new poems

[Em Keli 2003]

RYBKA

I am trying not to be redundant but some things bear repeating.
Thank you sincerely for this thread, for the new leads to sort the wheat from the chaff. This is going to be one of my favorite threads on Literotica.

Also my thanks to the others posting here on this thread and those from this thread who have bothered to take a moment to write to me personally with their cheer leadings and gentle floggings.

 

[jthserra]

thank you Rybka and Angeline

thank you Rybka and Angeline for your kind comments regarding my poems. I thought I would outline the background for "Genshi Bukadan (Original Child Bomb)". I have written a number of poems with historical content, this one was written after I read "Hiroshima" by John Hershey. Genshi Bukadan is japanese, roughly tranlates to Original Child Bomb.

again, thank you for your kind comments.

jim

 

[jthserra]

thank you Rybka and Angeline

thank you Rybka and Angeline for your kind comments regarding my poems. I thought I would outline the background for "Genshi Bukadan (Original Child Bomb)". I have written a number of poems with historical content, this one was written after I read "Hiroshima" by John Hershey. Genshi Bukadan is japanese, roughly tranlates to Original Child Bomb.

again, thank you for your kind comments.

jim

 

[Rybka]

Re: thank you Rybka and Angeline

thank you Rybka and Angeline for your kind comments regarding my poems. I thought I would outline the background for "Genshi Bukadan (Original Child Bomb)". I have written a number of poems with historical content, this one was written after I read "Hiroshima" by John Hershey. Genshi Bukadan is japanese, roughly tranlates to Original Child Bomb.

again, thank you for your kind comments.

jim

You might want to take a look at: The Bomb

Regards, Rybka

 

[The_Fool]

Et tu, Fool?

Sorry babe, I luv ya but that Disposa Girl incites me and excites me into actions not normally taken.....

 

[BooMerengue]

in my feedback today... the 3rd like this so far...

"As a mother, your poem made me tremble. How many times have I said something and been ignored? This is how the world is, I suppose. This is beautiful, simple, and terrible. Thank you for making me cry."

Now... THAT is what poetry is about...imho

at least that's what makes me feel I've written worth something reading...



goddamm

...and yes! I'm tootin' my own horn!

 

[darkmaas]

Monday 10 November

Another week blows past. It seems that there is again a discussion of the role of this long lived, (dare I say long winded), thread. I personally feel that I have neither the credentials nor, (without a specific request), the right to deeply critique the poems posted every Monday. Many of the poets who post are quite unaware of this thread, and to negatively critique behind someone's back strikes me as simply bad manners.

That said, then why bother? Simply put, there are two levels of quality here. The good poems are remarkably good considering this is an erotic site. These poems float in a sea of ... well let's be kind and call it flotsam. These poems deserve to be highlighted so that others, who may not want to sift, may take a few precious moments to read them. Nothing more, nothing less. Pure unadultrated altruism. (Stop that laughing in the back...)

So without further ado... todays picks.


Everyone must read On the Stereo, Typical by RisiaSkye. A lovely rhythm and seamless presentation cannot hide the fact that this poem has content. I'm not even going to quote any of it. Read the whole thing!


Next let me highlight a pair by jthserra. No trombones today! There seems to be a surge of scientific/mathematic metaphor. This is in general a good thing so read Roentgen Whispers. Then try Penumbra for its restrained use of shadowy imagery.


If you like horses and the women who ride horses then This sunny Sunday morning by oxalis is a must read. If you don't, do not dispair, because he treats us to one of the nicest analyses of Cowgirl ...er... attitude that I have seen. Hats off.


Then read Razz and WriterDom.

I must run. Read Vote and even offer Feedback.

Respectfully

darkmaas.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Poem moved to a thread I thought better and seemed more like a new poem thread.

Thanx

 

[BooMerengue]

Darkmaas...(and any other poster to this thread) I hereby give you permission...nay I beg you... to critique anything I dare to put here unless otherwise noted in the submission notes.

Saying here that 'BooMerengue really needs to a) work on this, or b) throw it away' will not hurt my feelings... voting low doesn't either- but it's a chicken**** way to tell me something....so...and you should all know I'm laughing... not mad...(well I think I may be going mad soon...)

I went to another thread once and posted a poem so I could get feedback/help- I got no response... if there is such a thread somewhere please point me to it and forget this post.

Thanks

 

[Angeline]

Risia Skye

Everyone must read On the Stereo, Typical by RisiaSkye. A lovely rhythm and seamless presentation cannot hide the fact that this poem has content. I'm not even going to quote any of it. Read the whole thing!

Let me second darkmass' recommendation on RisiaSkye's poem. Risia has been around Lit for a while, and I know she has won numerous awards for her poems here. She doesn't post very often, but I rush to her page whenever she does. When you read her latest--a masterpiece of a caveat about women's roles in hip-hop music, you'll see why I so admire her talent. The fact that she borrows the form and builds a brilliant, literate argument, and then is politically savvy enough to post it here among the MILF banners is, to my thinking, smart and admirable.

We've had quite a bit of "objectified woman" poetry on the site lately, with a wide range of views from sympathetic (hooker with heart of gold, victim, etc.) to sly derogation to blatent vilification, with all the quixotic in-betweens. Risia's poem covers it all and, unlike most of the others, is written by a woman.

Read her other poems too. I particularly like Brother Blue and in memory of Naomi (yes Risia, I'm still talking about it ).

 

[RisiaSkye]

darkmass & Angeline

Thank you both for the very kind comments.

I particularly like Brother Blue and in memory of Naomi (yes Risia, I'm still talking about it ).

Darlin', you're the best PR rep I've ever had. If I could pay you, I would; you're always much too kind.

RS

 

[RazzRajen]

Re: Monday 10 November

Re new poems...

Another week blows past.

Rybka and Darkmaas


Thanks for the mentions; your comments are noted and taken in the spirit they were made.


It takes time to do the reviews and wade through the postings on the thread. That is appreciated a lot.

Razz

 

[JUDO]

Movie
for a special someone

Temptation
Hounds
Each
Breath
And
Caress
Kept
Reserved --
Otherswise,
Waiting.

 

[WickedEve]

Today is Tuesday and I will do the new poems... soon. I have to read them first. It may be a little later before I post something. I've been running behind all day--again. I see a few familiar names on the list, so I'm optimistic about my chances of being thoroughly delighted by, at least, one poem today!

 

[eagleyez]

the day
goes
snow sky
grey

and in
this market
locals
piss and
moan

november
rain
turns to
crusted
ice

i got
the heater
on
and listen
and wonder
how
i got
so
lucky.

 

[WickedEve]

Out of all the new poems, I was most satisfied after reading Nothing New in Smutville by Maria####. Thanks for the satisfaction, Maria.

Botched-job bleach blondes
with radium enriched
glow in the dark
power washed,zoom-zoomed
super white teeth
with porcelain veneers
always chewing gum
popping-walking-winking-chewing
mostly in that order

I enjoyed this. There were a few places that I started to cringe, like when she mentioned Barbie/Ken wannabes, but she handles those potentially cliché areas nicely with her fresh writing.

-----------------

I like the first 8 stanzas of Boo's 23 stanza poem. Actually, none of it is bad. I just think it would have made a better read to have stopped after the 8th stanza, because after that it begins to drag on and on a little. I'd be tempted to make two poems out of it.

leaving to come home
by BooMerengue ©

she'll look on shelves
behind the books
and search out all
the dusty nooks

for secret things
so rarely mentioned
her ideas different;
oft' contentioned

-------------------

I enjoy the way Moonbathing by Nick Urfe © begins:

Some lazy god exhaled languid cigarette smoke
That night
Blowing ash, dust, debris
To the beach beside our lake.

I think it needs more work to reach its full potential. Read the rest and I'm sure you'll find more to like in this poem.

--------------------

Here are a few others that you may enjoy:
here is a poem for your altar
by steve porter ©

cut rock
by oxalis ©

Strngs, musings on - 7
by RazzRajen ©

 

[Maria2394]

Out of all the new poems, I was most satisfied after reading Nothing New in Smutville by Maria####. Thanks for the satisfaction, Maria.

Botched-job bleach blondes
with radium enriched
glow in the dark
power washed,zoom-zoomed
super white teeth
with porcelain veneers
always chewing gum
popping-walking-winking-chewing
mostly in that order

I enjoyed this. There were a few places that I started to cringe, like when she mentioned Barbie/Ken wannabes, but she handles those potentially cliché areas nicely with her fresh writing.

-----------------

Thanks for the mention and the very generous kind words Eve...

and I will take this minute to point out that this is what I like about this board...
ie, you mention a sentence headed for a cliche, I didnt even see it ( barbie_ken wannabes) until I posted the poem and then I saw several places where I might change a word (ie: flat used twice...)

I don't post just for instant gratification and Perdita was right when she said that writing really is work but its a labor of love to so many of us here, I know, I read the passion and political statements disguised as verse, and I think its so cool

I am just grateful for the feedback and sugestions I get in my email..thanks you guys, and gals maria

glad I could satisfy you Eve <wicked evil grin>

 

[Bedazzler]

I like the first 8 stanzas of Boo's 23 stanza poem. Actually, none of it is bad. I just think it would have made a better read to have stopped after the 8th stanza, because after that it begins to drag on and on a little. I'd be tempted to make two poems out of it.

leaving to come home
by BooMerengue ©

she'll look on shelves
behind the books
and search out all
the dusty nooks

for secret things
so rarely mentioned
her ideas different;
oft' contentioned


~ I liked this also ~ yes, too long but excellent sentiment ~

"Originally posted by Angeline
I particularly like Brother Blue and in memory of Naomi (yes Risia, I'm still talking about it )."


~ I especially liked In Memory of Naomi. Thank you, Risia ~

 

[Angeline]

Darlin', you're the best PR rep I've ever had. If I could pay you, I would; you're always much too kind.

RS

Simply a loyal fan, dear poet--and with good reason. You write poems people should read.

 

[BooMerengue]

"I like the first 8 stanzas of Boo's 23 stanza poem. Actually, none of it is bad. I just think it would have made a better read to have stopped after the 8th stanza, because after that it begins to drag on and on a little. I'd be tempted to make two poems out of it.

leaving to come home
by BooMerengue ©"

Thanks, Eve! first 8, huh? ohhh... you don't like hags w/ no undies? LOL

I knew when I wrote it it was too long and I got a nice feedback saying the same, so I'm working on it but not sure what to cut...wonder if it would work better if I made 2 lines into 1 and tried for a rhymed couplet... hhmmm

This one is 'supposed' to be my swansong- we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!

 

[WickedEve]

"I like the first 8 stanzas of Boo's 23 stanza poem. Actually, none of it is bad. I just think it would have made a better read to have stopped after the 8th stanza, because after that it begins to drag on and on a little. I'd be tempted to make two poems out of it.

leaving to come home
by BooMerengue ©"

Thanks, Eve! first 8, huh? ohhh... you don't like hags w/ no undies? LOL

I knew when I wrote it it was too long and I got a nice feedback saying the same, so I'm working on it but not sure what to cut...wonder if it would work better if I made 2 lines into 1 and tried for a rhymed couplet... hhmmm

This one is 'supposed' to be my swansong- we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!

The reason I chose those stanzas is because I believe they could stand alone. I think lengthening lines could help.
Swansong? Why? Did I miss something?

 

[BooMerengue]

"The reason I chose those stanzas is because I believe they could stand alone. I think lengthening lines could help.
Swansong? Why? Did I miss something?"

laughing... uuhhh, yeah!! The poem was about me leaving, and why...

shes growing up
moving away
shes found her niche
and sad to say

its not in porn
nor witty banter
not even moving
wine decanters

I found my niche.... not in porn, or chat, or making animated images...

their minds are what
shes aiming for
the little ones
the open doors

shell fill 'em up
with fantasies
with wizards and
with heresies

she'll look on shelves
behind the books
and search out all
the dusty nooks

for secret things
so rarely mentioned
her ideas different;
oft' contentioned

Stories!!
Those I write, or read, or make up... I believe I have a way with words ... and a different spirituality to teach ... and so thats what I'm concentrating on

I did, however rewrite this one... over 100 wds cut, and a smidgeon of punctuation, and doubled the lines... it does look better...(TY fishman!) no where to post the new one, tho... still a bit longish...

Anyway- thats what about the Swansong! Thanks! By the way... this is not one of those *sob* *weep* goodbye thingy's... LOL I've just gotten a pm wondering why I'm not posting... I'll still be around...

 

[WickedEve]

Oh, okay. I thought perhaps you had mentioned something about it on the board and I missed it. But this proves my point! The poem was so long that by the time I got to the end, I forgot about you growing up and moving away!

 

[Rybka]

Boo Hoo Hoo

...
shell fill 'em up
with fantasies
with wizards and
with heresies
...

"shell" ????

By the way, you can submit it as an edited version.
So sorry to see you go.


Regards, Rybka

 

[BooMerengue]

I thought the same Eve... but then would you have wondered where her niche was? mmmmm... maybe not...

Rybka??
this one's for you... '

Goin right now to put the edit... laughing...and I'm not GOING just not writing poetry, or whatever it is