new poems

[Guest]

Re: Expectations, Of Change? , by RazzRajen

I liked the way this piece led me to wistful peaceful sad images..but that is only what I saw; others will surely see different things in it. Therein resides the magic of this author's works..and no, not a critique, merely an observation..or rather, a humble opinion...smiles..

ssong

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: New Poems, Monday 20 October.

Today's reviewing theme will be the use of vegetables...

Next go and read Razz's floral offering. Purists might argue that saffron is hardly a vegetable in the Zappanesque concept of the metaphor. However, I disagree and it's my review. Read Stamens, nodding. Colour and a spice... you won't regret it.


darkmaas


Thanks for the nod, darkmaas, Appreciated as ever.

Razz

 

[RazzRajen]

Hey here I am ready to read whatevers been dished out.
My favorites were Express Lane Wisdom by Maria2394
Grinding Corn by jthserra
and Expectations, of change? by RazzRajen

I also liked some of BlissfulZimZum666's lines in sugar girl but didn't care for the whole piece. That's just my two cents though.



Thanks destinie for the mention....

and Thank you, ssilversong, for the comments about the places seen in My words....

Razz

 

[Cordelia]

New poems 10/23/03

I'm going to start by raving (again!) about the poem posted by denis hale :

The gem of the day is his poem Transplant Patience

I can't even begin to rave enough to convey the stark imagery in this poem. Just go read it.

A wondrous thing. Makes me want to go write more.

~~~~~~~

Also worth reading today:

the spin by air2o

A delectable morsel of poetry. I have it up on my wall.

~~~~~~~

Ms Renfield's Acceptance Speech by Maria2394

The perfect Halloween poem! Go read this by candle-light.

~~~~~~~

Apercu by jthserra

This poet has two poems posted today. This one is (in my opinion) much better. The last two lines wrapped the poem up so simply and perfectly, I took notes. <applause>

~~~~~~~

And, finally,

Food for Thought by champagne1982

A lovely little poem. I think, with a little tightening, this could be marvelous. I would drop the last two words, for a start...

But go read it and judge for yourself.

~~~~~~~

Goodnight, poetry-lovers. Read, give feedback, vote and for goodness sake, write!


Cordelia

 

[Guest]

Re: Transplant Patience, by Denis Hale

Stark, and wonderful.

ssong

 

[air2o]

thank you, Cordi

 

[Angeline]

Friday, October 24

Hello everyone. It's verrry cold here in my corner of the globe, but happily poetry will keep me warm (and in a few cases erm real warm) because it is a very good day for new poems here at Lit. In fact, you almost can't go wrong; there's something there for everyone--barely a clunker in the bunch.

Here are my favorites.

Have you all been reading jthserra? He's a new poem poster here, and boy can he write. If you've not checked out his page, I highly recommend you do so--his poems are descriptive and sensual. He posted two today and I liked both, but preferred The Sensuous Art of Sushi.

Taste

With delicate care
we enjoy
bright and muted colors,
fragrant soy
and fish,
the textures
seducing our mouths
with firmness, softness
cool fish and wasabi fire,
as we hear
soft moans of delight
surprise and contentment.

This poem is flawlessly constructed and, about three stanzas in, gets pretty darn hot considering it's about cold fish (must be the wasabi, lol). Very sensually metaphorical and beautifully done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there's the clever and deceptively simple of from air2o , who manages the rather amazing feat of going from a bag of veggies to the universe in 16 words.
It's just delightful--I've read it about 6 times, and like it more with each read. Bagism, anyone?

stuffing tomato
full into bag is mission

mission is God
tomato is lust
bag is universe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And dear Mr. RazzRajen, I don't know how you manage to be so good and so prolific at once because you post almost every day, yet rarely miss the mark. Today's offering, Sleeping places, and things is especially good.

Those who enter the portals
eternal charge,
slowly coalescing
the stars into
His personal hell

and the beds are of
rose petals

Razz writes with such a lovely thoughtful and quizzical voice that gives his poems a soothing quality, even as they raise difficult questions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But really, skim all the new poems; there are others there that are quite interesting as well. And check out the other threads here on the board--there's lots of good poetry happening here. Live! Free! Get involved! Go on, do it.

And don't forget to read, vote, and send feedback. Let us know what you think!

Happy Weekending,
Ange

 

[Icingsugar]

Also from today, I horribly much liked Trifles by sanchopanza. I have no idea why, but I think it's bloody brilliant. Conjures a strange little fairy tale in my mind's eye when I read it.

Little things that matter little to little people.
But they matter to us.
Do we not matter?

 

[Angeline]

Also from today, I horribly much liked Trifles by sanchopanza. I have no idea why, but I think it's bloody brilliant. Conjures a strange little fairy tale in my mind's eye when I read it.

Little things that matter little to little people.
But they matter to us.
Do we not matter?

Excellent call, Ice. I left my post with some flagging guilt for not being specific about sanchopanza's poems. Trifles in particular had an oddly clipped quality--direct but reading it felt like holding my breath, waiting to hear the unspoken subtext. A poet who can do that to a reader is some skilled.

 

[Icingsugar]

Excellent call, Ice. I left my post with some flagging guilt for not being specific about sanchopanza's poems. Trifles in particular had an oddly clipped quality--direct but reading it felt like holding my breath, waiting to hear the unspoken subtext. A poet who can do that to a reader is some skilled.

I was half expecting to be attacked by an army of little pissed-off pixies after reading it. Maybe that's just me and my warped imagination?

 

[Angeline]

I was half expecting to be attacked by an army of little pissed-off pixies after reading it. Maybe that's just me and my warped imagination?

Perhaps, but that thinking is good practice for how to feel when your twins start walking, lol.

 

[jthserra]

rondeau redoubled????

"Sweet Agony (roundeau redoubled)
by jthserra ©

...makes an interesting read, at least for the technical merit. A rondeau redoubled it is not, but it's still a good poem. "




Laren: You said this is not a rondeau redoubled. Where does it break form? ... it's a difficult form, but I thought I had it.

 

[jthserra]

and thank you...

Lauren and others:

thank you for the kind reviews. Being new here, I was not even aware of this thread. I kept wondering how I was getting the number of replies on my poems.

Angeline... thank you for the comments and directing me here...


jim

 

[Angeline]

Angeline... thank you for the comments and directing me here...

My pleasure, and welcome to the poetry board. I'm very much enjoying your poems, and am happy to pass the word along. Maybe you'll even decide to stick around and post in some of the threads. This can be a very supportive place for poets looking for feedback, ideas, and such.

 

[champagne1982]

Re: New poems 10/23/03

I'm going to start by raving (again!) about the poem posted by denis hale :

The gem of the day is his poem Transplant Patience

I can't even begin to rave enough to convey the stark imagery in this poem. Just go read it.

A wondrous thing. Makes me want to go write more

[...]~~~~~~~

And, finally,

Food for Thought by champagne1982

A lovely little poem. I think, with a little tightening, this could be marvelous. I would drop the last two words, for a start...

But go read it and judge for yourself.

~~~~~~~[...]Cordelia

Thankyou Cordelia. This isn't a bad poem considering it's directly from the All of a Sudden Passion Suddenly thread and totally written in about 3 minutes off the cuff. Sometimes words surprise you that way.

I do so absolutely agree about Denis Hale's Transplant Patience. I can almost hear the monitors with their steady beep beep.. And the physio-therapist who visits to make certain the poor hacked up soul can function with a severed sternum and a mending heart had better be the sweetest thing. Just like the nurse?

 

[Maria2394]

Re: New poems 10/23/03

~~~~~~~

Also worth reading today:

the spin by air2o

A delectable morsel of poetry. I have it up on my wall.

~~~~~~~

Ms Renfield's Acceptance Speech by Maria2394

The perfect Halloween poem! Go read this by candle-light.

~~~~~~~

Apercu by jthserra

This poet has two poems posted today. This one is (in my opinion) much better. The last two lines wrapped the poem up so simply and perfectly, I took notes. <applause>

~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~

Goodnight, poetry-lovers. Read, give feedback, vote and for goodness sake, write!

Thanks for the mention Cordelia when written, the thought of Halloweeen never even crossed my mind <WEG>
and to the person who sent the fb worried about me, IM OK!!! thanks for asking..love you guys that send letters, makes my day
*******
and also, thanks Destinie for mentioning Express lane Wisdom..that one meant a lot to me and I was almost in tears when I wrote it, wishing anyone had ever cared that much for me when I was a kid...big kisses to all you wonderful poets and poetesses, ( dont worry, Im not making a pass, I just need to spread the love around sometimes )
have a wonder filled day, julie

ps guess what!! I caught my very first lizard this morning!! a baby green anole, trapped in my bathroom...he is so soft!! sort of scared of me, he jumped up on my shirt for a while..i let him go, back in the window where I suppose he will wait out the winter

 

[Maria2394]

new poems today

NO, I am not hijacking the reviewers duties, but I just have to say..anyone who decides to skip over the New Poetry list today is doing themselves a HUGE disservice,

we are blessed with a submission by Smithepeter!! ( yay) and Senna ( God, hes talented)
Angeline with her beautiful illustrated poem
and so many more!!!
I know saturdays are football, shopping and dates, but read, vote and read again...do you heart and mind a favor, fillit up with literary flavor!!

bye 4 now

 

[Angeline]

we are blessed with a submission by Smithepeter!! ( yay) and Senna ( God, hes talented)
Angeline with her beautiful illustrated poem
and so many more!!!
I know saturdays are football, shopping and dates, but read, vote and read again...do you heart and mind a favor, fillit up with literary flavor!!

Maria, ty, dear lady!

Lots of good poetry today.

And have you seen Linbido's Carrie Walks? It is incredible! It needs a touch of editing (a few verb tenses are off, I think), but it is as good as any of the best I've seen here, imho. It's evocative and ambiguously enigmatic. Bravo Ms. Linbido!

Longingly I wish
that I could look
into her mind,
so lost inside of rainbows,
and still so color blind.

Still Carrie walks
and Carrie talks

and Carrie looks so beautiful
in her white new dress
and her worn out shoes
Would I be her
if I could choose?

 

[Maria2394]

Angeline,
oh YES!! I have read Carrie walks..it is awesome..I try to read everything before I send FB or vote, that way I dont just haphazardly asign something more or less than what it deserves. I like to read just for the joy it brings and then go back and "grade"/... ( my how arrogant that sounds, but I know people love votes and feedback)

yes, they are all good today bye 4 now, maria

 

[Lauren Hynde]

25th October 2003

God, are you two right...

Today's New Poetry list is astounding and has to be read by everyone. If you don't believe me, then check this out:

First, there's Angeline's beautifully illustrated poem He's Funny That Way. Then, four [not so] new submissions by Senna Jawa, of which I would specially recommend his song of atonement Yom Kippur and [fate...].

Jthserra continues to impress with his Pythagorean eroticism, as does RazzRajen with Fairy Tales.

Guess who is back with an absolutely gorgeous citrus? The imagery, the pace, everything about this poem is vintage smithpeter.

Three newbies (for two of them, this is their first poetry submission) bring us some very interesting poems: Jasmine30's Life at a Distance, silkenseductress's Conflict and LilbHoney's No Coincidences. Read and send feedback.

And then there's Linbido's poem. In my opinion, the best submission of the day, maybe the best I've had the chance to recommend in a long time. Actually...

Carrie Walks
by Linbido ©

Carrie press some cotton
to the fingertip she bled.
Reluctantly she wish she was
a candle light instead.

"I would sparkle, I would shine
upon your face with the flame of mine."

"A candle light is hard to catch..."

"...but you could, if you strike a match."

Carrie press some cotton
to the fingertip she bled,

says
"Me and knives don't get along."

as white turns to red,

slowly trickle,
turns to red
With a flicker,
turns to gray inside her head.

Longingly I wish
that I could look
into her mind,
so lost inside of rainbows,
and still so color blind.

Still Carrie walks
and Carrie talks

and Carrie looks so beautiful
in her white new dress
and her worn out shoes
Would I be her
if I could choose?

[...]

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: rondeau redoubled????

Laren: You said this is not a rondeau redoubled. Where does it break form? ... it's a difficult form, but I thought I had it.

Hi!

Well, at the time I said that, I was trying to remember the rondeau and thought it was considerably different, but now I rechecked and it's not so important. Let me say you have done an excellent job with a difficult form and the small flaws don't make or break a poem. From what I could gather, what makes Sweet Agony a less than perfect Rondeau Redoublé is, for one, the less than perfect rhymes you sometimes used, but maybe more importantly, the refrain. Theoretically, the first stanza should be

AB
C
B'
C'

and the last (a quintet) should be

c
b
c
b
A

i.e. only part of the opening verse of the first stanza should make the non-rhyming, off-meter refrain at the end.

Hmm... maybe we could start a new thread to discuss this form. It's an interesting exercise.

 

[Icingsugar]

Just wanted to join in and agree. An exceptionally good batch of poems today.

Between Senna Jawa's hyper-intellegent minimalia, Linbido's razor sharp empaty, silkenseductress's powerful ambience and Jthserra geometrical erotica, I'd say we've had a pretty damn good day.

/Ice - impressed

 

[Angeline]

Ohhh citrus

Welcome back smithpeter. Always so nice to see you here. Your poem, citrus is as sweet and sharp as, well, citrus. It made me think that clementines will be in season here soon, lol.


we kiss and say kiss again
then ask, then say it with distance
the rows go for ever
finally ask; no answer

It's a delightful read.

 

[Linbido]

Yay, I got an "L"!

Lauren, Angel, Maria... A big scmootchy one to each of you for those kind words. (Already gave Ice one in person. )

It's actually a song, and I was worried that it wouldn't work well, since you can't hear the melody. Thank you for letting me know it worked.

I must also say that it got published in some fine company in this days New-list. 'scuse me while I go browsing through Senna Jawa's back catalog. It might take a few days...

-Lin

 

[jthserra]

Rondeau Redoubled

Thank you for the info on the rondeau redoubled Lauren. Apparently the model I followed was flawed, showing the final refrain as simply a repeat of the first line. Modifying Sweet Agony to follow the correct form I think actually helps the poem, with the closing stanza becoming:


A pulsing quake of ecstasies
A burst of light, the sun outshined
As you seethe in your lone release
I’m left to dream, breathless repine
“I yearn the touch.”

With respect to the rhyme, that was the most difficult part of working the poem: finding enough rhyming words without getting repetitive. Working only two rhymes over twenty four lines is tough. I reverted to some slant rhyme which I felt was better than repeating more words than the form required.


Is there any way to edit a poem already posted without losing the votes and view?


Lauren, again, thanks for the info.