How do you deal with jealousy?

[redelicious]

Well, yes and no. Some issues are just, well, hard to resolve, irrespective of honesty. And from my experience, jealousy is one of them. Not the only one though.

For example, if I said I were desperately in love with Red, and wanted to be with her NOW, wanted her to give herself to me... well... it'd be the start of a whole heap of issues! Honesty aside, I doubt that could be resolved. (Not in my favour, anyway.)

Some issues can be worked through. Some, on the other hand, are just not worth it. Better to move on, and (in my case) sob in my beer.

Now all I need is to learn to like beer...

Ah Fungi, I had no idea


Ok I really need to stop talking in absolutes. Anyway my point was that some issues can't be resolved without honesty, jealousy being one of them. I have absolutely no hope of dealing with the realities of my partner wanting/needing to see others if he can't be open about it with me.

Have a beer, I'll be sipping my bottled water.

 

[TigerClaw]

Why does jealousy have to be insecurity?

Jealousy and Possessiveness in part of human nature. If I dont think of my woman as mine I wouldnt care what she does whenever she wanted to do it. In the same token I am hers. I am not here to fuck around, ignore her and to not treat her as the special woman in my life. There is at least some possesiveness in any relationship. If you havent said he or she is my bf, gf, so, wife, husband you are one of the few people who dont.

Jealousy.

If your SO starts to spend time talking to a friend online, turning the monitor away when talking to this person or seperating from you when you are out together to be with a friend if you felt jealousy it could be a red flag warning you that something is not right.

The said thing about it is if something is going on chances are they are going to lie about it. You will not really know if it is your imagination or a reality. If it is your imagination a relationship can be critically damaged by your not trusting you SO.

On the other hand it could be a warning that something is not right. After being in a relationship where she was untrustworthy if I saw any of these signs show up again we would have a serious talk. If I didnt buy the answers she is going to be out the door a lot quicker.

I do worry about jealousy being a problem in the future. Jealousy can be an issue of trust. If I dont trust a woman in my life I shouldnt have a relationship with her or go into one.

 

[TigerClaw]

Some issues can be worked through. Some, on the other hand, are just not worth it. Better to move on, and (in my case) sob in my beer.

Now all I need is to learn to like beer...

If it is not your fault and you did everything possible minus any human errors or honest mistakes on your part, it is not worth it. Move on. You can not be judged guilty for human mistakes. It takes two and as you are understanding of your partners short commings they have to understand yours also.

Been there,
Done that,
Will not do it again!

 

[TigerClaw]

Basically I agree. Jealousy is a new feeling to me. I had experience very subtle feelings of it before in the past but never took it seriously??? (If that is the right phrase to use) Time and some talking always told that it was a false feeling. But I never had the feeling of really having to talk about those times.

I do believe you have to have good communication in all aspects of a relationship. Especially when a red flag goes up even if it is false. I dont know how to successfully talk through a jealous moment. (Ha Ha, it was right on the nail at that time.) If a woman really was not being dishonest I should think I would know like I knew in past relationships.

I should think it would depend on what kind of a relationship you have. I would not be a good candidate for a open or sharing kind of a relationship. I could imagine that I would be jealous under those conditions. That is not something I want. In a monogomous relationship I "think" I would be fine as in the past.

There isn't a template for jealousy. It just wouldn't apply to all of us.

i think jealousy is a natural reaction to feeling insecure about someone or yourself. Jealousy certainly isn't a state i would cultivate, but i've been a victim of it on occasion. The way i deal with it is to have an intense moment of heated anger then a realization that i likely am overreacting followed by embarassment at having felt that way in the first place.

Working through it verbally is key. Honesty? Well jealousy shouldn't be the reason why a couple remains honest with each other. However, there should be some discussion where both parties are upfront and clear about what the exact issues are without holding anything back. Dishonesty can brew suspicions then watch out when the jealousy explodes into the next level.

i don't think anyone is beyond jealousy. However, i do believe it is possible to reach a point where you don't give into jealousy. To resist it is a learned response imo. All the better for those who learned not to allow themselves to be taken in by jealous feelings and moved beyond them. i'd like to be there myself someday.

lara

 

[Shadowsdream]

a bump for jealousy

 

[bunny bondage]

my motto for jealousy these days is that it's MY problem and something i need to just get over (unless of course it's justified jealousy, like if i was cheated on, in which case i go completly bitchcakes)

 

[TigerClaw]

I want to answer on a different note from above.

First I would not be playing with another woman with a partner in my life.

But if my sub was jealous I would take it seriously. I would discuss it and try to show that there is no reason for the jealousy and show my commitment to her.

In fact in the past I did have to confront her jealousy over friends. (Nothing more then that) I dont share nor expect the right to share. I suppose she didnt believe me when I said that. I all but broke off all communication with some female friends because of it. I was only able to make amends with a few of them since then. I am not sure if I would take this extreme again, but I do feel my partner, kids, family comes before everything.


Bunny..... It is a SEP.

 

[Red Vixen]

I am a very new to this, but my Master already has another slave. When we first met he talked alot about her, mostly in the context of examples. It bugged me, but then I reminded myself that M/s relationships are not like average ones.

I am not sure that I will be able to handle it cuz I don't like to share. And I have a streak of sass a mile wide! I know he wont put up with it if I act out.

Any advice?

Vixen

 

[FungiUg]

Any advice?

Get it out in the open as an issue to discuss. Get his view point, make your own view point plain, see if there is a way forward. It's that simple, and that hard.

An M/s relationship is still a relationship, and relationships require honesty, openness and communication to grow.

 

[bunny bondage]

I am a very new to this, but my Master already has another slave. When we first met he talked alot about her, mostly in the context of examples. It bugged me, but then I reminded myself that M/s relationships are not like average ones.

I am not sure that I will be able to handle it cuz I don't like to share. And I have a streak of sass a mile wide! I know he wont put up with it if I act out.

Any advice?

Vixen

personally, that situation would never ever ever be able to make me happy. i'm an only child and what's mine is MINE!! perhaps you can do some learning from him, but unless you have some sort of "yeah, sharing my master is fun!" kind of revalation, then i'd say this isn't the place for you to spend a lot of time.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: I want to answer on a different note from above.

Bunny..... It is a SEP. [/B]

that was one of Adams's best points, i nearly died laughing when Ford explained it!

 

[TigerClaw]

Re: Re: How do you deal with jealousy?

Get it out in the open as an issue to discuss. Get his view point, make your own view point plain, see if there is a way forward. It's that simple, and that hard.

An M/s relationship is still a relationship, and relationships require honesty, openness and communication to grow.

Here Here FungiUg. I agree.

One added point. In general I am not "jealous". I have had jealous feelings in the past which I think is natural. It can be a warning of something and it is a growing process.

The one time I could consider myself overly jealous the feelings turned out to be something that was a real problem.

Get it out in the open and see if you can come up with something you both agree on.

B.
I am trying to remember the phrase. Didnt he say something about being a Frood Dude?

I read the first 3 books. I hear another 2 have come out since then. Is that true?

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Re: Re: How do you deal with jealousy?

B.
I am trying to remember the phrase. Didnt he say something about being a Frood Dude?

I read the first 3 books. I hear another 2 have come out since then. Is that true?

you need to buy the collection of all six books! and the phrase was "hoopy frood"

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Re: How do you deal with jealousy?

you need to buy the collection of all six books! and the phrase was "hoopy frood"

Now there's a girl who really knows where her towel is!

 

[ammre]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: How do you deal with jealousy?

Now there's a girl who really knows where her towel is!

I'm still working on those books.. taking literature classes really dosne't help get through them.
*grumbles and goes back to "The Moonstone"*

 

[TigerClaw]

Ok

So what you you are telling me is that I have to go buy the books to find out how much I am missing, eh?


Darn. I dont know if I am ready for a paranoid robot.

 

[SwtSouthrnSub]

.

 

[Red Vixen]

Handling this. .

Good Morning All

There are some great replies and advice here. As an update to my original post- Since being with my Master I have come to the conclusion through listening to Him talk about his 'other slave' that she is in love with Him and He has 'feelings' for her, perhaps not love at this point, but in my opinion he prefers her.

This is large in part because he has her trained to perform in 3 and 4 somes with him. To listen to him tell me about it ( which I really dont need nor want to know) He thinks she likes it, but there are subtle things that He says that speak on a womans level that tell me she does it just to please Him to keep Him, since he is VERY demanding and will accept no less than 100% submission to His will. I think of her as 'His girlfrind who indulges all His sexual kinks' ('course I would never tell Him that) He broached the subject once of her and I serving Him together but thankfully thought wisely not to push that issue. What Master does and who He sees and when is not something that He will discuss with me in advance.

He sees her, me and other vanilla women at His will. I dont dislike Him as a person, and have fun when I am with Him. . He has allowed me other play and I have found a Master that I think is much more suited to me and has no other slaves. I am really enjoying playing with Him, things have been great so far.

Here is my issue. . I have found that Master 1 really has me in thrall to Him through the sex we have. Its incredible and highly erotic- and I dont want to give it up. If I leave Him I will have to obviously. He was my first Master so I have a bit of attatchment to Him for this reason as well. My choices at this point are to give my new Master priority and see the other 1-4 times per month at His desire, as I do now. Or just be too busy to see Him at all.

Obviously I can't explain the entire dynamic of my M/s here, and please dont get the impression that Master is mean or uncaring. As a slave I know what I would ultimately want. I have not been in this lifestyle for long but I already have a much clearer idea of what I want out of it than I did 3 months ago. If anyone has any advise on how to tactfully handle this, I would be interested in hearing them.

Xeper,

Vixen

 

[TigerClaw]

For everyone else, be careful with your heart. There are no guarantees of fidelity in D/S. Never lose sight of your own desires. And run like hell from a Dominant that makes a fool out of you more than once. You deserve better.

I have 3 sisters. I know the hell they went through to get the husbands that they have. I was lucky until one relationship I had not experienced the shit that can go on in a relationship. Do men have it easier then women. I thought so. Now, I am not sure. I am in my forties and although I have a far greater number of women to choose from then ever before the pickins are not as good.

Yours, mine, everyones relationship will always be tread upon by others. There is nothing that will stop someone from trying to come on to a person because they are married, committed or in a relationship other then saying, “No I am not interested.” You, your partner with the desire to build upon what you have and have a committed relationship with each other is the only thing that will keep a relationship together.

Jealousy is a warning sign. I am not talking about a jealous person here. A jealous person has other issues to deal with. I ignored the signs and was burned. I did question but I wanted to believe in her. I set myself up to be taken. In the end I learned a valuable lesson about trust and the nature of someone like that.

Honesty and commitment runs both ways. In todays society open marrages, sharing etc is acceptable. If that is what you want STATE it. Don’t claim to be faithful and fuck around. The subs you mentioned that got hurt because the Dom was secretly screwing around have every right before getting into a D/s relationship to know the man they are getting involved with. It seems to me they want to believe in that Dom. But in reality they don’t know enough to make that decision. The same goes in reverse. What does the Dom know about the sub? Will the sub submit to anyone? A boss, a coworker, friends? Will they protect the relationship and the offering of submission to only their one Dom? Or is submission to them showing that they can be with another and yet stay with him?

If anyone has any advise on how to tactfully handle this, I would be interested in hearing them.

Xeper,

Vixen

After thinking objectively about what it is you really want follow your heart. If you would choose one of them are you free to discuss what you would really like?

 

[fallon2]

Masters and subs

This is a very interesting thread to me for a variety of reasons.
I love my wife but she has no interest in this other side (the dark side) that I have a STRONG interest in.
I have preferred subs that are committed or married since I do NOT want to break up that relationship or my own.
Preferably, the ideal relationship, is where both parties have mutual enjoyment, fulfillment, pleasure and satisfaction.
But what so often happens are emotions and feelings occurring between the two individuals. Make no mistake about it they are very strong. The "love" you have for your Master is not teh same that you have for your husband although it is strong. With the Master there is NOTHING you cannot tell him. In reality, the sub wants to tell him EVERYTHING. Thus , develops a very strong friendship which does NOT hurt the marriage.
Jealousy happens when the Master or the sub is told by the other that they can't do something that interfers with the other's marriage or relationship.
I have bonded strongly with former subs and although we don't exchange Christmas cards (Big Smile) they have felt free to contact me when they felt I could help them.
What is interesting about this thread is that Willfulbrat had a husband and a Master and she was devoted to both.

 

[tythisredheadup]

Green is my color...

I am an extremely jealous person, but I try not to show it to others. I keep those feelings in, just because I feel it does no good to let the feelings out.

One thing I hope to get out of any D/s relationship is to deal with my jealousy. Not that I would go postal on anybody....

 

[NeoM_25]

Re: Green is my color...

I am an extremely jealous person, but I try not to show it to others. I keep those feelings in, just because I feel it does no good to let the feelings out.

One thing I hope to get out of any D/s relationship is to deal with my jealousy. Not that I would go postal on anybody....

A redhead with a jealous streak?

Now there's something you don't see everyday.....oh wait....maybe you do...

 

[TigerClaw]

Re: Masters and subs


I respect your opinion and your lifestyle. If it works for you congrats. I wish you well.

 

[fallon2]

A sub

I just finished reading a pm from a former sub who reminded me that in our previous relationship her biggest problem was that she was jealous of me and my relationship with my wife.
The second thing that amazed her was I was not jealous of her relationship with her husband.
I reminded her then (as she reminded me now) that jealousy is a poor as well as wasted emotion and serves no good purpose.


Jealousy is such a destroyer of a marriage but also between the Master and the sub.

 

[TigerClaw]

In that situation I see how that is true.

But it is not a wasted emotion in general.