new poems

[Sure]

Brrrrrrrr!!!

 

[Guest]

Any advice???

Hi all!
I was wondering if anyone here knows how to fix the following problem: I submitted a poem last night, and it got posted today. But I specified, in the notes section, that my explanation for the poem be included. Somehow, the explanation never got included, and because of that I think the poem loses a lot of its impact (although I'm the first to admit that I dislike long, rambling poems, and it happens to be one of those). It could be that the poem was so long that whoever posts the poems didn't want to make extra room for the explanation, but I would really like to add it on. Problem is, I don't know how to do that. Basically, the poem is a bunch of excerpts from real letters. I wanted to specify that as a note somewhere, so that people will understand that it's actually a collage of real letters (not fictitious) and that I asked the writers of those letters for permission to use their words.
Letters from Native America

--Xtaabay

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I never heard of Lit having removed parts of a poem before (except Rybka's pics and respective captions), so I assume you put the explanation in the notes section, and not in the body of the poem, where you should.

Resubmit the poem and include the explanation as if it was part of the poem, but put it in italics (using <i> and </i>), for example.

To resubmit the poem, do the same as to submit one for the first time, but title it "Letters from Native America - EDIT" and say this is an edited version of "Letters from Native America" in the notes section.

 

[Guest]

thankyou!

I never heard of Lit having removed parts of a poem before (except Rybka's pics and respective captions), so I assume you put the explanation in the notes section, and not in the body of the poem, where you should.

Resubmit the poem and include the explanation as if it was part of the poem, but put it in italics (using <i> and </i>), for example.

To resubmit the poem, do the same as to submit one for the first time, but title it "Letters from Native America - EDIT" and say this is an edited version of "Letters from Native America" in the notes section.

Thankyou! I'll do that. No, they didnt' actually remove part of my poem. I put the explanation in the notes section, asking that it be included in some way to mark it off separately from the poem itself. I probably should've asked around before trying it that way.
--Xtaabay

 

[darkmaas]

Yet another shameless plug

Cordelia said:

Off to take a cold shower

Don't waste that energy heating water. Muse on this week's "Same Title Challenge", then write....

"Delicious Poison"

darkmaas

 

[OT]

Wednesday 18Jun03

Call me easy, but it seemed most of today's poems had something or other about them that I liked.
I recommend you read them all. Here are a few snippets from some that bubbled to the top of my list.

And of course ....
Go
Read'm
Vote on'm
Send feeedback and encouragement.

--------------------
Palau submitted several. All quirky and worth reading.

Two by Palau

...
but it's sex.
isn't it?

isn't it?
not the poetry of gravity
falling things and smiles
long jowls and short,
tall ladies and short males?

parv's daughter by Palau

it's her eyes
her swept back brow
that hair a moment ago
but must be swept back
again to make sure,
I assume
as I leave the shoppe of convenience

a garden diary by Palau
typical by Palau

--------------------

For a smile-worthy rhyme, try this ...
Erin Go Braugh(less) by MalePatternBoldness

--------------------

I could relate to shopping with denis hale ...
Prerogative by denis hale

Other men's faces pop up
in the wrap-around glass
like july fourth flare-spatter
on a flat calm lake.

I don't mind, really they are
earnest inner-city
stickball kids staring
while a natural
shows them a pitch no one
has seen before.

--------------------

I'm becoming a real fan of perdita: story teller extraordinaire.
We could probably quibble over whether it's prose or poem, but whatever it is, I like it.

On Behalf of a Diva's Heart by perdita

Where is the man to match me
to take the blame and treat me properly?
Is there a man in the world who has not offended a woman?
Isn't there one tenor in the world who isn't stupid?
Isn't there a leading man somewhere
who knows how to treat a diva?

 

[Rybka]

OT,
Really agree with your comments about perdita. Her talent needs to be exercized like a young bird stretching its wings! (Just hope a cat doesn't get her, as in a recent poem.)

I also like "Prerogative" by denis hale, but I would love to go shopping with him!


Regards, Rybka

 

[Palau]

thank you for mention OT

it is good company today
it is honorable

 

[Guest]

Muchissimas gracias a todos

OT and Rybka, I appreciate the mention. Rybka, I am taking your crit. very well and seriously.

BTW, I am getting much feedback, mostly mere compliments, so the crit. is more welcome.

Perdita

 

[denis hale]

Thanks OT, Rybka!

Thanx OT! Glad you liked the poem

and Rybka, jeez I'm blushin' like a schoolboy! cash or plastic?

For sure, shopping is so good for the soul-- any way a dude
can learn patience and stamina
is all good,

yes?

dh>

 

[Guest]

Mr. Hale, Yaayyyy!!!

This is the most exciting work I've read yet on Lit. It's "now" and vibrant, erotic, sensual, "real", "male", hot... (The words in quotes I won't define here; they mean something to me outside their common significance.)

I was taken immediately by the language (doesn't happen often enough for me); the words simply set me off, jump off the page/screen. I love a writer with a vocabulary of his/her own; it's the first thing I notice. So here are some samples I esp. like.

from Family Of Origin (God and M. Earth doing it)

Rubbing against sodden atmospheric sheets Groaning and
Grappling with that ever-annoying
Endless Void on
What would turn out to be a
Particularly Bad Hair Day
And both a bit hungover they thrashed,
Rough and Nasty,
Cried out in the coupling like barking
Butt-stuck dog-tornadoes,
Pouring it on, pouring it on, they finally up
And created

Man in His own Image...

Then after the coupling the brilliant trite sad lines from the 'girl' made so hugely poignant here-

"So… you will...
Call me?" she gushed, as He
ushered her out the door…

from Cannon Beach Turnaround about the girl asleep on the "big Bugs Bunny beach towel"

Watching
you there-- touseled flaxen locks,
gentle rise and fall of sand dollar
nipples as you peacefully, sweetly snore
and it's hard to keep perspective; I mean is
this really the same girl who fucked my
lights out mere hours before, turning
my tool into a pinwheeling glowworm
buoy marker sucked up in wave after
wave thrashing in her tide pull pussy?

from Counting Cadence (about how a girl made him work on his oral technique)

with improbable tongue
acrobatics-- on peach pits,
tangerine crescents, artichoke
leaves and avocado halves; reeses cups,
eclaires, croissants and cream
pie pieces... I gained twenty-five
pounds in two weeks, told all my
good friends with straight
face it was cuz I
quit smoking.

from Howling Moon (how a desirable girl can make a guy feel)

I'm a red rubber
song ball skittering
across rooftops
and cityscapes

OK, I'll stop. Read this man. - Perdita

 

[Cordelia]

new poems 6/19/03

A few new poems worth mentioning. First, though, let me say that I am ecstatic that new poets are joining in. Good stuff, folks!

Here are my picks:

Ant-Hill by RazzRajen

Love the final lines...

~~~~~~~

Cruisin' the Strip by Maria2394

A few cliched lines, but by the end of the poem, I didn't care. I got lost in it. Nostalgiac for me, too....

(also check out her poem The Temple of my Monster)

~~~~~~~

by consumption by Palau

I read this one four times and liked it more and more each time. Go read it. You won't be sorry...

~~~~~~~

Also to check out:

just be friends by oxalis

and

Time Alone by kleptobrainiac (which read better once I realized it was song lyrics...)

~~~~~~~

As always, remember to read and give feedback.


Cordelia

 

[Palau]

Thank you dear Cordelia,
I appreciate your mentions and repeat reads.
you are very kind!

 

[Maria2394]

thank you, Cordelia

Cordelia,

I really appreciate your mentioning my poems today. Kind words and constructive crit are ALWAYS welcomed here.

and I was really, really missin' the beach...

thanks again, M

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: new poems 6/19/03

Here are my picks:

Ant-Hill by RazzRajen

Love the final lines...


As always, remember to read and give feedback.


Cordelia

As always Cordelia Thanks for the mention I had fun with this one tho the formatting came out a tad different than what was intended but it works...kinda

anyway Thanks your words mean a lot.

Razz

 

[Angeline]

June 20th

It's a slowish day for poetry, folks, but one not without a few real winners. Read, enjoy, and feedback.

My pick of the day is Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935) by the very lovely Lauren.Hynde

Fernando Pessoa is, arguably, Portugal's greatest poet and is, arguably, (by Lauren and Angeline, at least) one of the greatest poets of the twentieth century. Lauren pays her countryman tribute in this wonderful illustrated poem that both says and shows something of Pessoa's quixotic nature, seen in his creation of separate "heteronyms," or different poet personalities. Pessoa and his three "fellow" poets each had a unique writing style and even critiqued each others' poems! Enjoy Lauren's fine effort and discover Fernando Pessoa. And remember--Portugal is not just about gorgeous young genius girls and soccer, yknow. There's other stuff there, too.

Also check out Solitaire by Cloudburst 9, not only because it's a well-written acrostic, but because it will lead you to the work of Rrrosyn, a gifted writer, not to mention a lovely human being.

 

[Rybka]

To Tell Or Not To Tell

A new author to Lit., michaelwiseman, presents us with a poem on a very common theme, but I like this one and I am not sure why. Perhaps because most of it reads as if each stanza had been stared at long and hard, and then boiled down to bare essence, as the author sees it, to true Revelations of the Heart. Worth a read.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Cloudbrst9]

[delete]

[delete]

 

[Rrrosyn]

Re: June 20th

Also check out Solitaire by Cloudburst 9, not only because it's a well-written acrostic, but because it will lead you to the work of Rrrosyn, a gifted writer, not to mention a lovely human being.

I don't really hang out on the BB, so CB told me about this. It made me blush.

Thank you Angeline.

I agree with the statements that have been made about you being a wonderful critic. I love the way you can critique something, offer advice and be constructive, without sounding condescending.

CB did do write a lovely poem. *smiles*

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: June 20th

My pick of the day is Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935) by the very lovely Lauren.Hynde

Fernando Pessoa is, arguably, Portugal's greatest poet and is, arguably, (by Lauren and Angeline, at least) one of the greatest poets of the twentieth century. Lauren pays her countryman tribute in this wonderful illustrated poem that both says and shows something of Pessoa's quixotic nature, seen in his creation of separate "heteronyms," or different poet personalities. Pessoa and his three "fellow" poets each had a unique writing style and even critiqued each others' poems! Enjoy Lauren's fine effort and discover Fernando Pessoa. And remember--Portugal is not just about gorgeous young genius girls and soccer, yknow. There's other stuff there, too.

Thank you for the mention of my little poem, Ange, and a very big thank you for understanding and helping the people on your side of the pond to find this fascinating poet (or these fascinating poets, to be exact) and person (pessoa).

 

[Lauren Hynde]

June 21th, 2003 -- Summer Solstice

The summer is here, for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, and it looks like it's going to be a scorching hot one, from where I'm standing. Or sitting: I don't really like to type standing.

I'm not in one of my happy-happy-joy-joy days, though, so it's possible that I missed one or two poems worth mentioning. If you find them, please feel free to share.

As it is, the only poem I thought worthwhile was

Cumslut and the Margarita Villain
by Maria2394 ©

mainly because of things like

[...]

He was inventing the G-spot I never had.
Fine tuning it like a sixties era muscle car,
with two Holly carbs,
more than four hundred horse power
and not a lick of brakes.

[...]

Now I have competition,
an appliance of all things,
and now I know how men must feel
when they find their woman's
other lover beneath the sheets,
still warm and wet, batteries worn out
an hour after they made love
and he came,
and she said she did...

[...]

and

[...]

His microscopic cells became part of me
body and mind,
part of my skin,
my hair, my lashes
He tried to convince me
what a monster he was,
but if he had seen
the images
of his drunken sperm,
drowning in lime juice
immobile from crushed ice
making me want more,
making me smile,
he would have been the one afraid.

Oh, Bartender?...
another, please

-------------------------------------------------
Enjoy.

 

[Maria2394]

Thank You Lauren

The summer is here, for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, and it looks like it's going to be a scorching hot one, from where I'm standing. Or sitting: I don't really like to type standing.

I'm not in one of my happy-happy-joy-joy days, though, so it's possible that I missed one or two poems worth mentioning. If you find them, please feel free to share.

As it is, the only poem I thought worthwhile was

Cumslut and the Margarita Villain
by Maria2394 ©

mainly because of things like

[...]

He was inventing the G-spot I never had.
Fine tuning it like a sixties era muscle car,
with two Holly carbs,
more than four hundred horse power
and not a lick of brakes.

[...]

Now I have competition,
an appliance of all things,
and now I know how men must feel
when they find their woman's
other lover beneath the sheets,
still warm and wet, batteries worn out
an hour after they made love
and he came,
and she said she did...

[...]

and

[...]

His microscopic cells became part of me
body and mind,
part of my skin,
my hair, my lashes
He tried to convince me
what a monster he was,
but if he had seen
the images
of his drunken sperm,
drowning in lime juice
immobile from crushed ice
making me want more,
making me smile,
he would have been the one afraid.

I truly appreciate the mention of my evil little poem thingy... I actually was afraid to post it....(if you could have heard me laughing when I wrote it....my kids must think I'm crazy

thanks again,
maria

Oh, Bartender?...
another, please

-------------------------------------------------
Enjoy.

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 6/22/03

Today we have 42 new works and one “spinner”. Here is the oldie that I found for today. (Only took 2 spins to hit an SP!)
Honest Sadness by smithpeter ©.

I see her on the bus
almost every day,
We have been reading
the same book for nearly ever
repeating mile

At home I tickle her crossed
ankles, over and over
turning her pages
creating a slight breeze

Novel times, interesting,
The passage and views
passing across windows

Not sex and violence,
merely, "cheesecake and ketchup"

We recite, looking up,
at each other graceful listener
turning turns

Turning toward today; perdita has a number of good poems posted this Sunday. Now I am not going to suggest you read any particular one, rather read them all. Click on her name, perdita. Go to her Lit. page and start reading any that you have missed. perdita has not written a bad work yet!


Probably as good an "erotic poem" as I have ever read on Lit. (IMHO) this should be the June contest winner, but it will need a lot of quick reads and votes since is starting so late in the month. So GET to it! Go read and vote on:
The Female Orgasm by guilty pleasure. R

Another erotic poem worth reading is denis hale's Blast Off.

She's got me scissored
on the rattling entry hatch
of the overloaded general electric
washing machine,
...

Ah...Yes! Summer is here, and so is OT!

warm weather women

blue-collar-jogger
sucks in his gut as if
belly-shirt-babe with her six pack abs
will notice

thin hips ride above tanned calves
spandex-girl
glides past hand-holding walkers
in lust
...

Next: A mom's lamentation, or just an adult's?
Burnt Coffee by destinie21 ©.

A mouth full of burnt coffee
again

I’m drinking it with milk this time
which doesn't make it taste any less
like something fire left behind

I didn’t even bother with sugar this time
I Just swallow the burning drug

And laugh as my eyes tear

Is this why I missed the Saturday morning cartoons ?
Why I’m an adult ?

And finally, here's one from Palau that has even the plants complaining: house plants lament. I wish he had changed but one word.

wind whipped
no wave welcome
after put
outside our tolerance
raised in container,
the rumor of real sun
now drenches our cellulosic
poor pores

this poem, this connection
with palau is meant to save
our solemn Christian values,
our sores,
he is the mouthpiece of our plight

he is unaware as a condom
he is hiding in his fright-
come save us,
his house plants
placed today
in direct sunlight


june, 2003, plants of palau
amaryllis Jane and Beth
wal-mart palm Sindy
bitter stubbed tomato stem Stanislaw

As usual please remember that these are only the thoughts of one reader. And with 42 new postings to read, I could have missed something that may really appeal to you. So please feel free to add your comments to this thread.


Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[oxalis]

fish person

i thank you,
my condom adores you but,
never mind

 

[Guest]

Bravo! Palau

Thanks, Rybka, for bringing those poor lovely plants to my attention. I love that poem! My best compliment is to read something and wish I could write it. Palau is someone that gets that reaction from me.

Perdita

(and thanks for posting note of me again)