new poems

[WickedEve]

Thanks for the mention Elda..
and no, I would never want war to be a ritual.

I did think it was about war but wasn't sure. I also thought it could be some sort of ritual. Anyway, very good poem.

 

[OT]

here's what to expect from today's eleven submissions.

Eve and Silken are good as usual.
Making sweat (very) erotic. sweat by silken_dreammaid
Read about Boyd, the cowardly cad. in sickness and in health till...by WickedEve

TMD and Fondelum provided some interesting reads:
Not such a fun place to be Purgatory by T.M.D
A nice rant sense & insensibility by Fondelum


Swan song Adieu mes amis by Blue Dolphin
Something in his pocket minute by oxalis
Making a list whilst sleeping The Dream by willow03
Something was stolen KCFP by tradervicx
Scary, in an odd way peer, scrape, puff, bleed by oxalis
blow by blow our first kiss by sazzle
Play by Play You & I: Complete by YoSoyJu


If you'd like to point something out about a particular poem, jump in here and say so!

 

[T.M.D.]

here's what to expect from today's eleven submissions.

Eve and Silken are good as usual.
Making sweat (very) erotic. sweat by silken_dreammaid
Read about Boyd, the cowardly cad. in sickness and in health till...by WickedEve

TMD and Fondelum provided some interesting reads:
Not such a fun place to be Purgatory by T.M.D
A nice rant sense & insensibility by Fondelum


Swan song Adieu mes amis by Blue Dolphin
Something in his pocket minute by oxalis
Making a list whilst sleeping The Dream by willow03
Something was stolen KCFP by tradervicx
Scary, in an odd way peer, scrape, puff, bleed by oxalis
blow by blow our first kiss by sazzle
Play by Play You & I: Complete by YoSoyJu


If you'd like to point something out about a particular poem, jump in here and say so!

Thank you very much for the mention
TMD

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thanks the wooden one for the mention.


silken

 

[WickedEve]

Thanks OT

It appears that most readers hated Boyd so much that they gave the poem very low scores. lol

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Most readers are obviously doofuses.

I gave it a well deserved 5, Eve.

 

[WickedEve]

Most readers are obviously doofuses.

I gave it a well deserved 5, Eve.

Thank you. Now that Molly's out of the picture, Boyd wants to know if you're available.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm always available, but I'm also feisty and heavily armed...

 

[WickedEve]

I'm always available, but I'm also feisty and heavily armed...

Boyd has reconsidered.

 

[Cordelia]

new poems 4/3/03

Since I may not be able to get to my computer tonight, I will post my review this morning. It'll be short, but I did read all the poems.

Of the 14 poems posted, here are the ones I recommend:

Fairground by silken_dreammaid - a touching nostalgia with some nice imagery.

Preacher and Wreck by PenanceS - two short poems that caught me by surprise. Nicely done!

Celia's Clipboard by T.M.D. - sadly erotic and bittersweet.

Another: To Jolina Andrea by Scriptitius - a nice rhyming acrostic. Though the second stanza disappoints after the great imagery in the first stanza... (just my opinion).

leanings by oxalis - ummm...just read it.

Now go give feedback and keep writing!



Cordelia

 

[Rybka]

Here is one I recommend today.

To my wonder, Bluete with her Wonder has given a fresh flavor to a worn out topic that almost all of us have felt the need to write about at one time or another, and usually with far less success.
Check it out. Here is a sample:

...
I think of the jokes we shared. I think of Doublemint gum, of clowns and of coconuts. I see your silly grin as you described your latest prank. I think of your music, of the incredible talent you had. When it's really difficult, I pull out that old sweatshirt you never wanted. I've worn it nearly through now, but it's you, and there's not much of that left.
...

Regards,                             Rybka

 

[T.M.D.]

Re: new poems 4/3/03

Since I may not be able to get to my computer tonight, I will post my review this morning. It'll be short, but I did read all the poems.




Celia's Clipboard by T.M.D. - sadly erotic and bittersweet.



Now go give feedback and keep writing!



Cordelia

Thank you Cordelia, for your comment.
TMD

 

[oxalis]

thank you, Cordelia

I am glad you liked my little poem.

best to you and yours

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thanks for the mention, Cord, as always..

~smiles~


silken

 

[Bluete]

Recommendation

Thanks, Rybka, for the recommendation. I'm seeing that non-erotic poetry has a much smaller audience than the rest of the site, but I was very happy to see the reaction so far to that piece.

Thanks again!

bluete

 

[OT]

Re: Boyd

It appears that most readers hated Boyd so much that they gave the poem very low scores. lol

Really?
Just for fun, I'll explain more specifically what I liked about it....

The names Molly and Boyd are unusual. Unusual in poetry is usually a good thing. The essence of this particular poem has been seen and done a million times -- using unusual/amusing names is one step towards making this telling of the tale unique.

Next are the images.
"Molly fades at the window; " I can see her standing just back from the pane. She approaches to watch the car pull from the drive, then moves back away.

"weathered boards choke on dust
as Boyd spins toward town. "

Can you see the redneck, rural setting?

"Miles vanish into dusk--
no more filching glances
in dark rear views. "

I can see Boyd leaving the guilt behind as speeds to his rendezvous.
"filching glances..." is perfect.

"A red scarf for Flo--
his girl of robust screams--
not for pale slender necks. "

It just doesn't get any better than this. "robust screams" -- is she all woman or what. "Pale slender neck" -- shrewish, plain wife Molly.

and to top it off, the last line is oh so very wicked.
The icing on the cake in painting the picture of spineless, henpecked, wimpy cad Boyd. (Molly may be a bitch too, but we'll have to wait for the next installment to see her side of the story)


Is this a perfect poem? Nah!. Is it an interesting delightful read... Yes! -- AKA, A good poem.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Boyd

Really?
Just for fun, I'll explain more specifically what I liked about it....

The names Molly and Boyd are unusual. Unusual in poetry is usually a good thing. The essence of this particular poem has been seen and done a million times -- using unusual/amusing names is one step towards making this telling of the tale unique.

Next are the images.
"Molly fades at the window; " I can see her standing just back from the pane. She approaches to watch the car pull from the drive, then moves back away.

"weathered boards choke on dust
as Boyd spins toward town. "

Can you see the redneck, rural setting?

"Miles vanish into dusk--
no more filching glances
in dark rear views. "

I can see Boyd leaving the guilt behind as speeds to his rendezvous.
"filching glances..." is perfect.

"A red scarf for Flo--
his girl of robust screams--
not for pale slender necks. "

It just doesn't get any better than this. "robust screams" -- is she all woman or what. "Pale slender neck" -- shrewish, plain wife Molly.

and to top it off, the last line is oh so very wicked.
The icing on the cake in painting the picture of spineless, henpecked, wimpy cad Boyd. (Molly may be a bitch too, but we'll have to wait for the next installment to see her side of the story)


Is this a perfect poem? Nah!. Is it an interesting delightful read... Yes! -- AKA, A good poem.

Well, thank you, OT! This is something I whipped up for a challenge on another board that doesn't quite meet the challenge, so I brought it here. I like it pretty much and when I last check the 2.50 had moved up to over a 4 average. I know scores don't mean a lot but that 2 bothered me. I didn't think it was that bad.
And thanks for giving me the idea to write Molly's side of the story.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

April 5th, 2003

17 new poems today, with offerings by 10 different authors. A special mention to NeoQuaid and Senna Jawa, with 5 and 3 poems respectively. My favourites were:

-------------------------------------------------
Gone fishing
by silken_dreammaid ©

From a mountaintop
he flies.
Soaring over seas
he glides.
Beneath his shadow
a fisherman.

[...]

I'd just like to ask silken why haven't you given this a try?

-------------------------------------------------
pre poster child
by 03sp ©

I turn off all the lights
to write this in a snow storm
on the edge of my couch
with a flashlight
at early evening before short nap
named:
Operation Collect Pieces Of
Collided Thoughts
assess damage, bury the downfallen
emotions, don ribbons
for unborn poems

[...]

It's good to see you back, sp. Thanks for the fix. Heartbreaking, but so good...

-------------------------------------------------
[splash...]
by Senna Jawa ©

splash the old aloe gel on your face
smell the summer of the other year
the sky tickled by palms
... and our palms ... and smile

My absolute favourite of the day. I know you're always lurking...

-------------------------------------------------
Anything else, refer to
Nothing Will Help
by Senna Jawa ©

 

[silken_dreammaid]

Thanks for the mention, Lauren..

Umm, I followed the link and I haven't given it a try because I've never looked at that thread before... If I do anything there, do i just tack onto the bottom, or what?




silken

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Let's talk about it there. I'll bump it up

 

[Guest]

hokey I know

thank you LH,
it's good to be back,
I feel kinda one foot
in and one foot out
write a little poem
and shake it all about

 

[Angeline]

thank you LH,
it's good to be back,
I feel kinda one foot
in and one foot out
write a little poem
and shake it all about

There's dancing in this thread?

 

[OT]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
thank you LH,
it's good to be back,
I feel kinda one foot
in and one foot out
write a little poem
and shake it all about
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's dancing in this thread?

Literotica hokie-pokie poetry.
It might become more popular than
mixing oil and twister.

 

[Cordelia]

There's dancing in this thread?

Yes...

That's what it's all about.

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 4/06/03

Today brings us 14 new poems. Almost half of them written by one person, Redrosesx.
Now on to the other eight. Mostly “3's" at best, which brings us finally down to silken_dreammaid who gives us poetry motions

sway with me to soft music
dance in poetry motions,
whisper of love and lust
in detailed connotations.
...

Those that want to write poems of this genre should study whatever Silken writes, for the rest of us it is just fun to flow with her words.

...and to Senna Jawa. SJ supplies another from his cache. This one different from most. It is longer and you will have no trouble understanding it. Notice the precise choice of words. Let’s all sing the chorus as we read along.
open your arcs

...
open arcs
roll horizons
spin the earth
under your feet
...

Regards,                                 Rybka