new poems

[Rybka]

new poems on 3/09/03

Sunday brings us 33 new poems. This was expected since yesterday held so few.
Maybe I am just a grumpy fish this morning, but I find little of exceptional interest today. To my eye, even the works of our regular contributors are, for the most part, only average for them. But these are only the thoughts of an odd fish. Please feel free to jump in the water and add to the list those poems that caught your attention.
Here are three that I thought rose above the rest:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Supplicant by samadhi ©

I am bound with honeyed embers
that slowly stitch beneath the skin
seeking to weave your mark
into tender hidden places
...

For an erotic poem this one if pretty good. I especially like this first stanza.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My choice for the day is jazm49's The Blacksmith

...
I dreamed I approached his shop at twilight
as his heavy hammer made the anvil sing
and entered the deeper dark
to watch as he, my uncle, naked to the waist,
illuminated by the forge's glowing coals,
beat his body's fleeting wisdom into iron.
...

And I love these lines...

Damaged,
one leg shorter than the other,
he walked with a flawed magnificence.
...

This is a wonderful poem of homage.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OK, OK. Here is the mandatory 03sp poem of the day.
Just Never Mind

...
I adore a friendly back space key
life is not poetry
straight lines up and down
horizontal melt
cookies for the kids
a look seen
...

For some reason I seem to prefer 03sp's longer poems.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[OT]

Re: new poems on 3/09/03

Maybe I am just a grumpy fish this morning, but I find little of exceptional interest today. To my eye, even the works of our regular contributors are, for the most part, only average for them. But these are only the thoughts of an odd fish. Please feel free to jump in the water and add to the list those poems that caught your attention.

Just as you are in a grumpy fishy mood, I must be in a good wooden mood this morning.
(sorry for that line, really )

It's rare to find erotic poems here, and this morning I thought there were a couple very nice ones.

----------
This one from the WickedOne works on many levels.
Great title! ... Erotic images.
What I liked best was the
ignoring of the real and insisting on contrived eroticism message.

Leg Over Leg by WickedEve

----------
I enjoyed this one from Silken very much too.
(what's not to like about an erotic poem that starts with a circus motif?) But I liked the end the best:

sharing
the softening time, til I whisper,
"Do that again."

Poetry is all about subtly and imagery.
The use of "Do that again" creates a completely different tone and image than
ending on the expected, blah "lets do that again".
Do that again. by silken_dreammaid

----------
and this one(although the spacing and punctuation put me off a bit) had a nice earthy feel to it.
"I so wanted to touch
what you touched
to feel what I could see
an outline evident
tracings of you"
Through Denim by body_parts

 

[Guest]

My Dear Rybka

Thank you.
I adore a space bar almost as much.
Weird music in those joints.
One time I fell out of one only to land on dog.
He was heading for the bowling alley so I tagged along.
He met some woman with three pretty friends.
So, I had to ask around to get a ride home.

 

[Rybka]

The Blacksmith by jazm49

The Blacksmith by jazm49 ©

Is it just me?

The more I read this eulogy the more I like it.
Somebody else please comment.

I think this poem is one of the best non-erotic 'homage' poems I have ever read on Lit. Am I wrong? If so, direct me to the submissions that are better. If not, please read this poem and give it a 5 vote.

If jazm49 can continue to write with such skill, he will become the equal of many of our regular posters.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Rybka said:

The Blacksmith by jazm49 ©

Is it just me?

The more I read this eulogy the more I like it.
Somebody else please comment.

I think this poem is one of the best non-erotic 'homage' poems I have ever read on Lit. Am I wrong? If so, direct me to the submissions that are better. If not, please read this poem and give it a 5 vote.

Not just you at all, Rybka. When I read jazm49's Jazz on Friday, I thought this is a very gifted poet (which I believe I said--or something to that affect--in my feedback to him ).

When I read a poem about music and hear it, I know the poet *feels* language in the same instinctive sure way I imagine gifted musicians or visual artists hear and see, respectively, their art. Look:

"fiery ripples of piano notes"

"saxophone
muttering like a drunk lost in a dark alley
piano like rain "


And, as you pointed out, there are phrases in the blacksmith poem that are amazingly good:

"beat his body's fleeting wisdom into iron"

"part clown, part philosopher,
partly brilliant, partly dunce,
huge-hearted, raging bear,
sublime and silly all at once."

Wonderful!

So I read all his posted poems. I recommend them all--like all the best poets I have read here some are better than others but they're all at least quite good. And some are unbelieveably good, lol. I think my favorite (ok after Jazz) is Letter Home, a real tour de force!

Have we embarrassed you sufficiently jazm49? Enticed you to these boards? Write more poems! Please!

 

[Cordelia]

I just wanted to make a note to all of you to go and read this work by a new poet. I really liked this poem.

Oppenheimer Girl by Affirmation

An excerpt:

She dreams in screams
Dresses to be killed
Reconstructed on the T.V.
She kisses pornographically
Without pleasure
Brightly lit

A wonderful read. I hope we can get to hear more from this poet.

~~~~~~~
Also, two poems that made me grin:

Spiders Of The Bouffant by WickedEve

artichokes, 1964 by 03sp

~~~~~~~

Thanks for the day-brightener, poets.


Cordelia

 

[WickedEve]

The spiders and I thank you, Cordelia.

I'll be back later with what's new and what's exciting to read.

 

[WickedEve]

3-11

The first poem on the list is Indifference of Stephanie by Evendur_Dundragon© It's a poem on the 11th with its date for the 12th. If you're in the mood for a nice and brief poem you may want to check this one out.

-----

Answer
by Chicklet ©

If you're a chick fan and you want some audio with your poetry, check out Answer.

-----

This next poem needs some work to shape it up. It mostly reads like prose, but there is some potential in this piece that makes it worth a mention.

the lover from across the room
by catastrophe ©

and when he comes
with my hands in his unruly hair
because his face was too beautiful
too intense
to be unmemorable

afterwards
I lay on the stage where we made love
he stands up
walks across the room
picks up my sketchbook
and draws me
naked
tousled by his hands

a page to preserve the memory
of the lover from across the room

-----

This next poem is lovely and smooth.

Morningsong
by Angeline ©

and I understand
that tiny secrets of world

lead to your bed
and the quiet heart
of your skin

-----

I may not be that crazy about all the words choices for this poem, but something about the way this poet presents them makes me think that B-Lush could one day offer us some very interesting poetry.

touch
by B-Lush84 ©

Smother out my hair
Placing your fingers
Just in between there

Touch.
Lush
Until I blush.

Wetness,
Blanket of cum
Inside my sex
Warm and tight

He paints it white
He paints it white.

Pure.

-----

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 03sp time and blast off!

always time
by 03sp ©

I want too much,
then thought

that is not
too much
for slender
voice and touch

heat and cold
by 03sp ©

pitch, nibble, sway
to the rush of water
3 or 4 minutes away

tumbling down
slight grade
toes in pink

a hand reaching
is ran past
all life follows

I simply enjoyed both of these and I think you will too. Thanks again, sp.

-----

Shout My Name!
by Rybka ©

The only thing I will say at this point is Read It. I need to roll it around in my mind a few more times. I'm not sure how I feel about this poem. But it's definitely worth a read. So please do.

 

[Rybka]

Re: 3-11

Shout My Name!
by Rybka ©

The only thing I will say at this point is Read It. I need to roll it around in my mind a few more times. I'm not sure how I feel about this poem. But it's definitely worth a read. So please do.

Thanks for the mention, WE.
Angeline sent me feedback saying that she loved the flow of the read, but wasn't sure of the meaning. - I don't really think it is very complex, or at least I never meant it to be. I wasn't trying for 03sp or S.J. complexity.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Wicked Eve said:


This next poem is lovely and smooth.

Morningsong
by Angeline ©

and I understand
that tiny secrets of world

lead to your bed
and the quiet heart
of your skin

Thank you for the mention, dear Wicked one. My poem is yet another "derived' one (this time from a poem by Kenneth Rexroth), but also indicates my yearning for winter to END already--I so want spring.

P.S. and thank you Mythos for the feedback and the great catch--"in inscrutable.. ." ouch! I'm changing "in" to "with" in my file copy of it.

 

[Guest]

Thank you, Eve

That is very special encouragement.
Now I have to nail my sleeping bag to the beam and vacuum it.

 

[Cordelia]

I wasn't sure who was supposed to do Monday, 3/10/03.

I mentioned the few I liked that I had time to read. I didn't get to read them all. If no one is going to read them, I'll go back and go through them. (I hate to think anyone got left out!!)

Let me know.



Cordelia

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Monday's Judo day, so it's pretty much open for anyone's suggestions... I wouldn't mind doing it myself once in a while, but this week didn't have time.

Go ahead, Cord. I'm sure you'll do a great job.

 

[Angeline]

Monday's Reviews

I had offered to do them if no one else picked them up Cordie, but didn't make it yesterday for various reasons. If you want to pick it up, I'll be most grateful.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

We could rotate Mondays between us.

Eve, OT, Cord, Angeline, me and Rybka, if everyone's up to it. If Cordie does this week, Ange would do next and I would do the following and so forth...

 

[darkmaas]

aprendo a bailar

In the chaos surrounding Monday, the following got missed:

aprendo a bailar
by Cordelia


Although it is bilingual, it's no more tricky than one of Rybka's word puzzles. Get out your babelfish. Enjoy the heat that oozes from the screen.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Amazing. Thank you darkmaas. I'd seen that poem in the wam-scan-thank-you-ma'am thread and it really caught my attention, but I hadn't noticed Cordie had submit it already. It's a great poem:

aprendo a bailar
by Cordelia ©

necesito los zapatos
that can hip
your eyes this direction

whipped mambo
served calientado
frosted in frenzy

bedroom your way to doblado

[...]

 

[Angeline]

Rotating Monday Reviews

That works for me Lauren. Good idea.

 

[WickedEve]

I don't mind helping with Mondays but someone will have to remind me. I'm always forgetting my tues. I'm old and I need a string around my finger, though I'll forget why it's there.

 

[OT]

I'm always forgetting my tues. I'm old and I need a string around my finger, though I'll forget why it's there.

Thanks, now I can't get this image out of my head of a naked old lady in a walker, who slips on the tube of lube, and croaks "Help. I've fallen and I can't get it up."

 

[JUDO]

We could rotate Mondays between us.

Eve, OT, Cord, Angeline, me and Rybka, if everyone's up to it. If Cordie does this week, Ange would do next and I would do the following and so forth...

See? It takes six of you to do my work! Ha, just kidding. You guys are doing great (even if you didn't mention my meager poems for the last week).

Take it day-by-day. I found doing one day a week was good for me, and plenty of work.

:kisses to all:

- Judo

PS - Lauren, nice as... AV!

 

[Cordelia]

Poems 3/10/03

Besides the poems I mentioned earlier, be sure to check out the following poems:
~~~~~~~
Tears of the Burning Bed by JUDO

A steamy sonnet worth reading. It made me sweat.
~~~~~~~
morsel me, constrict by 03sp

How could you not want to read a poem with a title like that? Another one making me sweat.
~~~~~~~
And another poem by a newer poet:

Recipe for Happiness #37 by linger

I read it several times. It has a lot of really great lines, and I love the ending. However, I still haven't decided if I like it.
~~~~~~~


There you go.

Thanks for waiting.

And thanks for the mention of my poem. I enjoyed writing it.

darkmaas...the feedback was great. I wanted to respond, but you didn't leave an email address.

Anyone wanting translations, feel free to email or PM me.


Cordelia.

 

[catastrophe]

Thanks for the mention wickedeve... On the shaping up issue, I think I'm always hesitant to let an editor near my poetry, but write it as I like it so don't always fiddle with it too much... And yes, my free verse is usually somewhat prose like... Just the way I am... But thanks again... Seems like so few people read the poetry... *smile*

xoxo
cat

 

[Cordelia]

Amazing. Thank you darkmaas. I'd seen that poem in the wam-scan-thank-you-ma'am thread and it really caught my attention, but I hadn't noticed Cordie had submit it already. It's a great poem:

aprendo a bailar
by Cordelia ©

necesito los zapatos
that can hip
your eyes this direction

whipped mambo
served calientado
frosted in frenzy

bedroom your way to doblado

[...]

Thank you thank you, Lauren!


Oh my goodness, I got an "L"

My life is complete.


Cordelia

 

[OT]

random thoughts for march 12th new poems

A very wordy Wednesday. Just about everything that I read today seemed like it could have benefited from some pruning.

--------------------
I'm sure there is a poem in this one somewhere. It paints a pleasant-enough scene, but it feels like prose without punctuation.
A Blanket On The Ground by body_parts

--------------------
Another one too wordy for my tastes, but I liked the theme of how body-language and simple/practical acts can be (rightly or wrongly) interpreted.
A Matter of (Physical) Love by NeoQuaid

-------------------
This one too, seemed a bit wordier than maybe it ought to be, but who can resist the line: "Poppy scent somniferous".
Somnus by silken_dreammaid

-----------------
Maybe a cross between "Harper Valley PTA", "Take This Job and Shove It", and perhaps some "Thelma and Louise" sprinkled on top.
It rambles (just a bit), but I like the feel and intensity.
My favorite line is "...Predictions weary me..." What a nice expression of exasperation.
Muse Grows Up by Angeline

-----------------
Disclaimer:
My only qualifications for reviewing poetry is a willingness to type in public.
If you see something you like - jump in here and say so (with at least a snippet as to why you like it).
Beleive it or not, you can even like (and mention) your own. It's OK... really it is.