G
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,159
1/11/03
Here are my picks for January 11. The 10th for some reason didn't grab me, but that might be because of the 91 poems on the 9th, lol.
ankle length spite by 03sp
ask me louder, louder
piercing, stabbing with
this shinny silicone …
~I can't believe she left the price tag on~
a thesaursic sentence
of punishment pinched
between little white sox
formed while we plotted
our revenge on the small
slight and wispy wench
who waited warily while
watching women woo.
One wonders upon reading this poem, what 03sp found under the tree Christmas morning. And with the price tag still on, too! That price tag line is just um priceless in this funny poem that’s wicked with alliteration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Snow Showers*by Rybka
*fall off the tree *
* and onto me *
* from the crow *
* as he leaves *
* with a rasping laugh *
****
***
**
(This poem should be centered, but I can't figure out how to do it! Apologies to Rybka! ~Ange]
Rybka delighted me with this frosty little poem to which I want to give the “good things come in small packages” award of the year. It’s funny and whimsical--a vivid little moment conveyed in every possible way: not just the words, but the formatting and use of asterisks. Was the crow just waiting for you Rybka? And what were you doing out of water, anyway, Rybka (maybe the crow was trying to save you
)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[day -] by Senna Jawa
day -
rains enjoyed nights
but now in california
they make a dent in the sunlight
spring -
some trees pretend it's fall
dry sundrops on their branches
defy rain
rain
has typed this poem
on the green keyboard
outside
This wonderful poem from Senna Jawa consists of three haikus that are thematically linked by rain. Senna, if I’m interpreting this correctly, I know you are less concerned that the number of syllables be 5-7-5 than that the haiku present an image from the natural world that is concrete, not abstract. So here were have first a daytime rain in sunny California (I see a sun shower); then some denuded trees--rain drying on them in the sun; finally, an image that makes the poem almost organic itself in a tongue in cheek kind of way: rain pattering down on grass, bushes, etc. Senna, in other threads you have talked about avoiding anthropomorphism (assigning human traits to inhuman things) in haiku, yet here rain “enjoys,” trees “pretend,” and branches “defy”--not to mention that typing rain! It all works here though to present a clear image of the natural world. I bet you have an explanation that will help me understand this. I’d like to hear it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghazal in ¾ Time by Cordelia
Overwhelmed by the frost on your kiln-fired brow,
I discern the porcelain sobriquet from the dance.
Reaching into the marigolds between us, think:
How the weather takes a holiday from the dance.
Loosen your frown, unbutton your anxieties;
Let this lover remove all dismay from the dance.
Cordelia’s poem is a lovely example of the Ghazal, a traditional Persian poetic form that, as far as I can tell from reading the thread about it employs language and theme that convey longing in a form complicated enough to make you hair stand on end or your hackles rise or something. Still it’s full of wonderful vivid images of art and the natural world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rarely We Kiss
by OT
Sentences squeezed
between scraping forks
resolve routine and
necessary plans.
I think that OT’s terse poem about the deadening familiarity of routine in a relationship is really effective. It marries (no pun intended!) form and content perfectly.
Here are my picks for January 11. The 10th for some reason didn't grab me, but that might be because of the 91 poems on the 9th, lol.
ankle length spite by 03sp
ask me louder, louder
piercing, stabbing with
this shinny silicone …
~I can't believe she left the price tag on~
a thesaursic sentence
of punishment pinched
between little white sox
formed while we plotted
our revenge on the small
slight and wispy wench
who waited warily while
watching women woo.
One wonders upon reading this poem, what 03sp found under the tree Christmas morning. And with the price tag still on, too! That price tag line is just um priceless in this funny poem that’s wicked with alliteration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Snow Showers*by Rybka
*fall off the tree *
* and onto me *
* from the crow *
* as he leaves *
* with a rasping laugh *
****
***
**
(This poem should be centered, but I can't figure out how to do it! Apologies to Rybka! ~Ange]
Rybka delighted me with this frosty little poem to which I want to give the “good things come in small packages” award of the year. It’s funny and whimsical--a vivid little moment conveyed in every possible way: not just the words, but the formatting and use of asterisks. Was the crow just waiting for you Rybka? And what were you doing out of water, anyway, Rybka (maybe the crow was trying to save you
)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[day -] by Senna Jawa
day -
rains enjoyed nights
but now in california
they make a dent in the sunlight
spring -
some trees pretend it's fall
dry sundrops on their branches
defy rain
rain
has typed this poem
on the green keyboard
outside
This wonderful poem from Senna Jawa consists of three haikus that are thematically linked by rain. Senna, if I’m interpreting this correctly, I know you are less concerned that the number of syllables be 5-7-5 than that the haiku present an image from the natural world that is concrete, not abstract. So here were have first a daytime rain in sunny California (I see a sun shower); then some denuded trees--rain drying on them in the sun; finally, an image that makes the poem almost organic itself in a tongue in cheek kind of way: rain pattering down on grass, bushes, etc. Senna, in other threads you have talked about avoiding anthropomorphism (assigning human traits to inhuman things) in haiku, yet here rain “enjoys,” trees “pretend,” and branches “defy”--not to mention that typing rain! It all works here though to present a clear image of the natural world. I bet you have an explanation that will help me understand this. I’d like to hear it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ghazal in ¾ Time by Cordelia
Overwhelmed by the frost on your kiln-fired brow,
I discern the porcelain sobriquet from the dance.
Reaching into the marigolds between us, think:
How the weather takes a holiday from the dance.
Loosen your frown, unbutton your anxieties;
Let this lover remove all dismay from the dance.
Cordelia’s poem is a lovely example of the Ghazal, a traditional Persian poetic form that, as far as I can tell from reading the thread about it employs language and theme that convey longing in a form complicated enough to make you hair stand on end or your hackles rise or something. Still it’s full of wonderful vivid images of art and the natural world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rarely We Kiss
by OT
Sentences squeezed
between scraping forks
resolve routine and
necessary plans.
I think that OT’s terse poem about the deadening familiarity of routine in a relationship is really effective. It marries (no pun intended!) form and content perfectly.
Last edited:
I am a novice Haiku poet...I have always enjoyed the style and have written a few..mostly from inspiration of love or whatever..I have written haiku for my bride to be on impulse only. Oh lord, now I have been requesed to write one for her on a particular subject...her lips....I guess my last one about her hair impressed her..HELP? Does this work?
Sun bursts profoundly
Warmth calls nature to her heart
Lip blooms awaken
Sun bursts profoundly
Warmth calls nature to her heart
Lip blooms awaken
Rybka
Nit pick; pearl too!
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 2,449
Thank you, Angeline
Thank you for mentioning my poem.
That really happened to me on the morning I wrote it. The crow took off with a string of cackling caws. My pup barked. I got snow down the back of my neck.
Strange how the muse chooses to catch your attention.
Today I parked behind a car with the interesting license plate "MIMSY". That has inspired another poem. I think I will start it something like...
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves, ..."
Actually I did see the license plate and when I asked the driver how the borogoves were doing she was blank-faced.
Seems she had never heard of Jabberwocky, or even L.C. So I recited it for her. I'm not sure if she appreciated it or thought I was a crazed and mumbling stalker.
Regards, Rybka
Thank you for mentioning my poem.
That really happened to me on the morning I wrote it. The crow took off with a string of cackling caws. My pup barked. I got snow down the back of my neck.
Strange how the muse chooses to catch your attention.
Today I parked behind a car with the interesting license plate "MIMSY". That has inspired another poem. I think I will start it something like...
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves, ..."
Actually I did see the license plate and when I asked the driver how the borogoves were doing she was blank-faced.
Seems she had never heard of Jabberwocky, or even L.C. So I recited it for her. I'm not sure if she appreciated it or thought I was a crazed and mumbling stalker.
Regards, Rybka
Rybka
Nit pick; pearl too!
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 2,449
Comments on Haiku
Given the above, I might suggest something like:
Sun bursts profoundly
Warmth calls nature from her heart
Awaking lips' bloom
Something I recommend with a new poem is to put it aside for awhile, until the driving emotion of creation has passed. Then go read it objectively as if it were not your own work. If you still like it and do not wish to change anything, then you are ready for others to read it.
All of the above are just my own thoughts and are offered in the spirit of constructive critique and comment. Please keep writing, and also read the comments of posting poets relating to other poems. That is the way to learn and improve your own skills, both in reading and in composition. - And always remember, that what you like is what is important! (De gustibus non desputandum.)
First of all, the 5 - 7 - 5 syllable rule is not mandatory in English. It is more desirable to reduce the poem to the minimum of syllables that express the poet's intent. I am not one of the "resident" experts in Haiku (but I try to pay attention to their comments). Should you draw attention from one of them, listen to their words, but ignore any invective.jsh3180 said:
Given the above, I might suggest something like:
Sun bursts profoundly
Warmth calls nature from her heart
Awaking lips' bloom
Something I recommend with a new poem is to put it aside for awhile, until the driving emotion of creation has passed. Then go read it objectively as if it were not your own work. If you still like it and do not wish to change anything, then you are ready for others to read it.
All of the above are just my own thoughts and are offered in the spirit of constructive critique and comment. Please keep writing, and also read the comments of posting poets relating to other poems. That is the way to learn and improve your own skills, both in reading and in composition. - And always remember, that what you like is what is important! (De gustibus non desputandum.)
Rybka
Nit pick; pearl too!
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 2,449
New Poems on 1/12/03
There are 16 new entries today. Five of them are by 03sp. You should read them all, but I will highlight just one, Governed Recline.
My second pick is Convictions by silken_dreammaid © a two stanza work with each stanza leading to an opposing conclusion. Very nicely done. My immediate first thought was of Frost's Fire and Ice. I won't quote from it here. It needs to be read as a whole.
#3 is shadow bruises by nakedangelina ©.
Regards, Rybka
There are 16 new entries today. Five of them are by 03sp. You should read them all, but I will highlight just one, Governed Recline.
This is one of the longer works that I have read by this author. A lot of it reads like a coffee house recital by a Joycian poet, and all of it requires several readings out loud.
My second pick is Convictions by silken_dreammaid © a two stanza work with each stanza leading to an opposing conclusion. Very nicely done. My immediate first thought was of Frost's Fire and Ice. I won't quote from it here. It needs to be read as a whole.
#3 is shadow bruises by nakedangelina ©.
OK,OK, so I am a sucker for alliteration.
Regards, Rybka
Last edited:
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
New - 01-13-03
A few that caught my eye. - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Please follow the links listed below to finish reading the excerpts listed below and find out more about poets at Lit.
---------------------------------------------------
A melancholy thought
he listens to the radio with me
and when I talk to my girlfriend
shuts his ears and asks to take a stroll
outside with his lonesome
a dog poem
by
O3sp©
---------------------------------------------------
Bigger than it might seem.
uniting with lovers, with all life forms
reaching to the heavens and beyond
chai tea and 7th Chakra thoughts
by
WriterDom©
---------------------------------------------------
A dance on dance on dance -- nice.
their eyes make love
as bodies sway softly
keeping with the rhythm
leaving footprints in the shag
two lovers dancing
by
WriterDom©
---------------------------------------------------
A blossom of belief
Faith unfurls with each passing day,
growing strong within the light,
Flower
by
silken_dreammaid©
---------------------------------------------------
Unwhispered prayer
Let's take this moment
and enjoy every blink
for we do not know
if another one is on our back.
My Best
by
babylovesman©
A few that caught my eye. - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Please follow the links listed below to finish reading the excerpts listed below and find out more about poets at Lit.
---------------------------------------------------
A melancholy thought
he listens to the radio with me
and when I talk to my girlfriend
shuts his ears and asks to take a stroll
outside with his lonesome
a dog poem
by
O3sp©
---------------------------------------------------
Bigger than it might seem.
uniting with lovers, with all life forms
reaching to the heavens and beyond
chai tea and 7th Chakra thoughts
by
WriterDom©
---------------------------------------------------
A dance on dance on dance -- nice.
their eyes make love
as bodies sway softly
keeping with the rhythm
leaving footprints in the shag
two lovers dancing
by
WriterDom©
---------------------------------------------------
A blossom of belief
Faith unfurls with each passing day,
growing strong within the light,
Flower
by
silken_dreammaid©
---------------------------------------------------
Unwhispered prayer
Let's take this moment
and enjoy every blink
for we do not know
if another one is on our back.
My Best
by
babylovesman©
OT
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2002
- Posts
- 893
Wednesday's New Poems
Rummaging around today's readings I found the following nuggets of neat.
(sorry about the word "neat", must be have'n a 70's flashback)
----------
An image of a hasty departure, rendered in rhyme:
"She fell upon the spread
As he zipped and left the bed,
Throwing a Jefferson to flutter
While she finished a final shudder."
Look here for the rest:
Sousa Gets Inspiration by JUDO
In another Judo offers up this phrase:
"Our chorus rises to cacophonic screams"
Look here to see what all the screaming is about:
A Chorus of Droplets by JUDO
----------
I have no clue as to what exactly this means,
but it's fun to say and I'm quite certain something
delightfully naughty is involved.
"taking me to
your percolation,
your center and
outer rim,
dipping me"
Look here for the rest:
Re: by 03sp
----------
"cycles stagnant" has the perfect rat-race ring to it.
"Finding your place, being put
in your place in a society
that cycles stagnant."
Look here for the rest:
Beta by silken_dreammaid
----------
If you are a fan of rants, give this one a look.
There are some very unique lines.
"you stare at me delirious with light and morning madness,
like a cock throbbing at sunrise you stare at me"
Look here for the rest:
a gigabyte of sparkle by poetboy824
----------
Rummaging around today's readings I found the following nuggets of neat.
(sorry about the word "neat", must be have'n a 70's flashback)
----------
An image of a hasty departure, rendered in rhyme:
"She fell upon the spread
As he zipped and left the bed,
Throwing a Jefferson to flutter
While she finished a final shudder."
Look here for the rest:
Sousa Gets Inspiration by JUDO
In another Judo offers up this phrase:
"Our chorus rises to cacophonic screams"
Look here to see what all the screaming is about:
A Chorus of Droplets by JUDO
----------
I have no clue as to what exactly this means,
but it's fun to say and I'm quite certain something
delightfully naughty is involved.
"taking me to
your percolation,
your center and
outer rim,
dipping me"
Look here for the rest:
Re: by 03sp
----------
"cycles stagnant" has the perfect rat-race ring to it.
"Finding your place, being put
in your place in a society
that cycles stagnant."
Look here for the rest:
Beta by silken_dreammaid
----------
If you are a fan of rants, give this one a look.
There are some very unique lines.
"you stare at me delirious with light and morning madness,
like a cock throbbing at sunrise you stare at me"
Look here for the rest:
a gigabyte of sparkle by poetboy824
----------
G
Guest
Guest
Thank you, OT
You are corret.
And, it was fun do do!
You are corret.
And, it was fun do do!
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,159
Yesterday and Today
There were some wonderful poems posted on the 16th and 17th. Here are a few I especially liked.
My Day in Quart by My Opinion
I sat in court, all accused
Judge did listen, unamused,
His look was but a little grim
As I squirmed there, in front of him.
This clever poem presents a vivid picture of a not-so-remorseful defendant at his trial. Nice work, Opi and congrats on the E.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a sadness by 03sp
everyone is crying so should I,
into a pool of tear and salt
beating ourselves make it plain
to all
and beyond
we are way, really, awesomely, sadly sad
a weak of daze it takes to remedy.
but we eventually cross into
the hall of most weak
and lust for the strength of the
Paul bearers, Paul Is Dead
How many ideas and emotions and memories are shaken together and rearranged in this wonderful work by 03sp? This poem makes me feel solemn and pensive and giggly all at once. Damn. How does he do that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
blood by 03sp
it's tough and there are all
sorts of sorry and it may sting
and it may not work and it is not working
"Clench your fist!"
"There it is, now it's coming."
she is sorry
she hurt me
she didn't
A man goes to the lab for a blood test. He has a sample taken with some difficulty. Is this sexy? Why does this poem sound like tales from a virgin’s wedding night 03sp? Why so sexy? Huh?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kindling by JeanetteLv2
Eyes close amidst the rapture,
and find truth’s tumultuous waves.
My frame scarred and eroded,
beneath the weight of cosmic games.
The basin on the nearby mahogany chest,
is overflowing with barely washed sins.
An overstuffed, disfigured scarecrow,
predictable and at the winds whims.
Oooooh I love this poem. It tells a familiar story--this stuff is Sexual Encounter 101--but the poet makes it beautifully fresh with a combination of oddly juxtaposed images (“rapture“ is found in “truth‘s tumultuous waves,” a basin overflows with “barely washed sins“), precise diction, and clarity. Its writer, JeanetterLv2, is new to the poetry board, I think. Welcome and keep ‘em coming!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
spider fragmented by silken_dreammaid
tiny spider
seeking the real thing
your fragile silk
invisible against
the cold aluminium
The itsy-bitsy spider crawled up Silken’s Coke can; the spider was gray and down came Silken’s hand. Ooops. I like this poem--such a vivid image of the spider that being gray matches the aluminum and, well, ewwwwwwww. LOL. Great job from a consistently great writer here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
first… by Senna Jawa
first coffee at work
winter red hands
wrapped around the cup
Wanna know how to write haiku? Here’s a wonderful example from Senna Jawa. There are only 11 words in this little gem, but look at all that it tells you about the weather, the writer’s reaction to it, and the antidote for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holding the Swing of Childhood Time by MyOpinion
I want to live within you,
and touch the heart of what you wish;
and uncage what you wish to free
to flourish in this universe,
for love that’s countlessly rehearsed
is bound in ropes of silken twine
that firmly hold the swing
of your childhood time.
Opi, I love this poem for the way it fits together three ways in which you want to share in your wife’s life, and for the fact that you’re a sweet guy who’s giving her a poem for Valentine’s Day.
There were some wonderful poems posted on the 16th and 17th. Here are a few I especially liked.
My Day in Quart by My Opinion
I sat in court, all accused
Judge did listen, unamused,
His look was but a little grim
As I squirmed there, in front of him.
This clever poem presents a vivid picture of a not-so-remorseful defendant at his trial. Nice work, Opi and congrats on the E.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a sadness by 03sp
everyone is crying so should I,
into a pool of tear and salt
beating ourselves make it plain
to all
and beyond
we are way, really, awesomely, sadly sad
a weak of daze it takes to remedy.
but we eventually cross into
the hall of most weak
and lust for the strength of the
Paul bearers, Paul Is Dead
How many ideas and emotions and memories are shaken together and rearranged in this wonderful work by 03sp? This poem makes me feel solemn and pensive and giggly all at once. Damn. How does he do that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
blood by 03sp
it's tough and there are all
sorts of sorry and it may sting
and it may not work and it is not working
"Clench your fist!"
"There it is, now it's coming."
she is sorry
she hurt me
she didn't
A man goes to the lab for a blood test. He has a sample taken with some difficulty. Is this sexy? Why does this poem sound like tales from a virgin’s wedding night 03sp? Why so sexy? Huh?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kindling by JeanetteLv2
Eyes close amidst the rapture,
and find truth’s tumultuous waves.
My frame scarred and eroded,
beneath the weight of cosmic games.
The basin on the nearby mahogany chest,
is overflowing with barely washed sins.
An overstuffed, disfigured scarecrow,
predictable and at the winds whims.
Oooooh I love this poem. It tells a familiar story--this stuff is Sexual Encounter 101--but the poet makes it beautifully fresh with a combination of oddly juxtaposed images (“rapture“ is found in “truth‘s tumultuous waves,” a basin overflows with “barely washed sins“), precise diction, and clarity. Its writer, JeanetterLv2, is new to the poetry board, I think. Welcome and keep ‘em coming!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
spider fragmented by silken_dreammaid
tiny spider
seeking the real thing
your fragile silk
invisible against
the cold aluminium
The itsy-bitsy spider crawled up Silken’s Coke can; the spider was gray and down came Silken’s hand. Ooops. I like this poem--such a vivid image of the spider that being gray matches the aluminum and, well, ewwwwwwww. LOL. Great job from a consistently great writer here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
first… by Senna Jawa
first coffee at work
winter red hands
wrapped around the cup
Wanna know how to write haiku? Here’s a wonderful example from Senna Jawa. There are only 11 words in this little gem, but look at all that it tells you about the weather, the writer’s reaction to it, and the antidote for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holding the Swing of Childhood Time by MyOpinion
I want to live within you,
and touch the heart of what you wish;
and uncage what you wish to free
to flourish in this universe,
for love that’s countlessly rehearsed
is bound in ropes of silken twine
that firmly hold the swing
of your childhood time.
Opi, I love this poem for the way it fits together three ways in which you want to share in your wife’s life, and for the fact that you’re a sweet guy who’s giving her a poem for Valentine’s Day.
Last edited:
JeanetteLv2
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2003
- Posts
- 105
Thanks Angeline for the mention. I'm really glad you liked it.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
*breathing in deeply*
My computer just crashed as I was clicking the reply button on my fourth attempt to post my review of today's poems. I'm going to take my little .44 friend here and pay a little visit to a certain mr. Gates...
My computer just crashed as I was clicking the reply button on my fourth attempt to post my review of today's poems. I'm going to take my little .44 friend here and pay a little visit to a certain mr. Gates...
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
January 18th, 2003
Let's try this again... I'm so pissed off right now. This is not a good way to end a day. I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can all see, I've been trying. For several hours, in fact.
Today's new poems' list has some very good pieces, but the truth is some (most, really) are pathetic. It's not even that they're intrinsically bad, but it's difficult to look past the sheer number of basic grammar and spelling mistakes. How difficult can it be to read the frigging thing out loud and run it though a spell checker?
Anyway, this thread is supposed to be for pointing out the good, so lets not waste time.
Today's crème de la crème:
-------------------------------------------------
moonglasses (original, 1990)
by Senna Jawa ©
mistic mystic brooding in the mystic mist
lost his thoughts in the fog
no police would find'im with their orange searching flash lights
only a philosophical dog
[...]
Rybka often says, about Senna's poetry, that it's an acquired taste. In this particular case, even those who never read any of his works will probably like it. The second stanza is close to perfect. (Ah-ah... now you'll have to follow the link to read it)
-------------------------------------------------
Ocean of Snow
by OT ©
[...]
Hissing mist gathers into glinting droplets
that splatter and dance with rainbows on a
sheen of surface tension that threatens
to let loose pools of moody dark depth.
[...]
An interesting exercise in poetic description. Worth a read.
-------------------------------------------------
A-Mused (for Opi)
by Angeline ©
What gives rise to poetry?
The form of words across a page?
Traditions carried down from sage?
Or music played in metered rhyme
Like flautists fluting songs sublime?
[...]
Angeline's lesson in poetry. Listen to her, she knows her shit...
-------------------------------------------------
night games
by jeutsler ©
[...]
Athletic games done for a time,
unstop the bottle, blood red wine
poured on warm flesh, cool and fine,
not wasted, tasted, mmm divine.
[...]
It rhymes, it flows, it has some inventive details, for the most part, it works. Above all, a fun read. Jeutsler's first.
-------------------------------------------------
The Kiss of the Whip
by Michael McFarland ©
he said
she said
it was almost the same
the kiss and it's pleasure
the whip and it's pain
tied to the pillar
with no sorrow nor shame
the kiss and the whip
knew no mercy
[...]
Another first-time poster, and a good one. I think we should keep an eye out for mr. McFarland here. Wonderful control of the flow of the poem, knows exactly when to break the rhythm in order to be heard.
-------------------------------------------------
My muse
by silken_dreammaid ©
My muse he comes as he will
scattering words and images
on my page.
His cynical laugh demands
"make something of these,
give them articulate life."
[...]
Yet another somewhat reflexive poem from silken_dreammaid. Why don't you poets and writers go and take a look? Maybe you'd recognize yourselves once or twice in it.
-------------------------------------------------
One Window
by Angeline ©
One window invites the world
to light my dark corners,
and offer a benevolence of life
whose arms hold me closer than you
ever could.
[...]
Today's pearl. I know Angeline has plans for this piece, including a special thread I'm looking forward to see, so I won't say much about it. Read it. You'll recognize her indelible mark, but also witness how her poetry is evolving. Never has an
been more suited.
And in case some of you have been distracted, it's the second time in three days that Laurel decides to present Ange with one of these. If you still haven't, go read Everland.
-------------------------------------------------
*keeping my fingers crossed as I click the reply button yet again*
edited to add: ****** crashed again (three times), but now I was ready and had copied everything to another file. Yay
Let's try this again... I'm so pissed off right now. This is not a good way to end a day. I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can all see, I've been trying. For several hours, in fact.
Today's new poems' list has some very good pieces, but the truth is some (most, really) are pathetic. It's not even that they're intrinsically bad, but it's difficult to look past the sheer number of basic grammar and spelling mistakes. How difficult can it be to read the frigging thing out loud and run it though a spell checker?
Anyway, this thread is supposed to be for pointing out the good, so lets not waste time.
Today's crème de la crème:
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moonglasses (original, 1990)
by Senna Jawa ©
mistic mystic brooding in the mystic mist
lost his thoughts in the fog
no police would find'im with their orange searching flash lights
only a philosophical dog
[...]
Rybka often says, about Senna's poetry, that it's an acquired taste. In this particular case, even those who never read any of his works will probably like it. The second stanza is close to perfect. (Ah-ah... now you'll have to follow the link to read it)
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Ocean of Snow
by OT ©
[...]
Hissing mist gathers into glinting droplets
that splatter and dance with rainbows on a
sheen of surface tension that threatens
to let loose pools of moody dark depth.
[...]
An interesting exercise in poetic description. Worth a read.
-------------------------------------------------
A-Mused (for Opi)
by Angeline ©
What gives rise to poetry?
The form of words across a page?
Traditions carried down from sage?
Or music played in metered rhyme
Like flautists fluting songs sublime?
[...]
Angeline's lesson in poetry. Listen to her, she knows her shit...
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night games
by jeutsler ©
[...]
Athletic games done for a time,
unstop the bottle, blood red wine
poured on warm flesh, cool and fine,
not wasted, tasted, mmm divine.
[...]
It rhymes, it flows, it has some inventive details, for the most part, it works. Above all, a fun read. Jeutsler's first.
-------------------------------------------------
The Kiss of the Whip
by Michael McFarland ©
he said
she said
it was almost the same
the kiss and it's pleasure
the whip and it's pain
tied to the pillar
with no sorrow nor shame
the kiss and the whip
knew no mercy
[...]
Another first-time poster, and a good one. I think we should keep an eye out for mr. McFarland here. Wonderful control of the flow of the poem, knows exactly when to break the rhythm in order to be heard.
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My muse
by silken_dreammaid ©
My muse he comes as he will
scattering words and images
on my page.
His cynical laugh demands
"make something of these,
give them articulate life."
[...]
Yet another somewhat reflexive poem from silken_dreammaid. Why don't you poets and writers go and take a look? Maybe you'd recognize yourselves once or twice in it.
-------------------------------------------------
One Window
by Angeline ©
One window invites the world
to light my dark corners,
and offer a benevolence of life
whose arms hold me closer than you
ever could.
[...]
Today's pearl. I know Angeline has plans for this piece, including a special thread I'm looking forward to see, so I won't say much about it. Read it. You'll recognize her indelible mark, but also witness how her poetry is evolving. Never has an
And in case some of you have been distracted, it's the second time in three days that Laurel decides to present Ange with one of these. If you still haven't, go read Everland
.-------------------------------------------------
*keeping my fingers crossed as I click the reply button yet again*
edited to add: ****** crashed again (three times), but now I was ready and had copied everything to another file. Yay
G
Guest
Guest
To My Opinion
Thanks for the feedback. I have written quite a bit of poetry, but I haven't really had anybody read it and give me any opinions.
I'll have another here soon...it's called Mother. You'll have to let me know what you think.
Thanks for the feedback. I have written quite a bit of poetry, but I haven't really had anybody read it and give me any opinions.
I'll have another here soon...it's called Mother. You'll have to let me know what you think.
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,159
Thank you Lauren
One Window was the result of a writing process I'm about to explain in a new thread. Suffice it to say that if I am evolving as a writer--and I am as we all are--it's largely due the the influence of the poetic milieu in which I've immersed myself--and that means you and my other dear friends here.
One Window was the result of a writing process I'm about to explain in a new thread. Suffice it to say that if I am evolving as a writer--and I am as we all are--it's largely due the the influence of the poetic milieu in which I've immersed myself--and that means you and my other dear friends here.
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
New - 1-20-03
A few that caught my eye. - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Note: to read the rest of the excepts below and learn more about the artist(s), follow the links listed below.
---------------------------------------------------
Vivid stark dream, but what the message?
shatterd dreams,
picking up lost
lives, and limbs.
I remember,
Broken Dolls
by
neonurotic©
---------------------------------------------------
That single tick of the clock
Quiet surety lodges
within the soul,
doubts lost in the
heartbeat's roar.
Affirmation
by
silken_dreammaid©
---------------------------------------------------
The warning not shown on hot, summer days of youth
We were golden and firm in Janzen,
hip swayed in frayed denim,
legs poured smooth and unselfconscious
to our feet flip-flop tripping
down the splintered boards.
Cold Love: Innocence and Sand
by
Angeline©
---------------------------------------------------
This has a gentle simplicity like longing for the innocence of love from childhood
Slice the fabric, love
and let in the night.
Let bodies in the skies
glow in my eyes.
Naked Tent
by
WickedEve©
---------------------------------------------------
Read it a bunch and got different meaning almost every time
He wanted green eyes
instead of canine brown.
Glass round and green
was high and shelved.
My climb was brief
past planks of earlier work -
tabby and pekinese.
Exquisite Possum
by
WickedEve©
A few that caught my eye. - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Note: to read the rest of the excepts below and learn more about the artist(s), follow the links listed below.
---------------------------------------------------
Vivid stark dream, but what the message?
shatterd dreams,
picking up lost
lives, and limbs.
I remember,
Broken Dolls
by
neonurotic©
---------------------------------------------------
That single tick of the clock
Quiet surety lodges
within the soul,
doubts lost in the
heartbeat's roar.
Affirmation
by
silken_dreammaid©
---------------------------------------------------
The warning not shown on hot, summer days of youth
We were golden and firm in Janzen,
hip swayed in frayed denim,
legs poured smooth and unselfconscious
to our feet flip-flop tripping
down the splintered boards.
Cold Love: Innocence and Sand
by
Angeline©
---------------------------------------------------
This has a gentle simplicity like longing for the innocence of love from childhood
Slice the fabric, love
and let in the night.
Let bodies in the skies
glow in my eyes.
Naked Tent
by
WickedEve©
---------------------------------------------------
Read it a bunch and got different meaning almost every time
He wanted green eyes
instead of canine brown.
Glass round and green
was high and shelved.
My climb was brief
past planks of earlier work -
tabby and pekinese.
Exquisite Possum
by
WickedEve©
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Thank you, Judo, sweet little bon bon.
Since no one reviewed yesterday's offerings, I am going to toot my own horn. Please stand back and cover your ears!
Moving On received some very nice comments and I like this poem.
Also these: A Love Poem and Filtered
These three are my first poems submitted for 2003.
The tooting has now ceased and you can safely uncover your ears and move along.
Since no one reviewed yesterday's offerings, I am going to toot my own horn. Please stand back and cover your ears!
Moving On received some very nice comments and I like this poem.
Also these: A Love Poem and Filtered
These three are my first poems submitted for 2003.
The tooting has now ceased and you can safely uncover your ears and move along.
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
New - 01-21-03
Yes, normally, I only do Mondays and that is all I will commit to -- one day per week, but hey, you guys aren't taking up the cause here. And well, I had some time... (Shoot! Now, I'm sure someone will say, "Don't do me any favors.") - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Senna sings Dr. Suess. Fun stuff, SJ.
[...]
just find your rhythms
and play your blues
your art will make
acute obtuse
[...]
a stroll across some grammar
by
Senna Jawa©
---------------------------------------------------
An introduction to a legendary moment of epic passion -- or something like that.
White passion's sun extends wide tongue throughout the valley free.
Thin, hung'ring moon hangs on the mountain teat, bites piercingly.
Mystic's Kiss
by
Artina Heartflash©
---------------------------------------------------
I loved the intent of the last stanza. Overall, the words need a little work -- feels heavy and wordy, but worth a mention. Say "Hi" to first-time Lit. poem poster.
Day by day my rose would wither
Losing colour, losing blood
And the air, empty of its sweet scent
Weeps for beauty fled with life
A Rose
by
bad_girl23©
---------------------------------------------------
Three passing of love's lost
Her stem is long,
roots deep in dirt
from whence he drew her.
Now he traces love
upon her skin -
naked flesh sweet with dew
under cloudless day
till Crow darkens the sky.
Poe
by
WickedEve©
---------------------------------------------------
A lovely prayer -- one of which I heartily approve! And, illustrated, too.
I vow my love, my faith, my soul
for I be but a mere man
and you...a goddess from other shores
bless me
by
SavageWolf©
---------------------------------------------------
...and now back to our regular program.
Yes, normally, I only do Mondays and that is all I will commit to -- one day per week, but hey, you guys aren't taking up the cause here. And well, I had some time... (Shoot! Now, I'm sure someone will say, "Don't do me any favors.") - Judo
---------------------------------------------------
Senna sings Dr. Suess. Fun stuff, SJ.
[...]
just find your rhythms
and play your blues
your art will make
acute obtuse
[...]
a stroll across some grammar
by
Senna Jawa©
---------------------------------------------------
An introduction to a legendary moment of epic passion -- or something like that.
White passion's sun extends wide tongue throughout the valley free.
Thin, hung'ring moon hangs on the mountain teat, bites piercingly.
Mystic's Kiss
by
Artina Heartflash©
---------------------------------------------------
I loved the intent of the last stanza. Overall, the words need a little work -- feels heavy and wordy, but worth a mention. Say "Hi" to first-time Lit. poem poster.
Day by day my rose would wither
Losing colour, losing blood
And the air, empty of its sweet scent
Weeps for beauty fled with life
A Rose
by
bad_girl23©
---------------------------------------------------
Three passing of love's lost
Her stem is long,
roots deep in dirt
from whence he drew her.
Now he traces love
upon her skin -
naked flesh sweet with dew
under cloudless day
till Crow darkens the sky.
Poe
by
WickedEve©
---------------------------------------------------
A lovely prayer -- one of which I heartily approve! And, illustrated, too.
I vow my love, my faith, my soul
for I be but a mere man
and you...a goddess from other shores
bless me
by
SavageWolf©
---------------------------------------------------
...and now back to our regular program.
OT
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2002
- Posts
- 893
Wednesday's Posts
There's only a handful of new poems today,
so I thought I'd share my first impression of each.
I'm surly today, so feel free to jump in here and
point out a line of two of profoundness that I may have
missed -- this place is for opinions. If you have one -- post it.
----------
Eve has a way of making you smile and feel just a bit afraid at the same time.
Divorce This Side Of The Rainbow by WickedEve
----------
Interesting rhythm. Here is an example of using rhyme without meter or form.
The spark of light by The_Fool
----------
A bit cliche', but nice sentiment...
Dreams & Wishes by silken_dreammaid
----------
The first two lines were great:
"He seeks her out with his elevator eyes.
She stares back and tells him his lies. "
Angry Time by The_Fool
----------
I always thought odes were supposed to be really long? (this is very short)
Ode to oral sex by Fondelum
----------
I was disappointed that there wasn't a scrunch-my-face puzzle inside.
A Puzzling Thing by MyOpinion
There's only a handful of new poems today,
so I thought I'd share my first impression of each.
I'm surly today, so feel free to jump in here and
point out a line of two of profoundness that I may have
missed -- this place is for opinions. If you have one -- post it.
----------
Eve has a way of making you smile and feel just a bit afraid at the same time.
Divorce This Side Of The Rainbow by WickedEve
----------
Interesting rhythm. Here is an example of using rhyme without meter or form.
The spark of light by The_Fool
----------
A bit cliche', but nice sentiment...
Dreams & Wishes by silken_dreammaid
----------
The first two lines were great:
"He seeks her out with his elevator eyes.
She stares back and tells him his lies. "
Angry Time by The_Fool
----------
I always thought odes were supposed to be really long? (this is very short)
Ode to oral sex by Fondelum
----------
I was disappointed that there wasn't a scrunch-my-face puzzle inside.
A Puzzling Thing by MyOpinion
