So, last week my mother committed suicide...

[silverwhisper]

velvet: thank you for updating us. i do hope you told your therapist your occupation--he might see similar degrees of emotional distance w/ others who are close to counseling/therapy.

ed

 

[M's girl]

..... Even though I found her and reported her death, I still had to go and formally identify her, which I found unneccessarily cruel.

I surprised myself by not crying at all, the therapist even looked at me funny for being so outwardly unemotional. I did explain that I spent the last couple of weeks crying virtually non-stop at every stupid little thing. I almost felt that he had expected me to cry and was disappointed that I didn't - there was a box of tissues in the room and everything. Look like I'm more officially fucked-up than I first thought. Well at least I won't bore the guy or waste his time.

I'm going to stay on the sleep aid but have refused any form of anti-depressant for the time being. The way I see it, it's appropriate and healthy for me to be utterly depressed right now .......

I think you are very brave! Fucked up? I don't think so. I highlighted the things from your post that stood out for me. You sound very wise, and I think you are lucky to have a friend like Vixen. Take care you both!

 

[mickyp123]

Loads of love velvet,

 

[gypziedoll]

sending you love and all the positive energy I can

 

[angelkitty7888]

sending you love and all the positive energy I can

ditto from me!

 

[mickyp123]

All this thought and energy,.......priceless

 

[onyxvixen]

Hi folks, just droping in to say hello.

Nothing really to update as I see Velvet has posted about her therapy session. She's doing really well IMO. I've never met anybody with such a philosophical approach to this level of grief and shock. I'll stick some positive vibes up on the thread to join everybody else's.

 

[silverwhisper]

onyx, thanks for updating us. i wanted to know how she's doing, but the less time she spends online, the better off she is. :>

ed

 

[KinkyBoyUK]

hey velvet *HUGS* just wanted to let you know that you've been in my thoughts and i hope things are going well for you

 

[bustyblondebombshell]

I don't know you, yet I've had tears rolling down my cheeks as I read your thread Velvet.

Your strength is amazing. Although you feel overwhealmed and like you are struggling right now, I promise it will get easier.

The speech you gave at the funeral was so beautiful, and I cannot even pretend to know the pain you feel - my losses seem minute by comparison. But the support and comfort offered by our fellow Literoticans is something to hold close.

Let your friends guide you through this hard time, and let them be strong for you, so you can grieve.

My thoughts and prayers are with you from tonight onwards..... be well Velvet

 

[mickyp123]

Angels Velvet,

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hello people, good evening.

I'm having something of a surreal weekend. Vixen sent me to her parents' house because I had a very bad night and she wasn't able to stay home today. Her Mum is a lovely woman and insisted on feeding me and sitting with me. I've become quite solitary over the last week, sitting on my own and withdrawing even from Vixen. I find stillness and silence overwhelmingly comforting right now. A week or so ago I was seeking out people and noise in order not to be alone with my thoughts.

Anyway, Vixen has been respecting my need for space and letting me get on with it but her Mum came and sat beside me. She didn't say anything or attempt to interact at all and she wasn't staring at me or making me feel uncomfortable in any way. We sat there together for nearly two hours in total silence. She wasn't reading or knitting or anything at all, just sitting with me. I started to cry but it wasn't even for my mother. It was the sympathy and love that this woman was radiating towards me, her determination to sit with me even if there was literally nothing else she could do for me, her devotion to easing my pain in any way that she could, to the exclusion of all else on earth.

It made me think of Vixen and how ridiculously unselfish she has been. She has a tiny one bedroom flat and I've been under her feet being bereaved for weeks. She travelled to the town Mum was buried in with me and stayed there as long as I did. She has been determined at every turn to do everything in her power to help me through this. There aren't enough words to express how close we have become, even more than soulsisters. I owe her and her family so very much, a ludicrously astronomical, unpayble debt of love, time, patience, understanding and peace.

So I sat there with Vixen's Mum and cried over how incredibly fortunate I am to have these wonderful people in my life. My first happy tears, my first feeling of joy since Mum passed. It felt like a huge turning point and for a moment, all the weight inside me lifted. It was the first time I truly believed I might come through the other end of all this one day.

I thought after all the sadness I've shared with you all, that this was worth a mention.

{{{{{{{Love you Vixen}}}}}}} ​

 

[gypziedoll]

Velvet darling, sending you hugs and love from my little corner of the world....

Vixen sending hugs of support your way as well

 

[mickyp123]

Hello people, good evening.

I'm having something of a surreal weekend. Vixen sent me to her parents' house because I had a very bad night and she wasn't able to stay home today. Her Mum is a lovely woman and insisted on feeding me and sitting with me. I've become quite solitary over the last week, sitting on my own and withdrawing even from Vixen. I find stillness and silence overwhelmingly comforting right now. A week or so ago I was seeking out people and noise in order not to be alone with my thoughts.

Anyway, Vixen has been respecting my need for space and letting me get on with it but her Mum came and sat beside me. She didn't say anything or attempt to interact at all and she wasn't staring at me or making me feel uncomfortable in any way. We sat there together for nearly two hours in total silence. She wasn't reading or knitting or anything at all, just sitting with me. I started to cry but it wasn't even for my mother. It was the sympathy and love that this woman was radiating towards me, her determination to sit with me even if there was literally nothing else she could do for me, her devotion to easing my pain in any way that she could, to the exclusion of all else on earth.

It made me think of Vixen and how ridiculously unselfish she has been. She has a tiny one bedroom flat and I've been under her feet being bereaved for weeks. She travelled to the town Mum was buried in with me and stayed there as long as I did. She has been determined at every turn to do everything in her power to help me through this. There aren't enough words to express how close we have become, even more than soulsisters. I owe her and her family so very much, a ludicrously astronomical, unpayble debt of love, time, patience, understanding and peace.

So I sat there with Vixen's Mum and cried over how incredibly fortunate I am to have these wonderful people in my life. My first happy tears, my first feeling of joy since Mum passed. It felt like a huge turning point and for a moment, all the weight inside me lifted. It was the first time I truly believed I might come through the other end of all this one day.

I thought after all the sadness I've shared with you all, that this was worth a mention.

{{{{{{{Love you Vixen}}}}}}} ​

Vixen.........she loves you

 

[Leah57]

continued healing hugs to you, Velvet, and supporting hugs to Vixen, also.

 

[mickyp123]

A community of people from all walks of life, who don't know each other brought together for a common cause, Velvet and Vixen,...YAY

 

[gypziedoll]

A community of people from all walks of life, who don't know each other brought together for a common cause, Velvet and Vixen,...YAY

well said Mickey *hugs* to you

 

[mickyp123]

well said Mickey *hugs* to you

hug right back at ya Gypziedoll

 

[gypziedoll]

hug right back at ya Gypziedoll

thank you Micky.....

 

[mickyp123]

Quote,

I owe her and her family so very much, a ludicrously astronomical, unpayble debt of love, time, patience, understanding and peace.

I love a bet Velvet, and i bet you anything you like that if you asked Vixen about what you owed, she would give you a look that simply say's you owe her nothing, and you might get a slap just for thinking it.

 

[gypziedoll]

Quote,

I owe her and her family so very much, a ludicrously astronomical, unpayble debt of love, time, patience, understanding and peace.

I love a bet Velvet, and i bet you anything you like that if you asked Vixen about what you owed, she would give you a look that simply say's you owe her nothing, and you might get a slap just for thinking it.

I agree with you on that one Micky....that is what true best friends do for one another....My best friend and I have gone thru parents and grandparents deaths together, marriage , divorce, childbirth, christenings, childrens first heartbreaks, etc.....

Moments of uncontrollable laughter and horrendous crying sessions. And I would never change any of it for the world.....And if either of us felt that we owed one another the other would quickly smack the other for thinking so.

 

[mickyp123]

I agree with you on that one Micky....that is what true best friends do for one another....My best friend and I have gone thru parents and grandparents deaths together, marriage , divorce, childbirth, christenings, childrens first heartbreaks, etc.....

Moments of uncontrollable laughter and horrendous crying sessions. And I would never change any of it for the world.....And if either of us felt that we owed one another the other would quickly smack the other for thinking so.

Goodnight Gypzie, Velvet, and everyone, also Velvet, i know people who have you in their prayers, and they have not been here, i know you feel it

Angels, Micky

 

[gypziedoll]

Goodnight Gypzie, Velvet, and everyone, also Velvet, i know people who have you in their prayers, and they have not been here, i know you feel it

Angels, Micky

Good night Micky, may the angels sleep with you dear one *hugs*

 

[mickyp123]

Wonder if you got out in the sun today Velvet and felt it on your face,.....I do hope so

 

[onyxvixen]

I love a bet Velvet, and i bet you anything you like that if you asked Vixen about what you owed, she would give you a look that simply say's you owe her nothing, and you might get a slap just for thinking it.

Oh Micky, you know me far too well already.

Actually, I caught V slapping her own ass yesterday. She says it releases tension. She slapped herself until she was exhausted. I did, of course, offer to help

Sounds weird but she is a submissive and I can understand it in a kinky, channeling anger and upset kind of way.