the time, but the passage of the years since has given the perspective to see it as the reason. It is amazing to recognize that common thread.

We ENJOYED our brief times together. It was an ESCAPE from the deadness of our 'real' lives. We did wonderfully naughty things like swap underwear as 'souvenirs'.

Did I ever feel guilty? No. Never. Not for a second. Within a year of the last of these encounters, my ex and I divorced for completely different reasons. The encounters I had only served to help me realize 'I don't have to keep living like this'

I remarried later, and I would never consider cheating on the truly wonderful woman who I share life with today.

almost exactly my story ... lived with a woman (not married) for 8 years. At first we decided that we'll abstain until marriage but never did we agree on no intimacy at all ... I'd go weeks without a hug or cuddling or anything remotely affectionate.

I would stay up nights reading Lit, and then that turned into watching porn, and soon after that I ventured out and went to an erotic massage parlour. A year or so later that morphed into sex with the masseuses, then professionals, then I met a some friends who were into gang bangs so I followed, and finally into swinging too.

broke up with the woman for different reasons as well - she was very immature and narcissistic - and I found out that she had fallen out of love and was actively flirting with a married guy from work ...

i didn't feel bad about the physical stuff, because it was simply for relief and until the end she remained the one I wanted to be with - perhaps I'm rationalizing but this is how I feel. I just needed something to get me through the long weeks without intimacy and get me to the wedding date after which (i assumed and i was told) "things would be different"

wouldn't dream of cheating on my Mrs. now - she's just too good to me and not just sexually...

 

[Fill_de_Puta]

Only up until I realised how much it hurt. It served me right and I learnt my lesson.

 

[magicalmoments]

302 have voted and if you add the "grey area" voters who have at least fooled around with others, then 70% of us have cheated.

Now I appreciate that the voters are all Lit members which probably weights the response and the poll is in no way scientific, but I can't help but wonder how well that figure translates to the "real world"?

 

[russko]

302 have voted and if you add the "grey area" voters who have at least fooled around with others, then 70% of us have cheated.

Now I appreciate that the voters are all Lit members which probably weights the response and the poll is in no way scientific, but I can't help but wonder how well that figure translates to the "real world"?

that's a very good question - maybe the men and women on lit share some common characteristic that predisposes us to follow our passion and therefore succumb to cheating

that would certainly bias the results

 

[notnice66]

I'm single and a serial monogamist. But I think we need to distinguish here between cheating as in having an affair, and cheating as in a bit of a casual fling. When in a relationship I have sometimes had a one night stand or even just a knee trembler with some random pick up. I don't feel bad about it - just rationalise it as not cheating, that is it totally physical and nothing else. Works for me.

 

[Laird_Vertron]

I'm single and a serial monogamist. But I think we need to distinguish here between cheating as in having an affair, and cheating as in a bit of a casual fling. When in a relationship I have sometimes had a one night stand or even just a knee trembler with some random pick up. I don't feel bad about it - just rationalise it as not cheating, that is it totally physical and nothing else. Works for me.

I would have to say that for me the one night stand thing is right out. If I'm going to have sex with someone outside my marriage, it isn't going to be just once. That is too dangerous, somehow - I can't explain it; even I can see the obvious contradiction. Somehow, in my cross-wired little mind, I need to at least have a sense that there's something we both want in the other person beyond the physical, but not so much that we risk wanting to lose everything for it. The friendship needs to be there so that I can enjoy being with someone I can trust not only to take care of my physical needs, but to NOT try to fuck up anyone's marriage with a pile of drama and bullshit. This is a difficult mix to get right, and when that does happen it's exceptionally important to me.

I have met a very small number of women who understand this, and in each case the attraction - the affair, if you will - lasted for some years and never was there noise made about anyone leaving a S/O of any kind. While there is only one I still see, all of them are still people I call friend and in whom I still place my trust. Given the opportunity to develop another such friendship, would I do so? Unquestionably. Even knowing the risk it poses to my domestic tranquility, I am as human as anyone else and there are needs that must needs be met. Do I consider it cheating? Oddly, no, despite the fact it definitely is. There is no deep emotional attachment, nothing that is a threat to what I feel for my wife. Would she agree? Hell, no.

 

[pfflyerhot]

Nope...

It's the deception involved that turns me off. I can understand the "exciting" factor, but I don't want to lie to the person I supposedly love for some excitement. And, if I didn't love that person anymore, I wouldn't pretend like I did. I'd get out. If I'm tempted to cheat, then something is not working in my relationship...
It's a bit like the "treat people the way you wish to be treated" thing, even though I realize this is my mindset, and doesn't guarantee I get the same treatment as I give...

Holy fuck... what the hell am I rattling on about now? Geez... I just got outa bed to go pee... Damn. It's after 4am. Goin' back to bed. Sorry to bother y'all...