Pmann’s Reasons Why Women Won’t Talk To Me (You) Thread

[Nevyn_Black]

I've become quite good at reading people, in person. I can even cold read someone on Cam. To the extent that it makes others uncomfortable. But here on Lit, in pure text? I misread and make mistakes all the time. If someone is not good at reading people. and is not actually neurodivergent, then it must be because they never needed to.

This makes me think they are either sheltered in an extreme way, or just so self interested and oblivious to all else, that they don't bother. Once again, please stop making it sound like this is a universal male trait.

 

[Strixaluco]

I have sat in 12 step meetings for 36 years watching and learning how to read a meeting...or an individual. Trust me...there is no sex difference here. Some people have learned the skill...some have not

I never said it's an innate difference, rather a result of how girls and boys are raised differently. (And of course there are individual differences Like always. )

And actually, it has been researched too. In general, women are able to read both women and men, while men may read men well and yet struggle to read women well. Also people low in the hierarchy usually are able to read well those above them, while those above tend to read those below worse than their peers. Which is probably one reason for the differences between genders - world is still far from equal.

 

[Strixaluco]

If someone is not good at reading people. and is not actually neurodivergent, then it must be because they never needed to.

Boys are often not expected to. At least not when it's about reading women - including their mother. It starts with the example their father is giving.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I've become quite good at reading people, in person. I can even cold read someone on Cam. To the extent that it makes others uncomfortable. But here on Lit, in pure text? I misread and make mistakes all the time. If someone is not good at reading people. and is not actually neurodivergent, then it must be because they never needed to.

This makes me think they are either sheltered in an extreme way, or just so self interested and oblivious to all else, that they don't bother. Once again, please stop making it sound like this is a universal male trait.

oh god, text is awful. Cam is much better, even voice, text ugh. You miss so much without tone and facial expressions.

 

[Dribble]

I never said it's an innate difference, rather a result of how girls and boys are raised differently. (And of course there are individual differences Like always. )

And actually, it has been researched too. In general, women are able to read both women and men, while men may read men well and yet struggle to read women well. Also people low in the hierarchy usually are able to read well those above them, while those above tend to read those below worse than their peers. Which is probably one reason for the differences between genders - world is still far from equal.

Same principle that women are raised to not be good in STEM classes?

 

[Strixaluco]

Same principle that women are raised to not be good in STEM classes?

Sorry but what is STEM? Not an abbreviation familiar in my country.

What I do know is that girls are not encouraged in, say, mathematics. It's even a cultural thing. If you are a girl and love maths, you are immediately seen as weird by your peers. Whereas for boys it's ok. For girls it's ok to say they don't "get" mathematics. They are allowed to give up much easier than boys.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Same principle that women are raised to not be good in STEM classes?

totally valid point, but I still think a lot men's reading skills or maybe attention to the finer points really goes down, when clothes come off. Hence this starting from nude images and video posting. I really think some men can be significantly blinded by tits, ass, and pussy, at least short term.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Sorry but what is STEM? Not an abbreviation familiar in my country.

What I do know is that girls are not encouraged in, say, mathematics. It's even a cultural thing. If you are a girl and love maths, you are immediately seen as weird by your peers. Whereas for boys it's ok. For girls it's ok to say they don't "get" mathematics. They are allowed to give up much easier than boys.

stem Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics

 

[Strixaluco]

stem Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics

Thanks.

I can say that it is also a question of what interests people.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Thanks.

I can say that it is also a question of what interests people.

But interest is discouraged, even if just subtly. It is a cycle sometimes. I was always, still am the lone woman. Many girls didn't go where there were no girls. I always preferred playing with the boys, so had no issue just continuing to be the lone girl.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Thanks.

I can say that it is also a question of what interests people.

Exposure leads to interest. If you never get exposed, it's hard to build that interest.

We're doing a better job of removing the barriers to entry for sciences, but it's definitely still an issue culturally. Same goes for more traditionally feminine interests such are caretaking work, sewing, cooking, arts, etc.

 

[Strixaluco]

But interest is discouraged, even if just subtly. It is a cycle sometimes. I was always, still am the lone woman. Many girls didn't go where there were no girls. I always preferred playing with the boys, so had no issue just continuing to be the lone girl.

Oh trust me, I know. Even in high school, in the higher level maths group I didn't really talk about loving mathematics. One weekend-long math camp (outside school, didn't know beforehand) was wonderful, full of math-loving nerds like me!

And I also used to play better with the boys. Also a lot of my growing years I went without friends anyway...

 

[Strixaluco]

Exposure leads to interest. If you never get exposed, it's hard to build that interest.

We're doing a better job of removing the barriers to entry for sciences, but it's definitely still an issue culturally. Same goes for more traditionally feminine interests such are caretaking work, sewing, cooking, arts, etc.

No disagreement there!

 

[Cindy027]

Sorry but what is STEM? Not an abbreviation familiar in my country.

What I do know is that girls are not encouraged in, say, mathematics. It's even a cultural thing. If you are a girl and love maths, you are immediately seen as weird by your peers. Whereas for boys it's ok. For girls it's ok to say they don't "get" mathematics. They are allowed to give up much easier than boys.

I did not find this to be the case when I was at school. I majored in maths and my post grad is mathematical statistics. I am in a job that requires maths and it is an even split between men and women (granted different country) in the team.

 

[Strixaluco]

I did not find this to be the case when I was at school. I majored in maths and my post grad is mathematical statistics. I am in a job that requires maths and it is an even split between men and women (granted different country) in the team.

It's also even split on my field - environmental engineering. But not in engineering in general.

 

[Lord Pmann]

The best answer is they don't talk to you because you are a man acting like most men do. Act like a human being acting like a human being. This is not rocket science... Treat a woman with respect and most women will talk to you at least one time . Pooooof ... magic Just saying...

It also helps if you’re nice looking.

 

[Lord Pmann]

It's also even split on my field - environmental engineering. But not in engineering in general.

I’m in electrical engineering and it’s not even close. Civil and environmental engineering tend to be the most female friendly engineering fields out there. Go to electrical, mechanical or, god forbid, software engineering and you’ll just be excited if they have ever even met a girl.

 

[cascadiabound]

It's also even split on my field - environmental engineering. But not in engineering in general.

I think we can agree that while gains have been made in having more women in STEM fields, it is spotty and insufficient. We are not exactly on track for equity in educational access, cultural norm adjustment or pay.
I seriously expected more gains in my lifetime.

 

[Lord Pmann]

For what it’s worth, I don’t think getting a degree in a STEM field is gonna get girls to talk to you.

 

[Strixaluco]

I’m in electrical engineering and it’s not even close. Civil and environmental engineering tend to be the most female friendly engineering fields out there. Go to electrical, mechanical or, god forbid, software engineering and you’ll just be excited if they have ever even met a girl.

Software engineering also has a track record of treating women awfully. It's the most sexist field of engineering and with a huge margin. It isn't exactly a selling point.

 

[Strixaluco]

For what it’s worth, I don’t think getting a degree in a STEM field is gonna get girls to talk to you.

Not as such, but many women having a STEM degree may actually prefer man having one too.

I have to admit that I hadn't even realised how much I had missed nerd humour before I met my D, who is also an engineer.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Not as such, but many women having a STEM degree may actually prefer man having one too.

I have to admit that I hadn't even realised how much I had missed nerd humour before I met my D, who is also an engineer.

I’ll never forget… there was this beautiful girl named Sara in my classes at university. She was super fun and pretty much every guy liked her.

I remember overhearing one of the typical engineer nerds say the following about her:

“I’d really like to turn our potential engineering into kinetic energy.”



My other degree programs had a more equal mix of men and women. God it was so much better.

 

[may_I_please]

Same principle that women are raised to not be good in STEM classes?

both my kids are science /maths biased

I’m in electrical engineering and it’s not even close. Civil and environmental engineering tend to be the most female friendly engineering fields out there. Go to electrical, mechanical or, god forbid, software engineering and you’ll just be excited if they have ever even met a girl.

My youngest is planning on electrical or electronic engineering, fucked if I know the difference

 

[Lord Pmann]

My youngest is planning on electrical or electronic engineering, fucked if I know the difference

Neither will help find him a wife.

 

[may_I_please]

Neither will help find him a wife.

Her