new poems

[Linbido]

Rybka, Maria, Angel.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this one. The words came easy to me this time, probaby because I had a certain stupid girl in mind, who thoght she had grown up one day, just because she had another birthday, and turned legally adult.

Well, that particular girl staightened herself up, eventually, have had a good life even since.

And a few weeks ago she signed up to a website called Literotica, where she have posted two poems.

One was called Neon Nights. Thank you for reading.


btw Angel,

And I didn't say in the poem but the book was um The Captain's Verses by Pablo Neruda. You'd pant, too, lol.

Oh, I love those! But I'm more of a swooner myself. So swoon I did.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

11th October 2003

My new poems recommendations come a little late today, but I hope they're still on time.

Not that many new submissions, so you might as well read them all. There are some, though, that I need to point out:

-------------------------------------------------
Earth-Pleasure-Dance
by jazm49 ©

     1
This is a protected place.

Here, under the September moon,
in the circle of faces glowing in the fire's light,
we can strip off all we've been or will become,
strip away our day-to-day concerns
and dance naked to the primal throb of drums.

[...]

Jazm49's submissions both read like song lyrics (Building A House Of Love much more so than this Earth-Pleasure-Dance), with a lot of dated hippie clichés, but this one made a pretty interesting read, actually. Good structure and nice sense of rhythm.

-------------------------------------------------
Angeline!!!
by BooMerengue ©

[...]

I love you Ange
and love your stuff
so make a promise Sweet

keep forging on
give us your best
but fuck! don't hit Delete!!!


Boo brings us a hilarious little poem. Quite frankly, I loved it.
And Boo, baby, fear not. You can still read Ange's poems at her Optimista
Poetry and Art Annex, WickedEve's Habit or my No-Troy.

-------------------------------------------------
A Screen Door Slam
by darkmaas ©

[...]

What might the neighbour think
awoken by the slam
peering out his bathroom window?
If he could see
the tears that streak your breasts
would he surmise that they are perspiration
or maybe just the early morning dew?

[...]

My pick of the day, without a question. I might have tweaked a little bit on the first and last stanzas, but it's all there. Great imagery, control, sharpness. Well done.

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: 10/10/03

First off, thank you ssong! I had fun writing Bibliobliss, trying to slowly reveal what was happening in the poem. (And I didn't say in the poem but the book was um The Captain's Verses by Pablo Neruda. You'd pant, too, lol.)

On to today's posts.

Today's posts were few, but I found two poems I really like. First off, I concur with Rybka. Linbido's Neon Nights is a great lyrical caveat against the follies of youth and a reminder of the value of innocence. It really works well, and has a strong musical refrain.

My fave today though is Cut & Dried, or Was It? by RazzRajen. I think it's one of his best. It's his usual carefully built poem of contrasting images and implicit questions, but placed today in a particularly meaningful context, I thought. And I love the last two lines.

Have a great weekend. Happy poeting!
Ange

Thanks Angeline for taking teh time as always anbd for enjoying what I write.
In any case I appreciate the mention *S*

Thanks again

Razz

 

[Angeline]

Thanks and Thanks and Thanks!

Thank *you* Razz; I do very much enjoy reading your poems, you prolific guy. Now you and darkmaas and Tristesse and Champagne and all you other northerners get those turkeys cooking and have a happy Thanksgiving.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy moly, Boo! I went to new poems this morning and there was my name and a bunch of these!!!! I love you too as you well know, and the poem is very cool (I'm embarrassed, lol). I will however continue to relentlessly beat on you so you see how beautifully you write, so no worries there.

And you know why I took the poems off now (book thingy), although you will note that having the will power of well, a potato, I'm posting again.
~~~~~~~~~~

Moving east and very south, to Lauren land, where things are pretty uh spooky--

Thank you Lauren for leading readers to my poems. Optimista is being updated so it may be a little unnavigable for a day or two (since unlike you and Eve who are knowlegeable and artistic, I have the web design skills of, well, a potato).

Oh and that AV is just beyond belief lol. And is one of those jack-o-lanterns in the background OT ?

 

[darkmaas]

Thank you Lauren.

The very thought of being tweaked has the first and last stanzas all twittering in anticipation. As always you are right.

And yes Angeline, it is Thanksgiving. What could be more quintessentially Canadian than pilgrims and pumpkin pie? Darkmaas is entertaining his aged parents, sundry other relations and hangers-on. The fatted turkey is calling out to be stuffed. The Monday new poem reviews may be a bit late, but they will appear. Fear not.

darkmaas

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Thanks and Thanks and Thanks!

Oh and that AV is just beyond belief lol. And is one of those jack-o-lanterns in the background OT ?

Maybe, but he is NOT the one pump(k)in the pie. That's just a rumour...

 

[BooMerengue]

I can't believe Ange is embarassed... but I love it! I'm doin what you said... studying...writing...listening. We'll see...

Dark? Still jumping from the sound of the screen door slamming. Hope i didn't offend... knee jerk reaction, sweety! It's a 5 !!

I really liked Earth Pleasure Dance... I'm a solitary practioner myself, and so it sang to me! Put me in the mood... maybe something comin from the loner's side of that dance.

I didn't realize there were so many facets to a little girl frozen in time, but Linbido- you too touched me. How wonderful it is to see the word made flesh.

I'm still reading. and copying. and trying to best. and getting pissed. and loving it.

 

[Rybka]

new poems on 10/12/03

Today we have 10 new submissions and one “spinner”. The "golden oldie" that I found for this Sunday is a sunset every night by smithpeter. One I had not read before, but still typical smithpeter; very, very good.

she hangs mirrors on the trees of neighbors.
they cling to views like magnetic signs to the sides
of soccer vans and dry heads take to wet hair.

reflecting passion on laundry night
she gets view. either summer reruns
homeruns
stocking runs with salsa stained bellies

pressed

like

soggy

bugs

one against the other, splosh sweatily.

Later. Asleep. Dreaming of better
dressed, better messed ways and
situations if caught loitering, peeking
and appreciating the swoons of next doors
knockers.

She spins in her slumber bumping
the lumber headed board of waking
to the same sad ass sun rising.
Again.

On the new side, Angeline leads off the day with La Luna Adagio and an 'Editor's Pick' with a poem of the late autumn moon in the night's sky. Just a trifle early, (The leaves are barely changed around here - fall is late this year!) but well written as expected of one of our better poets.

Here under night's blind rise
of wisdom Earth breathes
ripe with fallen excess
dusty milk pods now blown
lost seeds rattle dry weeds
crack their brittle bones

while Luna stares unseeing
splintered strikes of branches
are washed by wind and bare trees
dip in corps of solitary stands
...

RazzRajen is next in line with his Ballet shoes, once. I like Razz's poetry and I think this is one of his better recent efforts. He seems more in control of the poem in this work than in some others.

Toes and little bows
fancy and pretty things
Once I looked at them
and all was right with the world
...

There is only one other poet today whom I recognize. The others are all new to me. I find nothing to recommend in any of their submissions.
Read the two mentioned and then go write your own.

OR. . . if you don't feel like writing, go to the homepage of thebullet and start reading his Death by Fucking novel. I don't read many stories on Lit. anymore, but this is a pretty good one. Good to the point that I find the mandatory sex scenes distracting. This is probably the best I've read here since Riven___Caulfield's smokeSCREEN (though not quite that good).

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Thank you Rybka

for your recommendation of La Luna Adagio. It's not very autumnal here either yet, though it will be soon. I was listening to Roderigo's Guitar Concerto yesterday, and all these fall images were creeping into my head (god knows why, lol, cause it's certainly not an "autumnal" piece though impressionistic). Anyway who knows where music will lead the mind?

I also illustrated the poem. It's here.

And I love both other poems you recommended--I remember that smithpeter one, and it is such a lovely impressionistic piece. The Razz poem is, too, and I love the way it takes an image (ballet shoes) as a point for traveling back to a memory. That would make a good poem challenge.

Oh and the Razz poem reminded me of a wonderful children's book Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield, which was a favorite of mine as a kid.

Gracias pescado!

 

[BooMerengue]

Reality is a crutch, baby.

Another vote for Icingsugah's poem, which I love though I rarely imbibe. It put me in mind of a dream I once had, where the soundtrack (my dreams always have soundtracks like bizarro mind musicals) sounded ethereal, gorgeous...I was convinced (metacognating as I dreamed) that I had composed an amazing piece of music, and I forced myself awake so I could record it and I was so excited and and and it was a Stephen Stills song (Bluebird).

Quel disappointment.

Ange- did you know He's So Fine by the Chiffons, and My Sweet Lord by George Harrison were the same tune? George didn't know it either but he was very graceful when he was sued. LOL So don't feel bad!

 

[Angeline]

Ange- did you know He's So Fine by the Chiffons, and My Sweet Lord by George Harrison were the same tune? George didn't know it either but he was very graceful when he was sued. LOL So don't feel bad!

I do, but I won't be recording Bluebird anytime soon. My singing is extremely not poetic. Even my children, who truely love me, run shrieking from it.

 

[darkmaas]

Monday, 13th of October

Late again but turkey sated. Four poems caught my fancy this morning.

Let's begin with Maria's buzz cut, baby. This is a poem about a tonsorial fashion that darkmaas unfortunately does not comprehend. When I was young, the buzz cut was not fashionable but was easy for a clipper wielding parent. If that wasn't enough, a brief stint in the naval reserve added insult to injury and I am scarred for life. The knowledge that such a person as Maria might exist would have eased my burden. This poem is fun. Enjoy!

Next up is archipelago. Those of us who have been deprived recently of our regular oxalis fix may rejoice. A great poem full of complex imagery and an introspective mood. I had to work a bit but it's worth the effort.

Lastly a pair of poetic offerings that seem to me to share a theme. Razz and Angeline have both chosen to explore communication. At the far end of the Bay is wistful and apprehensive.

Shall the Tree
show you the leaves
I wove
and sent onwards
as little messages

The ending is nicely unresolved.

Angeline takes a different tack in Muted Wisdom. She explores non-verbal communication in a poem that on first reading is more about "Muted" than "Wisdom". However, I'm sure you'll agree on reflection, that she shows a wise hand at the pen. Reread the last stanza. (Luckily for most of us, poetry is not a competative sport or Angeline would take any fun out of it by being so damn good.)


That's it for today (well yesterday) folks. Read, then vote and even offer up some feedback.


Respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

Thank You

Angeline takes a different tack in Muted Wisdom. She explores non-verbal communication in a poem that on first reading is more about "Muted" than "Wisdom". However, I'm sure you'll agree on reflection, that she shows a wise hand at the pen. Reread the last stanza. (Luckily for most of us, poetry is not a competative sport or Angeline would take any fun out of it by being so damn good.)

Dearest darkmaas. Words cannot express my gratitude.

 

[Rybka]

Poem of the Day

There are several "4"s today, but only one "5". denis hale has rapidly become the best poet posting on Literotica. If anyone is to become a known published poet, my money is on denis!

Read the other's of the day, there are some nice ones, but don't miss Somewhere A Fat Lady .

Regards, Rybka

 

[WickedEve]

new poems 10-14

what fish said

go read the rest

excuse the lack of enthusiasm

I've been sick

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: new poems on 10/12/03

RazzRajen is next in line with his Ballet shoes, once.


Belated Thanks to Rybka and Angeline for the mention and their comments. I can blame it all on gobble weekend... I was overwhelmed and overtaken and am now recovering We should have days off to recover from holidays.. I have long felt that.


And Thanks also to darkmaas for taking the time to get down to the nitty gritty of reviewing even after that turkey sat in him just as it did in me I am sure.

Thanks All

Razz

 

[Guest]

Re: Muted Wisdom, by Angeline

loved both the subtlety and the directness of this poem, it was so openly affecting..on little cat feet..smiles..


Re: At the Far End of the Bay, by RazzRajen

just had to comment on this one, loved it...emotions floated on the words, bearing wisps of feeling on their backs..



ssong

 

[Icingsugar]

Re: Poem of the Day

Read the other's of the day, there are some nice ones, but don't miss Somewhere A Fat Lady .

Woah, Somewhere A Fat Lady was outstanding, even for denis (Iäm quoting so I don't have to link ).

There is a rare auhotity to his writing. Who else here could write "Somewhere a bear shits mightily in the buckwheat" and make it sound like the most natural thing in the world?

/Ice

 

[eagleyez]

the blue slips out of the sky
the slow decline into night-
tiny deaths in a hybridpool on the bed
as the willow tree sheds in the shadow west-

and here east the half moon
peeks up to look at the river,

the entire map of me
against your ocean.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks and a few more recs

Re: Muted Wisdom, by Angeline

loved both the subtlety and the directness of this poem, it was so openly affecting..on little cat feet..smiles..

Thank you much silver; that is lovely--I meant it to say what it says quietly: a whisper of a poem if you will, so I'm really happy it came across to you that way.

~~~~~~~~~
And denis? Good lord man, your poems have an intensity that make me want to run for the storm cellar (well uh if I had one). I love the way you moved from image to image across the landscape of Somewhere..... It's relentless like Bukowski yes, but has Whitmanesque Old Testament prophesying echoing through it, too.

This is teriffic stuff, though I may be odd one out in saying I liked Please Push Pound as much if not more for its narrator's dead-on wit and its antagonist's barely contained rage. I liken everything to jazz I know, but to me what's *unsaid* in that poem is as palpable as Basie's unplayed notes.

~~~~~~~~~~~
There were other posts today that I loved.

Read OT's grasping the world. I think it may be his best yet here, and he writes some wonderfully subtle poems. Read it, and picture the way a toddler explores the world--OT has it down perfectly to the last curious-eyed, drooly detail. But beautiful!

The poem is easily a 5, and put a tear of memory in this mommy's eye (something that will no doubt work in my boy's favor when he gets his next driving lesson from me this weekend--he owes you OT!)

~~~~~~~~~~~
Senna Jawa has two poems posted today. They're both characteristically good, but I preferred Pacific. "Emotions like missing birds" is an incredible image. I don't know how he does it, but no one is as consistent in conveying a world of meaning in a few words.

 

[Maria2394]

Re: Monday, 13th of October

Late again but turkey sated. Four poems caught my fancy this morning.

Let's begin with Maria's buzz cut, baby. This is a poem about a tonsorial fashion that darkmaas unfortunately does not comprehend. When I was young, the buzz cut was not fashionable but was easy for a clipper wielding parent. If that wasn't enough, a brief stint in the naval reserve added insult to injury and I am scarred for life. The knowledge that such a person as Maria might exist would have eased my burden. This poem is fun. Enjoy!

thank you Darkmaas, for mentioning my little poem. And you should know, Maria finds lots of unusual things verrrry sexy, buzz cuts being one of them. But it is an acquired taste, as when I was a teenager, I drove my parents crazy with my eyes popping out everytime some long-haired tattooed biker would whiz on by, harley motor vibrating the ground around...oh my...I dont need a trip down that memory lane, a cold shower would be better
thanks again, and I am glad you enjoyed it maria

 

[destinie21]

Hello folks, Her I am with my poetry review cap placed jauntily on my head ready to get down the nitty-gritty in the wonderful world of words.

First on the list of stuff I like is

Swim written by Dalliance
The imagery is great.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112490 By darcpix was pretty good although some of the language doesn't flow it's still well done.

Icingsugar gave us TGP very good. I'm loving the use of alliteration here.


Razzrajen introduces us to Thoughts, impressions


All in all today was a good day
As always check them all out love em' hate em feel indifferent but for the love of God send feedback and throw the poets a vote.

 

[Angeline]

10/15

I very much liked arms over head by air2o, which is short, simple, and subtle. We've had lots of long poems posted lately, dense with strong imagery, and many of them (denis hale's and Icing-Sugar's come to mind) are very good.

I also really enjoy the quiet simple qualities of poems like this, that are powerful as much for the echoes of what isn't there as the spare language that is.

ever more better
than already do

skin like that
held so

her own mouth
breathless pink

blue in green
red in brown

bare feet
she points

 

[Guest]

Re: Swim, by Dalliance..

yikes..what an absolutely outrageous poem..if I could, I'd write just like that. *VBS*

ssong

 

[Icingsugar]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112490 By darcpix was pretty good although some of the language doesn't flow it's still well done.

Icingsugar gave us TGP very good. I'm loving the use of alliteration here.

Thanks for the mention Destinie. 'twas fun to write.

And here is a working link to darcpix's With Reason. Check it out, it's got a prose-like meter that might come off as odd, but still well worth the read.

I also want to mention Angeline's hermitage ave, a snapshot from a life that is far from mine, but still makes me feel like i, almost, am there.