KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 25,603
6/2/2003 New poems!
I feel like singing Freebird for some reason. Odd, no?
There's a ton of new audio poetry today. Apparently Laurel likes it a lot. I listened to two of them cause I detest real player and didn't want to spend that much time patronizing their product. I found the first guy's voice annoying, kind of like Matthew Lesko, in one of them (Letter Home), the other I clicked on wasn't too bad to hear. Master Vassago ought to pull his mouth away from the microphone a bit.
palau's sex poem was a lovely treat amongst the mediocrity most of today's offerings seemed firmly determined to wallow in.
Angeline's Birthday Song has a nice rhythm and you can dance to it. Okay, so you can't really dance to it, but it's a nice poem anyway.
Razz Rajen's Eternal was my favorite poem of the day.
I feel like singing Freebird for some reason. Odd, no?
There's a ton of new audio poetry today. Apparently Laurel likes it a lot. I listened to two of them cause I detest real player and didn't want to spend that much time patronizing their product. I found the first guy's voice annoying, kind of like Matthew Lesko, in one of them (Letter Home), the other I clicked on wasn't too bad to hear. Master Vassago ought to pull his mouth away from the microphone a bit.
palau's sex poem was a lovely treat amongst the mediocrity most of today's offerings seemed firmly determined to wallow in.
Angeline's Birthday Song has a nice rhythm and you can dance to it. Okay, so you can't really dance to it, but it's a nice poem anyway.
Razz Rajen's Eternal was my favorite poem of the day.
thanks to a killer
KM
thank you thank you.
again, thank you.
for a while there I thought it was the end of the world.
I am unable to hear those audios because I hate RealPlaything.
My garden called me tonight which is strange because I do not actually have one.
Well, there are a couple of tomato and cucumber plants here.
I decapitated one of the tomatoes.
It will now live inside in a glass of water to see if it sprouts roots.
Could all of us now join hands and get soiled?
KM
thank you thank you.
again, thank you.
for a while there I thought it was the end of the world.
I am unable to hear those audios because I hate RealPlaything.
My garden called me tonight which is strange because I do not actually have one.
Well, there are a couple of tomato and cucumber plants here.
I decapitated one of the tomatoes.
It will now live inside in a glass of water to see if it sprouts roots.
Could all of us now join hands and get soiled?
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
And be good to my friend, fishy.
Khad, I'm gonna ressurect a thread that you might find useful
Khad, I'm gonna ressurect a thread that you might find useful
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
30 new ones for 6-03
If you're tired of lit's, unfortunately, way too often offerings of lame emotional poetry (I have a tear, and it falls here) and erotic like a cramp poetry (I like pussy wet; on that you can bet) then you may want to give this poem a read. It's... different.
Family Of Origin
by denis hale ©
Excerpt:
Man grew up wild, lugging
Latchkeys and leftovers
Through trial and tribulation,
Tattoo-slapping pectorals
With a tarzan flourish of B-movie bravado,
And oh
What a mouth on him, you don't
Even want to know!…
...
Narcissus Science Chick showed up,
Smirking as she smacked him hard
On the ass fluttering long lashes
Like a seasoned porn actress
Sizing him up, undressing him
With eyes like jap animation
Micha cabachons.
----------
This one by denis hale is pretty cute:
Credibility
by denis hale ©
Excerpt:
He asks for a light, gives it
some thought, then
he says:
Well, we could do it
on a crane,
splashing dangling
iron workers with sweat
spit and spunk...
We could get it
on a plane,
drunk on miniature Stolys stolen
from the stewardess station
when they're dragging the food cart
down the turbulence aisle...
----------
There were a few others that weren't bad but I'll let you go and explore the new poems list yourself.
If you're tired of lit's, unfortunately, way too often offerings of lame emotional poetry (I have a tear, and it falls here) and erotic like a cramp poetry (I like pussy wet; on that you can bet) then you may want to give this poem a read. It's... different.
Family Of Origin
by denis hale ©
Excerpt:
Man grew up wild, lugging
Latchkeys and leftovers
Through trial and tribulation,
Tattoo-slapping pectorals
With a tarzan flourish of B-movie bravado,
And oh
What a mouth on him, you don't
Even want to know!…
...
Narcissus Science Chick showed up,
Smirking as she smacked him hard
On the ass fluttering long lashes
Like a seasoned porn actress
Sizing him up, undressing him
With eyes like jap animation
Micha cabachons.
----------
This one by denis hale is pretty cute:
Credibility
by denis hale ©
Excerpt:
He asks for a light, gives it
some thought, then
he says:
Well, we could do it
on a crane,
splashing dangling
iron workers with sweat
spit and spunk...
We could get it
on a plane,
drunk on miniature Stolys stolen
from the stewardess station
when they're dragging the food cart
down the turbulence aisle...
----------
There were a few others that weren't bad but I'll let you go and explore the new poems list yourself.
writerscum01
Virgin
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
- Posts
- 15
I am shagrined.
I wrote a poem that the gods deamed unworthy.
seppuku, maybe I'll do better in the next life!
I wrote a poem that the gods deamed unworthy.
seppuku, maybe I'll do better in the next life!
denis hale
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 4, 2003
- Posts
- 416
Gracias Eve!
Thank You Eve
for the tres kind words.
I was worried that "Family...." might be a little cumbersome. It may well be for some.
Good for a few kix and grinz anyways huh?
I'll lay of the metaphysics, if you promise to let me try a rhyming pussy poem sometime....
Maybe.
Chow,
dh
Thank You Eve
for the tres kind words.
I was worried that "Family...." might be a little cumbersome. It may well be for some.
Good for a few kix and grinz anyways huh?
I'll lay of the metaphysics, if you promise to let me try a rhyming pussy poem sometime....
Maybe.
Chow,
dh
KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 25,603
writerscum01 said:
Is that sarcasm? I can't tell.
Not everyone is going to be thrilled to pieces with your poetry. If you put it up for public consumption, the public will form its own opinion on your work without a single thought toward your feelings. They judge your work, not you.
I'm one person and I didn't think your poem was particularly outstanding. It didn't suck, but it wasn't gret either. If you don't like my opinion, that's fine, feel free to dislike it. I won't, however, lie to you. I won't sing false praises. I don't patronize people when it comes to their work. If you want your ego stroked, keep it between you and the people who love you. Otherwise, learn to deal with people not liking your work.
If you can take an honest critique, you may want to consider posting the poem here for feedback. Some of the local poets are very knowledgeable people. Some of them have been published as poets. Some of them are literary 'zine editors.
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Your poem was submitted 5-10. Why are you just now mentioning it? Anyway, I did go read Garden Pimp.writerscum01 said:
Here's how you end the poem:
"Yes I have too much time on my mind! YUK,YUK!!"
If you don't take your own poetry seriously, why should we?
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Re: Gracias Eve!
I found enough to enjoy in both poems that made them worth recommending. Credibility was a lot of fun and Family of Origin certainly wasn't boring.denis hale said:Thank You Eve
for the tres kind words.
I was worried that "Family...." might be a little cumbersome. It may well be for some.
Good for a few kix and grinz anyways huh?
I'll lay of the metaphysics, if you promise to let me try a rhyming pussy poem sometime....
Maybe.
Chow,
dh
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
The irony is I did mention scum01's poem. Oh well...
writerscum01
Virgin
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
- Posts
- 15
Sarcasm is my middle name. Love you too babe. "Garden Pimp" was not the poem in question. It was, "Doti's Ill Kept Secret", which you will find enclosed. Is it great poetry, no. But, (I've been dyin to start a sentance with but) it is as good as most you allow.
Dotti’s Ill Kept Secret
Naked thighs spread for pictorial access
showing her golden ring and her heats axis,
surrounded by full, red lips that swell in passion.
Her primadorial sea swells to wet the fleshy beach
strokes of fingers, like wind blown sand,
bring her earthy body to the ready, waiting for command.
Her ring stirs slightly, beneath, swells her wakened bit
of erotic flesh, pushing its hood away
too come to the fore for play.
Fingers now not wind but flesh made quixotic,
dip into her sea to excite her needs,
naked children dancing on her beach.
A golden chain with a golden clasp,
unto the ring is attached, to be gently tugged
and pulled by bits to expose her lusty swollen clit.
Dotti’s Ill Kept Secret
Naked thighs spread for pictorial access
showing her golden ring and her heats axis,
surrounded by full, red lips that swell in passion.
Her primadorial sea swells to wet the fleshy beach
strokes of fingers, like wind blown sand,
bring her earthy body to the ready, waiting for command.
Her ring stirs slightly, beneath, swells her wakened bit
of erotic flesh, pushing its hood away
too come to the fore for play.
Fingers now not wind but flesh made quixotic,
dip into her sea to excite her needs,
naked children dancing on her beach.
A golden chain with a golden clasp,
unto the ring is attached, to be gently tugged
and pulled by bits to expose her lusty swollen clit.
KillerMuffin said:
writerscum01
Virgin
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
- Posts
- 15
It writers cum, by the by. I can see where your mind lies.WickedEve said:You did? tee hee
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Oh, you have no idea you silly thing. lolwriterscum01 said:
In your first stanza: spread thighs, full red lips, and swell in passion are all cliché.
Second: More clichés. Wet and fleshy are used way too much. Same with strokes of fingers and wind blown. And you've already used swell in stanza 1.
I would go on, but this thread is only for discussing poems on the new poems list. So start a new thread, and I'm sure someone will discuss your poem with you. But don't waste our time posting if you have no interest in truly improving this piece, or if you can't take honest, constructive feedback.
The poets' buddy,
Eve
Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,190
Eve is indeed a wicked one, but she gives great critique. Post your poem in a separate thread if you like and I'll do a review. I do tend to agree with Eve though that this would be a stronger piece with less common expressions. The best poetry uses unexpected imagery to convey meaning. They are almost always what makes a great poem memorable.
SkipBoxx
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 28, 2003
- Posts
- 402
Positions
If we made love, with me on top,
would you cum or tell me to stop?
If I lifted your legs, driving deep,
would you scream or would you weep?
If I turned you over on your knees
would you fully enjoy my expertise?
If I then entered you from behind,
would I be praised or be maligned?
If I mounted you while on the floor,
would you mind it or beg for more?
If I lifted and held you in mid-air,
would you cry out or yell or swear?
If I let you ride on top for awhile,
would you think I'm quite versatile?
If we made love in all these positions,
we may both have to visit physicians..
If we made love, with me on top,
would you cum or tell me to stop?
If I lifted your legs, driving deep,
would you scream or would you weep?
If I turned you over on your knees
would you fully enjoy my expertise?
If I then entered you from behind,
would I be praised or be maligned?
If I mounted you while on the floor,
would you mind it or beg for more?
If I lifted and held you in mid-air,
would you cry out or yell or swear?
If I let you ride on top for awhile,
would you think I'm quite versatile?
If we made love in all these positions,
we may both have to visit physicians..
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
June 4th, 2003
I was reading the new poetry list, and seeing OT hasn't been around much, I decided to post my thoughts about it. First: stay clear of pussy-poetry, even if hidden behind non-pussy names, and mirrors.
Two poems caught my attention:
-------------------------------------------------
For My Lover
by Angeline ©
My lover shares himself consistently;
He binds me to him with unfettered truth.
His honor honors me persistently.
Such constant wisdom bests inconstant youth.
[...]
This is, by far, the best poem of the day. Go read the rest of Angeline's fine crafted sonnet.
-------------------------------------------------
random sputtering
by fire child ©
Carbonated caffiene queen
such a high tolerance of pain
little time for emotions
you'd do anything if
it meant being seen
little white mouse
crying out your name
too much time
hate is orange juice
[...]
Fire child's poem could definitely use some editing, some tweaking here and there, but this piece showed potential; there are some good touches in the first two thirds of the poem.
-------------------------------------------------
Go read!
I was reading the new poetry list, and seeing OT hasn't been around much, I decided to post my thoughts about it. First: stay clear of pussy-poetry, even if hidden behind non-pussy names, and mirrors.
Two poems caught my attention:
-------------------------------------------------
For My Lover
by Angeline ©
My lover shares himself consistently;
He binds me to him with unfettered truth.
His honor honors me persistently.
Such constant wisdom bests inconstant youth.
[...]
This is, by far, the best poem of the day. Go read the rest of Angeline's fine crafted sonnet.
-------------------------------------------------
random sputtering
by fire child ©
Carbonated caffiene queen
such a high tolerance of pain
little time for emotions
you'd do anything if
it meant being seen
little white mouse
crying out your name
too much time
hate is orange juice
[...]
Fire child's poem could definitely use some editing, some tweaking here and there, but this piece showed potential; there are some good touches in the first two thirds of the poem.
-------------------------------------------------
Go read!
