new poems

[Cordelia]

Re: Re: And one's I thought needed mention...

Cordelia, I think highly about your poetry and about your potential. I never meant to "ignore" you. I am much less active on the forum than one would infere from the flames. Please ask your questions now and I'll do my best to answer them.

I was referring to a question I asked on another thread. I am sure it got lost in the other posts.

I will copy it here for you.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Senna Jawa
In particular a lot of time is wasted on "discussing" and praising poor poems.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I am posing a serious question here. And it is only a question. I don't want to have barbs thrown at me because of it.

Is it possible, Senna, that poems you consider poor may be considered good by others? Or is it possible that your definition of poetry is merely one of many?

I know we should post our opinions with reasons why we feel the poem is bad or good, or why certain elements work or don't work. But in the end, it is all opinion. And I always take comments about my poetry (justified or not), as opinion.


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Senna Jawa
When you plan exciting trips, you should discuss the interesting roads, paths and directions and not the worthless, hopeless dead ends. Learning from mistakes has only a very limited potential, especially when mistakes are not acknowledged, not even recognized.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Again, I agree with you here. I just feel that people see interesting things in hopeless dead-ends as well as on scenic thru-ways. Is it possible to nod to someone else's opinion, then present your own as an alternative? And I address this to everyone, not just Senna.

Just asking...


Cordelia

That was it. I am merely curious, as I am newer to poetry critique.

That's a nice attitude toward poetry, objective, even if I hear a serious doubt about the author as a person.

I was making no comment about the author, merely encouraging people to ignore who wrote it and read the poem itself. I enjoyed it.


And thank you for your comments on my writing. I am a mathematician by education and an accountant by profession, so numbers fascinate me as well. Writing is merely a great way for me to exercise the right side of my brain.

Regards,

Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

New poems 5/22/03

There were 25 poems posted today. Plus three posted with tomorrow's date (which I will leave for tomorrow's recommend-or), and including the 2 illustrated poems I mentioned yesterday. Of the 25, 14 were by 2 authors. Whew!

I recommend reading blooming like a lily by steve porter, but with some reservations.

First, he takes an over-used cliche (comparing a woman's sex to a flower), but he states it with delicacy and quite nicely. I think, with a little work, this could work, but as it stands, it borders on being all cliche.

He does a similar thing in his poem storm coming, but he does it more poetically. I liked the alliteration in some of the lines. This is a poet that has some potential.

~~~~~~~
The only other poem I wanted to mention, but wanted to save for last, is Nothingness: Undress for Success by Angeline ©.

This is a cute (sorry...no other word will do...) sonnet that I found confusing as hell on first read, but it seemed to come clear after reading again. Thanks for the smile.

~~~~~~~

Go read and give feedback.

Cordelia

 

[Angeline]

Thank you

for the mention, Cordie. And you can blame Homer. We were talking in chat here, and I offered to write a sonnet on the spot on a topic of his choosing. Homer, swell guy that he is lol, said write one on what to wear in a state of nothingness. So love it or hate it, it's um his fault. Yeah, his fault, that's the ticket.

 

[Cordelia]

You're welcome

I thought I detected a bit of Homer in there!

Cordelia

 

[Senna Jawa]

Another thread

I was referring to a question I asked on another thread. [...]

I will copy it here for you. [...]


Cordelia

Cordelia, I'll answer your questions in a separate, new thread.

Regards,

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: And one's I thought needed mention...

Originally posted by Senna Jawa [...] after the last conflict the number of my 5-rated poems went down from its customary 60 to 38.[...][/B]

Strange. It's not important but the number of my average 5. poems went back to 59 (3 of them have 2 votes, the remaining ones have just 1 vote. I don't vote on my poems. I did a longer time ago and only for a couple of weeks. By now the Literotica's "anti-fraud algorithm" has removed all of them, together with many votes by participants of this forum. This algorithm, so peculiar to Literotica, is the greatest trivia item ).

 

[Angeline]

There were few new poems

submitted today, but I did find two I really liked.

Show & Tell by RazzRajen is a terrific study in contrasts. This is a poem in which the formatting is integral to the read, so I'm not posting an out-of-context excerpt here, but do read this poem and enjoy.

Then there's Jezabel by DejaBast, a new poet to Literotica. The stark simplicity of this works works very well, I think, in conveying the urgency of the writer's feeling. Welcome to the board, DejaBast.

Sensuous Muse
So evil and free
If you could see
Oh what I could see
In my mind
I wanted you
In my mind
You wanted me
I want you like I need a drug
I need out
Larva inside a cocoon
Trying to get out
Frustrated, tired, suffocated
Leave this body
Oh spirit fly
Touch this sunset
Drink from my skin
Do not wake this sweet sin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the old poem front, I took a few spins and out popped er well the lovely JUDO's B is for Boobs. JUDO, lol, you rock.

Beneath my dress, you see
Two teats which willingly
Bring to your eyes a twinkle.
I smile as they crinkle.

Brave touch sends a shiver
Straight south, past my liver.
Off my dress - the big moment.
Stiff reply and a "Whoa!" meant

Between my lands is a place
Where your cock, not your face
Feels a warm, wet delight
In my cleft, out of sight.

And for my second golden oldie (well, not that old) I went to the poems with audio for lickmyboot's Flesh Machine a sexy post-industrial romp and, wowzers, listen to her gorgeous voice reading it!

My spine coils and curves
under the clamp of your
hard hands
Thighs slick with oil
shudder under your weight
Our heat fills the air
sharp, metallic
Your tongue like molten lead
in my mouth

 

[lickmyboot]

Re: There were few new poems

And for my second golden oldie (well, not that old) I went to the poems with audio for lickmyboot's Flesh Machine a sexy post-industrial romp and, wowzers, listen to her gorgeous voice reading it!

My spine coils and curves
under the clamp of your
hard hands
Thighs slick with oil
shudder under your weight
Our heat fills the air
sharp, metallic
Your tongue like molten lead
in my mouth

Thanks Angeline! One of my all time faves will always be Dispos-a-Girl. You voice in the poem is so raw and powerful.

I have to give Rybka's Butterfly Boots props. Brilliant imagery and amazing voice. It got me right here !

 

[Lauren Hynde]

May 24th, 2003

There aren't that many new poems today, and of those, few are worth the read. On the bright side, though, there are exceptional exceptions.

First off, there's
Gimme Gimme Time Zone
by Angeline ©

You've probably read and seen it before, but now it's posted. Go check it out one more time.

Then there are two much more intimate and intuitive poems. Maybe not everybody's cup of tea, but they're certainly worth the read.

Cold Love: Awakening
by Angeline ©

some other time
by Maria2394 ©

 

[Senna Jawa]

historical background

[...] I feel I must mention eternal Italy by Senna Jawa. He posted it on Lauren's challenge thread, and I liked it then. It still reads well. I would say exactly why I like it, but since he ignored me before, I will assume he's ignoring this, too.

Anyhow, it's a good poem. [...]

Cordelia

Now, Cordelia, that there is no doubt that I am not ignorig you... ok, ok, you may but you don't exactly have to

My humorous and nostalgic piece has a background. Until Stalin's death on March 5 of 1953 communism was erotically very conservative, restrained, and this had included the woman fashion--you culd write ten PhD thesises about the correlation between the woman fashion and politics. Within a year after Stalin's death things had changed. That period of time was called "Thaw", after a famous Ilia Erenburg's novel "Thaw", a first in a long time novel published in the Soviet block, which was free from stiff, rigid Soviet propaganda, which was more humane (I should really reread it today with today's perspective)--well, there is much more to it, it is a huge topic. Let me only mention that Ilia Erenburg was one of very few Soviet prominent artist/intellectuals who had survived Stalin. Many had perished, including the great poet Osip Mandelstam, several great writers like the best ever short story writer Isaac Babel... Erenburg payed for his survival ethically.

One way or another, Poland was always the least communist country in the Soviet Block, which is another exciting story--the stubborn fight for the free expression in every life's aspect. Soon after Stalin's death we were getting on radio Western songs, and trivia in the entertaining or even regular press, for instance about Western actresses, together with the pictures accenting their impressive bust, under a sexy blouse, possibly with decollete, not to mention the actual movies. And the most glamorous and sensational were Gina Lolobrigida and Sophia Loren

Regards,

 

[Angeline]

Thank you

Lauren for recommending my two poems today, and thank you to all who sent such lovely feedback!

Here's an old poem that I adore from the delightful--and in my lowly opinion--very talented poet, smithpeter.

Spending Time Near Her Face

You look sweet and sour.
There must be a bug in your nose.
The cure for that twitch is soft kiss of cheeks
and smoothing night ruffled hair.
My breakfast of sliced pears with sorbet and candle
does not dim from streaming morn.
We share licorice end to end.

 

[Maria2394]

thanks Lauren

I truly appreciate that you felt it was good enough to be mentioned...and I know it needs tweaked, and I welcome suggestions..sometimes when something is too close too me, I cant see the obvious imperfections and thanks again!

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: There were few new poems

submitted today, but I did find two I really liked.

Show & Tell by RazzRajen is a terrific study in contrasts. This is a poem in which the formatting is integral to the read, so I'm not posting an out-of-context excerpt here, but do read this poem and enjoy.

Thanks Angeline, for the mention.....I am glad it worked for you and others. That is recompense enough - to know My words are able to let others feel what I did then....

Razz

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 5/25/03

Today brings us 31 new poems and one “spinner”. Here is the "goody" that caught my eye today. (Only took seven spins.)
Five Strophs by Angeline.

Five Strophs...
REMOVED by ORDER of the QUEEN

So you are too late and can't read it!
...

My only comment, "strophs" is spelled with an "e" isn't it?

Quite a number of today's poems are by relatively new poets who have been very active recently. By far the most (11) are by 7thsonoferos who seems to have a fixation on oral sex.
Palau has none worth highly recommending, but some worth reading. I keep expecting better writings from this poet.
Another new writer to expect good things from is denis hale. He has a fine command of phrases and rhythm.
Shotokan07 is a writer for whom I suspect English is not a first language. If he ever gets his grammar and typos under control he will be quite good. In one poem he even seems proud of the errors, although I do not understand why.

Of the more familiar contributors, lickmyboots gives us "Posturing" For some reason I cannot get an active link to work. "93***" won't stick. So here is the address and if it doesn't show up this time then FUCK IT! Go find it yourself!
"http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=93six five three", and Dilate (Sic).

Finally, Angeline presents, Burnt Offering.

I am burning. I am staked to rage,
combusting, flames escaping me finally
consuming you in a purity of truth.

No more the tangled bunchgrass
spread cool on the crook of a branch,
twig-fingered, fluttering care south.

I was then. I was. Rain-nourished and lifted
up by breeze or the harmony of birdsong;
I buzzed in years of drowsing unaware.

But now even winter is dry and thin
in the husk of my cold season, and I
make good tinder matched to your cold spark.

As always, these are only the thoughts and impressions of one person. Everyone is free, and indeed encouraged, to express their own opinions and comments. (But be aware that it is time consuming to read and critique 31 poems. Elapsed time today for me was just under four hours continuous, not counting editing time wasted!)

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Palau]

a poem should mean.
a poem should be.
a poem should run for life.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you

Rybka for the mention of my two poems. And you are correct, it is "strophes," but I have to ask you to please remove it from the recommended poems (and I am having it removed from Lit) because it is being published (well a much-revised version of it is) in a chapbook.

Thanks!
Angeline

 

[Rybka]

Re: Thank you

Rybka for the mention of my two poems. And you are correct, it is "strophes," but I have to ask you to please remove it from the recommended poems (and I am having it removed from Lit) because it is being published (well a much-revised version of it is) in a chapbook.

Thanks!
Angeline

DONE!
(But what is a "chapbook"?)

Regards, Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Chapbook

chap·book
Pronunciation: 'chap-"buk
Function: noun
Etymology: chapman + book
Date: 1798
: a small book containing ballads, poems, tales, or tracts

This has traditionally been a common way for a poet to be published. The one my poem will be in will include poems from others, too, but often a chapbook is dedicated to the work of a single writer. Some national poetry competitions offer publication of a chapbook as first prize.



(and that's Queen of Words, lol)

 

[Shotokan07]

Re: new poems on 5/25/03

Shotokan07 is a writer for whom I suspect English is not a first language. If he ever gets his grammar and typos under control he will be quite good. In one poem he even seems proud of the errors, although I do not understand why.
Rybka

Dear Literotican, I am never proud of writing a poem. It only brings me pity and pain, and depression always leads me to write up a poem. The poem you are talking about, was left like that for a reason. I didn't change or re-write any of the typos because it is how it came out from my thoughts to my fingertips. It is a psychological d/o that can be seen when one is depressed.
Are you saying all my other poems have grammar mistakes? If so, I don't really care. I write my poems from my moods, I draw better than I write... I admit that. Altho you have critiqued me to the bone, I thank you for complimenting me. Just to let you know, I don't nor never will expect anything from my poems. Let's just say, "It is a burst of tears that appear once in a while"


~

 

[KillerMuffin]

Sorry this took so long!

We were gone all day.

Hey, fun little sonnet. Forms are so odd to see around here, so the joy of it just screams be still my heart. Cheesy makes great scansion.
Sojournerwolf's Eager Stem: A Sonnet

Ahhh, I love this one. If I were so inclined, I'd turn it into an email fwd chain letter.
theGatsby's Cooter Juice Blues

Several of you find favor with this guy, though the tildes are head-scratchers.
Razz Rajen's Simplicity

This is a real reflection of a man's life.
EKVITKAR's Penis Envy

Not too bad of an offering from someone that's up and coming.
Palau's Gina Lollobrigida

In my not so humble opinion, this is the best poem for us today.
lickmyboots's Posturing

 

[WickedEve]

5-27

Ever read a poem that was like watching fireworks? You know the one that bursts and sprinkles down, and makes you say, "Ahhh!" Occasionally, a poem can do that. You feel that poem, and you wish you would have written it. Well, I didn't read any quite that good, today. I did read few that made me want to commit hara-kiri with my pen, though.

Here are today's Worth-a-read poems:

Diana on the Cliff
by Angeline ©

which lifted to her lips
blows ocean's fury back and pauses
water's foamy crack and spin

Definitely some gems strewn about this poem.

-----

Old Growth
by guilty pleasure ©

Holy hush of cathedral quiet.
pungent with pine.
Whisper,
humbled by the mighty trunks
looming
over our brittle bones.

I like this g.p. Very nice poem.
-----

Also worth a mention:

blind clinging
by Palau ©

the hands that make jewels of sunlight
cover my intent with cruel teasing
leading
begging to kiss the floor
we left imprinted

This poems has only 2 stanzas. I'd toss the first stanza, keep the second one, letting it stand alone.

-----

I didn't enjoy this as poetry, but found it to be an interesting little piece of prose with tension. It does need to be edited for punctuation, though.

A First Date... Lost
by slave naia ©

Find one soon, cover yourself girl
He asked a simple "What do you like to do"
You let it all rip apart, the things that no one
understands
The way he looks at me has changed, did you see that?
I went from cute and bubbly to totally flat.

 

[Angeline]

My Poem

Diana on the Cliff
by Angeline ©

which lifted to her lips
blows ocean's fury back and pauses
water's foamy crack and spin

Definitely some gems strewn about this poem.

Thanks for the mention Eve. I wrote that last night--rather quickly--and am, in retrospect, not really happy with it, but love the idea of the image. I guess it's a first draft. I'll be reworking it.

BTW, sent your edited story back--not sure you received it as my email has been down all morning...

 

[Angeline]

One More

I also enjoyed the following poem by our pal neonurotic. It's brief and simple, but well stated (though I'd lose the ellipsis points) and sometimes that's just right.

Negative Slide

I wish I could shut it all down,
give up, turn it off,
just to stop... my negative slide.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: My Poem

Thanks for the mention Eve. I wrote that last night--rather quickly--and am, in retrospect, not really happy with it, but love the idea of the image. I guess it's a first draft. I'll be reworking it.

BTW, sent your edited story back--not sure you received it as my email has been down all morning...

Yes, I got it. And I've sent you 2 emails -- one about you poem.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: One More

I also enjoyed the following poem by our pal neonurotic. It's brief and simple, but well stated (though I'd lose the ellipsis points) and sometimes that's just right.

Negative Slide

I wish I could shut it all down,
give up, turn it off,
just to stop... my negative slide.

Glad you mentioned this one. I couldn't decide whether to mention it or not. I started to and then I stopped and then I changed my mind again. lol I shouldn't review first thing in the morning.