GentlemanJedi63
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2020
- Posts
- 289
I just finally accepted my bisexual feelings, and then the ultimate acceptance was when I called out my feelings as being what they truly were: homosexual. I do not consider my orientation as gay since I prefer women, but cannot deny my desire for men. Frankly, although I am in a marriage, and consider myself straight, I would love to experience the touch, intimacy, and eroticism of being with a man, especially an older gay man.(this is my first post on LGBTQIA+ forum)
There is such a thing as heterosexual people who can enjoy homosexual activity. I've been strongly heterosexual my entire life, but I have also shared BJ, HJ, and even anal intercourse with other guys, and enjoyed it (sometimes). I say "strongly" heterosexual because ever since I was a child, from before I even knew what sex was, girls made me feel a certain way. When I was young, I got nervous and tongue tied. They seemed like a magically fascinating, magnetically attractive, other species. Boys seemed unremarkable, like simply the same species. As I got older, I felt soul-wrenching emotional pull towards women, in addition to raging physical desire. Holding a woman in my arms can feel like "being whole." I never have, and never could, feel anything remotely like that towards a male.
But some years ago I started j/o to porn with a friend. At first we just got naked, watched (straight) porn, and masturbated. But eventually we started sharing BJs. It was easy to immediately enjoy the feeling of slowly kissing and licking a hard cock. It took a bit longer to get accustomed to cum, but eventually I loved that too. I can definitely get turned on by feeling cum shooting into my mouth, or all over my face, or splashing on my body. Also, I have many times experienced frotting, with him and others. That is my favorite MM activity. It's so sexy masturbating with another guy, with a bit of massage oil and our cocks rubbing together. It's an absolutely amazing feeling, just breathtaking. It makes me hard as a rock feeling another warm, erect, oiled cock slipping and sliding against mine. And it is so delicious cumming that way, and seeing and feeling another cock throbbing and squirting all over mine and his. I've also penetrated another guy a handful of times, and had OK-to-excellent orgasms that way. I've also felt a guy cum inside me, but didn't get much sexual feeling from that. But sex with another man, no matter how great, feels like masturbation. It doesn't feel like making love, and never could for me.
I hesitate to call that "bisexual" because "bi" implies some kind of equivalence. To me, they are not remotely similar. One is an emotional, spiritual attraction, with many dimensions. The other is like an enjoyable sex toy, with one dimension. I love it and sometimes crave it, but it's still one-dimensional. I don't know the proper word for this orientation, or if there even is one.
There are some who deny that this is even a thing. But it is. And I'm not sure how to respond when I try to explain my sexuality, and somebody who isn't me, and doesn't have my orientation, tells me I am incorrect. What does that even mean? I'm telling them firsthand my experience, and they're telling me my experience doesn't exist? It defies logic, I just give up.