Similies - fill in the blank

[Guest]

. . . Get a hat to get head.

Og

Oh, is THAT how it's done?

(and to think all these years I thought men had to woo their partner first!!)

 

[Svenskaflicka]

You might even find that there are better ways of getting free beer than Morris Dancing. Get a hat to get ahead.

Og

The head comes with the hat? Yuk!
I thought you needed a head before you got the hat, or you'd look silly.

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

as soft as...

...the very innermost part of her inner thigh, where it thins and reddens, and begins to bulge outwards toward my hungry tongue…

in one of those moods,

Ax

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

Dear Earl,
Don't despair, dear. You will mature a great deal in the next two years.
Motherlyly,
MG

That is so true in all eyes but your own

ax

 

[gauchecritic]

I just dislike the way that some people judge me by my age. Me stating that I was 18 brings a hell of a lot of baggage with it, most of it completely inappropriate to me.

You seem to be extrapolating a lot about me from one jokey comment. I try never to let my judgements be clouded by one remark and I definitely try never to pigeonhole people. And everyone who does is an idiot D).

Rik Waller is a celebrity (ish). What's more, he's a reality television celebrity and therefore has actually aimed to be in the public eye.

I'm surprised at the 'never brought to attention anyone else's shortcomings.' Perfection is a brave thing to boast.

The Earl

There was no pigeon-holing it was specifically about someone (you) who in public would denigrate another person by name-calling and worse, by ridicule about something which doesn't come to your standards.

The 'newspapers' of the day are generally a pretty fair representation of the sentiments of the average person. Personally I'm far from average, so they have very little relevance at my advanced age, and less as the years fly by.

As for Rik being in the public eye and therefore 'fair game' is not something I give a toss about. He's a bloke. Ok he's fat. Ugly? very personal taste there. but did you even hint at the fact that he has a wonderful singing voice? No. Thereby your "jokey" comment became both rude and shameful. Now what does that put you in mind of? Tabloids perhaps?

There are some things which I'm exceptionally good at doing. I am perfect in no department. Is a non-smoker perfect for not smoking? Is a vegetarian perfect for not eating meat? of course not. Publically belittleing people is merely something I have never done.

As you are well aware, first impressions count most. All the posts I have read from you previously have shown you to have specific tastes, definite literary ideals and an above average education.

First impressions don't necessarily occur at first meeting.

Gauche

PS The apology was for having offended you not for believing you to be something other than perfect.

 

[gauchecritic]

Heartfelt apologies...

to Wildsweetone for the semi-hijacking of the thread and to any other readers/contributors who do not find this by-play amusing.

Gauche

 

[wildsweetone]

apology accepted, thank you.

now, should i begin a new similies thread or shall we continue right on here?

 

[TheEarl]

Almost every single joke is about ridicule. 90% are simply schadenfreude. The ugly comment was a little harsh, I'll admit, but the flippancy should have removed any real venom. Rik Waller has a nice singing voice, but it's not to my taste, so I didn't mention it.

I am not the average person. Moreover I actively dislike a lot of the things which the tabloids stand for: the cult of the celebrity, mindless adherence to a group opinion, etc. I would say that tabloids should be the last thing to try and get a handle on my opinions.

I don't see what this has to do with my age. If you didn't know that I was 18, would it have made any difference. I may be offtrack here (God knows it's difficult to track nuances in text), but you appear slightly patronising. There appears to be an assumption that I stand for a lot of things, because of my age. You insinuate that I make a habit out of pointing out other people's shortcomings and shining the world's biggest spotlight on them. I am flippant, I am sardonic and I am definitely sarcastic, but I am never malicious.

The Earl

PS. I understood what the apology was for and it was accepted in the spirit it was offered.

PPS. Sorry to WSO for the semi-hijacking too.

 

[Weird Harold]

and i'm interested to see what WH comes up with for As soft as...

I hadn't realy planned on contributing any more hints that bad similes can be fun, but since you asked...

As soft as the mud at the bottom of the swimming hole before the dam was built and the swimming hole dried up and the mud got all dried out and hard and cracked and stuff.

Stream of consciousness similes that wander around until they contradict themselves can be fun, but nobody else wanted to play and I'm really not very good at them.

I'd really like to see what sort of thing someone like Durtgurl could come up with.

 

[wildsweetone]

TheEarl, apology accepted, thank you.

***

WeirdHarold, i don't know where you got the idea you're not very good at them. you're great, i think it's the bits between the 'like' and 'stuff' that are the best though

Durtgurl call going out now.

 

[TheEarl]

We really need one of those light things that would shine the Durtgurl symbol across the sky to call her. Gotham needs Durtgurl!

The Earl

 

[wildsweetone]

*makes a quick note to turn off AVs... not sure i can cope with looking at DGs AV today*

message has gone out

 

[gauchecritic]

Being deliberately obese...

Now we come to the nub of the arguement. The original witticism had nothing at all to do with you personally. The fact of your age merely gave me a handle on which to hang my joke.

I was in fact bemoaning my fate, as we middle-aged people tend to do, whilst being, at the same time patronising (one of the things I do really really well) about something I found distasteful.

As for insinuating things about your habits, I refer the right honourable person to the answer I gave some posts ago.

Once again, it had nothing whatsoever to do with you personally it's just that you provided the opportunity and some of the motive.

As for jokes, I disagree wholeheartedly about your assessment of what makes something funny. Perhaps the jokes of lowest common denominator depend on ridicule/schadenfreude.

Seriously funny jokes are built on shock and word-play. As light relief, 2 examples:

Local people are having a fund raising drive to collect enough money to send a disabled girl to Florida so she can "sleep with the fishes"

--------------------------------------------------------

In class one day, to guage how well her pupils understand the word of the day, beautiful, the teacher asks each child to use the word twice in a sentence.

Mary: "On my way to school today I came through the beautiful woods and picked some beautiful flowers.

Billy: "During the summer I went on holiday to a beautiful sandy beach lined with beautiful palm trees."

Johnny: " At breakfast this morning my older sister told my dad that she was pregnant and my dad said 'Beautiful... fucking beautiful.

Gauche

 

[TheEarl]

There were jokes? I know that a lot of sarcasm and dry humour doesn't translate well to text, but the jokes eluded me. Your posts seemed patronising and insulting, accusing me personally of being a slave to the lowest common denominator. 'Nothing to do with you personally' doesn't really cut it considering all of the comments were addressed and directed to me personally. I fail to see how that is not personal.

I didn't say that 90% of good humour was about schadenfreude and ridicule, only that lots of jokes are. 90% of jokes are based on the premise of something that is funny when it happens to someone else.

Reading back over your comments, it's quite interesting to notice how many times you've stated something about and related it to my age. For someone who claims never to have pointed out anyone's shortcomings you seem very intent on lingering on my relative youth.

If you don't like something I say, then fair enough. Everyone can have their own opinion. But I fail to see how taking cheap shots at my age helps your argument.

The Earl

 

[gauchecritic]

You've unfortunately missed the plot entirely Earl and seem to be intent on taking everything I say literally. I quit. I shall post no more on this topic.

Gauche

 

[Weird Harold]

WeirdHarold, i don't know where you got the idea you're not very good at them. you're great, i think it's the bits between the 'like' and 'stuff' that are the best though

I just, like, put my mind in, like, Idle or, something, and this Stuff just, like, oozes out.

But it's hard to keep my mind in idle long enough to come up with something good. Just because I can picture a bubble popping blonde babbling out things doesn't mean it's easy to shift my mind into that mode.

 

[Guest]

. . .now, should i begin a new similies thread or shall we continue right on here?

Let's continue!

As soft as - the long-haired fur of the 24-pound kitty asleep on my foot at this very moment!










(when he sits around the house he really . . . well, you finish it!)

 

[TheEarl]

As soft as...

...A huge big duvet which you can climb under.

The Earl

 

[MathGirl]

As soft as -

A mouse passing wind in a boiler factory.
MG

 

[Octavian]

Can I have a go please?

As soft as a 12lb sledgehammer.

Octavian

 

[gauchecritic]

In the Octavian vein..

As soft as...

A prop forward.

Gauche

 

[Alex De Kok]

As soft as..

...moonlight kissing my lover's hair.

Alex

 

[DurtGurl]

Re: As soft as..

The footing at the bottom of a garderobe.
DG

 

[wildsweetone]

everybody's welcome Octavian thanks for joining in.


i think we're getting some interesting 'similies' here.





Next one:


As bold as...

 

[oggbashan]

As bold as...

Anyone who calls Svenskaflicka "Sven".

Og