new poems

[Star At Sunrise]

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback advice! You're all probably right, I sent my feedback too quickly, one right after the other. I'll try and remember to do it as I choose poems. Reviewing is hard work, but it's fun too! Hopefully I'll get to do it again someday. I'm glad I didn't piss anyone off by just going ahead and doing it. I often see people invited to mention poems that struck them.

I also appreciate Eve for mentioning poems that I neglected!

(And thanks for mentioning my poem too, Eve!)

 

[OT]

a few musings on Wednesday's posts

It'd be worth your while to go peruse the page just for the titles. I think it was one of those days when the titles promised more than the poems could deliver ... or maybe I'm just surly again.

Here's a few poems that poked me for one reason or another.

---------
Seven Sighs Of Sensual by Blue Dolphin

A pleasant read.

----------
Woman with Blue Balls by Svenskaflicka

A gentle reminder to all poets ... titles are supposed to get your attention.
(this one will get many clicks)

----------
Saliva by NorthwestRain

I'm not sure what it all means, but fun to read.
----------
A Winter's Tail by Angeline

Mostly for the line: "O cruel February!"
(I'm sick of winter)
I wondered if "tail" was a typo for "tale", but decided I like tail.

----------
Who Awoke? by tradervicx

Another one I don't understand, but like anyway.

----------

 

[Angeline]

A Winter's Tail by Angeline

Mostly for the line: "O cruel February!"
(I'm sick of winter)
I wondered if "tail" was a typo for "tale", but decided I like tail.

Thank you for the mention, o surly one for damning with faint praise. . . look for horse head at foot of bed at 3 a.m.

You know I wrote this poem in a "really sick of snow" mood after seeing GP's and your poems on the "passion" thread (and it's snowing again--sigh--as I write this). And the title is not a typo. The first lines of the poem are a takeoff on "Blow winds and crack your cheeks,"* a line from Shakespeare's King Lear, when Lear--totally insane at this point--is wandering around in a snowstorm, raving. You can relate to that at this point in our snowy NE winter, right OT? The title is another takeoff, on his play A Winter's Tale, except it's the end of winter, hence the 'tail,' and um yes I know I am insane, too......


*I considered using this quote as the title,then thought about kdog's thread and the possibilities for comment and um well no. No.

 

[pointless]

as anyone here read any of my stuff? i've been submiting a few poems here to recieve some needed criticism, but have failed to get any. if anyone has read anything i've written, please tell me what you think.

also, how the hell do you put those neat little links to here to your submissions in your signature. i tried to do it and never could get it to work.

 

[Angeline]

Hi pointless

Welcome to the poetry board. I love Lou Reed, too. And like Lou, you sound like you can't stand it any more more. lol. So here's what you do.

If you want a poem you wrote critiqued, don't create a link to it; instead, start a new thread with your poem pasted in full there, and ask for feedback. We're like lemmings to the sea (especially Rybka, but never mind that): one or more of us will roll into your thread and give you some feedback.

You may want to ask for feedback prior to posting in case you want to make any changes--it's easier than editing after your poem is posted.

If you do want to post a link to a poem or whatever, just click on the link to vb code in the Forum Rules box at the bottom of the page. That explains it, but if you still have questions (I did), feel free to ask, either here in the board--or email or pm me and I'll get the link set for you.

 

[Magnolia13]

Two Cents

Nobody asked, but here are my pennies anyway...

I liked This Attraction by linger, it neatly captures the tension of the forbidden.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=82470
And it reminds us(er, me) how delicious that fruit can be.

Magnolia

 

[Cordelia]

Magnolia,

You never have to be asked. This thread is made for those exact sorts of comments.

Thank you for bringing this poem to our attention.

We welcome this.

thank you




Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

2/27/03 poetry

Here are a few poems I found worthy of note, but go read all of them and decide for yourself.

***************
WickedEve, Siren of Lit, has a couple of lovely poems. I liked You Were Here, but found myself reading Slicker over and over. I even read it aloud several times to feel that tangible sibilance in words like, "City slick circles..."

Thank you, Eve.
***************
I smiled at the tidbit written by Sir Phoenix.

Floored

Nice little metaphor. Almost haiku-like. (Or senryu... I am too lazy to look it up)
***************
Go read Voyeur's Disbelief by Elda Furry.

Come on. You know you wanna.
***************
Our bard, 03sp, has three poems today.

wolves running near river
paper cut

but I found myself gasping in laughter at the delightful misspellings in copaceltic permutation

umm, 03sp? Wouldn't this have been more effective in tomorrow's fare?
***************
Also worth mentioning are the following:

The Liar's Pen by M.A.Thompson

A nice poem from a new Literotica poet. (Though I see he has stories posted.) Go give him feedback and encouragement.
~~~~~~~
Paradise is a Little Orange Pill by pointless

I can't say I really liked this poem, and the many typos made me wince, but there was something about it that kept me reading. Decide for yourself.
~~~~~~~
calligraphy by silken_dreammaid

Nicely understated. Very asian in its simplicity,which goes with the title...
~~~~~~~
You and... by Magnolia13

A sweet scene. Thanks.

***************

Okay. There's my two cents! Go read and smile.

Wordily,



Cordelia

 

[Guest]

Re: Crash!

. . . . .

 

[Angeline]

February 28, 2003

Dateline Northeast USA--Another Friday, another effin snowstorm. Mercifully the schools are open, saving me from yet again reaching the following heights of culture and gentility:

Kids: (Greek chorus-like) How come we can't have pancakes? You never make pancakes anymore. (Accusing stares)

Me: We don't have any Bisquick.

Kid 1: Sarah's mother makes them really good without Bisquick.

Kid 2: How come we can't have bacon? You never make bacon anymore. (Accusing stare)

Me: (Starting to lose it) No one ever knows what they want when I go shopping. Then you give me a hard time because we don't have stuff. And I have to review poems today.

Kid 1: I don't want bacon. I want sausage.

Kid 2: Why do we have to have real orange juice? Kevin's mother lets us have Sunny Delight.

Kid 1: She touched my fork! I need a new one.

Me: (Shrieking) I HAVE TO REVIEW POEMS.

Anyway.


First, the copacetic stuff.

Same Challenge #5 Rap

I love jazz; y’all know it’s true
If I can get over I sneak it on through
Put it in poems; raise it in threads
Trash talk it till it’s stuck in your heads

This challenge offered a cool proposition
I could weasel jazz into the competition!
So how did I do? How did it go?
Thirteen new poems with results below.

I read them all; they had such flow
Trippin and riding slippin and slidin

Like a yo-yo yo yo.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: 2/27/03 poetry

WickedEve, Siren of Lit, has a couple of lovely poems. I liked You Were Here, but found myself reading Slicker over and over. I even read it aloud several times to feel that tangible sibilance in words like, "City slick circles..."

Thank you, Eve.

I've been called a siren before. I think it's because I turn red, spin around and shriek when I'm aroused.
Thanks for reading my words and confessing it to everyone.

 

[Elda Furry]

Re: 2/27/03 poetry

Go read Voyeur's Disbelief by Elda Furry.

Come on. You know you wanna.

I spent 3 nights in the hoosegow after that little peeping episode of mine. I suppose I shouldn't have spied on a man of the cloth but how was I to know that he also a man of the rope, whip and chain. You just never know about people.

 

[honeysucklerose]

Thanks for the mentions. WickedEve. I hope my gore was taken with humor.

This is a nice thread. Some good reads here.


I especially liked 03sp's play with words in copaceltic permutation and linger's This Attraction.


Here's one I like from HomerPindar I don't think has been mentioned:

...Dead Poets. Bring Out Your Dead

I have to ask...lol...is there a contest to be most copacetically persuasive going on?

 

[Angeline]

Copacetic Persuasion

Copacetic Persuasion anyone? Let me count the ways!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
03sp

Evening Wear:
tight denim or relaxed khaki,
clearly males with firm cracks
and bulge and pockets full of fun,
no sharp objects or weapons unless home grown
body sprouted organically composted,
or gene researched

time for jean research
protuberance galore
the Mistress considers all
thoughtfully, in group and single
closet
interview

I don’t know who’s persuading whom in this poem, though the men certainly have a lot to offer and seem so cheerfully willing to accommodate. That’s the copacetic part. And they have such nice clothes. And genes. And jeans. And other things. . .

03sp? I am convinced after reading approximately 42,000 of your poems that no one else has your uniquely wonderful way of seeing the world. You’re pretty copacetic, you know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
American Woman

During the year of 1969
Free Love was fast and fine
Now with the STD invasion
Condoms for copacetic persuasion

Persuading with the help of er--product. Is it me, or is there something wickedly familiar about . . . Nah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angeline

Arvell Shaw is gone.
Picked up his bass
and walked syncopated
grace into the fog of time,

into insubstantial heaven,
or wherever these cats
fade off from solid,
when the last notes
slip away.

Arvell Shaw played bass with Louis Armstrong in Satchmo’s later years. I saw an interview with Arvell once--he was a big, gentle articulate guy--where he talked about Louis’ dedication to his art, even toward the end when he could barely get through a performance. Arvell started crying as he recounted this. Those people were something else, I think, and seeing them all recede from our world seems an ineffable loss to me. Or maybe they’re my definition of mortality. I just know I love writing about them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cordelia

I tango to
the ask in your twinkle

resist?
not when we fit together
like finger to texture


This persuasion is full of rhythmic movement--dance and alliteration and hope. And isn’t “fit together like finger to texture” a marvelous line?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
guilty pleasure

Perfectly placed,
Each finger plays
Rapid scales on her fretted
Strings.
Unfettered, she is flying
Aware only of the heights
She has scaled.
In silence he watches,
Orchestrating her climax and
Nurturing their passion.

I liked everything about this poem detailing a lover’s persuasion. The images are somehow delicate and vivid at once, and the poem has sly musical references scattered throughout. GP is a poet whose work I’m liking more and more. She has some great stuff on the “passion” thread, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JUDO

Fingers brush, then take hold, there to bind.
Surprised, our mouths drop. We stop and stare
In the open for all to see us, we two of a kind.

Persuaded to be who you are, unafraid! A beautiful Terzanelle on the simple act of hand-holding becomes a statement of self when written by the capable hand of JUDO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mythos50

I couldn’t do this
Though attempts with starts
Soon I stop…
Muse unstated
Coldly stubborn
Resisting steadfastly
Ploys for copasetic
Verse or rhyme,
Nor form or meter;
Style? Not a gullible
Twitch did stir.

Meanwhile Mythos50 could not persuade his muse--or so he said--but in the process wrote a persuasively sympathetic poem about not having an idea for a poem, lol.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_Land

Dampened panties cling
like iron on, only better
slick lines taut
against her valley

moans emit
from parted lips
as my lips whisper
across the hollow
of her neck

soulful sounds
deep, belly birthed
desire

_Land woooo, is it a little er warm in this poem? In any case, it’s a delight--funny and hot as Hades. You warped past persuasion into begging though, lol. (And don’t tell anybody, but I like your title better.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OT

The public OT:

I've arranged for a soak
in a warm bubbled tub,
followed by an scented oil
whole body rub.

The real OT:

I've arranged to get you naked --
we can do it in the tub.
Then we'll frolic on the bed
with a slippery oily rub.

This pair of poems had me laughing out loud--They’re the poetic equivalent of the comic book characters who say one thing and then, in a “thought blurb” reveal themselves. So in version 1 you sweetly persuade to get what you really want as described in version 2, and then everything is copacetic. These poems are great OT, and a refreshingly different approach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rybka

*** eight minutes later ***

Bell dropped out
only Belson now
exciting drum solo
extended
fascinating perfection

Copacetic Percussion

*** eighteen minutes drummed away ***

Duke and crew wandered back on stage
on the beat
as if they never left
picked up the piece
let Cat close out the number.

Copacetic perfection



Much as I loved all these poems, I think Rybka’s is my pick for the day. I wish I could show the spacing correctly because it is definitely part of the piece’s appeal. The story itself is quite amazing : An 18-minute drum solo by the great Louis Bellson, not to mention the events leading up to it, and what almost sounds like a legendary “cutting contest.” The coup de grace though is the way form underscores content, giving the reader a sense of time as well as the rhythm of the music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
silken_dreammaid

With threats of love
and promises of hate
you have nagged and
committed your life to me.

Invasive, insidious
in your quest,
you have used
everything you can.

The hugs strangled,
the weals healed eventually
as did the muscles pulled
and the lovebite bruises.

The allergies disappeared
as soon as the flowers died
and medication keeps the
sugar overdoses controlled.

A poem full of the powerful imagery I’ve come to associate with silken-dream maid’s work. Painful in this case, too--to my thinking, there is a world on meaning in phrases like “The allergies disappeared/as soon as the flowers died.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star at Sunrise

Renoir, Degas, and Grandma Moses
they all began to tap their toeses
in my girl’s eyes I found myself gazin’
and she was copacetic to my persuasion

Concentric exultation
Fantastic vibration
Electric invasion
Undulation copulation

Art rock and sexy persuasion! Star baby! I am in love with this poem. I hear the music you muh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wicked Eve

When bend of lewd suggestion
and auburn swept pillows
cease to entice
then a .38 special can be
copacetic persuasion.

Whatever you say O Wicked one. You are copacetic and I’m persuaded. Just put down the .38 special. Oh I love “auburn swept pillows’--what a great line. And um is your last name Corleone?

 

[_Land]

All of the reads were indeed enjoyable, and Rybkas, was in MHO one of the best, wish I had known a little sooner, I might have had time to think a little more on this challenge



_Land

 

[Mythos50]

Angeline, Thank you

For your kind review and feedback

I truly enjoyed reading yours and all of persuasions.

 

[pointless]

thanks for the mention ,cordelia. sorry about the typos. i just reread it myself and even i winced. i'm not a very good self-editor. that, and it's rarely a good idea to write(type) while intoxicated. those are my only two excuses. feel free to make some up for me. i'd appreciate it.

 

[Rybka]

Copacetic Percussion

Copacetic Persuasion anyone? Let me count the ways!
...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rybka
...Much as I loved all these poems, I think Rybka’s is my pick for the day. I wish I could show the spacing correctly because it is definitely part of the piece’s appeal. The story itself is quite amazing : An 18-minute drum solo by the great Louis Bellson, not to mention the events leading up to it, and what almost sounds like a legendary “cutting contest.” The coup de grace though is the way form underscores content, giving the reader a sense of time as well as the rhythm of the music.
...

Thanks Angeline (and kdog, and Mythos50 on the other thread) for the kind mentions.

It was an amazing evening. I went because my friend raved that Cat Anderson was the best trumpeter around; that he could hit high notes that no one else could.
We got there early and sat on the center isle seats, maybe 15 rows back. The orchestra took the stage first, set and tuned up while the audience settled down. Finally The Duke took the stage, looked at the audience, his orchestra, and said, "Copacetic." (He really did!) He seated himself at the piano (left front part of the stage), nodded, and the concert began.
During the course of the evening all the musicians were featured as soloists, but the number I still remember as if were only last week was Skindeep. It started with the entire orchestra playing, but gradually sections dropped out and wandered offstage to stand in the audience smoking and watching those remaining on stage. Duke left the stage first, wandered about the audience, and finally ended up standing right next to us, smoking as he watched.
I think the brass was next to take a break, then the reeds. Finally only Aaron Bell on bass and Louis Belson on drums were left on the stage. The played together for quite some time, ending with Louie using the bass strings as a drum while Aaron supplied the fingering. I had never heard anything like it before!
Then Belson went back to his kit and Bell took a break and left him alone on stage.
For the next 18 minutes (Charlie had looked at his watch.) he gave a display of percussion virtuosity that you had to see to believe! - Oh Yah, stick twirling and tossing of course, but the timing of the percussive syncopation and its effect I simply cannot describe. I just don't have the words.
Maybe 14 or 15 minutes into Louie's exhibition the other musicians began to trickle back on stage. The Duke was the last one there, flipped his tails as he sat, and with no obvious signal the entire orchestra joined back in as if they had never stopped playing!
As the piece continued they began to drop out again until this time it was Louie, Aaron, and Cat. The bass stopped, then the drum finally took a break, and a high trumpet solo finished out the number.
It was a night to remember, truly a Copacetic Concert.

(By the way, it took me one full day to get the spacing to almost display as I wanted.)

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Guest]

Thank you Angeline, for your kind words.

Did anyone notice that it is an acrostic?

Well, done everyone who participated, it's the best challenge yet, and remember how we groaned? Well, I did, I admit it.

 

[Angeline]

GP said:

Did anyone notice that it is an acrostic?

Duh.

I did now.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks Angeline (and kdog, and Mythos50 on the other thread) for the kind mentions.

And thank you for the poem and for sharing the story. Memories like that are priceless. When I was a little girl, my father and aunt took me to see Nureyev dance (growing up near NYC had some big advantages). It was a similar experience--just amazing. When Nureyev leapt, he looked like he was flying (at least to a little kid, it did). The audience of New Yorkers were cheering, whistling, and stamping their feet like they were at a baseball game. I still get goosebumps remembering.

 

[WickedEve]

Thanks Angeline. That was my "pleasure me or I'll pull the trigger" poem.

 

[OT]

Re: Copacetic Persuasion

The public OT:
The real OT:

we thank you

 

[OT]

Did anyone notice that it is an acrostic?

i noticed

 

[Mythos50]

Thank you Angeline, for your kind words.

Did anyone notice that it is an acrostic?

I have to admit I am on Angeline's side of this ledger. Which side of ledger were you on, Cordelia?