new poems

[OT]

Now I must go and attempt erotic poetry of my own. (I hope no one has noticed I've never posted one...)

we noticed

 

[Cordelia]

we noticed

Okay... I did it.

Look for it in the next week.

Gads! that was difficult!!

Exhaling,



Cordelia

 

[alwaysawake]

Re: alwaysawake

was so wakeful he posted his Tangled Fluorescence a day early. (I know AA that you weren't sure you would be around to post it today. )

His poem, which is full of lovely and poweful imagery like the following:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lay next to you unable to say a word,
Unable to move a single muscle.
Slowly my eyes move up and down the curve of your back.
With feathery touches, running my fingers over your smooth skin.
Only to feel the heat of your sleeping body,
Only to feel the secrets that lie under your skin.
Only to smell your sweet scent and bask in your opulent glow one last time before dawn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

earned an E. Way to go AA and um

neener, neener--toldja you could

Thanks Ang and Eve...I simply got lucky and have TONS to learn from all of you. Looking forward to reading more of the submissions and maybe absorb a bit of meaningful info via osmosis. That has always been my forte' in prose...painting a vivid picture in words, so that a third party could read it and see immediately what is being felt/seen. NOW, need to figure out how to incorporate that style into various styles of poetry. I welcome ANY criticism or comments. Take care and everyone have a great Hump Day--AA

 

[Cordelia]

Excellent work, alwaysawake. Didn't I tell you you could craft words? Now you'll listen to me maybe?

And I noticed you got an "H" along with the "E" - good job!

So it looks like I am the one who'll get stuck with all the Tangled Fluorescences if they post tomorrow! Luckily, I have the day off and may even be able to get to it earlier.

I wanted to mention the lovely poem Rothschild by Magnolia13. Despite one typo (have someone look over it, sweetie! I always do...), it is a sweetly tender poem. Keep writing hon!

And, Mythos..... I noticed.


Cordelia

 

[Magnolia13]

er, well, I did use the spell check, sorry I missed the typo, but anyway, I hoped you enjoyed the parts that were spelled correctly.
~Magnolia

 

[alwaysawake]

Excellent work, alwaysawake. Didn't I tell you you could craft words? Now you'll listen to me maybe?

And I noticed you got an "H" along with the "E" - good job!

So it looks like I am the one who'll get stuck with all the Tangled Fluorescences if they post tomorrow! Luckily, I have the day off and may even be able to get to it earlier.

I wanted to mention the lovely poem Rothschild by Magnolia13. Despite one typo (have someone look over it, sweetie! I always do...), it is a sweetly tender poem. Keep writing hon!

And, Mythos..... I noticed[/URL

Cordelia http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=81735

]. Good luck with the work, Cordy. If it weren't for you and Angeline challenging me that one night--I never would have posted at all. You are a good friend and hope to meet you before the end of 2003! Hugs--AA

 

[Cordelia]

I'll buy you a beer, AA....

And, Magnolia... of course I liked it. Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it.

And spell-check will not correct words that are spelled correctly, but mis-used. I learned that the hard way! That's why I have someone else look at it.

Keep writing both of you!


Cordelia

 

[Mythos50]

Excellent work, alwaysawake. Didn't I tell you you could craft words? Now you'll listen to me maybe?

And I noticed you got an "H" along with the "E" - good job!

So it looks like I am the one who'll get stuck with all the Tangled Fluorescences if they post tomorrow! Luckily, I have the day off and may even be able to get to it earlier.

I wanted to mention the lovely poem Rothschild by Magnolia13. Despite one typo (have someone look over it, sweetie! I always do...), it is a sweetly tender poem. Keep writing hon!

And, Mythos..... I noticed.

Cordelia

Thank you, Cordelia, for noticing I hope it was received in the spirit intended.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Originally posted by Star At Sunrise at another soon to become silly thread

Hi everyone. Some really great poems today. I’m going to review a few, if you don’t mind. I was reading the new poems list and got carried away. I didn’t read before posting, so some of these were probably already mentioned. If they were, they’re good enough to be mentioned twice! I hope my mad HTML skillz don't let me down here.

I wish it was possible to mention them all, but here are a few poems from Feb 20 that caught my eye.

~~~~

make it real by silken dreammaid

write one word
find another,
you have begun.

I thought the creative process is captured nicely here. Anyone who doodles and still writes poetry longhand should identify. I liked this poem a lot. One of three poems by silken dreammaid that I found especially memorable.

~~

Domination by paul c

Creative and original form. I thought this created a brilliant word pattern on the paper. You can kind of read and absorb the poem through your peripheral vision.

(And just to let you know, I somehow spelled "peripheral" right without using spellcheck!!! Wow!)

~~

A Thought On Compromise by Mythos50

Nice and short, the last word makes the whole poem work! Good job!

~~

Tangled Fluorescence by JUDO by JUDO

Sublime imitation, wrapped with pixel haunt
Like her fingertips, playing some neuron buzz,
But blue mist pulses pretty at Sappho's pool;
Perfect algorithms for the perfect fool.

Holy crap! That’s some kick ass imagery! Great, JUDO!

~~

Awakening by finestsilk

Yellow fingers of the morning

Zig and Zag across the sky

All the birds have started singing

Bloating the morning with their cries

I’m glad I didn’t skip this one! Now THIS is poetry! Clever structure (would have made a GREAT contest) and some incredible lines inside. One of my favorites of the day.

~~

Lover Sleep by 03sp

went along, down low
into the fatty shadows

and

best held ideas are inner and allowed to leak
and run on those sudden days, waving.

Just an excellent poem. What else can you say?

~~

We're Fucking Through! by IcumIst

Fucking bitter? Oh, yeah, you bet,
But you ain't seen nothing, Fucking yet!

Probably my favorite poem of the day! It just makes me grin every time I read it. I love the power of the anger, yet it still retains humor and style. Icum1st, will you be my 2004 Valentine? I promise I’ll let you cum first!

~~

An Ode To Spike Milligan by Awen

The words from my knee
Said fiddle dee dee
The words from my toe
Were way to slow
And were not heard
Until a quarter to tea

I thought the part I quoted above was a great progression of lines. Good work, Awen!

~~

Watching The Daylight by blue dolphin

I liked the simple, direct message, and I’m such a sucker for the spacing at the ending.

~~

Cries in the Night by DreamCatcherPoet

A horror verse? Chilling and scary, in BWL’s familiar style. Good!

~~

Puppies First Fright by DreamCatcherPoet

This was nice too. I can imagine it thrilling a young reader. If this poet keeps on writing, he’ll have a pretty sizable book of poetry.

~~

What is left? by silken dreammaid

only bone without
our covering gift
of perceived shame.

Another scary poem! Is it Halloween already? This one is really excellent, thought provoking. Just the right length.

~~

Tangled Fluorescence by silken dreammaid

Water bloated balloons
blob in endless undulations.
Fringes wafting with
tenticular threads
of water driven lace.

All the poems in the "Tangled Fluorescence" group were great, but finally someone gets the jellyfish image! And "water driven lace?" Incredible choice of words. I wish I had thought of it!

~~

A Virgin's Tale by machoman

Wow! That’s a erotic poem you don’t see everyday, do you? What effort must have been put in by machoman. Great work.

~~~~

Boy, all of you who review on a regular basis, I take my hat off to you. This is a lot of work! But reading all these cool, creative poems are worth it!

Again, there are tons and tons of other great poems I read today and didn’t mention and wish I could have. All of you poets are an inspiration. Thanks!

 

[Mythos50]

~~

A Thought On Compromise by Mythos50

Nice and short, the last word makes the whole poem work! Good job!

~~

Thank you, Star At Sunrise for your feedback.

And Thank you, Lauren the cross-eyed one?! for providing placing post properly or is it for posting in proper provided place? I always get my Ps and Qs mixed up.

Quickly quitting query...

 

[Blue Dolphin]

Thank you

Watching The Daylight by blue dolphin

I liked the simple, direct message, and I’m such a sucker for the spacing at the ending.

Much appreciated Star
BD

 

[Guest]

thank you for mention LH.(I mean Star At Sunrise)
That one is special to me too for several reasons.

 

[Cordelia]

okay

Since it's my day, and since there were SIXTY-FOUR new poems posted, I wanted to thank Star at Sunrise for his help.

I read all the new poems. Really.

First, I encourage you all to go and read the delightful interpretations of Tangled Fluorescence.

Tangled Fluorescence by by Angeline ©
Tangled Fluorescence by rainbows end ©
Tangled Fluorescence by JUDO ©
Tangled Fluorescence by Mythos50 ©
Tangled Fluorescence by OT ©
Tangled Fluorescence by Rybka ©
Tangled Fluorescence by Cordelia ©
tangled fluorescence by silken_dreammaid ©
Tangled Fluorescence by 03sp ©
Tangled Fluorescence by Lauren.Hynde ©
Tangled Fluorescence by WickedEve ©

All of these are worth a read. I was impressed with the variations and clever interpretations of that wonderful title.

***************
One of my favorite poets made a good showing today (as if this day was different!). Go read the delicious poems of silken_dreammaid:

make it real
What is left?

***************
And the poignant Shot by WickedEve.

Aching... haunting...

***************
And another favorite, 03sp offers us these word treats.

oscillations
Lover Sleep

***************
And a fine offering from a brand new poet:

Devil's Road by Eumenides ©

An excerpt:

The hollowed blue of nightly sky
The stars dancing in blurry sight
Are nothing more than landscape

Great to read out loud, and some fine images. Welcome! And keep writing...

***************
There were several offerings by Awen, but the one that caught my attention was Skin Deep

A nice rhythm that really brought the message of the poem to the surface.

***************
Also, quite a few offerings from SFX3295. The one that I enjoyed reading most was Revile Goodbye.

I think this poet has some potential. Keep writing and come here if you need feedback. There are some fine poets here... Really.

I must also mention that SFX3295 has some great titles. Karmadog would have a field day with titles that made me grin, like Dial 976-POEM, What do you mean too needy?, and Butterfly Sweets.

***************
I am sure there were some I liked and neglected to mention, including a couple from Magnolia13 (who, I might add, is showing us what a fine poet she is).

But my eyes are crossing.

Feel free to add any I may have missed.

And go read!! (Gah! I hope my links are all correct...)


Cordelia

 

[JUDO]

Thanks for the wonderful mentions, Lauren and Cords. And hats off to all the Tangled Poets who glowed in thought at the challenge.



- Judo

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thank you for the kind mention, Cordelia and hopes you keep enjoying them.


silken

 

[Angeline]

February 21, 2003

These poems caught my eye today.

Stir by Cordelia

uttering more than clichés
melody in key of vowels
is that the secret sung in swallowed “yes?”

Up to my smile in seamless grasp

pulling more of you inside than body
buttered obsession
did you give warmth your name?


A series of images leading to questions describe a lover’s sense of her lover. Nice erotic poem from Cordelia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
away alone by 03sp

the indication
the invitation is
iridescent and irresistible

moan a moan
for yourself
again and report

One of a group--all good, too--submitted today by 03sp. I guess when you’re away, you need to report back, but I want a report on that iridescence which, I suppose, obviates the need for a night light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wave Length by Lauren.Hynde

some say the wind
won't be back to this beach
so soon, unable to breach
the opaque wall of algae
and with no wind,
essence of lightness,
of all aerial progression,
all dance will cease


My pick of the day, even if it is by my good friend Lauren. This poem is stark on one hand in its singular image of a couple dancing on a beach, and yet it’s richly sensual in the sights, sounds--and even the smell of sea air--that it evokes. Lauren is writing spectacular poetry these days (not that she wasn’t always good), and this is no exception.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
gender entry by 03sp

some come crashing in
crushing bushes
smashing candelabras
lit with dreams

others smell like flowers
infecting sinus and tear ducts
the pollen of offspring tainted
leaving footprints unscrubable from our genes

maybe next life,
a love so sweet
working up good sweat
for building bridges, sculpting tunnels

Sometimes 03sp produces a poem that just seems to perfectly balanced between sweetness and profundity (I know you’re reading this sp, thinking wtf is she talking about, but I don’t care). This is such a poem for me, questioning how and when we find love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paradise Found by Blue Dolphin

Paradise found
in a dream that dared to tread
with soulful steps on the winsome way
walked by
in a whisper of decibels low

Did I hear it, turn again
listen loud to the waking of moments
tendrils of the mind that touch
their fingers wrap my soul
as the mist of fade does gently glow
with the sunrise of new day

This is one of a group of new poems submitted today by Blue Dolphin, all of which I like. In this piece, Blue (one of the more underrated poets here IMHO) plays subtly with word choice and alliteration, creating a sense of delicacy that fits the theme well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For Maitre by Kindrell

Prove to me you are not mine and I can go forever
or draw your line over me and resign you I will never...
Whisper to kneel and avow 'your minx, slut, femme-fatale subrosa
Take me, forsake me, but make me the subfighter minx aphrodisia
Mend me - break me, heal me then rape me,
thrill me, Try to escape me...
...delighted in our pain as we ache

I might have broken the lines a bit differently were this my poem, but I love this new writer’s facile way with words and the emphatic quality of this poem.

 

[Guest]

angeline

Profundity
indeed.
My ass.
A sweet kiss
is like a new '57 Chevy
if that's what turns you on.

WTF = when truth is frivolous

not to be confused with MILF

and Thank you

 

[Angeline]

Profundity
indeed.
My ass.
A sweet kiss
is like a new '57 Chevy
if that's what turns you on.


At the time I read it, it felt profound...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Thank you, Ange. For the mention and the help you gave me polishing it.


Also, I've been getting thank you notes both here and in my mail box for yesterday's reviews. I'd like to point out that it was Star at Sunrise that did it in another thread, I simply brought his reviews to the proper place. I'll be forwarding the thank you notes to him.

 

[Cordelia]

Thank you, Angeline.

I finally wrote one. I told you I would.

Thank you for the kind words.

Whew



Cordelia

 

[OT]

I finally wrote one. I told you I would.

and we all noticed

(no, no, we're not staring. really, we're not

 

[Magnolia13]

thanks

Thank you, Cordelia, for your kind mention.
~Magnolia

 

[Lauren Hynde]

February 22nd, 2003

New Poetry. You know the drill. Read, send feedback, vote.

The ones that caught my attention, out of today's 24:

-------------------------------------------------
wink poem
by 03sp ©

long stepping through this real dream
across path, stream,
through the scented wood
over knoll, poor lumpy, sad knoll

[...]

«Sometimes 03sp produces a poem that just seems to perfectly balanced between sweetness and profundity (I know you’re reading this sp, thinking wtf is she talking about, but I don’t care). This is such a poem for me, questioning how and when we find love.» -- Angeline.

This is another of those poems.

-------------------------------------------------
Headache
by silken_dreammaid ©

How sad,
the front of your face fell off.
How glad
I am not to have your headache.
Another pill,
sure, here's the water as well.
Do you think it will
help this migraine i can see in your face.

[...]

I've read this one several times, and sometimes it makes me feel sad, others I think it's hilarious. It's a great poem, brought to you by silken.

-------------------------------------------------
Cross Me Off, Please
by IcumIst ©

Now it's been almost a year,
I want it over with, my dear.
It's been lots of fun
But now I want it done.
Kaput, the end, it's over,
No longer to be your lover.
My heart squeezes as I say this,
But my head tells me I should play this
And tell you that we're through,
So I ask this favor of you -

[...]

As far as consecutive couplets go, this piece is quite good. It comes together very well, the message gets across, sometimes it is funny, most it's witt

-------------------------------------------------
and life goes on....
by guilty pleasure ©

He hadn't noticed, didn't feel -
- when did he get old?
He didn't see his children grow.
hadn't felt them fledge.

[...]

A change of pace for a poem about growth and change.

-------------------------------------------------
Befriending the Monkey
by DreamCatcherPoet ©

[...]

He gripped with claws
Deeply under my skin,
For now it had started
The pain would begin.

[...]

Come on, the title alone would make it worth a read...

-------------------------------------------------
Wild Winter Wind
by Rybka ©

Wild winter wind
whips up the hill
howls and growls
looking for the kill.

[...]

A short one, but very focused. I like it, interesting metaphor.

-------------------------------------------------
Through The Years Lover
by WickedEve ©

Time sifts us -
the fine falls through
leaving us thick
in the sieve.

[...]

One of my favourites of the day. Very powerful images.

-------------------------------------------------
If I could...
by Man Ray ©

If I could be an animal, a pet,
I’d like to be your cat.
A big, fat, spoilt rampant tom!
Waking you up by jumping on you,
meowing and licking your face.
You would feed me fish, steak and nibbles;
I would be the envy of all other cats.
I’d like to be your cat!

[...]

Actually, that is it. I really liked to read the first stanza, but after that, it loses freshness and it simply does not work. A message to Man Ray: keep it simple. He did the same thing in Come with me..., but there, it works a little better. Read and see what I mean.

-------------------------------------------------
Iambic Dishabille
by Angeline ©

‘Tis oft said dress is a woman’s measure,
And the reason why fashion’s slaves are born.
Yet woman unclothed is man’s great pleasure--
His passion stirred by her garments half worn

[...]

A wonderful sonnet by Angeline, and this time it even rhymes! heh-heh. Of course that Iambic title is only trying to be funny. *chuckles*

-------------------------------------------------
I Was Fantasy
by WickedEve ©

Fragile unreality
unravels
when breath
and motion
collide with same.

I was slender bending
in deepest thought,
liquid smooth
pouring over,
around.

Now full
and body,
a stream
of awkward meandering
through shy country,
over stone not yet polished.

Wade in me
then walk that field
to dry in distant place.

I was river
up there
where dreams are.

Now I'll flow
to the sea...

I just had to post the entire poem, this time. It speaks for itself. Deserves the E and deserves the L.

-------------------------------------------------

This is great. I'm in a much better mood now than I was before I read these poems.

 

[Guest]

Thank you, LH
you throw me in with excellent company today.
Give yourself one of them there little "L" thingies.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

The little "L" thingies are just to give away. I don't keep any.