new poems

[WickedEve]

Re: new poems of 3/16/03

Thanks Judo for making the rest of us suck.

 

[Guest]

Re: new poems of 3/16/03

Rybka, please tell me what I missed?

Since I mentioned 03sp's Prodigal of Blue blue yesterday...

 

[WickedEve]

Rybka:
But the ones I liked best were by 03sp, Lauren.Hynde, American Woman, guilty pleasure, and OT
--------------------------------------
Cordelia:
And Rybka....I don't recall 03sp posting a "Prodigal of Blue" poem...yet.
--------------------------------------
Rybka:
Oops! You are right. - Hey somebody out there, your poem was SO good that I mistook it for an 03sp poem!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I had had the priviledge of reading both Judo's and Angeline's Prodigal of Blue poems before they were ready and posted, so I knew this would happen. They are up there with the best I've read not only in Lit but anywhere, and if Laurel has inexplicably decided not to give both of them Es, I'd surely put them in any of my top lists.


My little Ls aren't working now, but you have'em.

 

[WickedEve]

I had had the priviledge of reading both Judo's and Angeline's Prodigal of Blue poems before they were ready and posted, so I knew this would happen. They are up there with the best I've read not only in Lit but anywhere, and if Laurel has inexplicably decided not to give both of them Es, I'd surely put them in any of my top lists.


My little Ls aren't working now, but you have'em.

I don't think we will ever solve the mystery of the E.

I want to give them little Ws.

 

[Rybka]

Challenge Poems - Mia Culpa

Rybka, please tell me what I missed?

Rybka wrote

O.K. Of the poems already posted. here are my choices for 4x4x8ies challenge "Prodigal of Blue". All were a "5" 0r at least a "4". But the ones I liked best were by 03sp, Lauren.Hynde, American Woman, guilty pleasure, and OT . This was an excellent challenge. All the entries were very good (or perhaps we are all starting to respond more seriously to these challenges.)!

Somehow I attributed one of the poems to you. Sorry about that! I did enjoy your late submission (I was early.) but Judo's blew (Hee, Hee) everyone else away!

How do you delete a poem? My Prodigal Blue doesn't belong in the same forum as Judo's mistresspiece.

Rereading the Prodigal of Blue poems, I think I must have been thinking of 4x4x8elia's submission. Nothing else I didn't mention seems at all like your style. However, Maybe I got confused and mentioned OT's poem twice. I must say upon rereading, that I overlooked Sideshow_Cecil's
Prodigal of Blue offering.


Prodigal of Blue by Cordelia

Prodigal of Blue by OT

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Cordelia]

Rybka,

As I mentioned in the other thread, I thought your Prodigal Blue poem was amazing.

Don't delete it!

I added the new submissions to the list in the other thread, too. What a group of poems! I really enjoyed reading them all.

Thanks to all who participated.

Who's next?


Cordelia

 

[Rybka]

Rybka,

As I mentioned in the other thread, I thought your Prodigal Blue poem was amazing.

Don't delete it!
...
Cordelia

So how come it only has two votes and an average of 2.67? (And how is that possible??)

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[JUDO]

Re: Re: new poems of 3/16/03

Thanks Judo for making the rest of us suck.

My intention entirely. You know how much I like it when you suck, Wicked.

Rybka, now that the awe on my face has subsided from your glowing review ("tiny" indeed). I have to thank you. Rarely has another poet complimented a work of mine so completely.

:big fishy kiss:


- Judo

 

[Angeline]

Great Blues

I too had the pleasure of seeing JUDO's bow to West Coast jazz pre-posting so I knew this reception was coming. I do want to comment though on how much I liked all the poems because I think we are, collectively, getting stronger all the time.

A few special mentions:

I loved 03sp's version, especially the ending:

good nights for sleeping with eyes open
spilling blue, holding the wind to promises
it howls back in our faces
now pressed together as a single breath

Lauren wrote a very strong piece, too, I thought. Another great last stanza:

Fluid memories, a brocade of ashes,
indigo unrealities in me undulating:
king in exile, vagabond in a siren's dream
of the sweet blue of East and sapphires.

And Cordelia, who writes the most wonderfully visual poems--really, I feel as if I'm seeing a beautiful painting when I read a poem by her--is to be commended for her poem:

sunsets
from the 12th floor
forgotten with
touch
drop
curl

the purple flowers
were bubbles
in the oxygen of wonder

and for coming up with a very inspiring title!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Great Blues

Lauren wrote a very strong piece, too, I thought. Another great last stanza:

Fluid memories, a brocade of ashes,
indigo unrealities in me undulating:
king in exile, vagabond in a siren's dream
of the sweet blue of East and sapphires.

Thank you, Ange. I apreciate the help you gave me and would like to point out the first stanza's not bad either. Well, at least there's no in dreamtime the color arc, killed by fiery gold in it.

*chuckles*

Thank you for the great challenge, Cord.

I think it'll be the last one I'll enter for a while. I intent to finish my story soon and don't want to risk any distractions. But I'll probably catch up, eventually.

 

[Guest]

thank you Angeline

it was a deep thing I felt writing that,
as I told a friend: it was like being away.
Don't know it that is good or not but am back now.
But, going away again for a few.
Hope to be back soon.

 

[WickedEve]

Tuesday 3-18-03

Let's start out with Liver Spots. The title makes me cringe slightly but since it's a poem by Rybka I knew it would most likely be good. And it is.

Liver Spots
by Rybka ©

Brown earth shows
                          through melting drifts
                                                        of frozen snow ...

-----

Just in time for upcoming Spring - a flower.

hungry flower
by silken_dreammaid ©

Deceptive innocent allure,
purity in balance, irresistable(sp)
and twisted in unseen roots.

-----

I like this next poem because it somewhat reads like one of my favorites - The Charge of The Light Brigade by Tennyson.

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns!" he said.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

A Moonless Night
by Scallywag ©

A bomber crawls into a moonless night.
All is well, all is right
Bombs fill bays, all snug and tight
All is well, all is right

Thousands cower in the night
too scared to move, too weak to fight
they try to sleep, no planes in sight
too scared to sleep, too weak to fight

-----

A quite nice acrostic poem:
To Jolina Andrea
by Scriptitius ©

N ot water flasks, but vessels of delight
A re filled in dreams and packed off in the night.

-----

Just this morning I discovered RazzRajen's ellipses-laden poetry. I found two of his newest particularly good.

Here are two excerpts from Peitschaklavin:

Stakes placed apart….
What an even distance, measured and counted….
That Stone post in the middle.
Those clanking steel manacles,

To Feed Him was her delirium….
To become Sated Together was madness,
a delicious, delightful, dysfunctional
kind of nuance that He could not place

And RazzRajen also gives us Frailties:

....a calcified fragment
empty sockets deep and glowing,
will she keep Him to use
....As Once He used her.....
Sinewy vertebrae
cracked and polished
...Articulated by machinery
to raise and lower animal hide ,
braided.....

-----

And for those who need their daily sp fix:

on a bus
by 03sp ©

an unsuspecting passenger will receive a poem
startling and affectionate
never seen on route ever again

His first stanza draws you in. It's like the beginning of a mystery. Have you sold the movie rights?

-----

Those are my picks for this last Tuesday before Spring!

I'm Wicked and I'm outta here!

 

[Rybka]

Re: Tuesday 3-18-03

Let's start out with Liver Spots. The title makes me cringe slightly but since it's a poem by Rybka I knew it would most likely be good. And it is.

Liver Spots
by Rybka ©

Brown earth shows
                          through melting drifts
                                                        of frozen snow ...

Thanks for the WE mention. That actually happened yesterday, I heard this year's first cardinal singing for a mate. Most of the ground is still snow covered, but bare spots are beginning to show. It is about 60 °F in the sun today, but it will be down to 16 °F tonight.
Oh yeah, the phrase "on the hand" should be "upon the hand".

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thanks for the mention, Eve.




silken

 

[Screaming Grace]

My tormented soul

My tormented soul
My spirit is torn
My life in my hands
I reach out to you

All you say are lies
However beautifully put
You sit down in front of me
then lie to my face.

It will be alright one day or so you say.
All I have to do is try and not to cry.
Every time I think my torture is over
You take a part from my soul

Everyone has abandoned me
so it would seem that you have too
I tell you what you want to hear
That is, I love you.
We ignore my problem

So maybe the real problem
is you.

I don't know if this works as a poem but it sounded right at the time i wrote it

S. Grace

 

[Cordelia]

Thanks for the mention, Ang!

I appreciate your words. They mean a lot coming from you.

And, since I see no one picking up Monday's poems, I may go back and read them and post a note or two,



Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

Monday 3-17-03

I wasn't going to do Monday's poems if I didn't find some terrific poems. Well, of course, I found some.

A new poet, dashboardarific, has her first poem posted here: Seduction in Penumbra

What a great title! And includes this wonderful line:

"Soft, black hair blending with midnight"

A fine first poem. Go give her feedback!
***************

My pick of 03sp's poems has to go to

turk so young

Wow. How does he keep doing that?
***************

And here's a little parody by Ms. Pierced that made me giggle: A few of my favorite things
***************

Okay. There it is. Go read and encourage.



Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

poems 3/19 and 3/20/03

SInce OT is missing in action, and since there were only 6 poems posted today, I thought I'd go ahead and mention the poems I thought worth reading from both days.


Of the dozen or more offerings from RazzRajen, I found a couple worth reading. I must say that reading so many poems of similar style (and peppered with ellipses!!!) made everything blend together and some even start to sound cliche. Having said that, I found these poems to be worth a second look:

Footfalls for the imagery

For the underscore lick girl for that great title and for the line "dulcet tones skitter on glassy window panes"

and, finally, Mine because I loved those final two lines.

***************

silken_dreammaid is starting to come back with today's lovely offering of Perception which has the lovely lines:

Silver shade of night
mocks in negative reverse.

***************

And, finally, go read Blue Dolphin's powerful anti-war poem Democracy deceived.

Blue Dolphin has a way of writing poems that have certain lines that really jump out at you. Here are the ones I kept re-reading:

[...]
kiss the night
clasp the scream
[...]

Good stuff.

***************

There it is. Go and read. And give feedback!


Cordelia

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Thank you for keeping the thread moving, Cordie. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Blue Dolphin]

Re: poems 3/19 and 3/20/03

***************

And, finally, go read Blue Dolphin's powerful anti-war poem Democracy deceived.

Blue Dolphin has a way of writing poems that have certain lines that really jump out at you. Here are the ones I kept re-reading:

[...]
kiss the night
clasp the scream
[...]

Good stuff.

***************



Cordelia

Thank you for the mention Cordelia
hugssss love

 

[Angeline]

March 21, 2003

Today is a banner day for new poems. Almost every poem there would normally make my Friday pick list, but there were a few, discussed below, that for me were the cream of the crop. Do check out the whole list though, including three nifty illustrated poems posted today. The photos are great.

reflection by silken_dreammaid

Your reflection is faster than you.
It has no second thoughts
nor distractions from perfection.

Its mirror is you, the flawed
indecisive progenitor
who sees only outside the glass.

I like silken_dreammaid's oeuvre of poetry: it's varied in subject and she writes so fluently--and I find it astonishing that she maintains the level of quality ever darn day! Today's offering though I really think is wonderful--one of her best. She works through the import of one's reflection so thoughtfully and logically and does so with the loveliest flowing language. Damn she's good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Senna Files

Here are some instructions. 1. Read [the shadow's knife] by Senna Jawa. 2. Ok, now read [your smile rides] . 3. Ok, now [in the park]. 4. Now read hi tech. 5. Amazed at how good they are? Close your mouth; you're gonna catch flies.

Senna Jawa submitted four poems that were posted today. I tried to pick a favorite for this list, but I could not because they're all so good. Three are a set, I think--they were all written on the same day (!); the fourth, a few days later.

Senna posted threads recently wherein he described his philosophy on poetry. Everyone here who is serious about writing poetry should read them. If you can't, read his poems. (Actually, do both.) Senna doesn't waste a word, and this is not because he is an economical writer, but because he is precise. He uses the least words and the simplest natural images to make his points. As if this isn't enough, he also is skilled at manipulating effect through humor and other emotion-evokers. Typically the results are stunning. Here are the excerpts from today's batch.

from [the Shadow's knife]:

i shiver

my shoulders missing the scarf
of
your full arms
*******
from [your smile rides]

a poem like a gem
should light its own aim
but for your smile
you may have it


*******
from [in the park]:

trees and birds and clouds
can be seen
in the fakir's broken glass

the fakir swallows the shards
*******

from hi tech

there are traps
people have observed
the similarities and differences
between the two halves of an ass
and of the Universe
the result was humorous not crass

or think about making love
on a table next to the open window
tall buildings seen between her spread legs
like she was delivering the city
*******

Thank you for posting these, Senna. They're a gift.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there's 03sp, the other poet at Literotica whom I think is required reading. You'll be glad to know 03 uses both sides of his brain (I always suspected as much).

There's the left side:

I suck jazz that digs
deep to the back of my
spirit skull

removes a giant scoop.
then, only then
is clarity bestowed


And then, there's the right:

hold this while I hit
it hard

hear that?
it's severe shit, man

03sp? I suck jazz with my spirit skull, too, as you know, but I'm left-handed, ergo right-brained, which according to your poem means--I think--that I should smash myself in the head with a hammer. That, frankly, sounds suspiciously like what my father said I should do when, as a child, I complained I was bored. 03sp? What does it all mean? Can that dead detective bunny dude help?

 

[silken_dreammaid]

[

reflection by silken_dreammaid

Your reflection is faster than you.
It has no second thoughts
nor distractions from perfection.

Its mirror is you, the flawed
indecisive progenitor
who sees only outside the glass.

I like silken_dreammaid's oeuvre of poetry: it's varied in subject and she writes so fluently--and I find it astonishing that she maintains the level of quality ever darn day! Today's offering though I really think is wonderful--one of her best. She works through the import of one's reflection so thoughtfully and logically and does so with the loveliest flowing language. Damn she's good!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After all of that, 'thank you' seems a bit blase, but I mean it anyway.. Thanks Angeline..

And thanks to Cordelia as well for her mention.



silken

 

[Guest]

My Dear Angeline,

Thank you so much for the mention.
Yes, Sergeant Bunny solved a very similar case. His rumination on a seminar once attended is forth coming.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

March 22th, 2003

Not a bad day for new poetry, this Saturday. The ones that impressed me the most were:

-------------------------------------------------
east
by 03sp ©

dizzy from three state lines ago
driving now with necking partner
asleep in my mirror on stretch
with no reason for reflection

[...]

east coast
by 03sp ©

there is a class on juggling
far out on a pier
it sways high on spindly
spaghetti strap (the teacher) poles

[...]

easter
by 03sp ©

[...]

try traveling with an unbalanced
juggling instructor
everything is on edge of dropping
crashing to floor or feather into arms

[...]

Angeline was right: sp should be required reading. The pieces he offered us today (including adoring a poem that is a woman and static increase) are proof of that. I especially enjoy the [sometimes not so] subtle entertwining of most of his poems, with these fantastic bridges not only linking them into an amazing body of work, but even within each of poems. The imagery and structure he always impresses in his poetry is something remarkable.

-------------------------------------------------
Release
by silken_dreammaid ©

[...]

Savouring the pinpoint light
that glazes over your eyes,
arcing my back, your lusting rictus
grin reflecting against mine.

[...]

It's never an easy task to write good erotic poetry, and silken manages to do it, keeping it fresh and definitely worth reading. And I'm so impressed by the quality of her work, never failing, day after day. Congratulations, silken.

-------------------------------------------------