Sub Club for females

[jenniferbaby]

This is a great thread. I am a new sub as well, having discovered my submissive tendencies within the last few months. I've been in an online D/s relationship for the last four months, but it doesn't have the continuity and commitment that I desire. I'm also in talks with a Dom who lives near me and I will see how that goes. I don't have a whole lot of advice to offer, just showing my support for the thread and reiterating what a wealth of knowledge there is here. I could spend all day reading these threads and still not get enough.

 

[intothewoods]

< snip> NRE [New Relationship Energy], sprinkled with a heavy dose of "holy ****!" And the jaded older woman in me is cringing and going sweetie... two weeks. Online. And you're 20 and all the HNGs out there who can talk a good game... And you're throwing around the "L" word?

It's cyber. Cyber can grow into something wonderful and long-lasting if you want it to, it can be an excellent medium to test the waters and see how it feels (although IMO it's *nothing* like face to face), but at the end of the day it's words on the computer. Don't get me wrong - there are friendships at Lit that I consider just as "real" as those I have here in my hometown, and I've had some particularly interesting [ahem] conversations by PM here that have resulted in "tasks" and such, but my unsolicited advice is to educate yourself, empower yourself, and find someone you can have a relationship with, offline.

I could not agree with this more. Except I'm not an older woman like Cutie.


ha ha ha haha. Kidding.

1.How long was your longest relationship? D/s relationship? This one - over a year.
2.Shortest? Um, well I dated and played with a number of people on a short term basis after splitting with my vanilla ex.
3.Is there such thing as relationship longevity in Cyberspace?
Sure.

Where did I meet my PYL?
CollarMe - he was initially a play partner.

Difference btwn M/s and D/s. Different things to different people. For me, it's the difference between the property-Owner relationship and PersonInCharge-personnotincharge.

 

[bakedbeams]

Difference between D/s and M/s for me. We were living together, we used safe words, I slept in the bed beside him, had input into decisions made.

After some discussion he came home one day with a collar. I lost the use of safe words, he shifted me to the foot of the bed and a miriad of other dynamics changed. This relationship ended badly.


I call Sir, 'Sir' because he doesnt want his name on the net and because when he's giving me instructions I do answer with 'Yes Sir' or 'No Sir'. In our everyday conversation with each other he calls me his Special One and I call him My Maestro

Like others here have said, I hope that this relationship will last forever. I feel like I have found home when I am with him.

 

[KinkE]

Question #2

All your posts have been very informative and evocative as well. The love in your hearts beams through the words and has given great hope for this journey I've embarked on.

If anybody would care to add, please do so, meanwhile I would like to pose another question.

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

 

[CutieMouse]

All your posts have been very informative and evocative as well. The love in your hearts beams through the words and has given great hope for this journey I've embarked on.

If anybody would care to add, please do so, meanwhile I would like to pose another question.

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

Research "polyamory".*

Jealousy is an emotion - nothing more, nothing less. The trick is dealing with feelings of jealousy (should they arise).

As to "ranking" - that's another thing that is individual to each particular relationship.

*I don't recommend doing the poly dance unless you're actually poly... it tends to become one.ginormous.cluster, otherwise.

 

[ecstaticsub]

All your posts have been very informative and evocative as well. The love in your hearts beams through the words and has given great hope for this journey I've embarked on.

If anybody would care to add, please do so, meanwhile I would like to pose another question.

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

Just because you are power exchange relationship does not mean you are ok with adding in others into the relationship. In my personal opinion this is something that should be discussed right from the beginning so you both know how the other feels about it.

Before we formally became a D/s couple he told me he would retain the right to add submissives or have other relationships. He also told me I would not be able to be with anyone else (except for my husband, of course) unless he gave permission or ordered me to do so. I agreed. It wasn't toolong into the relationship when he told me he had no interest in adding in anyone else, I was enough of a handfull. On the forum where he and I met someone asked him if he would take on any submissive. He said no, that just because he could doesn't mean he should. I liked that, I liked that alot.

 

[HisSexyPet]

<snip>

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

When B and I came to the M/s relationship we are now in it was to include others at His discretion. I had a rl playmate at the time which he agreed I could keep. He then acquired a playmate of his own in his hometown. Even with this completely agreed upon in the beginning the green eyed monster did rear her ugly head the night of his first playdate. I was reminded of my place, the place I freely submitted and agreed to. Once I accepted it I was calm.

So as CutieMouse said, jealousy is an emotion and the trick is to deal with it. I totally agree that it should be discussed at the beginning, and to be prepared for the outcome.

Oh, and as to ranking. B says I will always be his number one sexy slutty pet. Other's may get me to play with, but He is my Master. And He will play with others, but will always come home to me.

 

[BiBunny]

For the record, polyamory encompasses a hell of a lot more than a Domly dude having more than one sub. There are tons of variations.

 

[CutieMouse]

For the record, polyamory encompasses a hell of a lot more than a Domly dude having more than one sub. There are tons of variations.

Oh yes - enough to make your head a'splode. But it is a decent umbrella term to start figuring out what kind of non-monogamy fits best.

 

[bakedbeams]

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

Thank you. I am finding that putting things down and reading everyones feedback is incredibly helpful. Your questions are making me think.

I have never had to deal with that situation. Im not sure how I would cope, or if I would cope. I guess if I was faced with the inclusion of others, I would have to confront my own concepts of 'love' and how I perceive myself as a 'lover' and 'loved'.

Do I love enough to share, if sharing is paramount to the happiness of the person I love?? I cant actually answer that

Is it Homburg who has two pyls? Perhaps he is able to shed light from the 'otherside'

 

[BiBunny]

Oh yes - enough to make your head a'splode. But it is a decent umbrella term to start figuring out what kind of non-monogamy fits best.

Oh, definitely. I knew you knew what it meant, but I just wanted to make sure that the newbies realized poly doesn't necessarily equal "Dom dude wants to nail a whole bunch of subs."

 

[missginger2177]

polyamory

For a really good definition, PM Homburg. That's what I did and I learned alot.

 

[KinkE]

Just deal with it, you say?

I bet its not as easy as it sounds! I've dated here and there and never had the opportunity to fall deeply in love where I'd get jealous, but ya'll know guys my age leave a lot to be desired.

Master and I have discussed it and though I admit the KinkEr side of me wants to jump in both feet, heck, even go out looking for her myself..... a part of me cringed at the very thought.... Eeeks....that's spooky! I didnt think that was in me... now what?

Thanks for all the tips and the continued support

Keep posting its awesome!

Everybody gains!

 

[KinkE]

Shout out for Homburg!!!!!!!

For a really good definition, PM Homburg. That's what I did and I learned alot.

Come out... come out where ever you are!!!

Wont ya come out and show us what you're working with?
We're talking knowledge alright!


Dear Mr. Homburg Sir,
Would you be so kind as to share your vast knowledge on the subject?
Please post here so all can read and learn!
Many many thanks!

 

[nh23]

1.How long was your longest relationship?
2.Shortest?
3.Is there such thing as relationship longevity in Cyberspace?
K, ya'll asked for it, so....talk to me!

1. 12 years

2. Fling, couple of months.

3. Depends on how you define a cyber relationship. I honestly have no idea, as I've never done it.

 

[nh23]

It is my understanding that often some relationships extend to include other subs and I wonder how I will deal with that when and if the time comes.
Is there Jealousy? Is there ranking?

Was poly with my ex husband for about three years. I had him and a domly one. Well we started off swinging. Then moved on to poly. Yes there is jealousy sometimes. Some have rankings some don't. Everyone handles it different. However if the relationship is online only I don't think it'll be the same challenges.

Master and I are M/s. The difference in M/s and D/s to me..and only my opinion. When I became a slave I gave up limits, the right to say no, and safewords. I also think devotion has something to do with it but will refrain from posting about it right now.

 

[CutieMouse]

I bet its not as easy as it sounds! I've dated here and there and never had the opportunity to fall deeply in love where I'd get jealous, but ya'll know guys my age leave a lot to be desired.

Master and I have discussed it and though I admit the KinkEr side of me wants to jump in both feet, heck, even go for her myself..... a part of me cringed at the very thought.... Eeeks....that's spooky!

Thanks for all the tips and continued support.

Keep posting its awesome!

Everybody gains!

The Ethical Slut is a good overview of poly; my library has a copy of Opening Up, but I haven't read it. There's also the polyamory.com forum. There's plenty of sources to at least intellectually explore the concept, if you so choose.

But ya know what? Some people just aren't wired that way - which is perfectly fine. There's no rule that say to be a good submissive, you have to be okay with your PYL having multiple partners, or to be a good pyl you have to be offered to multiple partners, or any other combination you can think of. *Most* men (and some women) go "Hmmmm.... submissive... she'll do what I say... I could have a harem of sex toys!!! Kick ASS!" but the reality is a bit more complex than that.

We briefly "opened" our marriage before I divorced my ex-husband (his idea - I ended up with Lovers; he didn't. Oops oops.), and it was a complete PIA. Way too many people, schedules, feelings, needs, wants, whatevers to juggle to be worth it [for me]. I'm not nearly as committed to monogamy as I once was, but I know myself well enough to know I'm not all that poly, either. LOL

 

[HisSexyPet]

Was poly with my ex husband for about three years. I had him and a domly one. Well we started off swinging. Then moved on to poly. Yes there is jealousy sometimes. Some have rankings some don't. Everyone handles it different. However if the relationship is online only I don't think it'll be the same challenges.

<snip>

I agree that online relationships don't have the same challenges as rl ones. I think they have harder challenges. IRL you can touch Him and look in His eyes and know you are the one. Online knowing He is in another's arms and you have no way of being physically reassured after the play time is extremely hard. It takes a lot of reassuring on His part and a lot of Masterful assertion to make poly work with an LDR. But the rewards are good too. I love how He describes the play date in full detail while I am taking care of myself is fantastic.

 

[BiBunny]

Harder online? I think not.

 

[HisSexyPet]

Each person has their own opinions on this matter and their own experiences. I was sharing my opinion and experiences which differ with yours. From my perspective online has harder challenges for me. YMMV (your mileage may vary)

 

[nh23]

Harder online? I think not.

*snorts*

I think it's probably depends on the circumstances. If you have an online relationship and he is "dating" other subbies online, then I say not so hard. If he is having actual relationships in r/l might be harder.

However I will always maintain that real emotions and feelings cannot be as strong online as they are if you've actually touched the person.

 

[KinkE]

Question 3

However I will always maintain that real emotions and feelings cannot be as strong online as they are if you've actually touched the person.

Three weeks ago I would've agreed with you on this, but i'm telling ya'll this man has captured me in a way that no real life relationship ever has. I crave him all day long, my mind dizzy from anticipation of how he is going to take his pleasure in my body, and I am on the edge of reason.
I have loved before and I loved getting love back and feeling appreciated, but this relationship has raised the bar to levels I had no idea I could attain.
What he makes me feel is real, I cum harder, longer, and sweeter.... again wondering WTF?

I want to say that all contributions here have help me, opened my eyes, my mind, and Ive totally gained a new perspective on this lifestyle, no longer feeling it's something I need to keep closeted. Ladies, thank you each for all the help. I cant stress enough the value of your support and generosity in sharing.

Leaving all subjects open, I know ask my third question:

What is your definition of and
What is the deal with the very popularity and use of a concept better known as "MindFuck"?

 

[BiBunny]

*snorts*

I think it's probably depends on the circumstances. If you have an online relationship and he is "dating" other subbies online, then I say not so hard. If he is having actual relationships in r/l might be harder.

However I will always maintain that real emotions and feelings cannot be as strong online as they are if you've actually touched the person.

In my opinion, what's hard is to be face-to-face with someone you love more than life itself, when those someones are wanting you to do something that you don't believe you're capable of doing. But they expect from you, and you don't want to disappoint them. (I'm not thinking in the realm of kinky play here, either.)

D/s or M/s is all well and good as long as you're doing something you want to do, or as long as nobody expects too much from you. The hard parts are pushing through the bullshit and trying to do something you don't think you can do and having to look in their eyes and face their disappointment if you fail.

I really don't think that can be reproduced online, at least in any meaningful way.

 

[CutieMouse]

In my opinion, what's hard is to be face-to-face with someone you love more than life itself, when those someones are wanting you to do something that you don't believe you're capable of doing. But they expect from you, and you don't want to disappoint them. (I'm not thinking in the realm of kinky play here, either.)

D/s or M/s is all well and good as long as you're doing something you want to do, or as long as nobody expects too much from you. The hard parts are pushing through the bullshit and trying to do something you don't think you can do and having to look in their eyes and face their disappointment if you fail.

I really don't think that can be reproduced online, at least in any meaningful way.

And (as I liked to joke with a dear friend) - when one is doing this online, it's much easy to be nicer to one's pink bits than might occur face to face. Self preservation and all that.

 

[nh23]

Three weeks ago I would've agreed with you on this, but i'm telling ya'll this man has captured me in a way that no real life relationship ever has. I crave him all day long, my mind dizzy from anticipation of how he is going to take his pleasure in my body, and I am on the edge of reason.
I have loved before and I loved getting love back and feeling appreciated, but this relationship has raised the bar to levels I had no idea I could attain.
What he makes me feel is real, I cum harder, longer, and sweeter.... again wondering WTF?

Google infatuation, obsession, new love. The majority of the time not "real" rational feelings.