new poems

[Maria2394]

Thanks for the mention Angeline And I have been thinking, working the squirrels in my brain to death just to come up with the ultimate piece of minimalist poetry for you and this is what I got...


*****************************

Writer's Block: an exercise in minimalism






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I guess it would look different on a lit page, also, the alternate title could be: Telepathic poetry

well, whatcha think? <EG> have a beautiful day everyone, m


** edited to correct dyslexic aberrations in typographical sequence <----example of an unminimalistic way to say the word "typos"

 

[perks]

Saturday's new poem list

new poems 10/4/03

Today there were several poems, or let me say several images that spoke to me. The two poets, Icingsugar and BooMerengue.

I really wanted to hate BooMerengue's poetry <sorry> *laughing* but her frosting<titles> are perfect and make the style almost perfect.
Check out
Minimal Fright

although, I think it should be called Minimalist Fright, it still works.
Say this poem out loud, change your breathing to that of being chased, pant and you will feel this poem and all the adrenalin pumped motion that is behind it.
Her Prized Poetry was pretty fun too, although the (the) really bit my biscuit. It comes through like a red bean in a bucket of white jelly beans. OUCH!

My favorite of the day is Icingsugar's Signal to Signal
A note
ringing higher than the sun
and louder than that
soothing pumping thumping
of a heart
when there is no other sound
to holler it into oblivion

This is music. The one part of the poem that bugged me is the second line, even though the rest of the poem distracted me."A melody like a sprinkle of light" "Melody of sprinkled light" would be my suggestion.

I also like his Shared poem with all the "marks". Interesting perspective.

Last but not least, I'd like to mention I am Nearly Irresistible by Toward a Word.
I think this poem has a lot of potential, but it is a bit wordy. Even the title could be shortened to Nearly Irresistible. But, that being said, It has a great premise. Even though I knew where it was going, there was still a reality of relativity<heh> that I appreciated.

Keep up the good work poets, I think we're raising the bar.

Ps. Angeline, impressive critique. I enjoy reading you.

 

[champagne1982]

Saturday, October fourth...

Good morning! My pick of the day is:

Signal to Signal
by IcingSugar

[...]
louder than that
soothing pumping thumping
of a heart
when there is no other sound
to holler it into oblivion
[...]

There's a new poet offering a pair of poems today. I hope his work will gather polish as he becomes more experienced. Look past the spelling error or two and lack of punchy punctuation to read:

My Muse
by DiJiT
[...]
Hope you have brought to me
Your kind heart and gentle soul have allowed my eyes to see
[...]

and

A Soul Unseen

[...]
As worlds live and worlds die
A soul unseen they still pass by
[...]

Go read today's New Poems, enjoy yourself and don't forget to vote and send feedback, doing so helps everyone improve their work and learn some valuable lessons.

My Spinner selection came up on the first try. Here's an Illustrated Poem

A Cat's Game
by Chicklet

[...]
Playful little thing
She glances at me
Her impatience tangible
[...]

 

[Linbido]

Hello!

Here's another one from today's batch that I found very readable:

ask for keeping by air2o was an interresting piece, in quite a different metric. Starting gently and structured it propels into a jumbled ranting begging to be read out and read loud. It ends in a hysteric snarl.
sit down stand up fight fight bite

---

Already mentioned (but they are worth mentioning again) are Icingsugar's hypnotic Signal to Signal. Magic at times, but loses a little bit of it's rythm at one or two places.
Because the world is the noise
to every child's signal
and one day the dissonance
will come

...and BooMerengue's cool and clever Prized Poetry, which put a big smile on my face. An impressive alliteration excersize not afraid of a liberating cornyness.
ego's exposed

(potent pause)

kudos, kids!!

 

[BooMerengue]

I'm in a fog, a funk. Found out today I have pneumonia which I should have known, but oh well she said as she lights yet another Marlboro Menthol Lung Dissolver!

Thank you I think to both Perks (why you wanna hate my stuff? huh?) and to Linbido- is cornyness a word? (actually that made me laugh right on out!)

I promise- as a sincere and aspiring poet I agonized a full minute and a half over the 'the'! But reamed is a noun here, not a verb, so I had to do it. I just had to. I had no choice. It couldn't be helped.

Ok! This wise ass is goin back to bed, to OD on yet more codeine to perk me up, and Klonopin to crash the perk.

Seriously tho, I do appreciate the mentions. Its that
'gleefully groveling pityless praises' syndrome. It's a part of what makes me tick!

mumbling... what for he/she wanna hate my stuff for man? what'd I do? someone musta pissed in the wheaties... hell...it wasn't me, man...

 

[perks]

mumbling... what for he/she wanna hate my stuff for man? what'd I do? someone musta pissed in the wheaties... hell...it wasn't me, man...

you silly, it's not you, it's the style. It's soooooo minimalist. Just my personal preference. However, because of the subject matter, the title, the poem as a whole, the minimalism is just the way it should be. So it's a good solid poem. However, that being said. I can recognize a poem for what it is, and what it conveys, that doesn't mean it's my bag. Make sense?

I'm not about being personal when it comes to poetry, even though poetry is a very personal thing. When I critique, I'm not looking at the person, I'm looking at the poem. Just because I like it or not, doesn't make the poem good or bad, it just my perspective.

The fact that I am not a fan of completely minimalist poetry, and I still liked your poem, is a pretty good thing, actually.

 

[BooMerengue]

you silly, it's not you, it's the style. It's soooooo minimalist. Just my personal preference. However, because of the subject matter, the title, the poem as a whole, the minimalism is just the way it should be. So it's a good solid poem. However, that being said. I can recognize a poem for what it is, and what it conveys, that doesn't mean it's my bag. Make sense?

I'm not about being personal when it comes to poetry, even though poetry is a very personal thing. When I critique, I'm not looking at the person, I'm looking at the poem. Just because I like it or not, doesn't make the poem good or bad, it just my perspective.

The fact that I am not a fan of completely minimalist poetry, and I still liked your poem, is a pretty good thing, actually.

I'm not a fan either... but I heard someone mention minimalism a page or 2 back and gave it a go. I wrote it right then, and posted it to the story site...duh...

I was messin w/ you... I truly value all opinions whether or not their personal... its still valid, cuz I respect(usually) the person critiquing. So please!!! Hate my stuff!! You'll give a better appraisal. Kudos, Kid!

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 10/05/03 - (IMHO)

Today we have eight new submissions and one “spinner”. Here is the "golden oldie" that I found for this Sunday. (It took nine spins to find this poem.)

Today's "goldie" is:
Kennedy Liver Farms & Prozac Bagels by smaugfire.
I was so surprised when I first read this poem. How did I miss it before? People have been talking about slams and coffeehouse readings, well here is a good one for those milieus. I even have stolen a potential title from it, "Ice-cream Flavored Bombs".

science never sleeps
yea, growing livers
for Kennedys. drink
to that. recombine
DNA. millions for a
cloned, bleating, woolly
sex toy named dolly.
yea, they just love giant
breasted dumb blondes
from Nashville. hey, its
that silly little quest to
discover that we know
nothing, where tiny little
men with glasses and
oxford degrees spend
their entire lives to
develop rc racers with
bad radio receivers, you
know the Martians would
probably prefer the latest
copy of Hustler. and you
know some of those
Nashville sluts won’t cost
nearly as much. maybe the
Martians won’t kill us for
stupidity if those little men
with glasses and degrees
send them a toy that works.
hey lets all learn about the
learned men, yea. they made
pharmaceuticals and hospital
machines, keeps those old
toothless jello eaters from
dying when they should. yea,
lets them handle more
abuse from the young
before they finally go. then
again why should Martians
bother killing us, when we
do a fine job of that on our
own? gotta love science,
anathema, the tool of entropy.
Take the prozac spread with
your bagel, and lets find out
about these tragic little men
with glasses who ironically
work to make the world
a better place. yea, they design
ice-cream flavors and bombs,
machines to worship all day
and workers compensation
for the machines making us
do what hands were never
meant to do. such a
better world, or so they
claim. poor fellas are just
speeding the inevitable. so
damned smart. I’ll probably
spend my life in a cheap little
community college writing
about the happy things in life
and the cash I have to spend
on the inventions of these
sad little learned men. they
manufacture freedom, yea, the
new slavery, Orwell’s nightmare,
killing elephants on television,
watching purple dinosaurs teach
children the art of telemarketing.

As per Angeline's Friday post, here is another poet who deserves to be more widely read. Go do it!

*******

Here are the eight new submittals in order of listing:

1. Undeniable by zodia58:
This is a description of the sexual act. It is not presented in a form that would usually be considered "poetic" and contains little of much interest to any frequent reader of Lit. poetry (IMHO). It seems more like descriptive prose that is too short to be accepted by the story board. It also has a few syntactical errors. On the positive side the author does not depend on a plethora of four letter words in her description. - I would skip this one.

2. through the tunnel of truth by steve porter:
This poet usually writes excellent poetry, and while this one is interesting and worth a read, I find that the rhyme scheme gets in the way of a better poem. We have all done that; been limited to what we can say by a pre-chosen metre or rhyme pattern. - This poem could be quite a bit better if the author had given himself more freedom from structure (IMHO).

3. and i know it is going to be good by steve porter:
This second offering also does not live up to Steve's full potential (IMHO). It is a descriptive memory/vignette piece and offers some interesting phrases, but is mostly constructed of rather well worn imagery. I am also not impressed by the lack of punctuation and capitalization in this piece.

4. Riddle Ridge by Icingsugar:
For an "instant poem" this one is worth reading if you have not already done so in the other thread. (IMHO) it stood up better there.

5. The Good and the Sin by Exogenous:
This is another example of structure shorting out the electrical potential of the poem. Power grid failure (IMHO). Reminds me of Dr. Seuss cross-wired with Hallmark. I cannot recommend that conjunction nor this poem.

6. The Feast of the Dead by chamgagne1982:
The rhyme scheme in this picture of a Druids' Halloween doesn't start to cause "Yoda speak" until the fifth stanza after that it begins to weaken the work (IMHO). Go read it and decide what you think of this rather dark poem.

7. Bygone days by RazzRajen:
A longing for the past or not? This poem is probably the best of the day, although not among Razz's best (IMHO). After you read today's offering, click on the name and go enjoy some of his previous works.

8. The Wild Wolf by tis_mina:
A fairly new writer at Literotica, tis_mina's second poem is an interesting allegorical read, given her non-"vanilla" bent. It is fairly simple, but it is worth reading and sending encouraging feedback.

As usual, you are advised to go read today's New Poetry, and make up and voice your own mind. I might have panned some poems that you may enjoy.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Smaugfire]

Wow... It has almost been a year since I've been back to Literotica. All, I can say is wow. It is an honor to be mentioned after so long. Thank you Angeline and Rybka for your honest appraisals.

 

[Angeline]

Wow... It has almost been a year since I've been back to Literotica. All, I can say is wow. It is an honor to be mentioned after so long. Thank you Angeline and Rybka for your honest appraisals.

All I said is you're great, *g*--which, of course you are, you nihilistic bastard.. Hey Lauren? Look! It's Smaug!

 

[Smaugfire]

Hey now... who're you calling a nihilist? One must believe in something to write about anything.

*hides from Lauren*

 

[Icingsugar]

Re: new poems on 10/05/03 - (IMHO)

4. Riddle Ridge by Icingsugar:
For an "instant poem" this one is worth reading if you have not already done so in the other thread. (IMHO) it stood up better there.

Sorry, I think I broke the dogma rules for an instant poem with this one. The one in the thread is written from first letter to last, but I corrected grammar and added a line before submitting to Lit.

So spank me.

Please?

 

[BooMerengue]

I found this little cutie by Fable just skipping around yesterday. It's not new, maybe y'all have seen it. But I really liked it. It made me grin pretty big, and thats always a good thing.

Nuts

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: new poems on 10/05/03 - (IMHO)

Today we have eight new submissions and one “spinner”. Here is the "golden oldie" that I found for this Sunday. (It took nine spins to find this poem.)



Thanks Rybka , for the mention. Always appreciated and glad you take pleasure from the reading of it.


Thanks

Razz

 

[Guest]

Re: The Wild Wolf

A thing of beauty, this poem. It carried the images to my mind with grace and clarity..


Re: Bygone Days

i loved the feeling this poem gave me..nostalgia, and yet not..sadness, and yet not..passion, cold or hot? Left me wondering..

 

[Maria2394]

I want to mention this one by SadisticFucker
The Architect's Fruit

[...] As a smooth finger penetrates a vestal pond, like
An alabaster spire against a jade sky
Where one could age one thousand years
In the water’s cold reflection.[...]

that description just did something to me... I don't know what, exactly, but I liked it a lot!!


it has some great imagery and is sort of eerie,really worth the time to read, IMHO.

still unconsumed by the light of the noon moon, Maria

 

[Guest]

I want to mention this one by SadisticFucker
The Architect's Fruit

As a smooth finger penetrates a vestal pond, like
An alabaster spire against a jade sky
Where one could age one thousand years
In the water’s cold reflection.

that description just did something to me... I don't know what, exactly, but I liked it a lot!!


it has some great imagery and is sort of eerie,really worth the time to read, IMHO.

still unconsumed by the light of the noon moon, Maria

I don't know why, but it reminded me of a fly... I liked it as well—along with yours: her little glass bird
and Rybka's Piper at the Edge of Dawn —Great imagery in each piece... Yes, indeedy


neo

 

[lovergirl122984]

hi i need some feed back on my writing i seem to have stoped and can't start again and i have no idea why but heres my last poem i wrote i was writen about 5 months b4 i met my husbend!

Why is it always me who gets hurt?
My heart is in a million pieces,
Over someone who evidently doesn’t love me!
Why do I fall so hard so fast?
It’s me, who gets hurt not them,
so why not just hide somewhere no one can ever hurt me again!
If it weren’t for guys then I’d be condemned to my room’
Lying on my bed at home wishing for something or someone,
I could never have!
I want to see heaven but all I’m seeing is hell!

 

[darkmaas]

New poems: Monday 6 October

Darkmaas is late. It must be Monday somewhere on the planet. It’s an odd selection this Monday. Two poems that you must read and then two more that will appeal to some and may leave the rest of you wondering if your selfless reviewer has lost his touch.

If you read only two poems, make them her little glass bird by Maria and Piper at the Edge of Dawn by our favourite fish, Rybka.

I was contemplating starting a thread dedicated to drinking and along comes Icingsugar. Those of you who rarely drink to excess may not relate to Icingsugar’s poem Museless. If, like darkmaas, you are wont to embrace John Barleycorn, then the poet’s deft treatment of the subject will bring a wan smile.

Like Maria and Neonurotic, I too took a shine to The Architect's Fruit by SadisticFucker.

 

[Angeline]

Those of you who rarely drink to excess may not relate to Icingsugar’s poem Museless. If, like darkmaas, you are wont to embrace John Barleycorn, then the poet’s deft treatment of the subject will bring a wan smile.

Reality is a crutch, baby.

Another vote for Icingsugah's poem, which I love though I rarely imbibe. It put me in mind of a dream I once had, where the soundtrack (my dreams always have soundtracks like bizarro mind musicals) sounded ethereal, gorgeous...I was convinced (metacognating as I dreamed) that I had composed an amazing piece of music, and I forced myself awake so I could record it and I was so excited and and and it was a Stephen Stills song (Bluebird).

Quel disappointment.

 

[Maria2394]

Re: New poems: Monday 6 October

Darkmaas is late. It must be Monday somewhere on the planet. It’s an odd selection this Monday. Two poems that you must read and then two more that will appeal to some and may leave the rest of you wondering if your selfless reviewer has lost his touch.

If you read only two poems, make them her little glass bird by Maria and Piper at the Edge of Dawn by our favourite fish, Rybka.

Yummy thanks for the mentions, darkmaas and neo

 

[Icingsugar]

Re: New poems: Monday 6 October



Just wanted to add that bar after beer after bottle is a thing of my past. But it's a rather accurate description of a friday night a few years ago. I still can't remember what I was thinking of, and it bugs be to bits to this day.

And I too enjoyed the glass bird. Lovely.

 

[Angeline]

I still can't remember what I was thinking of, and it bugs be to bits to this day.

You'll feel the same way again after those babies are born.

 

[Rybka]

Re: New poems: Monday 6 October

If you read only two poems, make them her little glass bird by Maria and Piper at the Edge of Dawn by our favourite fish, Rybka.

Nothing is a "must read", but thank you for the thought.
Being mentioned in the same sentence with Maria by both you and Neonurotic pleases me greatly. Thank you.

Regards, Rybka

 

[WickedEve]

10-07

Not many new poems today. There's one by RazzRajen called Slivered Thoughts. I'm still pondering it. I have a cold and my head feels all fuzzy inside. No, not fuzzy--wooly. Anyway, Razz's poem didn't sink in. But Jenna Grey's poem did. Here's a preview of losing you:
I curl up at night
with a blank journal,
black Bic poised
scratch out a phrase
remember what it looked like
in blue.

the color of the ink
shouldn’t matter.

Okay, that's it. I'm going to bed, and I won't be having any fun either.