ok you male subs

[Shadowsdream]

Sadly Netzach, the answer is yes. i've seen such boorish behavior at a couple of truly public parties. and, i really think it is a big reason why you:
1. Rarely see dommes at public parties, unless off with their own sub or cabal.
2. Rarely see a domme play with anyone other than a sub or pal at such parties.
3. See male subs as a whole get such a bad rap.

Now, in all honesty, my experience has been that at semi-private play events--party at someones house with invited guests--you don't see that. Maybe people are on their best behavior. Maybe the assholes get weeded out. Maybe no uncollared subs get invited.

For thoseof us now uncollared the actions of the few bad apples are a real drag.

1. There are almost as many Dommes at the play parties I attend as there are Doms.

2. Most are not paired up with subs of their own as they are still searching for compatability.

3. The male subs in the clubs I attend in Canada and Sweden as well as the occassional foray into the USA are thought of highly by the Fem Dommes as the fem subs are.

I hold once or twice weekly private parties in My home and am often served not only by My own males but also by males looking for ownership. I like to give everyone I believe in an opportunity to see the private against the public...I have found though the private is more intimate the male subs act just as respectfully in public with Me and every other Domme they respect.

I hope that eventually you have better luck at public events!

 

[subliminalmessage]

seems obvious i've been going to the wrong public events....yours sound much more fun.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I suspect it was an example of something within his limits, that has no real draw to him in and of itself.

That's how I read it anyway... made perfect sense to me, in fact I have had a few things like that myself.

Why anyone would like that particular kink.. hmmm can't say. Maybe I'll have to try it someday.

~~smile~~ perhaps so. One of My slaves tells Me how he would should and could endure cging for My pleasure hour after hour day after day...I am still trying to figure out how often that would bring Me pleasure and if the small amount of time that it would interest Me would satisfy his desire to be caged minus the admitting of it for his own pleasure. Actually caging "for My pleasure" is one of the most common offers I get.

Definately it can be pleasurable for Me...but some how I doubt that keeping any sub or slave caged for hours would be anything but inefficient long term...in scene it is great though.

 

[Netzach]

~~smile~~ perhaps so. One of My slaves tells Me how he would should and could endure cging for My pleasure hour after hour day after day...I am still trying to figure out how often that would bring Me pleasure and if the small amount of time that it would interest Me would satisfy his desire to be caged minus the admitting of it for his own pleasure. Actually caging "for My pleasure" is one of the most common offers I get.

Definately it can be pleasurable for Me...but some how I doubt that keeping any sub or slave caged for hours would be anything but inefficient long term...in scene it is great though.

You get the caging thing too huh? I get that a lot, offers to come and be caged up in my house. Sounds like the guest from hell more than a useful proposition, more the perpetual pain in the rear. I mean what am I supposed to do? Cath the guy? Give him a litter box? Feed him and keep him busy? Who's working for whom?

Now there are certain people I would not mind putting in a cage as per some of my own fantasies, but they rarely play out the way the "cage me for your pleasure" people would have.

 

[Shadowsdream]

You get the caging thing too huh? I get that a lot, offers to come and be caged up in my house. Sounds like the guest from hell more than a useful proposition, more the perpetual pain in the rear. I mean what am I supposed to do? Cath the guy? Give him a litter box? Feed him and keep him busy? Who's working for whom?

Now there are certain people I would not mind putting in a cage as per some of my own fantasies, but they rarely play out the way the "cage me for your pleasure" people would have.

Have You noticed that when the question is asked..."How would this please Me?" An answer in reality has not been well thought out? I love cages don't get Me wrong...but in very small doses and for punishment rather than simple containment until I have a use for them. I am too spontanious for catch and release! ~~grin~~

Thank You Netzach for speaking up...It is nice to know I am not the only one that questions this one...hmmmm I actually twist them all...O well!

 

[Alt]

What benefit would aging you bring to Her in your opinion if you don't mind the question Alt?

Stag of Oberon hit on the head. It isn't anything I ever really thought of as a way of pleasing myself, but well within the limits with the "right" Domme.

However, to answer your question, I believe the pleasure would only come in the early stages of D/s relationship. That initial venture into control. Caging could be seen as another step taken. Again, this is all relative.

 

[Xelebes]

Acting borrish takes too much energy.

*big lazy cat*

 

[Aeroil]

Acting borrish takes too much energy.

*big lazy cat*

*Stretches in the sun and purrs*

 

[schmerzgarten]

*pondering* It seems to me bottoms have garnered a bit of a bad rap in this venue. I recall one night at a play party during which a friend said "you like to have needles stuck in you and to be hurt horribly and I've a friend who likes to stick needles in people and hurt them horribly, you two should meet." And, indeed we did within a matter of minutes. We had 3 blissful hours of fun, her cackling, me moaning and grunting, good old American deviant fun. Did I want to wait on her, do her nails, did she want me to, nope. It was pure unadulterated T/b.

However, did I feel submissive to her within that context, absolutely. Did I push myself to endure, enamored with her mischievous grin and laughs, without question. I'm rambling toward a conclusion, I promise. It seems to me, us deviants have proclivities that we enjoy that many would not. However, it also seems to me that to love someone truly will elicit behaviors others might construe as submissive.

Please don't be mad Netzach, but were my wife sick and I needed to provide her medical attention, I would do so without question, and have. To me, especially given my own circumstances, such care does not in any way invite a BDSM label. The distinction becomes somewhat more grey when we talk of one partner pursuing errands and such for another. But, yet again, folks in love like to see the other happy and are happy in seeing that, so I'm not sure that provides a benchmark either.

The only aspect of behavior, at least that I can understand, that is specific to BDSM is a submissive enduring sensations or actions that she/he does not specifically wish that have sexual undertones. But, even then, the submissive, if even not at the time, may feel a current of sexuality associated with having experienced that energy. If that is the case within the context of BDSM, a submissive would seem no different than a bottom except for a real adoration toward the Dom/me/Top. I'm just thinking aloud.



cheers, sw.

 

[Netzach]

*pondering* It seems to me bottoms have garnered a bit of a bad rap in this venue. I recall one night at a play party during which a friend said "you like to have needles stuck in you and be hurt horribly and I've a friend who likes to stick needles in people and hurt them horribly, you two should meet." And, indeed we did within a matter of minutes. We had 3 blissful hours of fun, her cackling, me moaning and grunting, good old American deviant fun. Did I want to wait on her, do her nails, did she want me to, nope. It was pure unadulterated T/b.

However, did I feel submissive to her within that context, absolutely. Did I push myself to endure, enamored with her mischievous grin and laughs, without question. I'm rambling toward a conclusion, I promise. It seems to me, us deviants have proclivities that we enjoy that many would not. However, it also seems to me that to love someone truly will elicit behaviors others might construe as submissive.

Please don't be mad Netzach, but were my wife sick and I needed to provide her medical attention, I would do so without question, and have. To me, especially given my own circumstances, such care does not in any way invite a BDSM label. The distinction becomes somewhat more grey when we talk of one partner pursuing errands and such for another. But, yet again, folks in love like to see the other happy and are happy in seeing that, so I'm not sure that provides a benchmark either.

The only aspect of behavior, at least that I can understand, that is specific to BDSM is a submissive enduring sensations or actions that she/he does not specifically wish that have sexual undertones. But, even then, the submissive, if even not at the time, may feel a current of sexuality associated with having experienced that energy. If that is the case within the context of BDSM, a submissive would seem no different than a bottom except for a real adoration toward the Dom/me/Top. I'm thinking aloud, not positing truths, so any commentary is certainly welcome.



cheers, sw.

I'm hardly mad. It's just that when you can't play the way you used to you look for different vestiges of the physical aspect your D/s relationship used to have -- any evidence of service or caretaking feels like you are still in touch with some fundamental things about the relationship when all else fails, and I mean all else. I take what I can get these days.

I'm the last to poo poo the top/bottom interaction. I am talking not about communicative and direct bottoms (God I love them) I am talking about manipulative ploys in the guise of submissiveness. If someone came to me and said "hey I really like being caged, I've always fantasized about a serious caging and sens-dep scene, I would want to be locked in there and have no control" he'd totally have my attention and I'd be likely to perk up! I am so not above symbiotic T/b play where both of us get some of what we want out of it!

It's the "I would have to be caged, to really really experience my slavery, Mistress, I'd be willing to live in a kennel for your pleasure" that I'm talking about...

 

[Nathon_88]

(Okay. Forgive any really big fuck-ups in this, I finally managed to screw up my courage to post and if you come down on me with the boots I'm gonna go scurrying away again....well, that, or like it...)

Okay. Why am I here? Because I fit that "Geeky, overweight male sub" description someone mentioned far back on page 1 or 2.

I like to think I'm not easily labelled, but I'm sure that's how I would be thought of. Why do I like being a sub? It's not a like. It's just the way I'm wired. I can't help it if I find women in power to be wholly attractive.

Yet at the same time, I've been without a Domme for so long because I don't do the "Mistress may I" at bars. *chuckles* It's hard enough for me to post HERE, let alone screw up my courage to go and hit on someone at a bar.

I've tried being switch, but I'm definately not wired for Dominance. It just doesn't do anything for me, and I'm horrible at it. *shrugs* From each according to his ability. *chuckles* This kind of has it's disadvantages, as I don't really "look" the part of a sub when I normally try to go out.

What do I want? I want someone to simply accept me. I'm hardly a pushover, and that's the problem. For someone to truly accept me, to invest the time and effort that it would require, seems more than most people are willing to put into someone that, from all surface presentation, is readily avaliable elsewhere.

*sighs* Sorry. Just my 2 cents, edited for inflation.

Good Luck to all those subs out there in my boat. There's a biiiiig ocean out there. One of these days, someone's gonna come sailing over that horizon and take me away.

 

[Netzach]

My switchable pet and my husband are conventionally attractive men.

My slave is not. There is also a 25 year age gap. He's older. There is absolutely nothing about him, physically, that would normally make someone like me leap to attention.

However, while very nerdy and not exactly a huge extrovert, he's not a wallflower either. Without groveling outright, he managed to impress me more and more over each interaction. By interacting with me, letting his personality and dedication show, finding ways and opportunities to do that, he managed to worm his way into my heart in a serious way. You don't have to be adonis and you should not have to lick boots on the first date...but you can't just wait to be scooped up and adored either, you have to exhibit something that can't be resisted.

That said, you sound smart and like you have a spine. Always a good start.


Hell, even the pretty people usually can't just sit there. You have to be like, Juliette Binoche pretty for that to work.

 

[schmerzgarten]

I'm hardly mad. It's just that when you can't play the way you used to you look for different vestiges of the physical aspect your D/s relationship used to have -- any evidence of service or caretaking feels like you are still in touch with some fundamental things about the relationship when all else fails, and I mean all else. I take what I can get these days.

I'm the last to poo poo the top/bottom interaction. I am talking not about communicative and direct bottoms (God I love them) I am talking about manipulative ploys in the guise of submissiveness. If someone came to me and said "hey I really like being caged, I've always fantasized about a serious caging and sens-dep scene, I would want to be locked in there and have no control" he'd totally have my attention and I'd be likely to perk up! I am so not above symbiotic T/b play where both of us get some of what we want out of it!

It's the "I would have to be caged, to really really experience my slavery, Mistress, I'd be willing to live in a kennel for your pleasure" that I'm talking about...

I wonder how much results from intentional dishonesty versus the fact that male submissives, in particular, have reversed evolution of sorts; that is, fantasy often precedes real interaction. Artificial conventions, or the perception thereof, certainly were in my thinking before I started to play in R/T. Indeed, my first dominants took efforts to rid me of those perceptions and encourage me to communicate honestly.

Further, I would not wish to scene with someone who did not have commensurate interests. I don't believe it to be a "do-me-queen" mentality, though it is most certainly a balancing act on paper (or electrons). For me the acid test is born out in the reality of the situation, whether play be involved or not.

In the case of latter, it still seems to me the term submission becomes juxtaposed with adoration in the context of a relationship. Following on Netzach's example, her husband provides care for her that he may not enjoy, yet assuredly he does because he loves her. That he may endure BDSM situations that he also may not desire but does so because of the response from her would, to me, seem but a kinky extension of the same energy. Simply, and maybe this is the crux of a D/s relationship, to see the other aroused and happy by submitting to their actions, drives our desire to become desirous of those actions or requests.

Of course, what the hell do I know, I'm trying to figure this shit out too!

cheers, sw

 

[Nathon_88]

My switchable pet and my husband are conventionally attractive men.

My slave is not. There is also a 25 year age gap. He's older. There is absolutely nothing about him, physically, that would normally make someone like me leap to attention.

However, while very nerdy and not exactly a huge extrovert, he's not a wallflower either. Without groveling outright, he managed to impress me more and more over each interaction. By interacting with me, letting his personality and dedication show, finding ways and opportunities to do that, he managed to worm his way into my heart in a serious way. You don't have to be adonis and you should not have to lick boots on the first date...but you can't just wait to be scooped up and adored either, you have to exhibit something that can't be resisted.

That said, you sound smart and like you have a spine. Always a good start.


Hell, even the pretty people usually can't just sit there. You have to be like, Juliette Binoche pretty for that to work.

*chuckles* Ah, if only it was that easy.

I do try to get out and do things, but, trust me, Seoul is not the place to go looking for either BSDM -or- Bi-sexual encounters. One of these, if your boss finds out, will get you fired. (I'm quite serious, as it's happened in the past. Homosexuality is....well, absolutely NOT accepted)

I guess it's mostly that this is as far as I feel safe going? I feel safe without worrying when I'm talking on Lit. In real life, there's always that chance that I will fall in love and the person will hurt me, sometimes without realizing it. Hell, it happens at Lit anyway. (Horribly incurable romantic side of me)

Being shy sucks. *chuckles*

And all things aside, I tend to freak people out. After all, I can make chainmail and sharp pointy things. (God bless the SCA!) I guess I'm just scary to some people that don't get to know the teddy bear underneath the exterior. *shrugs*

C'est la vie.

 

[Aeroil]

My switchable pet and my husband are conventionally attractive men.

My slave is not. There is also a 25 year age gap. He's older. There is absolutely nothing about him, physically, that would normally make someone like me leap to attention.

However, while very nerdy and not exactly a huge extrovert, he's not a wallflower either. Without groveling outright, he managed to impress me more and more over each interaction. By interacting with me, letting his personality and dedication show, finding ways and opportunities to do that, he managed to worm his way into my heart in a serious way. You don't have to be adonis and you should not have to lick boots on the first date...but you can't just wait to be scooped up and adored either, you have to exhibit something that can't be resisted.

That said, you sound smart and like you have a spine. Always a good start.


Hell, even the pretty people usually can't just sit there. You have to be like, Juliette Binoche pretty for that to work.

aww, darn, you mean I can't just lay here in the sun?

 

[schmerzgarten]

*tosses previous babble in the recycle bin*

 

[Aeroil]

*beats self for dummy comment*....that was rude.....sorry

Wha??

 

[mslv4Her]

~~smile~~ perhaps so. One of My slaves tells Me how he would should and could endure cging for My pleasure hour after hour day after day...I am still trying to figure out how often that would bring Me pleasure and if the small amount of time that it would interest Me would satisfy his desire to be caged minus the admitting of it for his own pleasure. Actually caging "for My pleasure" is one of the most common offers I get.

Definately it can be pleasurable for Me...but some how I doubt that keeping any sub or slave caged for hours would be anything but inefficient long term...in scene it is great though.

I'm sure, though, Ms Shadows Dream, that You could imagine a Dom/me who would derive a great deal of pleasure from caging a sub. As a sub, i always have a difficult time knowing what would please a Mistress because everyone is different and turned on by different things (of course, not knowing what those things are is most likely attributable to having not had the opportunity to really serve One for an extended period of time). It's always fortunate, i'm sure, when the torment/punishment/role that a Dom/me enjoys administering is the type the submissive enjoys receiving. However, i cannot imagine that would be the case in all aspects of the desires of both. So, a submissive is really submissive when he/she endures a torment/punishment/role that is enjoyable for the Dominant to administer but does very little for his/her pleasure.

OK, i'll quit rambling now.

 

[Xelebes]

aww, darn, you mean I can't just lay here in the sun?

Huh... wha? Am I missing something?

 

[Aeroil]

Huh... wha? Am I missing something?

Yes, yes you are.

 

[SweetDommes]

And back on topic (although delayed a bit)...

We prefer our boys to have a spine, and that shyness is quite attractive (to me at least). When in the proper amounts, they show a good balence of self sufficiency and modesty. One thing (of many) that I cannot stand in a submissive of any gender is an overwhelming ego. I can't tell you how many got dismissed outright for not following simple instructions ... a submissive who thinks that he is too good to follow instructions is not a good submissive for us. Another group were dismissed for trying to tell me why they were better than the two boys that we had at the time. Humility and modesty are good for anyone to have.

 

[Netzach]

So, a submissive is really submissive when he/she endures a torment/punishment/role that is enjoyable for the Dominant to administer (snip part about liking it not liking it)

I would argue that this is the end of the story, nuff said.

 

[landcruisergal]

And all things aside, I tend to freak people out. After all, I can make chainmail and sharp pointy things. (God bless the SCA!) I guess I'm just scary to some people that don't get to know the teddy bear underneath the exterior. *shrugs*

C'est la vie.

Oh to have my boy dressed in chainmail. He could play knight to my queen.
I freak people out too, but I get a delicious sense of satisfaction in doing so.
*back to lurking*

 

[schmerzgarten]

Oh to have my boy dressed in chainmail. He could play knight to my queen.
I freak people out too, but I get a delicious sense of satisfaction in doing so.
*back to lurking*

I am Dilbert, I just happen to "clean-up" well, or so I've been told...

 

[Shadowsdream]

Good morning boys

I have been thinking about bondage this morning and how freeing it can be to most submissives but on rare occassions I have run across a boy that fears bondage. Have any of you ever been in a bondage situation that caused you fear and not in a good way?