How much is too much or too little sex in a marriage

[luvslingerie200]

I'll take once a year for my birthday... it is better than what I have now.

I'm in that boat too sadly. Menopause killed her drive completely

 

[StrongMaster7]

Sorry if I've said this elsewhere.

From the day after the honeymoon, we have been once every 5-10 days. And she never just jerks me off and would never blow me just to relieve me. My wife has an interest in sex every 5-10 days. Half the time she just wants to cuddle until we are aroused, then the mounts me, comes, and then urges me to come asap. That takes 11 minutes. The other half of the time is much better. We cuddle until we are aroused, then 69 until she comes, then she wants to fuck for a little longer before she is urging me to get done. That takes 13 minutes. The rest of the time, 330 out of 365 days, she has no interest and gives no thought to sex at all. I jerk off every morning watching porn. She neither knows, nor would she care.

In my perfect world, she would want sex, some kind of sexual activity, first thing in the morning. A quick handjob, a fingering, a quick 69? Great. And she would also want sex every evening. It could vary and evolve. Shorter or longer from one night to the next. And she would want it almost every day.

I wish prostitution was safe and legal and accepted. It would be so much less stressful to just pay and get what you want. I hate not knowing when she's going to 'be in the mood', like waiting for Christmas, but the date is unknown. And I hate asking for it and get told 'no'.

I honestly believe that this 'libido mismatch' is a huge problem is many marriages. And there is no solution. My wife does not see a problem. She thinks I am too horny, but that's not a problem TO HER! She's never once asked me if or how I take care of my excess desire. We've been together over 40 years. So, when I heard about 'female viagra' to boost a woman's desire, I thought, useless. Why would she ever take a drug for something that isn't a problem to her? So, short of going to prostitutes or having affairs, it's jerk off and bear it. I thank goodness for internet porn.

 

[RedSilk69]

Sorry if I've said this elsewhere.

From the day after the honeymoon, we have been once every 5-10 days. And she never just jerks me off and would never blow me just to relieve me. My wife has an interest in sex every 5-10 days. Half the time she just wants to cuddle until we are aroused, then the mounts me, comes, and then urges me to come asap. That takes 11 minutes. The other half of the time is much better. We cuddle until we are aroused, then 69 until she comes, then she wants to fuck for a little longer before she is urging me to get done. That takes 13 minutes. The rest of the time, 330 out of 365 days, she has no interest and gives no thought to sex at all. I jerk off every morning watching porn. She neither knows, nor would she care.

In my perfect world, she would want sex, some kind of sexual activity, first thing in the morning. A quick handjob, a fingering, a quick 69? Great. And she would also want sex every evening. It could vary and evolve. Shorter or longer from one night to the next. And she would want it almost every day.

I wish prostitution was safe and legal and accepted. It would be so much less stressful to just pay and get what you want. I hate not knowing when she's going to 'be in the mood', like waiting for Christmas, but the date is unknown. And I hate asking for it and get told 'no'.

I honestly believe that this 'libido mismatch' is a huge problem is many marriages. And there is no solution. My wife does not see a problem. She thinks I am too horny, but that's not a problem TO HER! She's never once asked me if or how I take care of my excess desire. We've been together over 40 years. So, when I heard about 'female viagra' to boost a woman's desire, I thought, useless. Why would she ever take a drug for something that isn't a problem to her? So, short of going to prostitutes or having affairs, it's jerk off and bear it. I thank goodness for internet porn.

When I was married, sex was quick, quarterly, and not much fun. While my ex has a low sex drive, that wasn’t all of it. I was anxious and distracted and unhappy in the marriage. If we had had good communication, we probably would have had better sex (it could hardly have been worse!). I’ve had to learn to slow down and enjoy the trip, focus on the moment. Finding your level of trust helps me. I wish you the best.

 

[colorfulnayyy]

I’m not married so I probably shouldn’t be giving my two cents but I will anyways because it’s the internet.

I think sex is extremely important within a marriage. It’s something that should be communicated prior to the marriage. Granted life happens and you may not be in the mood but at the end of the day people have needs, and you do have to sometimes literally pencil it in.

Sex and how much you should be having with your partner does vary but knowing a persons sexual drive prior is important. I can’t wrap my head around married couples not having sex and or I.E. wives not giving head I'm pretty sure that’s in the fine print of the marriage license contract. But what do I know, I’m not married.

 

[Older_Pervert]

Damn it would have been great if my husband is the same we only do it twice a month and my libido is skyhigh. Would not mind doing it twice a da. Thats why im here in lit

Mmmm I do love a dirty woman!

 

[ebpts]

Familiarity kills desire, especially for women.
Add the routine and busyness of raising kids, running a household and work, it's no wonder there is the sex gap in long-term relationships.
We have it 3-4 times per week and we both would prefer more, but are super busy with kids, sports, careers and family.
I think viewing each other as others outside the relationship do can help fuel the desire. Break out of the familiar and see your SO as you did when you first started out. And vice versa. Make them see you as outsiders do and not as the guy that leaves his socks on the bathroom floor! LOL!

 

[Lucien_Al]

This thread is really interesting for me. I was married for 35 years and we had a passable sex life with the normal challenges like family and menopause that screwed things up. Eventually illness took her from me. I ended up remarrying and was pretty set that I would do things quite differently the second time around.

My second wife was completely aware of my high sex drive, my love of her panties and my willingness to try almost anything once. We agreed to work really hard to keep the spark alive and to make sure that our sex life remained exciting, varied and very frequent. I believe that we have really succeeded in this and for about 2 1/2 years we were having sex at least 5 to 7 times a week, more if we were away on holiday. During this period we have carried on with lots of panty play, some anal play, lots of toys, mild bondage and continue to explore new things. After watching the sex room program we built our own in the spare room and have a date night in the "play room" at least 3 nights a week. We listen to audio books on various sexual techniques and kinks when we are in the car. I know there are certain buttons that I can push that will get her turned on quickly and she will have no issues initiating sex. In fact all she needs to do is drop a very wet pair of her panties in front of me and we are on.

Having said all of this we have mutually agreed to slow things down to about 4 times a week as we were finding that by having too much sex she was finding it harder to cum. I was not getting as hard as I used to and generally we needed a lot more time to reach the same heights we used to. We both feel that by reducing to every other day our sex seems to be so much better again. While this is the general rule if either of us feels horny we break the rule and carry on.

I loved the idea of daily sex but honestly in two minds about whether it suits us best.

 

[Peaker44Redeux]

56 & 55, married 30 years, last of 3 kids still at home. Once a week if I’m lucky. Routinely Sunday am, same day, same time, same way…

 

[KentBloke]

In the first 10 years of my marriage, sex was daily and sometimes twice at the weekend. We used hands, mouths, toys, etc. to get her (and me) to orgasm and then her health went south. It is over 8 years since any form of sex and, despite occasionally efforts to get her turned on, she has (I think) given up.
Still, I have great memories of the woman I love with her legs spread, rubbing her clit and saying "get that thing inside me and fuck me senseless" so, in that regard, I am lucky LOL

 

[maveric74]

So, I’ve been searching for some answers on the boards.

I’m in a bit of a rut sexually with my wife of 20+ years (both mid 40’s) with mid-teen kids.

My biggest question is…
Am I asking too much, to have sex 2-3 times a week? How many times do most couples in a week have sex?

I’m kinda lost right now. We can go 2-3 times one week, then get completely caught up and it maybe a week or 2-3 weeks before we can sync up again for sex. Those long stretches are what kills me.

Currently, we hit a good spot. It’s been twice this week. But I see the impending stretch coming on. It usually does (like a cycle).

Let me know your thoughts.

Married, 2 kids (5 yrs & 10 mths old). We are late 40s. Zero sex life for the last 4-5 months unless we go on an exotic holiday with the kids and get a night off with a babysitter to look after kids. At home, we sleep separately as I tend to snore & my wife is a light sleeper, plus kids get up through the night & it's my job to feed them/put them back to sleep. Wife also prefers vanilla whereas I enjoy a bit more kinky stuff. In a perfect world, every night & multiple times on weekends would be amazing but realistically, once/twice a week would be acceptable (in the least).

 

[sea7688]

We are in our 50's. Generally have sex 2x a week, usually Sat and Sun mornings. My wife is too tired in the evenings during the week. Vacations are every other day for sure with morning and afternoon naps.

 

[HoldYouDown]

Too much? Depends on how many people we're talking

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

Sorry if I've said this elsewhere.

From the day after the honeymoon, we have been once every 5-10 days. And she never just jerks me off and would never blow me just to relieve me. My wife has an interest in sex every 5-10 days. Half the time she just wants to cuddle until we are aroused, then the mounts me, comes, and then urges me to come asap. That takes 11 minutes. The other half of the time is much better. We cuddle until we are aroused, then 69 until she comes, then she wants to fuck for a little longer before she is urging me to get done. That takes 13 minutes. The rest of the time, 330 out of 365 days, she has no interest and gives no thought to sex at all. I jerk off every morning watching porn. She neither knows, nor would she care.

In my perfect world, she would want sex, some kind of sexual activity, first thing in the morning. A quick handjob, a fingering, a quick 69? Great. And she would also want sex every evening. It could vary and evolve. Shorter or longer from one night to the next. And she would want it almost every day.

I wish prostitution was safe and legal and accepted. It would be so much less stressful to just pay and get what you want. I hate not knowing when she's going to 'be in the mood', like waiting for Christmas, but the date is unknown. And I hate asking for it and get told 'no'.

I honestly believe that this 'libido mismatch' is a huge problem is many marriages. And there is no solution. My wife does not see a problem. She thinks I am too horny, but that's not a problem TO HER! She's never once asked me if or how I take care of my excess desire. We've been together over 40 years. So, when I heard about 'female viagra' to boost a woman's desire, I thought, useless. Why would she ever take a drug for something that isn't a problem to her? So, short of going to prostitutes or having affairs, it's jerk off and bear it. I thank goodness for internet porn.

I've helped out married guys.
I usually felt good about doing it -
they're always so appreciative. nice.

 

[StrongMaster7]

I've helped out married guys.
I usually felt good about doing it -
they're always so appreciative. nice.

I'm sure they are sincere. On the right night, in enough need, it's just an animal need.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Probably, oh, 13 years and counting since we've actually had intercourse. His idea of sex these days would be me working on him; if I can manage to get him off, then good. If not, he rolls over and starts playing on his phone. Whether or not he climaxes, he'll still roll over and play on his phone. Meanwhile, I'm left there thinking, "What the fuck just happened?" Sex nowadays is non-existent between the two of us. His new life partner is multiple sclerosis, and man, ol ' MS is really kicking his ass. Meanwhile, I'm 53, my drive is through the roof, and I'm writing romance and smut that I never intend to publish to get me through. Someday, I'll leave, not because of the MS, but because he's a verbally/emotionally abusive cad and I'd rather not feel like his mother.

What would I like? Four times a week would be fabulous. But my sweetheart and I are both in our 50s, and at this point in our lives, it might not be feasible. I have problems with orgasms if I attempt too many in a week, though I don't care about that. I want, I NEED, the intimacy that comes with the sex, or without the sex. I just need to have a snuggle, someone to hold in my arms, and make out like horny teenagers. I have never really had that in my 53 years. Ever seen "Good Luck To You, Leo Grande?" Yeah... I'm Emma Thompson.

I want to live just once before I die.

 

[hilton1958]

I don't know of there can ever be too much, as long as both partners are happy and enjoying it. I'm currently getting it once a week on average, for me I feel that is kinda the minimum, and if it drops much below that, it will be too little. Having said that, I know many married men who would give one of their balls to be having sex once a week, so I'm actually grateful.

 

[Mtnmike]

Probably, oh, 13 years and counting since we've actually had intercourse. His idea of sex these days would be me working on him; if I can manage to get him off, then good. If not, he rolls over and starts playing on his phone. Whether or not he climaxes, he'll still roll over and play on his phone. Meanwhile, I'm left there thinking, "What the fuck just happened?" Sex nowadays is non-existent between the two of us. His new life partner is multiple sclerosis, and man, ol ' MS is really kicking his ass. Meanwhile, I'm 53, my drive is through the roof, and I'm writing romance and smut that I never intend to publish to get me through. Someday, I'll leave, not because of the MS, but because he's a verbally/emotionally abusive cad and I'd rather not feel like his mother.

What would I like? Four times a week would be fabulous. But my sweetheart and I are both in our 50s, and at this point in our lives, it might not be feasible. I have problems with orgasms if I attempt too many in a week, though I don't care about that. I want, I NEED, the intimacy that comes with the sex, or without the sex. I just need to have a snuggle, someone to hold in my arms, and make out like horny teenagers. I have never really had that in my 53 years. Ever seen "Good Luck To You, Leo Grande?" Yeah... I'm Emma Thompson.

I want to live just once before I die.

Sorry for your demise, being in pretty much the same situation I feel your pain. We marry for better or worse, just seems a lot of us were dealt a bad hand.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Sorry for your demise, being in pretty much the same situation I feel your pain. We marry for better or worse, just seems a lot of us were dealt a bad hand.

Most of mine seems to be "the worse." I kept waiting for things to get better, but they really never did. Now, I need to take back my life from a man who stole my youth... and so many other things. I just hope I have the courage to do it.

 

[Mtnmike]

Most of mine seems to be "the worse." I kept waiting for things to get better, but they really never did. Now, I need to take back my life from a man who stole my youth... and so many other things. I just hope I have the courage to do it.

I get it, i've said the same for year's yet i'm still here. Wishing you hope and courage to do what you need to do.

 

[StrongMaster7]

In a perfect world, twice a week would be a minimum for me. In reality, it is a rarely achieved dream for me.
While I've said twice a day is not too much, I'd happily 'settle for' once a day.

A female friend told me her mother told her that to keep her man happy she should get him off every day. The world would be such a better place, if only...

 

[Trubbycat]

For those of us who haven't had sex in years I'm curious what the definition of "too little" is...

 

[tnhardon]

I feel like when I cum 2-3 times a week that it keeps my desires in check. Normally 3-4 days after having sex I’m very anxious for more.

My wife, on the other hand, seems to be in the once every week or two range. Longest we’ll generally go without is three weeks. Far too sparse for me, but what can you do?

I end up masturbating to try and keep my hormones in check.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

For those of us who haven't had sex in years I'm curious what the definition of "too little" is...

If it's more than once every oh, thirteen years or so...

 

[Trubbycat]

If it's more than once every oh, thirteen years or so...

Welp, not there *yet*...

 

[Lady2020]

Ideally, it would be every day. But you know how that goes.