How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

I agree, Bandit58, with a bit of a twist.

Non consensual/Reluctance stories don't necessarily mean they are stories about rape. Period. As a matter of fact, I can't think of one that I've read that included, or was about, or talked about, or described rape. Not saying they aren't there, but if the teaser blurb doesn't resonate with me, I don't read it.

A little background. I was a victim of a brutal rape nearly 2 decades ago. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, and MUCH later sought professional help in dealing with it.

I could, name a handful of my favorite authors and probably about a dozen non/con stories that really trip my trigger. I don't get a rape vibe from them at all. But hey, someone else might from reading the exact same story. I don't think it's right, or fair to want to ban all of these stories, or an entire category, because some of them may be construed as rape. To be honest? If I read one from this genre (or any other), and I find it offensive for any reason, I stop reading it. Simple.

There are a couple categories here that truly turn me off. (major understatement) But, that's me. I wouldn't ever expect Lit. to pull the incest category off the site simply because I find them vile.

I am anti rape, anti abuse & anti incest of underaged children which from years of reading the Lit stories in almost all subjects none of these stories have breached any of the things I'm against, all the incest stories are with willing family members of legal age, Lit will not publish any that are not unlike some of the other storie sites on the net. I did know years ago a loving couple who I admired even later on when talking to them about having kids they did admit they would love to have kids but were brother & sister both of legal age.

So as you say if you find a story that you don't like Leave that story.

 

[mistletoe1963]

finally thru lots of tears I get thru this thread....I would like to send hugs to anyone out there that has had the misfortune of being in an abusive relationship...my last relationship was just that, we were together 5 years and the last 2 were pure hell...there was more verbal abuse than physical, but when it did become physical, that is where I feared for my life, that went on for awhile, feeling like I was stepping on eggshells every moment...I hated living like that... then it got to the point of my kids...when he put his fist thru my daughters bedroom door that was the last straw...I still didn`t have the guts to do anything but I had the police here a few times...everyday I would try to talk myself into asking him to leave my house...I was afraid to be alone, yet, I knew if I wanted to be sane and live, I had to do something...the next argument he started, I knew it was time...I`d had enough of being pushed and being thrown into the bathtub, tossed against a wall...amongst other things...he started to rough me up and I`m not sure how I even did it as he was soooo physically strong, I pushed him right down the hallway to the front door and thru him out the door and locked both doors and said a prayer...and that is when I went up to the bedroom and started packing his goods up for the next few nights...(hoping maybe this would smarten him up or something and he`d be different...) and I tossed them outside on the front porch...that is when I contacted the police again for advice...I knew he was going to lash out, he had a real bad temper, I feared for my car tires to be slashed, my house set on fire, my front windows broken...they told me to get a restraining order...I told them it would not matter, he would end up killing me...I made them take down all his info just in case, they knew I was scared and they said they would patrol my street often...we tried to go out for dinner and I knew it was wrong, so we didn`t even get to ordering and I was out of there, I knew deep down he was not ever going to change...I slept on the chair at the front window for 2 1/2 months...but never really slept...I knew I had to protect myself and my kids...I never turned to alcohol nor any drugs...but I knew I needed help, that I was broken and I needed to be fixed...my gf finally convinced me to see her therapist..I kept putting her off, thinking I`d be ok, but realized, if I ever wanted a normal relationship again, I would need some help...she told me to shoot this guy an email and I did at 11pm one night and told him some bits, he called me first thing the next morning and I was in his office in the afternoon...this fella was amazing...it took alot of time for me to feel worthwhile again, I had to learn to love myself again before I could even try to love someone else...and now I do, I love myself and I`m ready to accept someone in my life to treat me the way I should be and want to be treated...some people aren`t as lucky as I and my heart breaks for those, I guess I am one of the lucky ones....

 

[starrheat]

Mistletoe, your story brought me to tears. You are such a brave and courageous woman! I wish my mother would have stood up for me, as a child, when my father was verbally and emotionally abusing me and my siblings. I pray that I can have your courage and determination to come out a survivor and find happiness! Thank you for sharing!

finally thru lots of tears I get thru this thread....I would like to send hugs to anyone out there that has had the misfortune of being in an abusive relationship...my last relationship was just that, we were together 5 years and the last 2 were pure hell...there was more verbal abuse than physical, but when it did become physical, that is where I feared for my life, that went on for awhile, feeling like I was stepping on eggshells every moment...I hated living like that... then it got to the point of my kids...when he put his fist thru my daughters bedroom door that was the last straw...I still didn`t have the guts to do anything but I had the police here a few times...everyday I would try to talk myself into asking him to leave my house...I was afraid to be alone, yet, I knew if I wanted to be sane and live, I had to do something...the next argument he started, I knew it was time...I`d had enough of being pushed and being thrown into the bathtub, tossed against a wall...amongst other things...he started to rough me up and I`m not sure how I even did it as he was soooo physically strong, I pushed him right down the hallway to the front door and thru him out the door and locked both doors and said a prayer...and that is when I went up to the bedroom and started packing his goods up for the next few nights...(hoping maybe this would smarten him up or something and he`d be different...) and I tossed them outside on the front porch...that is when I contacted the police again for advice...I knew he was going to lash out, he had a real bad temper, I feared for my car tires to be slashed, my house set on fire, my front windows broken...they told me to get a restraining order...I told them it would not matter, he would end up killing me...I made them take down all his info just in case, they knew I was scared and they said they would patrol my street often...we tried to go out for dinner and I knew it was wrong, so we didn`t even get to ordering and I was out of there, I knew deep down he was not ever going to change...I slept on the chair at the front window for 2 1/2 months...but never really slept...I knew I had to protect myself and my kids...I never turned to alcohol nor any drugs...but I knew I needed help, that I was broken and I needed to be fixed...my gf finally convinced me to see her therapist..I kept putting her off, thinking I`d be ok, but realized, if I ever wanted a normal relationship again, I would need some help...she told me to shoot this guy an email and I did at 11pm one night and told him some bits, he called me first thing the next morning and I was in his office in the afternoon...this fella was amazing...it took alot of time for me to feel worthwhile again, I had to learn to love myself again before I could even try to love someone else...and now I do, I love myself and I`m ready to accept someone in my life to treat me the way I should be and want to be treated...some people aren`t as lucky as I and my heart breaks for those, I guess I am one of the lucky ones....

 

[mistletoe1963]

Oh Starrheat!! I am sorry for what you went thru as a child...no child should be abused whether, physically, emotionally or verbally....maybe your mother did cry herself to sleep every night wishing it would stop or maybe had she stood up for you and your siblings something horrible would have happened to her...but if you haven`t already, you should seek a counsellor to talk these things thru with...I think the most brave and courageous thing I did was to get myself help...and I offered help to my kids, altho they never took it, the offer is always there for them...no one will ever know the feeling of abuse unless it has happened...it`s an awful feeling, you drag yourself down, blaming yourself...I thankfully learned to love myself again, and I will never, ever feel that way again...you, yourself can and will get thru this, just do it for yourself, you deserve it!!...I am not a counsellor, in any way, but I will always lend an ear and express my opinion if ever you , or anyone else want it...take care...((hugs))

 

[Kurokami]

Um, hi everyone. I've been debating whether or not to turn my story over to you guys for a while now, but after recent events I can no longer let it fester inside me. The other stories I've read here have been tremendously affecting, and I guess I'm hoping for some advice from people who understand what this feels like.

I grew up with a physically abusive father. When I say this, I mean that my brother and I were routinely, seriously injured by this man. I can't count the number of broken bones I've had, but I can say that he's actively tried to murder me three times in my life, each of which ended up causing terrible damage to me: I'm almost entirely blind in my left eye because of my father, and I had all the nerves in my right hand completely severed when he took a stab at me with a knife. I think I was thirteen at the time.

My older brother, who I've only recently regained contact with, has a similar level of lasting injury, and I guess the only good thing I could say about father was that he never hurt my sisters. Apparently that was a moral line for him. I grew up completely terrified of this man, and nobody around me, except my siblings, seemed to care. My mother, grandparents, aunts and uncles all just let it happen, and many of them knew. When it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, I left home, and my sisters went with me. Together, we went to the police, the end result being that my father got to cool his heels in jail for a good, long time. I took my life back on that day, protected my sisters in the process... I felt great. But it didn't last. We'd all been let down so often that none of us could trust anyone very easily. In particular, I must have become a real asshole, because I spent the next few years as a sort of supernova of hate, just getting angry at everyone around me for the most trivial shit. It wasn't a good way to live.

That was all in the past, though. I got better, all thanks to my wife, the most amazing, caring woman I know. She'd have to be, to put up with how I was back then. She showed me so many wonderful things, just how great other people could be. I love her to death. There's still the reminders of my father in me: every time I open my eyes I'm reminded of what he did to me, of every little pain that piece of shit had ever inflicted on me... But I thought I was getting better.

Yesterday, my father called me up, out of the blue. I heard his voice for the first time in years, and I panicked. I hung up on him, practically tore the phone from the wall. It was terrible, like all that stuff I tried so fucking hard to forget came tearing back into my head. I hate it, having it all there again. All my hard work in getting past it blown out the fucking window all because that psychopath couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. I feel weak. I feel worthless.

I have a restraining order against him, and I reported him for violating it. They said they'd "look into it." Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better, but what else can I do? How do I make it stop? The last time I saw that man I fought back and I won but he's still in my head and I want him out. I want to forget him completely, and it terrifies me that one little contact with him can do this to me. I have kids of my own on the way, and I vowed I would never be anything like my father with them, but I'm also worried about becoming that angry, bitter person I was again. What can I do?

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

Kurokami, I wish I had answers for you but I don't. I know what it's like to have someone in your head that you don't want to be there. For me I took the first step towards getting rid of them today by having an appointment with a therapist. For the first time I have hope that it will get better.
I really hope that you find that hope and get back to where you are happy again. I am so sorry you are having to deal with it all again. *hugs*

 

[Saucyminx]

Kurokami

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

You do have something now that you didn't have before when you were so angry and bitter. You have love in your life. Let that love be your armor, and let it also be that soft place that catches you when you need to fall. Let your lady be there for you, talk it out with her, include her in what's going on inside you, because problems are always easier to deal with when you have a partner to share the burden. And if she loves you as much as it sounds like she does, she will be happy to help.

And as I always say, just my two cents, your mileage may vary.

 

[MsSelton]

keep loving them

Kurokami

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

You do have something now that you didn't have before when you were so angry and bitter. You have love in your life. Let that love be your armor, and let it also be that soft place that catches you when you need to fall. Let your lady be there for you, talk it out with her, include her in what's going on inside you, because problems are always easier to deal with when you have a partner to share the burden. And if she loves you as much as it sounds like she does, she will be happy to help.

And as I always say, just my two cents, your mileage may vary.

Oh Gods... I couldn't read this thread through all the way. It was difficult to post here but I felt I should if it could help but one person.

Well spoken, Kurokami. Burdens are always lighter when shared. Many of us live alternative lifestyles where we make magnificent choices of trust. When my Sweet One came to me as a slave and lay prone before me, I could have kicked her in the head. That is not The Way of Ms.
I spent my childhood in abuse. My father was a drunken abuser who started abusing me before I can even have memory ... and I can recall events to 3 years old. When I was 13 I ran away. It still gnaws a bit at the pit of my gut to say that I was gang raped but I've dealt w the rape as best I can. It was the abandonment of the authority figures in my life at that point that I still have problems with. It was the early 70's and if a chick dressed in a halter top, she deserved it. I *deserved* rape. I *deserved* gang rape. So for years after that I felt I *deserved* the abuses of my father, my late husband and my ex-husband. I set a fantastic example for my daughter. The police were two blocks away when they got the call. Three dead, one critical. She had gone to get her belongings, she was going to leave the SOB, she was supposed to wait for the police but she got impatient. She went in w her friend and her friends boyfriend. My daughter, my beautiful 21 year old daughter with her entire life ahead of her, with a son one week shy of his first birthday, was shot in her gorgeous face by a freak who couldn't just take no for an answer. I'm glad he killed himself cus I don't want to be in jail for killing him. I don't want my wife in jail for killing him, I miss my beautiful daughter every day. I see her in her sister; her "identical twin" three years apart. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to think of the example I set. I know... I didn't know better then. When I did walk I left him w 1fork, 1 spoon, 1 knife, 1 dish, 1 pillowcase...you get the idea.

How do you get someone out of an abusive relationship? Show them they are worthy of more love than they can imagine. Don't STOP LOVING them. Tell them how high in your esteem they are. Praise them. Their esteem is suffering. Bring them emotionally to you. Walk the walk. Go to counseling yourself and see if this is something you can help with or if by helping yourself, you may automatically be helping them. Give them literature from the local domestic abuse shelter. If nothing else, call the police when the abuse is happening. In most states the abused doesn't have to press charges. The state will do that automatically.

Peace,
MsSelton

 

[Kurokami]

Kurokami

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

You do have something now that you didn't have before when you were so angry and bitter. You have love in your life. Let that love be your armor, and let it also be that soft place that catches you when you need to fall. Let your lady be there for you, talk it out with her, include her in what's going on inside you, because problems are always easier to deal with when you have a partner to share the burden. And if she loves you as much as it sounds like she does, she will be happy to help.

And as I always say, just my two cents, your mileage may vary.

You're exactly right there, well said. I wouldn't be half the person I am today without my wife, and it's a measure of just how much she cares that she gets so incredibly angry at my father when I talk about him. It's touching, but it doesn't exactly lead to constructive conversation. Still, she gets over it, usually. Thanks for your input, Saucyminx and Southern Belle. I appreciate it.

My biggest fear is that I don't know why he called, what on earth possessed him to breach a court order to do it. I'm terrified that he'll be persistent, even though I've reported him, or that he'll find me again. I'm ever more terrified of whatever reason he has for doing this at all. And I don't know what I'll do if I see him again. I have no idea how I'll react.

Oh, and MsSelton, your story damn near drove me to tears. I have two kids on the way myself, and I can't imagine losing either of them. I've nothing but sympathy for you.

 

[mistletoe1963]

Yesterday, my father called me up, out of the blue. I heard his voice for the first time in years, and I panicked. I hung up on him, practically tore the phone from the wall. It was terrible, like all that stuff I tried so fucking hard to forget came tearing back into my head. I hate it, having it all there again. All my hard work in getting past it blown out the fucking window all because that psychopath couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. I feel weak. I feel worthless.

I am glad you posted...don`t keep those skeletons in your closet, it is not good for you...you need love and support, upon saying that, I`d like to tell you what I think...your dad called you to apologize...he wanted you to forgive him for all his horrible mistakes that he has made in his life and left you to suffer with...he wants you to know that he did love you even though he hurt you...he is asking for forgiveness, not for himself, but so you can live the rest of your life calm and in peace...without the pain that you have suffered for many years...SO, do not do this to yourself, deep breathe...you will never forget what happened to you...it will always be a memory...don`t you dare feel weak, you aren`t!! and you are not worthless!! You need to start loving yourself, out with the negative thoughts...you, are worth it....

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

Oh Gods... I couldn't read this thread through all the way. It was difficult to post here but I felt I should if it could help but one person.

Well spoken, Kurokami. Burdens are always lighter when shared. Many of us live alternative lifestyles where we make magnificent choices of trust. When my Sweet One came to me as a slave and lay prone before me, I could have kicked her in the head. That is not The Way of Ms.
I spent my childhood in abuse. My father was a drunken abuser who started abusing me before I can even have memory ... and I can recall events to 3 years old. When I was 13 I ran away. It still gnaws a bit at the pit of my gut to say that I was gang raped but I've dealt w the rape as best I can. It was the abandonment of the authority figures in my life at that point that I still have problems with. It was the early 70's and if a chick dressed in a halter top, she deserved it. I *deserved* rape. I *deserved* gang rape. So for years after that I felt I *deserved* the abuses of my father, my late husband and my ex-husband. I set a fantastic example for my daughter. The police were two blocks away when they got the call. Three dead, one critical. She had gone to get her belongings, she was going to leave the SOB, she was supposed to wait for the police but she got impatient. She went in w her friend and her friends boyfriend. My daughter, my beautiful 21 year old daughter with her entire life ahead of her, with a son one week shy of his first birthday, was shot in her gorgeous face by a freak who couldn't just take no for an answer. I'm glad he killed himself cus I don't want to be in jail for killing him. I don't want my wife in jail for killing him, I miss my beautiful daughter every day. I see her in her sister; her "identical twin" three years apart. I can't tell you how sad it makes me to think of the example I set. I know... I didn't know better then. When I did walk I left him w 1fork, 1 spoon, 1 knife, 1 dish, 1 pillowcase...you get the idea.

How do you get someone out of an abusive relationship? Show them they are worthy of more love than they can imagine. Don't STOP LOVING them. Tell them how high in your esteem they are. Praise them. Their esteem is suffering. Bring them emotionally to you. Walk the walk. Go to counseling yourself and see if this is something you can help with or if by helping yourself, you may automatically be helping them. Give them literature from the local domestic abuse shelter. If nothing else, call the police when the abuse is happening. In most states the abused doesn't have to press charges. The state will do that automatically.

Peace,
MsSelton

This story broke my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*

 

[Kurokami]

I am glad you posted...don`t keep those skeletons in your closet, it is not good for you...you need love and support, upon saying that, I`d like to tell you what I think...your dad called you to apologize...he wanted you to forgive him for all his horrible mistakes that he has made in his life and left you to suffer with...he wants you to know that he did love you even though he hurt you...he is asking for forgiveness, not for himself, but so you can live the rest of your life calm and in peace...without the pain that you have suffered for many years...SO, do not do this to yourself, deep breathe...you will never forget what happened to you...it will always be a memory...don`t you dare feel weak, you aren`t!! and you are not worthless!! You need to start loving yourself, out with the negative thoughts...you, are worth it....

First of all, thank you for this message. It's a pleasant thought, that my father feels bad for what he did to me. He should, but I don't think he does. No, if he felt bad, if he wanted to apologize, he would have called my brother too.

That man tried to kill me. That's not love. A father that actually loved me wouldn't have tried to drown me in the ocean. He wouldn't have held me underwater and not let me up until my big brother came to my rescue. A father who loved me wouldn't have beaten my brother for trying to save his five year old little brother. To this day, I can't get near the beach without panicking.

And assuming he does want to apologize, I'm not ready to forgive him. I don't want to forgive him. I don't want to be in the same room as him. I want him to spend the rest of his goddamn life knowing that however worthless he thought I and my siblings were, I rose above it, and what he did to me. I have a career, a family that loves me, everything he no longer has. But when I hear his voice, suddenly I don't feel that anymore. The moment I have any contact with him I become that terrified little boy again, the one who was so afraid of dying he stood there and endured, because anything would be better than fighting back and making it so much worse.

I don't want to feel like that, I don't want to be dragged back into that the moment I hear his voice, but I can't help it. It's brought up a lot of things I've kept buried, and I've started having nightmares again. I need something, whether it's support from my family, or therapy, or whatever, but one fucking word shouldn't be able to do this to me.

 

[mistletoe1963]

maybe he was going to call you first, then your brother and after you hung up on him, he thought better of it and said to himself to just leave you both alone....you have suffered a very major trauma, and you should seek a good therapist, I don`t mean to sound, degrading, but, you my dear, need help...help to let you go near water with no fear...help to never feel like that terrified little boy...so you don`t have nightmares...I found my therapist, thru word of mouth, he has so many initals behind his name, he is so qualified...he is the therapist that comes with the police when they have to come to your door and bring you tramatic news...you don`t need a run of the mill Joe...you need to find a great one like I did...and I hope you do...it can change your whole life...hugs to you...

 

[Kurokami]

maybe he was going to call you first, then your brother and after you hung up on him, he thought better of it and said to himself to just leave you both alone....you have suffered a very major trauma, and you should seek a good therapist, I don`t mean to sound, degrading, but, you my dear, need help...help to let you go near water with no fear...help to never feel like that terrified little boy...so you don`t have nightmares...I found my therapist, thru word of mouth, he has so many initals behind his name, he is so qualified...he is the therapist that comes with the police when they have to come to your door and bring you tramatic news...you don`t need a run of the mill Joe...you need to find a great one like I did...and I hope you do...it can change your whole life...hugs to you...

Yes. The nightmares haven't gone away, and they've intensified to the point where I feel like I might actually go insane if I have to keep experiencing them. I'm seriously considering psychiatric help, maybe I'll even start doing some research tomorrow. If I can get rid of the dreams- I guess it's fair to call them flashbacks, now- then I'll be happy, but I would like to deal with this phobia of deep water too.

Thank you for the advice and kind words, Mistletoe.

 

[mistletoe1963]

you are more than welcome...if you need help with a good therapist, I can email my guy, and see if he can recommend someone for you where you live....Ronn has lots of connections!!.....hang in there, it may be a rough road, but you will do it!! keep me posted on your progress, would love to hear how you make out...take care

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

Yes. The nightmares haven't gone away, and they've intensified to the point where I feel like I might actually go insane if I have to keep experiencing them. I'm seriously considering psychiatric help, maybe I'll even start doing some research tomorrow. If I can get rid of the dreams- I guess it's fair to call them flashbacks, now- then I'll be happy, but I would like to deal with this phobia of deep water too.

Thank you for the advice and kind words, Mistletoe. [/QUOTE

The nightmares are one of the big reasons I wanted to go to therapy.

I really hope you can get the help and peace you need and deserve.
(HUGS)

 

[Daddi_DJ]

I am glad that your story has a happy ending. It takes a lot of strength to do what you did. Congratulations!

 

[Gil_T2]

WOW it seems this thread has been very busy in my absence but one thing shows out right through the thread is the survivers jumping in to help others who have come here & I thank everyone of you for not only posting your own bit but comming back at help out others.

Initial posts are the hardest to make but it is a valued post & a reliefe to finally put it into words.

I hope to be able to return soon & post to each of you as soon as possible.

You are all wonderful.

 

[Kurokami]

you are more than welcome...if you need help with a good therapist, I can email my guy, and see if he can recommend someone for you where you live....Ronn has lots of connections!!.....hang in there, it may be a rough road, but you will do it!! keep me posted on your progress, would love to hear how you make out...take care

Okay, well, after a solid week of getting very little sleep, I finally have a consultation with a therapist next week. It's just an initial meeting to get the measure of what's rattling around in my head, but I've got high hopes. I got referred to this woman by my brother, who's remarkably level, given that we went through a lot of the same things. I can only hope this will help me.

I've been surprised by the amount of positivity and goodwill I've seen in this thread. It was hard to make that first post, to dig around in those memories after keeping them buried for so long, but I'm glad I did. As Gil said above, it's a relief to put it into words, and I'd like to thank all of you who've replied to me with such kindness and humanity. There are clearly some great people in the world.

 

[Daddi_DJ]

I am sorry for your loss

 

[Noor]

MsSelton, I am sorry for your loss.

Kurokami-glad you are seeing a therapist

Hey Gil!


So I am sad because a close friend of mine told me he is nothing this morning, Over the past the man I used to know has been disappearing bit by bit, occasionally he will surface but often there is coldness, irritability and anger. He picked up quite a bit from being abused for 32 yrs.

On top of that has decided to help his abusive ex with their garden today. There is of course more of the story and he is just being generous but I am afraid for him. His self esteem is way down. He has pushed me away and wants to work it all through on his own, and I am not sure he can, and I will have lost another good friend to depression.

 

[mistletoe1963]

Okay, well, after a solid week of getting very little sleep, I finally have a consultation with a therapist next week. It's just an initial meeting to get the measure of what's rattling around in my head, but I've got high hopes. I got referred to this woman by my brother, who's remarkably level, given that we went through a lot of the same things. I can only hope this will help me.

I've been surprised by the amount of positivity and goodwill I've seen in this thread. It was hard to make that first post, to dig around in those memories after keeping them buried for so long, but I'm glad I did. As Gil said above, it's a relief to put it into words, and I'd like to thank all of you who've replied to me with such kindness and humanity. There are clearly some great people in the world.

sorry about your sleep patterns...that sucks...woot woot!! on the therapist, that is great, it will be another long, hard road ahead for you now, but you will get thru it and you will be better in the long run...hang tough, we are all here for you to chat anytime...communication is great...thru therapy you will find that communication is the key, and you will use that the rest of your life...always be open, never afraid to say anything, you will always feel better....let us know how that first appt goes....

 

[mistletoe1963]

His self esteem is way down. He has pushed me away and wants to work it all through on his own, and I am not sure he can, and I will have lost another good friend to depression.

take it from me....when your friend doesn`t want you around, and they want to do it all on there own....THEY DON`T....at this point he really needs you...whether it is to talk, to sit with him and say nothing, to cry, to do something...don`t leave him alone, it is the worst thing you can do, not trying to make you feel guilty, but I`ve been down that road and when I said I didnt need anyone, that is when I needed someone the most...fortunately, my best friend has also been there and saw the signs and sat with me for hours while I cried my heart out one night....we never spoke...we had a cup of tea, the tv was on for background noise and it was hours before I got up outta that chair and gave her a hug...it was the best thing she could ever do for me....I`m not saying, to do something to make him go into the public eye, but even if you bring over a coffee and a muffin and read the paper together or something, it really means alot..

 

[Kurokami]

Okay, update time!

So, by this point, it's been about two weeks since I've had any real sleep, so I'm really freaking tired right now. But, I did have my first appointment with my new therapist, which really only confirmed what I was already suspecting; what's happened is a relapse of my old posttraumatic stress disorder. Apparently, the cognitive therapy I went through years ago didn't stick so well beyond the sudden reappearance of my father.

Yes, I've already been treated for this in the past, without the need for pharmaceutical intervention, but clearly whatever was sealed up has come out again, and this time I'm perfectly willing to pop some pills, if just to stop the nightmares and give me some rest. They are increasing, in both frequency and brutality, so I don't exactly want to waste a lot of time waiting around on this. I'm scared of what might happen if I let it simmer much longer. The worst parts are the things I'm remembering for the first time in years, these little episodes of violence that I'd tried so hard to forget, and almost succeeded.

Thank god for my wife, then, for being there for me when things in my head go bleak and I need a distraction. She's just been awesome lately; I was really deep into a depression last night, I was just so exhausted and burned out and at the end of my rope. She comes up to me to show me something: I was able to feel my unborn daughter (one of the two of them, anyway) kicking in the womb for the first time that night.

So, there are wonderful things too, and they're worth getting help for. It's gonna take time, but I think I'm going to be okay.

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

Okay, update time!

So, by this point, it's been about two weeks since I've had any real sleep, so I'm really freaking tired right now. But, I did have my first appointment with my new therapist, which really only confirmed what I was already suspecting; what's happened is a relapse of my old posttraumatic stress disorder. Apparently, the cognitive therapy I went through years ago didn't stick so well beyond the sudden reappearance of my father.

Yes, I've already been treated for this in the past, without the need for pharmaceutical intervention, but clearly whatever was sealed up has come out again, and this time I'm perfectly willing to pop some pills, if just to stop the nightmares and give me some rest. They are increasing, in both frequency and brutality, so I don't exactly want to waste a lot of time waiting around on this. I'm scared of what might happen if I let it simmer much longer. The worst parts are the things I'm remembering for the first time in years, these little episodes of violence that I'd tried so hard to forget, and almost succeeded.

Thank god for my wife, then, for being there for me when things in my head go bleak and I need a distraction. She's just been awesome lately; I was really deep into a depression last night, I was just so exhausted and burned out and at the end of my rope. She comes up to me to show me something: I was able to feel my unborn daughter (one of the two of them, anyway) kicking in the womb for the first time that night.

So, there are wonderful things too, and they're worth getting help for. It's gonna take time, but I think I'm going to be okay.

I am so sorry things are so hard right now but it will get better. I am so glad that you have your wife. Congratulations on the babies! That is wonderful!!