I have a question? Regarding Fellatio follow through..

[shy slave]

People who get turned on by the power thing appreciate manifestations or expressions of the same.

Look at the number of s-types on this thread who say: Of course she should focus when he's in the supine position.... if I didn't do this, I'd get smacked with a ruler, or he'd "focus the shit out of me," or whatever.

D standing over a kneeling s with a fistful of hair in his hand is an explicit demonstration of power. D in a supine position with whacking threat in place is obviously a more implicit expression of power, but an expression of power nonetheless.

And then there's the natural bond between a D and an s, in a relationship in which they are well matched on the power scale. Explicit and implicit expressions of power are still appreciated. But they're not necessary in any given moment, because the power mindset is always there.

If a D can't even handle directions for cock-sucking in basic positions, I don't see how he's gonna be able to inspire a consistent mindset in which he's viewed as the authority figure. In terms of sustainability of the power dynamic within any given relationship, there's an *enormous* difference between "I've learned how to provide service as an s-type" and "My D has inspired me to do whatever he wants me to do."

It's not enough for her to offer you her "submission." You need to start acting like a leader, a manager, the one guiding the ship.

You're not gonna have the answer to every question, or always know what to do. There's a time and a place for seeking advice and asking for help. But for god's sake, man, this particular issue isn't rocket science. It's your freakin' cock.

Stop looking to other people for solutions to problems like this one. Stop assuming that people with "lifestyle" experience will have superior knowledge on how to please YOU. Start spending time thinking about what you want, physically and mentally, from your wife. Start figuring out how to communicate that to her in a compelling way.

You asked for advice. That's mine.

This post makes sense to me.

I have been discovering there are a great many Dominants out there who are Dominant in many ways, but have difficulty communicating it and taking the power they have out of their own head and into the real world.

Time and again it comes up that communication is the key, most people seem to assume that means talking; but a look or small action can be far more meaningful than any verbal direction.

 

[Netzach]

This post makes sense to me.

I have been discovering there are a great many Dominants out there who are Dominant in many ways, but have difficulty communicating it and taking the power they have out of their own head and into the real world.

Time and again it comes up that communication is the key, most people seem to assume that means talking; but a look or small action can be far more meaningful than any verbal direction.

It's hard, for noobs and for old hands sometimes. You have to put yourself out there. It's a very vulnerable moment.

Of course, nothing ventured nothing gained, but I don't think that's often given much topical space.

 

[rida]

A very good point regarding the D having to express his Dominance in order to have the s feel her submission.

And when it comes to blow jobs, I think that independently of whether it is in a D/s contest or not, the head space of the receiver is as important as the head space of the giver.

In my personal experience, more than the position, is whether I get feed-back or not that make the whole difference. I can be as into it as I can get, but if the other person just stays there totally passive I eventually start wondering if I am doing a good job or not, if it is worth trying something different and put so much effort and eventually wishing I could just stop (and,in vanilla situation, have stopped). Now I do know that I am not the best, nor even close to be very good, and need to improve my technique, but it is hard to improve if your receiving partner does not give you some pointers (I do enjoy doing it, but it seems that what I do for my enjoyment is not necessarily what works for his).

Feed-back does not need to be verbal nor positive: getting pulled up and cropped between the legs because I stopped deep throating at the wrong timing (needed to take a breath) worked wonder to keep me on target and figure out a different way for breathing.

 

[shy slave]

It's hard, for noobs and for old hands sometimes. You have to put yourself out there. It's a very vulnerable moment.

Of course, nothing ventured nothing gained, but I don't think that's often given much topical space.

Netz you are right.

It is hard to yourself out there, and figure out how far is too far.

After some meetings I wished I had been braver, after others, I wish I had not been so brave.

I guess it is me, I met someone earlier this year. I fell for him, but discovered he was not in the same mental place as me. It makes a girl wary, but if you are too wary it seems you are not interested.

Then again, who said who said submission, or gaining a meeting of minds, was easy

 

[ataxia.girl]

So basically HE can't finish if she is bored and he wants her to be more into it without having to do anything but lay there.

i have met a lot of guys who want to be worshiped and think calling themselves a Dom will make it happen.

 

[Hisscarlett]

Ataxia Girl I agree with you that there are many men who misunderstand the responsibilities of being a Dom and are merely out to get what they can with little or no effort on their part. There are some who think by capitalising their name or pounding on their chests they can have women fall in adoration at their feet.

Sadly, at times, it works for them and women can find their natural submission something they try to "turn off" once they realise that they are being abused, taken for granted or mistreated. Or, even worse in my opinion, they feel that the failure of the "D/s" is due to their failure or a lack of something within them, when the simple truth is that the "Dom" was far from that, instead being a man inadequate in his own mind who sought someone to abuse to shore up his ego.

I truly believe, though, in this instance that is not the case. The OP stated she wanted to improve her technique and her Owner posted to say he was learning with her. They are new to the dynamic and together working to improve their relationship and knowledge. He stated that they are communicating more than ever before in their relationship. I believe that to be true.

Starting out in the BDSM life is hard, I remember the way I felt, and the mistakes I made, and thankfully I met and was later claimed by my Master who had been active in the lifestyle for many years. I learned from him. And even though he had been a Master for over 30 years we learn together. His Mastery of me changes as we grow, it deepens as our relationship deepens.

There have been times I have reached out, as the OP did, not because Master wasn't teaching me or helping me and supporting me but because he was my Master. He had never been in my position, had never experienced the things I was experiencing as a slave. And while he was my constant guide and we made sure to talk constantly at times I sought the support of other slaves. And their support helped me.

As recently as last month I talked over something with a woman I respect, who has been her Master's for many years. It was something Master and I were working on, he was guiding me, his opinion was all that mattered to me, but her support and words of advice helped me in ways that allowed me to work on the issue and deal with it.

I really don't think that either mary30, or her Master, were seeking an easy way out. I believe that they are a couple new to the D/s life who were seeking support and advice.

I also believe that her Owner cares for her and didn't just want to have her do all the work. As someone else said it is hard to reach out and ask for help, particularly when you are the D in the D/s and supposed to have all the answers. Noone is born knowing everything about how to be a good Master, it is a learned craft. Communication is key in that learning.

Communication seemed to be the issue for this couple and I hope that they have been able to take a step forward after reading the replies to the thread.

Master told me of a would be Master who ended up breaking the nose of his sub because he wouldn't listen to advice offered by more experienced Masters. He thought he knew what to do and when the signs of danger were spotted and warnings given he refused to listen. He untied the wrists of a sub he had been whipping on an X frame. Her ankles were still cuffed. You can imagine the result.

The very fact that the OP's Owner was willing to reach out and seek advice, albeit over a very different issue that really can only be answered by him, shows that he has the potential to be a very caring, skilled Master.

As I said earlier in the thread I was so glad that it hadn't turned into a barrage of aggressive comments condemning the OP and her Master for asking for help. The wording she used, as she herself acknowledged, was gauche; but then in that position I am not sure I would have been any more fluid. It is a hard place to be in.

I wish them both well and hope they continue together, just as I wish that joy for everyone.

 

[Sqoodd]

Netz you are right.

It is hard to yourself out there, and figure out how far is too far.

After some meetings I wished I had been braver, after others, I wish I had not been so brave.

I guess it is me, I met someone earlier this year. I fell for him, but discovered he was not in the same mental place as me. It makes a girl wary, but if you are too wary it seems you are not interested.

Then again, who said who said submission, or gaining a meeting of minds, was easy

I had a similar experience, shy slave, but on the other end. I really liked the sub, but she wanted something different. Now, I am weary also. Not a good place to be.
I agree with your last line with a slight twist: Then again, who said dominating, or gaining a meeting of minds, was easy

 

[Gunny_G]

I think what maybe the boring part is

A. As positions go it is a not particularly submissive position.
The person on top has a physical advantage unless handicapped (restrained).

B. It may be a position that is remnant of many other less gratifying experiences.

In the begining with my slave it was all about control and dominance. I made extra effort not to simply bark orders but to carefully plan our lives so She would learn and grown to want to please me as much as I wanted her to be happy.

My Slave had been abused by a former husband and it took a lot of patience and examination to follow everything we were doing. She was willing to physically do anything I asked of her, But I wanted her mind, so I took the time to ease her through the tough excersizes, always keeping an eye on her body speak and her eyes to tell me where she was. It was well worth it in the end.

Peace be with you

G

 

[ataxia.girl]

Did this position again last week when i went to see Daddy. i think for me it is a bit different because i am a lil girl and not a woman slave. Every position feels submissive even when i'm not acting particularly submissive.

i lay my head on his lap and sucked while he watch TV and occasionally scolded me if i stopped to rest. He petted my head. i felt very loved. In the end i sucked him like i suck my thumb until he let me stop.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'll give one warning when focus isn't there and then slap her upside the noggin.

 

[unfoundiamond]

welll....

Calll it silly be here it goes.. I been training to be a salve for my master.. I Actullay I enjoy giving my master a Fellation in anyother postions but when he ask me when he lays in bed, he request for me come to him and go down on I cant go through it I find excuses t avoid that positin. I acutally find it boring. I told my master I just cant focus to follow through in this positon. However if he ask ,me to give him a blow job any where elase it fine. Your advice is appreciated.

Sometimes being in a TPE and being the bottom IS boring, if you arent compelled to serve tho one you serve....

Submitting to the will of another person isnt a party, sometimes you have to do shit you dont wanna do...

I guess you have to decide if you want to obey him, and how often you wear your little submissive hat....

 

[ataxia.girl]

I'll give one warning when focus isn't there and then slap her upside the noggin.

Exactly.

Its not rocket science.

The issue here is he wants her to worship him and she doesn't. Just because he wants her to worship his cock and swoon at the mere sight of it doesn't mean its going to magically happen.

He probably would settle for her pretending to worship it which just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

She's feeling guilty because she doesn't have the feelings he wants her to have. i happen to think its His responsibility to either get over it or figure out how to foster those feelings. One way to insure it doesn't happen is to try and guilt her into it by telling her the problem is with her.

If He's not willing to slap her upside the head or smack her with a ruler or something else to get her to "focus" then He is a weak Dom who is not Dominant at all but simply craves submission from another. Craving someone to submit to you and worship you is NOT the same thing as being Dominant. Sorry.

 

[Xelebes]

So I guess we know what his punishment will be when you misbehave.

 

[rthnck]

It seems to me that another thing that hasn't been discussed very much is the point at which the M/s relationship began. This is a 16 year relationship that is now morphing into a new dynamic where both people are taking on new roles. camelotak has his own learning curve to surmount and as some have stated, there is no one-size-fits-all M/s relationship. The journey is the reward here. Good luck to both of them.

 

[soumise]

Interesting comment about the long term relationship morphing into something different. I know that is something that has happened for us. And while i was initially very gung ho about being submissive, it was about me and my needs. I got bored sometimes with long blow jobs.... like hello play with me!!! And things werent that successful. It took me so long to find the head space where i realised that it wasnt about me and my needs... i know it seems obvious but i had to get there. i dont get bored anymore because i am trying to do it better all the time... trying to be creative, to please Him.
But i do know that when you have been together for years and are trying to change the dynamics of the relationship it is easy to forget your place. i still need reminding sometimes

 

[shy slave]

I had a similar experience, shy slave, but on the other end. I really liked the sub, but she wanted something different. Now, I am weary also. Not a good place to be.
I agree with your last line with a slight twist: Then again, who said dominating, or gaining a meeting of minds, was easy

Yep, weary is a good way to describe it.

The advantage of being the submissive is the masochistic streak that keeps us going back to find out if there is someone out there!

PS. I really like your sig line, made me laugh out loud

 

[shy slave]

I'll give one warning when focus isn't there and then slap her upside the noggin.

'Course some of us like a good slap, sometimes we need it, sometimes we just want it

 

[VelvetDarkness]

People who get turned on by the power thing appreciate manifestations or expressions of the same.

Look at the number of s-types on this thread who say: Of course she should focus when he's in the supine position.... if I didn't do this, I'd get smacked with a ruler, or he'd "focus the shit out of me," or whatever.

D standing over a kneeling s with a fistful of hair in his hand is an explicit demonstration of power. D in a supine position with whacking threat in place is obviously a more implicit expression of power, but an expression of power nonetheless.

And then there's the natural bond between a D and an s, in a relationship in which they are well matched on the power scale. Explicit and implicit expressions of power are still appreciated. But they're not necessary in any given moment, because the power mindset is always there.

If a D can't even handle directions for cock-sucking in basic positions, I don't see how he's gonna be able to inspire a consistent mindset in which he's viewed as the authority figure. In terms of sustainability of the power dynamic within any given relationship, there's an *enormous* difference between "I've learned how to provide service as an s-type" and "My D has inspired me to do whatever he wants me to do."

It's not enough for her to offer you her "submission." You need to start acting like a leader, a manager, the one guiding the ship.

This expresses much more clearly what I was trying to convey with my rather flippant remark earlier in the thread. If a sub is having trouble with submitting and feeling secure and grounded in her place, it usually indicates a problem with the dynamic as a whole.

As to becoming a better cocksucker, I really do think that the only way to progress with that is to take cues from the cocksuckee. One technique does not fit all.