Lesbian/Bi/Gay Domme/sub

[MsWorthy]

I have noticed several people use the term "grrls" in posts, referring, I assume, to women in general.

Is it just my closeted life , or is that term (as well as "gurl," "gyrl," and any other variation) not used to indicate a lesbian?

I have never seen it used to refer to women in general. Anyone else?

 

[RisiaSkye]

I always associate the term "grrl" with anger and man-hating, not with a particular sexuality. It's the L7 vibe, if you know what I mean.

 

[MsWorthy]

I always associate the term "grrl" with anger and man-hating, not with a particular sexuality. It's the L7 vibe, if you know what I mean.

Pardon Risia, what is L7?

~am I closeted or what~

 

[RisiaSkye]

L7 is/was a semi-punk all female band, quasi-popular in the mid 90's, at the peak of the Lollapalooza/Lilith Fair crossover. They're in the "Riot Grrl" mold, a name taken from an old 'zine. I think the confusion comes in because "Riot Grrl" was largely focused on a lesbian heroine.

Sorry...I should know my cultural referents almost never match up with those of others.

 

[DustyWolfe]

I have noticed several people use the term "grrls" in posts, referring, I assume, to women in general.

Is it just my closeted life , or is that term (as well as "gurl," "gyrl," and any other variation) not used to indicate a lesbian?

I have never seen it used to refer to women in general. Anyone else?

Generally grrl is a lesbian woman.

I've never heard the hate implication but if that is the case perhaps I should change my name on here

 

[MsWorthy]

I have never seen it used in that way either, Dusty. No need to change your id *smiles*.

To me, it will always mean a lesbian, and that, is a good thing to be

 

[James Blandings]

L7 is/was a semi-punk all female band, quasi-popular in the mid 90's, at the peak of the Lollapalooza/Lilith Fair crossover. They're in the "Riot Grrl" mold, a name taken from an old 'zine. I think the confusion comes in because "Riot Grrl" was largely focused on a lesbian heroine.

Sorry...I should know my cultural referents almost never match up with those of others.

I am familiar with the use of the term the way Risia describes it. For a while there was a subgenre of female rock groups known as Riot Grrls, bands like L7, the Pandoras, etc. Some but not all of them were lesbian. I think the term is pretty much passe now in that context.

 

[sunnii]

I wouldn't say punching is a common form of play in gay BDSM, but it is around, and it's pretty much non-existent in het BDSM.
Usually, it's punching the sub in the stomach or ribs while he is shackled over his head or suspended.

WHAT DID I JUST READ???!!!!

people really do that to each other?

why would someone do that?

 

[P. B. Walker]

WHAT DID I JUST READ???!!!!

people really do that to each other?

why would someone do that?

I've never done this during sexual play. But I have done it while I took karate classes. It really is not as bad as you think. You don't start off hitting as hard as you can. Eventually, after several weeks, your muscles toughen up and adapt. You barely feel the punches. Eventually it takes a pretty hard punch to really feel it. I got to the point that my instructor had to start kicking when he was testing me because he couldn't punch hard enough. Anyway... in my mind it doesn't hurt nearly as much as a whip or flogger. I guess that is because it is a broader surface being hit, instead of a narrow, small surface that you get when whipped.

- PBW

 

[sunnii]

ouch!!!!!!

I've never done this during sexual play. But I have done it while I took karate classes. It really is not as bad as you think. You don't start off hitting as hard as you can. Eventually, after several weeks, your muscles toughen up and adapt. You barely feel the punches. Eventually it takes a pretty hard punch to really feel it. I got to the point that my instructor had to start kicking when he was testing me because he couldn't punch hard enough. Anyway... in my mind it doesn't hurt nearly as much as a whip or flogger. I guess that is because it is a broader surface being hit, instead of a narrow, small surface that you get when whipped.

- PBW

thanx PBW, i never knew.

well the karate thing i've seen before. it's actually kinda cool but i really can't see making that "leap" of trying it in sexual play. but then again i'm a 'nilla' so what do i know?

 

[petrel]

Re: Gay Community

Is anyone here active in the lesbian/gay community? Do you go to gay clubs/bars?

In the small town where I live, there is nothing remotely resembling a gay "community," much less a bdsm community. My partner's doctor (we are out as lesbians to our physicians) told her that there is a fairly large l/g community here, but it is deeply underground. Sometimes I think I will burst through my own skin with the frustration of hiding so much of who I am.

Do you find that the lesbian/gay community is more open and/or accepting of the bdsm lifestyle, or at least, more open to kinky sex?

I lived in FL before I moved here and was out (as lesbian) to most of the people I knew. The women I dated were very open to kinky sex, but didn't have a clue about power exchange (something I've known intuitively since I was about 12 and had my first lesbian relationship). Most were heavily into mind games; something I will not tolerate.

I was in the Gay community here but I got a pretty big brush off from some of its members. The Les scene is very heavily dominated (no BDSM pun intended) by the rough and dyke crowd.
This is something I am pretty uncomfortable with as I had a choice of either butching up to be 'one of them' or accepting the label of femme and then the only way I could interact was as a girly. To be honest I have rarely been treated with less respect as a woman. Even the most macho guys I've worked with would accept that just becasue I didn't ride my own harley, wear DM's and jeans all the time and swear in six different ways it didn't mean I was a girly wimp!

The community here is also not as open as I would have hoped to the BDSm scene but then that is true in reverse as well!

 

[MsWorthy]

Do you think that strap-ons and anal sex are more prevalent in the Lesbian/Gay community than in the bdsm community?

It seems from the posters here, both are quite common even among the heterosexuals (laughs at that word, it sounds like a disease or something. btw, I feel the same way about the word *homosexual*; it sounds medical - but I hesitate to call bdsmers "straight" because we are all just a touch "twisted").

 

[MzChrista]

Do you think that strap-ons and anal sex are more prevalent in the Lesbian/Gay community than in the bdsm community?

It seems from the posters here, both are quite common even among the heterosexuals (laughs at that word, it sounds like a disease or something. btw, I feel the same way about the word *homosexual*; it sounds medical - but I hesitate to call bdsmers "straight" because we are all just a touch "twisted").

Well but this aint your typical gang of hets around here.
I dont know i would think to say yes at least for strap ons but Id be guessing.

 

[DustyWolfe]

So.... I'm wondering... What about some of the Domme/sub stereotypes? How rare is it for a softbutch/butch girl to be a sub to a Femme Domme? The local lesbian group here is mostly top and all butch

 

[MsWorthy]

So.... I'm wondering... What about some of the Domme/sub stereotypes? How rare is it for a softbutch/butch girl to be a sub to a Femme Domme? The local lesbian group here is mostly top and all butch

I don't think it is rare, Dusty. Most of the D/s lesbian couples I know are butch/soft butch with a femme domme.

~btw I prefer butch/soft butch subs, myself, and I would be considered somewhat femme . . . my partner is soft butch~

 

[DustyWolfe]

I don't think it is rare, Dusty. Most of the D/s lesbian couples I know are butch/soft butch with a femme domme.

~btw I prefer butch/soft butch subs, myself, and I would be considered somewhat femme . . . my partner is soft butch~

that's cool... J is somewhat femme and I am soft butch, but at times I can be pretty damn femme.

I haven't had a lot of experience with the lesbian bdsm community so I really don't know much.

 

[MsWorthy]

Well, you know, that is the cool thing about a soft butch. She can be strong or vulnerable depending on what you (domme) want or need at any given time.

It is the best of all worlds for me. My partner can go from feeling protective (when I am feeling tired/sensitive) to feeling vulnerable/clingy when I want her to drop for me.

Make sense?

 

[P. B. Walker]

someone mentioned wanting a separate forum about this...

PBW

 

[lark sparrow]

As a lesbian, when I choose to be with strictly "my people" there are lots and lots of places for me to go. lol, I live in San Francisco! I came here for the pansexual environment personally, and enjoy and seek the diversity. The forum seemed open enough to include lesbians though it is certainly not the focus.

The thing about being online, is that men go where the women are - so in say chatrooms, etc. that are supposed to be for lesbians, men naturally flock there and there is no real way to keep them out. Then it just becomes a big negative bicker fest with men being the focus. Plus most of the women are not lesbians, but cyberly bi-curious heterosexual-based women. There really becomes nothing "lesbian" about it.

I really enjoy the pansexual environment, and although there may be some big differences, I think the similarities in BDSM are greater. I am more than willing to address something about lesbians and don't hide my orientation, sometimes even comment on that basis, but hope to be a person interested/involved in BDSM first.

The post NemoAlia recently made about not sub-dividing this forum really summed up my personal feelings, as well as why I choose to come to this forum. I'm not sure if the subdivision idea comes from trying to be inclusive and sensitive to the needs of others, or if it is perhaps a discomfort with the diversity in BDSM and a wish to separate.

 

[DustyWolfe]

someone mentioned wanting a separate forum about this...

PBW

Yes, I think that this would be a very cool thing!

 

[DustyWolfe]

As a lesbian, when I choose to be with strictly "my people" there are lots and lots of places for me to go. lol, I live in San Francisco! I came here for the pansexual environment personally, and enjoy and seek the diversity. The forum seemed open enough to include lesbians though it is certainly not the focus.

The thing about being online, is that men go where the women are - so in say chatrooms, etc. that are supposed to be for lesbians, men naturally flock there and there is no real way to keep them out. Then it just becomes a big negative bicker fest with men being the focus. Plus most of the women are not lesbians, but cyberly bi-curious heterosexual-based women. There really becomes nothing "lesbian" about it.

I really enjoy the pansexual environment, and although there may be some big differences, I think the similarities in BDSM are greater. I am more than willing to address something about lesbians and don't hide my orientation, sometimes even comment on that basis, but hope to be a person interested/involved in BDSM first.

The post NemoAlia recently made about not sub-dividing this forum really summed up my personal feelings, as well as why I choose to come to this forum. I'm not sure if the subdivision idea comes from trying to be inclusive and sensitive to the needs of others, or if it is perhaps a discomfort with the diversity in BDSM and a wish to separate.

You do have some very good points. I agree with you in many areas.

Yet, there are many of us that don't have the luxury of being around a good gay community and just want to be able to associate with others like them. It doesn't stop them from posting to the regular board. I think most of us know that there would be guys there and that's okay. Anybody could post to the forum if they wanted to. But at least it gets them into a central place.

We all have different preferences. None of them are bad, it just makes us different as a culture. There doesn't have to be division just because others want a board.

Just my opinion for what it is worth.

 

[lark sparrow]

I agree with you as well, Dustygrrl. Were there to be a gay/lesbian/bi forum here I would support it.

It could draw many homosexual/bisexual people and become a valuable resource of community for them. If not, it might become more of a "everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask" forum with a few willing ambassadors but that could be an interesting place for many.

I am not against the idea of a lesbian, gay, bi forum at all, I simply have more interest personally in a pansexual BDSM forum. You are right though, there can be many forums.

 

[Never]

P. B. Walker:
"someone mentioned wanting a separate forum about this... "

I wondered why my ears were burning.
A resent poll on the GB showed that 55% of the people were heterosexual, 40% were bisexual, and 5% were homosexual. I think that a G/B/Tg would have the same feeling as the GB.

 

[Hexiegirl]

Bi sub here~

::sigh:: looking for women to share with

 

[roxanne69]

Bi Femme sub switch here.

We have a very large gay/lesbian/trans community here in Montreal but there is very little for bi women into BDSM. The lesbian clubs here are fun but there is no BDSM community that I could find. Thank you so much for starting this thread!!!