just turned 18...interested in BDSM...

[Decadant_Youth_]

Thanks everyone you have been very helpful. I think for the time being since im young and still living at home im just gonna do an online Master. Ive found one who really seams safe. He calls me his Little one and i like that lol.

that really made me go "awww" I once had a master who used to call me that too, it makes you feel so cared for

 

[trisquel_astur]

I like to call My Little Pet to my subbie. She likes a lot too.

 

[subgrl18]

Decadant_Youth_, i know thats why i loved it so much! feel so cared for and loved! how wonderful to be loved...

 

[WriterDom]

Here's something important for a beginner: Safe Calls. This applies to any first date that you have with someone, but especially in BDSM.

A safe call is something you set up with a friend before you go out on a date to meet someone for the first time. You arrange with your friend that you will call him/her at a specified time. You also tell your friend where you are going on this date. If you don't call at that specified time, your friend contacts the police and tells them that you were meeting a date and where you were going. Some people also include a secret password in that call - a word they can say in case things are NOT going okay. That way, if they are being forced to make the safe call but they are really in danger, the friend knows to call the police anyway.

But are safe calls really effective? It's kind of like being on an airliner and hoping to use your seat cushion as a floatation device when you are crashing into the ocean. If you do happen to hook up with Jack the Ripper that is.

And how helpful are the police going to be when you call and say Suzy didn't call in? When the perp could be 50 miles away in another direction with an 18 year old girl tied in the trunk with her mouth duct-taped.

 

[shy slave]

But are safe calls really effective? It's kind of like being on an airliner and hoping to use your seat cushion as a floatation device when you are crashing into the ocean. If you do happen to hook up with Jack the Ripper that is.

And how helpful are the police going to be when you call and say Suzy didn't call in? When the perp could be 50 miles away in another direction with an 18 year old girl tied in the trunk with her mouth duct-taped.

Safe calls are as safe as reality can make them.

My son explained to me about double bluff calls.
It seems common practice to call someone when you first meet the new person and then two hours later to let them know you are still ok.
Double bluff is about finding other ways or a different time to make that call and have the safe call person call you.

Two hours is a common time delay. That way when someone wants to do you harm they know that after two hours the safety aspect has been dealt with.

Safe calls are more involved that a one-off call.
In advance you can ensure your safety in the following ways:

Ask for an email copy of their passport and then email that to another person whom you trust.

Let more than one person know where and when you are meeting, even if they are not the safe call, they should have your safe call persons number.

If they have a citizen number (some countries do) ask them for it and again pass it on to a third person.

Ensure you have your own transport to and from the meeting place if possible and/or ensure you have enough money to get home alone.

Be open and talk to them about safety issues. Look for red flags about their attitude to safe calls.

My 18 yr old son and Andante taught me about keeping safe when meeting people. Up until then I had not always told people if I was meeting someone new.
Ultimately you are responsible for your own safety but I do think the police take things more seriously now than they did before.
I also think meeting someone from the net is safer than going to the local pub having a few drinks and then thinking that whom you have been talking to all night is a great person to walk you home. You end up knowing more about someone you converse with on the net over a few emails or IM's than you do the man at the bar.

It is all about risk, if you don't take risks you don't learn and develop and grow.
Of course you can end up dead or hurt but you could also miss an amazing opportunity.

 

[shy slave]

Do whatever the fuck you want, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Try not to get pregnant, infected, mutilated or killed.

I like this advice. Straight to the point and honest.

 

[Drakulya]

I'm not sure if I'll be helpful, because I'm very young myself, and just signed up to the forum, but I'll try to share what I've experienced. Both me and my g/f are into BDSM. Oddly enough, I'd never done it, and none of her ex's would even go near what she wanted, so both of us went into it with no experience, and no research. The best approach for someone (this is in my view) who has never done it is to let it be just normal sex, but alot more hardcore then the stuff they teach you in school. Play with things, such as tieing yourself up, choking, control, and other things common with BDSM. Find out what it is you do like, and see if your partner likes it too. My g/f was really worried I'd be too powerful because I have a strong build, but trust went a long way in letting her know that I can sense when she's in too much pain, or she's in danger.

I do suggest that you be VERY careful though. Stories and videos aren't always exact. They can exagerate, or just down right be untruthful, but highly erotic. Doing anal while tied down for your first BDSM experience will more then likely not be a pleasent one unless you are deeply into pain. I also suggest you don't invest in ANY equipment yet. Not even gags or anything to tie yourself. Maybe some handcuffs, since they are cheap and actually fun normally, but no silk rope yet, or the big sex swing designed specifically for BDSM. Gags can be found about your room and on your body. Some girls, and guys but I'm male and not homosexual, find it erotic to have your own underwear used as a gag. Girls especially with a thong, because its just the right size to my experience. Agian though, be VERY careful. Even a simple thing like a thong gag can cause you to choke, or the handcuffs can dig in and cause bleeding which you may not want. You may want a rough, just down right hardcore, fucking for a whole night at his discretion, but falling asleep with a choker and your hands tied can cause issues. An emergency can cause issues, especially if your hands are tied, or you can simply fall out of bed and not be able to get up, or if the choker is tied up along with your hands, you could choke yourself to death.

BDSM is an experience you may never forget, but be safe, be sane, and know how far your body can go.

 

[jlust]

My gf and I slowly progressed into more aggressive bed play.

We had always talked about kinks and freaky people, but never realized how submissive she is, and how aggressive I like to be in bed.

We started out with name calling, light spanking, dirty talk.

Now sometimes I'll just flip her over like my sex toy, pull her hair in one hand, and slightly choke her with my other one, while I kiss her and fuck her very hard. She loves this by the way, and said noone has ever done that to her.

I thought I was kinky until I met her, man, she makes me look like a prude. We're also a very healthy, loving couple

 

[Gil_T2]

LOL, join the club....figured I had been flamed enough for mentioning such things this year.

Catalina

PML I've got my *NOMEX* fire resistant underwear on just incase.

 

[Gil_T2]

Here's something important for a beginner: Safe Calls. This applies to any first date that you have with someone, but especially in BDSM.

A safe call is something you set up with a friend before you go out on a date to meet someone for the first time. You arrange with your friend that you will call him/her at a specified time. You also tell your friend where you are going on this date. If you don't call at that specified time, your friend contacts the police and tells them that you were meeting a date and where you were going. Some people also include a secret password in that call - a word they can say in case things are NOT going okay. That way, if they are being forced to make the safe call but they are really in danger, the friend knows to call the police anyway.

I have always told ladies I have been meeting for any reason to call a friend who already knows the public place we are meeting at just before arriving & then have them call back 15 minutes later to check on their safety & everyone who is meeting someone for the first time should have this in place.

 

[Marquis]

Why not just meet in an alley with body guards on the ground and snipers strategically placed in the adjoining buildings?

You could insist the dominant swallow a pill sized homing beacon, and of course it will be necessary to get thumb prints and a dna sample on the first date.

I usually like to give a dna sample on the first date anyway.

 

[BiBunny]

I usually like to give a dna sample on the first date anyway.

*Snort* DNA samples are good. Now, to find a donor....

 

[Betticus]

Why not just meet in an alley with body guards on the ground and snipers strategically placed in the adjoining buildings?

You could insist the dominant swallow a pill sized homing beacon, and of course it will be necessary to get thumb prints and a dna sample on the first date.

I usually like to give a dna sample on the first date anyway.

Conjugal visit!

I prefer to arrange it so that by the time I'm done she's so humiliated that she would never call the police, let alone tell anyone. Plus she'd spend hours in a steaming hot shower scrubbing off not only my dna but also try to scrub off the sickening memories of what I made her do!

 

[Marquis]

Conjugal visit!

I prefer to arrange it so that by the time I'm done she's so humiliated that she would never call the police, let alone tell anyone. Plus she'd spend hours in a steaming hot shower scrubbing off not only my dna but also try to scrub off the sickening memories of what I made her do!

Oldschool, I like it.

Personally, I find that the more trouble a girl puts me through on account of her safety just makes me wonder how I could get away with killing her even more. Asking for a copy of my passport would certainly trigger a contrived murder plot straight out of a Michael Douglas movie.

 

[Etoile]

Yeah, asking for a passport (or driver's license) seems a little over the top to me. It's good to find ways to secure your safety, but you don't have to invade somebody's privacy to do it.

 

[Marquis]

There's just no substitute for street smarts.

If you lack the ability to sense danger, there's almost nothing you can do to protect yourself other than never take any risks.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

There's just no substitute for street smarts.

If you lack the ability to sense danger, there's almost nothing you can do to protect yourself other than never take any risks.

i don't think you can always 'sense danger' and i also think that a safe call is a good idea, though i didn't have one when i met Master for the first time, i did however take someone with me to the airport.

asking for his passport may be a little out in left field. when i met my ex boyfriend for the first time, he came here to Indiana from Minnesota and my family was uncomfortable about it. they asked me to get his drivers license and his social security number i told them no, and as we were leaving i told him about it and he said turn around, i'll give it to them..so we turned around and he gave them his information. (my sister is a loon by the way and she's the one who wanted all of this to do a police criminal history check as she has friends in the police force) he said he had nothing to hide, she did the check he came back clean, then after 6 years of being with him (living together and having a child together) he got arrested for molesting my daughter, so it goes to show background checks and the like don't always catch that they are a 'bad' person.

but it's still good to have that safe call in place just in case something were to happen and if he's got nothing to hide and doesn't plan on harming you, he shouldn't have any problems with it either. it's probably a bit inconvenient but if it could save my life..i'll take the inconvenience over being dead. just my two cents....

 

[shy slave]

Yeah, asking for a passport (or driver's license) seems a little over the top to me. It's good to find ways to secure your safety, but you don't have to invade somebody's privacy to do it.

LOL

Actually asking for it never even crossed my mind, it was Andante who sent a copy of his passport to me and suggested I email it to my sister.

Believe me it was a big deal meeting someone from a completely different country.

He flew over just to meet me on a three day trip. He could easily of murdered me then flew back with the UK police non the wiser as to what had happened.

His concern was making sure I felt safe. This was one of the ways he chose to do it.

I was just hoping for a DNA sample from him once he got to the UK

Edit to add: I am not sure how seeing a copy of a passports back page is an invasion of privacy There is nothing on there that is private or personal.

 

[sexy_dancer]

Hmmm

Someone probably already said this but oh well here it goes:

All I can say to you is "know your limits". If you are uncomfortable then stop. Seriously, you can't enjoy it if you are freaked out. Stick to your limits and don't push them until YOU are ready.

Lotsa Luck Love!