new poems

[Lauren Hynde]

Rybka, KillerMuffin, WickedEve, OT, Cordelia, Angeline and everyone else: what do you think of this?

 

[Cordelia]

Awesome idea, Lauren.

I'll spin when I have some time.

Cordelia

 

[WickedEve]

Rybka, KillerMuffin, WickedEve, OT, Cordelia, Angeline and everyone else: what do you think of this?

I think this might work better than the other ideas we've tried in the past to mention older poems. It's probably easiest for everyone to take the same day that they have for new poems. How many do you want mentioned? 1 or 2?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'd thought one of each of the main categories, erotic and non-erotic, but if anyone feels like doing more in any given day, I don't see why not.

I think we can make this work.

 

[Rybka]

"spinners"

I'd thought one of each of the main categories, erotic and non-erotic, but if anyone feels like doing more in any given day, I don't see why not.

I think we can make this work.

I will include one "old" or "spinner" non-erotic poem with my Sunday posts about the new ones. (I already have found one for tomorrow.) However, I do not have enough time to waste looking for a good erotic poem. They are so few and far between (IMHO).

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Use the old poems thread for the old poems and the new poems thread for the new poems, please.

 

[Rybka]

"Spinners"

Use the old poems thread for the old poems and the new poems thread for the new poems, please.

Nope! not if we are supposed to do both on the same day. Why should I do two posts when one will do? Why make a reader read two? Others who find a good "spinner" can use that thread, but the day's reviewer should post her/his find in the new poems" thread. - Maybe we need to start a new thread called something like "Poems of the day"? That would encompass both.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Lauren Hynde]

We're not supposed to do them both in the same day unless we want and feel like we have time to do it.

You can trade with Angeline if you want or have a problem with posting to two different threads in the same day. But I don't think we should merge the two threads. There's space for both and they have different meanings.

 

[Rybka]

We're not supposed to do them both in the same day unless we want and feel like we have time to do it.

You can trade with Angeline if you want or have a problem with posting to two different threads in the same day. But I don't think we should merge the two threads. There's space for both and they have different meanings.

Disagree. You have a whole week to find a good "spinner", so it is not a question of time. The meanings are the same, good poems that stand out from the chaff and deserve to be read by others. "New" poems are a first chance for a poem to be read. "Old" or "spinners" are a second chance.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Well, let's see what people have to say, but it would be silly to include older poems in the 'new poems' thread...

 

[Rybka]

poems on Easter Sunday

Today brings us 11 new poems. And one “old poem”. It only took a half-a-dozen spins to find a good one, and that is a better average than I often get with the new poems.
The “old” or “spinner” for the day is by someone none of us have every heard of before, a person with the strange name of “WickedEve”. I must have missed it because it was posted before I swam aboard. Posted in 2001, Aging Gracefully? has a 4.67 rating. It is quite a bit different from what WE usually writes now-a-days.

...
Buoyant booty once bounced higher.
I swear sugar, I'm not a liar.
Jack it up with girly girdle.
Jiggles jubilantly with each hurdle
an aging ass makes me jump.
Stretchy spandex saves my rump!

Of the new poems, three are by guess who? My favorite of them is
people on a road, but they are all good. Read them.

they walk side by side
rapidly,
he has had several heart attacks
some surgeries
she has been peaceful and attentive

and, very hold backish
their hands swing like same pendulums
same pendulums swing
sometimes knuckle to knuckle
glancing,

he grabs her hand
they come up chest high
she looks the other way as he
talks about their house
she looks at the muddy spring field

The only other one I feel like mentioning today is silken_dreammaids' He draws.

A thin pencil line
drawn down the page
curving, sliding.

Smooth hand moves
to shade and tone
adding flesh.

Never watching
the lines develop,
enfolding the image.

Eye wide intent
on the shadow form
beyond the living.

Silent and patient,
my eyes as calm
as his are blank.

Which reflection
of me has he drawn
on his page this time?

I must say that I am getting tired of this; seldom finding any work by new authors that rise above average at best and always having to laud only regulars of this board. Is it that the comments of other regulars has helped them hone their skills, or just that they care enough about poetry to join with others in discussing their craft? Are there any regular posters on this board whose work you do not look forward to reading?

There are a couple new, or fairly new authors that show some potential, but their submittals today need a bit of refinement before I would feel justified in recommending them to others. I sent them feedback.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[CrowSingsOver]

I know this has nothing to do with the subject you are discussing, but is anyone else freaked out by Rybka's gold fish? EEP!

-Crow (getting in touch with her fear of water..and scary looking frish)

 

[KillerMuffin]

Hope Cordelia remembers that I hijacked Mondays

Not particularly, Crow. Goldfish makes good fishbait.

I had this all typed out last night and for some gawd-awful reason, hit the X on the browser. So I quit and went to bed. Calculus is bad for you. There were four whole poems for my edification. People, people, people. Lit Poetry does not stop for anything! It's like impending doom only better. Of the four, there was one worth mentioning. The rest were either bogged in cliche, metaphorically challenged, or just okay. Surprise, surprise, this one was by silken_dreamaid (who didn't see that coming?).


collected
by silken_dreammaid©

frozen images
in mocked flight,
euthanasia hopes.

mounted glass
over butterflies pinned,
collected dreams spiked.

What makes this poem outstanding is her use of metaphor and her ability to de-cliche the cliche-est. Something a lot poets could stand to remember is that you do not need to explain your metaphor in the poem. If you have to explain yourself, you're doing it wrong. This poem is a perfect example of doing it right. My favorite line is euthanasia hopes. The sheer amount of delicious lack of cliche with the addition of a single word is almost as yummy as the line itself and all it represents. Face it guys, hopes and dreams are just as Hallmark as love, heart, and the MSN buttefly guy.

Brava, s_d.

 

[Rybka]

I agree that silken_dreammaid’s poem is the best of the day. The best of most days in fact!

But the other author of daily required reading has a couple new poems. One of which I also liked. 03sp’s rock collecting. Especially the first stanza:

there is no difference
between rock small
and simple stone to me
unlike my geologist friends
who also know heart
and stance
...

In particular I am fascinated by the first three lines. They are classic! I wish 03sp had taken them and gone elsewhere with the rest of the poem. It seems a waste to use them in an erotic poem.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Angeline]

rock collecting

glad you mentioned this poem, rybka--i was about to--I enjoyed the whole poem and thought, as i often do with his poems, that it works equally well in the erotic and non categories.

 

[Rybka]

Re: rock collecting

glad you mentioned this poem, rybka--i was about to--I enjoyed the whole poem and thought, as i often do with his poems, that it works equally well in the erotic and non categories.

I enjoyed it all also, but the first stanza,

there is no difference
between rock small
and simple stone to me
unlike my geologist friends
who also know heart
and stance
...

if you change the fourth line, could have been written by Frost or MacLeish (for example) on a good day. (I hope 03sp does not consider that an insult.
It reminds me of Archie's, What Any Lover Learns for instance, if Frost had written it.

What Any Lover Learns

Water is heavy silver over stone.
Water is heavy silver over stone's
Refusal. I does not fall. It fills. It flows
Every crevice, every fault of the stone,
Every hollow. River does not run.
River presses its heavy silver self
Down into stone and stone refuses.

                                What runs,
Swirling and leaping into sun, is stone's
Refusal of the river, not the river.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[KillerMuffin]

I wasn't fully impressed with 03p's latest effort. This one needs more polishing. Take this stanza, for example:

gentle fists invite me to join
they giggle like girls
they are girls armed with
pointed hammers
women of want embedded

It ruined the poem for me. The repetition of both the word girls and the gi- sound was irritating, not helpful. They giggle like girls. They are girls. That's a little too eye-rolling for me to swallow.

I didn't particularly care for these lines, either:

it is not negative
it is positive Eros on granite

The imagery tried entirely too hard and failed to deliver the impact that I'm generally used to seeing from this poet. There were too many words that lent themselves enthusiastically to deletion.

I didn't consider this one noteworthy considering what I usually see in his poetry,

 

[darkmaas]

Wonders Unceasing

It's not often that my shadow lines up with rybka's but on this one occasion....

<d'maas swallows hard>

...I have to agree with him. Having worked in the bush with geologists, this poem captured the scene perfectly. Perhaps senna would edit but imho the alliteration works. It's not just "words words".

Respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

Having worked in the bush with geologists, this poem captured the scene perfectly

well i love the poem and i'm down with the alliteration, but er this geologist thing...are you sure it wasn't "anthropologist"? Uh maybe Jane Goodall and her pals that you saw? Cause, yknow, bush--rocks very different environments.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: rock collecting

I enjoyed it all also, but the first stanza,
if you change the fourth line, could have been written by Frost or MacLeish (for example) on a good day. (I hope 03sp does not consider that an insult.)
It reminds me of Archie's, What Any Lover Learns for instance, if Frost had written it.

What Any Lover Learns

Water is heavy silver over stone.
Water is heavy silver over stone's
Refusal. I does not fall. It fills. It flows
Every crevice, every fault of the stone,
Every hollow. River does not run.
River presses its heavy silver self
Down into stone and stone refuses.

                                What runs,
Swirling and leaping into sun, is stone's
Refusal of the river, not the river.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[KillerMuffin]

I didn't like the poem and I thought the use of the devices failed in more ways than one. You all disagreed with me. I don't have a problem with that. We can agree to disagree and move on, neh? Part of the fun of crit or review is to see the different reactions people get from the same set of words.

 

[Guest]

I feel de-boned
my poem has become decapitated
poor decapitated, headless poem

 

[Lauren Hynde]

The fun part is we all got to read both dreammaid's and sp's poems. That was the objective, wasn't it? lol

 

[Angeline]

Recommendations versus Critique

KM, different strokes are cool by me. I read this thread every day and I certainly don't fall in love with every poem recommended here. We all have different tastes and different ideas about what constitutes a good poem. That's a good thing. I don't want to live in a world where everything is homogenized.

I also recognize that when you post, you in essence say "have at, world." Anyone who makes art has to accept that some people won't like it.

Still, I say we reserve this thread for recommendations only and do critiques for those who want them in another thread. I'll start the thread and submit the first poem--one I wrote earlier today.

Whaddaya say, poets?

 

[Cordelia]

Re: Hope Cordelia remembers that I hijacked Mondays

Why, yes, KillerMuffin, I remembered. I even stayed late at work because I knew I could.

Being on the West coast, I usually like to rush home to get the review done as early as possible for all those east of me, time-zone-wise.

Thanks again.

See ya Thursday.

Cordelia