Sub Club for females

[KinkE]

From a D's perspective, I find this type of response very flattering, and certainly entertaining to boot.

With regard to that which I find deeply satisfying, however, there's really no adequate substitute for the love of a woman who knows me, inside and out. One who has seen me at my best and worst, most noble and most callow, smartest and least clever, most thrilling and most mundane, strongest and weakest moments..... and loves and reveres me, more than any other person on earth, regardless.

I am in no way trying to impugn the value of your erotic experiences, or question the reality of your feelings. Just noting what I personally value, most deeply, as a D.

I thank you for all of you shared. Very well put!

 

[YourCaptor]

Their is one major problem with online relationships, or any long distance relationship, even if it started out in person.

That is without the other person their the depiction of them that we create in our mind is not accurate. Which is fine, until its time to meet, at which point you can find each other totally incompatible or just have a a lot of annoyances you need to get over.

It's a similar phenomenon to when people move in together.

 

[KinkE]

In total agreement

Their is one major problem with online relationships, or any long distance relationship, even if it started out in person.

That is without the other person their the depiction of them that we create in our mind is not accurate. Which is fine, until its time to meet, at which point you can find each other totally incompatible or just have a a lot of annoyances you need to get over.

It's a similar phenomenon to when people move in together.

with this, and I liken it to a blind date even, friends might set you up and there's an inherent build up of what the date will be like and it could just set you up for a dissapointing evening.

I'm scared to move in. My reallife bf, keeps saying things won't change, but I say you never can tell, besides the fact he and I became a LDR, due to the faultering economic state of things, I say we both know its nearing time for a change, and I'm way too picky and quirky about keeping things organized, not quite to the point of being a disorder, but it certainly could get on someone's nerves.

 

[bakedbeams]

"things wont change" ......... which brings us back to the previous fart conversation. *chuckles*

No one knows anyone until you actually 'live' together. I like this quote.....I think it says alot about people and reflects a little on what JM was saying

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe

 

[ShyVixen]

First of all, welcome to Lit, KinkE!

Thank you for the tip on the Distance Domination, I will look into it. I think it's wonderful that you and He met on the net and developed it further. Here's my thing, Im fairly young and had no intention of hooking up to begin with. Truth be told, I logged into Literotica to shop for my first sex toy, next thing I know, I'm signing up...now two weeks later..yeah.. I'm thinking Wow! I love my Master deeply, yes its only been 2wks but the time invested has been quite productive, and its not like a wifey love, or even lovers, it's somehow deeper, spiritual even. Perhaps Bakedbeams best describes it as Metaphysical. I'm not looking for a ball&chain kinda thing, though if in the long run it were to happen, Im sure I'd be happy, I just want an idea of what to expect. I get that we're all different, it's just this is my first Cyber experience so Im wanting to see if what I feel is a high from being released from all the sexual inhibitions, a high from being someone's Shiny New Toy, or cuz I finally found my Self?

Congratulations on finding this new sexual journey. I'm not going to patronise you in any way. I will say take things slow. Right now it's all new and exciting and it's unleashing feelings and emotions and physical reactions you've probably never experienced before...and I say that from my own personal experience. The first few weeks when I got chatting to someone on here were exhilarating for me. I felt as giddy as a new born colt I fell heavily into lust, fortunately my PYL was the one to reign me in and slow things down. Things progressed and yes, I fell in 'love' with him while our relationship was still mostly online. It is possible to have very deep feelings for someone in that sense.

With regard to that which I find deeply satisfying, however, there's really no adequate substitute for the love of a woman who knows me, inside and out. One who has seen me at my best and worst, most noble and most callow, smartest and least clever, most thrilling and most mundane, strongest and weakest moments..... and loves and reveres me, more than any other person on earth, regardless.

I think JMohegan sums love up very well. Until you've seen someone at their worst etc your only seeing one side of a person. And for a lot of relationships that is fine, but if it's real love you need to see all the bad things.

People say that those new feelings and excitement fade over time. I've known my PYL for a little over two years and I'm more in lust with him now than ever. So it is possible to maintain that new spark.

And again, please don't think I'm patronising you. I know how strong feelings can be. So my advice...take it slow, be sensible with your heart but most importantly, enjoy!

 

[dear_prudence]

I have a few questions that i hope won't get me flamed ...

So when you first discovered your Dom or sub online, who approached who first? Did you take time in email and chat to get to know each other? How much of each other.... not just the requisite 'what is expected' but share likes (music/food/books/whatever)?... so did the relationship build up over even a small period of time? This is a question for the mainly cyber relationships I guess... I don't see myself and my Dom (how weird to say that for me...will I ever get over that?) ever meeting in person... I'm not even sure yet I want to talk on the phone to him... but it did begin quickly and I kind of feel like a girl who slept with the boy on the first date... (and i'm too old to feel that way!!)

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have a few questions that i hope won't get me flamed ...

So when you first discovered your Dom or sub online, who approached who first? Did you take time in email and chat to get to know each other? How much of each other.... not just the requisite 'what is expected' but share likes (music/food/books/whatever)?... so did the relationship build up over even a small period of time? This is a question for the mainly cyber relationships I guess... I don't see myself and my Dom (how weird to say that for me...will I ever get over that?) ever meeting in person... I'm not even sure yet I want to talk on the phone to him... but it did begin quickly and I kind of feel like a girl who slept with the boy on the first date... (and i'm too old to feel that way!!)

I wasn't looking for a Dominant when I met my PYL on-line. I wasn't even looking for a partner/hook-up anything. I was on a wifesharing site because it was my husband's first deployment and I was horny as hell. My husband recommended that I go there and flirt a bit. So I did. I was able to watch him not only in his interactions with me but with other women and in political threads. I got to know his values, what issues he was passionate about, and to see his wit, manners, and intelligence. He and I have the same priorities in life and the same kind of kinky mind.

In the beginning in was more random phone sex but then we started spending hours and hours on the phone with simple idle chitchat. From the time of our first substantial interaction on the forum to myself becoming his submissive was about 6-7 months.

 

[KinkE]

I have a few questions that i hope won't get me flamed ...

So when you first discovered your Dom or sub online, who approached who first? Did you take time in email and chat to get to know each other? How much of each other.... not just the requisite 'what is expected' but share likes (music/food/books/whatever)?... so did the relationship build up over even a small period of time? This is a question for the mainly cyber relationships I guess... I don't see myself and my Dom (how weird to say that for me...will I ever get over that?) ever meeting in person... I'm not even sure yet I want to talk on the phone to him... but it did begin quickly and I kind of feel like a girl who slept with the boy on the first date... (and i'm too old to feel that way!!)

Sleeping with boys on the first date? Guilty. Master approached me. A simple “Hello, how are you doing”? Feeling kinda feisty, I countered with a full page reply, letting him know I was fine, but I would have much preferred a more clever or witty approach, give me something smart, unique or seductive, please! I mean, isn’t that why he was messaging me in the first place? So, I waited for minute, deciding to test his resolve, I went all out and challenged with him with an ultra aggressive message. I mean I really let it out. He replied, I read his words and I instantly knew he was the one.

It’s been wonderful since. Exchanging PM’s, getting to know about each others likes and dislikes inside and outside the BDSM realm, (music/food/books/whatever) A few days later we inched it up to email, then IM, and now we do all of it including text. Seems we’ve developed a great two way communication and I’m genuinely satisfied with the way it’s going. We’ve not done phone, though I do wish to hear his voice, but then again, uh-uh, I don’t! I’m already giddy enough as it is.

He’s not pushed too hard, yet enough to pique my interest and keep me wanting more of what he gives.

On a side note, I had no idea he "owned" me!?!
Today during a text conversation it came up somehow and I was like… wait! Timeout... what did you just say? Really?
Here I am thinking all along I that am giving, “surrendering” myself willingly to please him as my Master, never realizing I had given him ownership of myself. That’s so freaken hot! Now I’m a complete wonderful mess, wondering and imagining how he’ll incorporate that into my next training to ensure there is no doubt in my head that he is my owner.

Someone, anyone… please enlighten me. Where’s the guidebook?

 

[CutieMouse]

[Opinionated posting alert]

Sleeping with boys on the first date? Guilty. Master approached me. A simple “Hello, how are you doing”? Feeling kinda feisty, I countered with a full page reply, letting him know I was fine, but I would have much preferred a more clever or witty approach, give me something smart, unique or seductive, please! I mean, isn’t that why he was messaging me in the first place? So, I waited for minute, deciding to test his resolve, I went all out and challenged with him with an ultra aggressive message. I mean I really let it out. He replied, I read his words and I instantly knew he was the one.

Um. No. You didn't sleep with him on the first date. You had what was probably a very erotic conversation, without having to worry about condoms, either of your sexual histories, if you physically "clicked" or any of the other things concerning actually sleeping with someone. You had hot cyber. You have an online fuck buddy/blossoming relationship. Good, great, wonderful. But it's not the same as fucking someone on the first date.

It’s been wonderful since. Exchanging PM’s, getting to know about each others likes and dislikes inside and outside the BDSM realm, (music/food/books/whatever) A few days later we inched it up to email, then IM, and now we do all of it including text. Seems we’ve developed a great two way communication and I’m genuinely satisfied with the way it’s going. We’ve not done phone, though I do wish to hear his voice, but then again, uh-uh, I don’t! I’m already giddy enough as it is.

Which does say a lot, because at its foundation, the whole BDSM thing is a relationship. Kuddos to both of you.

He’s not pushed too hard, yet enough to pique my interest and keep me wanting more of what he gives.

On a side note, I had no idea he "owned" me!?!
Today during a text conversation it came up somehow and I was like… wait! Timeout... what did you just say? Really?
Here I am thinking all along I that am giving, “surrendering” myself willingly to please him as my Master, never realizing I had given him ownership of myself. That’s so freaken hot! Now I’m a complete wonderful mess, wondering and imagining how he’ll incorporate that into my next training to ensure there is no doubt in my head that he is my owner.

Someone, anyone… please enlighten me. Where’s the guidebook?

Oh.fucking.hold.the.phone.

It isn't his place to announce that he "owns" you. It's difficult to "own" someone who hasn't given permission to do so, and "ownership" is a pretty fucking big deal, which usually includes the removal of "no", safewords, etc. You're willing to have some guy you met online, who's voice you've never heard, who's eyes you've never looked into, who you've known three weeks-ish(?) have that sort of power without your express consent? Really?

NRE on steroids, meet red flag. Red flag, meet NRE on steroids.

Read The New Bottoming Book, for starters. Then look into The Loving Dominant, SM 101, etc. Keep asking questions and maintain your freaking boundaries until you are actually ready to give them up.

[/Opinionated posting alert]

 

[BiBunny]

*Facepalm*

 

[dear_prudence]

It’s been wonderful since. Exchanging PM’s, getting to know about each others likes and dislikes inside and outside the BDSM realm, (music/food/books/whatever) A few days later we inched it up to email, then IM, and now we do all of it including text.

Yup.. I'd like some of that...

please enlighten me. Where’s the guidebook?

if you find one, please share!!! ::::begging::::: hehehe

 

[jbannon]

The way you describe your on line relationship sounds very familiar to me. I have had a few on line Doms take me under their wing so to speak. Each taught me something about myself and my submissive nature. When I met my current 'Master', though it is not official, everything just clicked into place. In a very short time we both knew this was the right match. It is hard to maintain a virtual Relationship but so far I think it is well worth the time and effort. We stay in contact by chat, texting and e-mail. I recommend you get your hands on a web cam a.s.a.p. Make sure it has a built in microphone too. Master has a cam and microphone built into his laptop so I could see and hear him right from the beginning. You are right about being able to hear your Master's voice...mmmm, yummy. (drooling on the keys again) Anyway, get one. Even if he doesn't have one, then he can see you. You can even take pictures. The cam is a great tool to keep your relationship clicking. I don't know if you've experienced virtual sex with your Master yet but with the cam it is almost (well, almost, almost) next to the real thing! When I masturbate in front of the cam for my Master and he says, "Cum slut!", then well.....I always do what my Master says.

 

[dear_prudence]

[Opinionated posting alert]

Oh.fucking.hold.the.phone.

It isn't his place to announce that he "owns" you. It's difficult to "own" someone who hasn't given permission to do so, and "ownership" is a pretty fucking big deal, which usually includes the removal of "no", safewords, etc. You're willing to have some guy you met online, who's voice you've never heard, who's eyes you've never looked into, who you've known three weeks-ish(?) have that sort of power without your express consent? Really?

NRE on steroids, meet red flag. Red flag, meet NRE on steroids.

Read The New Bottoming Book, for starters. Then look into The Loving Dominant, SM 101, etc. Keep asking questions and maintain your freaking boundaries until you are actually ready to give them up.

[/Opinionated posting alert]

wow, I think you're voice might sound harsh if I heard this rather than read it... KinkE started the thread asking questions about this, coming on as a newbie to the lifestyle (i am too and appreciate her forthrightness in jumping in with her questions)... i think it's that harsh kind of response that makes me afraid to post at all or ask a question. There are gentler ways of offering up your advice. And I appreciate the book links. I'll look into them, thanks.

 

[BiBunny]

wow, I think you're voice might sound harsh if I heard this rather than read it... KinkE started the thread asking questions about this, coming on as a newbie to the lifestyle (i am too and appreciate her forthrightness in jumping in with her questions)... i think it's that harsh kind of response that makes me afraid to post at all or ask a question. There are gentler ways of offering up your advice. And I appreciate the book links. I'll look into them, thanks.

"Gentler ways of offering up your advice" presumes that the reader will comprehend it. CM has made several attempts in this thread to warn the OP that what she's feeling is a bunch of infatuation with some dude who's just words on a computer screen at the moment. And what has CM gotten in return?

"Noooooooooo, you don't understaaaaaaaaand."

And people wonder why the folks with all the knowledge and experience that used to inhabit this place don't bother posting much anymore. The inexperienced people are convinced they know everything and hold all the secrets to the real and true way, so what's the point?

Asking for advice means you're inviting different opinions. And if you can't handle that, don't ask for advice. Just say what you really mean, which is "I need you all to validate my feelings."

 

[KinkE]

CutieMouse

Sweet Lady, you know I admire you and appreciate you.

idk how to do the whole multiquote here so I cut and pasted on word and here it is:

Um. No. You didn't sleep with him on the first date. You had what was probably a very erotic conversation, without having to worry about condoms, either of your sexual histories, if you physically "clicked" or any of the other things concerning actually sleeping with someone. You had hot cyber. You have an online fuck buddy/blossoming relationship. Good, great, wonderful. But it's not the same as fucking someone on the first date.

Aha! I must've of misunderstood Pru's post, cuz I thought she too is having a LDR, and in "sleeping on the first date" I took it to mean, "cybersex" at first meeting...and yeah, it was very Caliente!

Oh.fucking.hold.the.phone.

It isn't his place to announce that he "owns" you. It's difficult to "own" someone who hasn't given permission to do so, and "ownership" is a pretty fucking big deal, which usually includes the removal of "no", safewords, etc. You're willing to have some guy you met online, who's voice you've never heard, who's eyes you've never looked into, who you've known three weeks-ish(?) have that sort of power without your express consent? Really?

NRE on steroids, meet red flag. Red flag, meet NRE on steroids.

coulda- shoulda-woulda I am thinking this could be a matter of semantics.
I completely appreciate your input and I want to know more about it, sole reason I posted it to begin with. I want the information! I don't understand where or how safe words apply in a LDR. I can't grasp that concept. Without divulging intimate details of my interactions with Master, I admit I offered myself to him as a sub....free will, no coercion! I do understand how you might believe it's too fast, but I did consciously, because I want to learn from him and give him the space and "authority" to teach me this from the roots up. Obviously I didn’t know what it encompassed to offer myself in that way, I don't recall the term "ownership" coming up, but it's been a hell-uv-a rollercoaster ride and I might have been too caught to even care to tell you the truth. We have been discussing it today. Bottom line is I want to learn it fully. I don't want to cheat myself out a full fledged BDSM LDR experience. I don't know that I could try this again with another when this relationship ends. I don't know that I could do this in real life, though I want to believe I can, I won’t actually know until I am faced with it. I'm going one day at a time here, learning as it goes. If this doesn't work, I won’t consider it a failure. To me knowing that I was half assed about it would be failure, because I failed it first! idk what else to say. I cannot even find words to tell you how grateful I am for your input, please know I am speaking with my heart.

The book links are appreciated as well. I will look into them.

 

[KinkE]

The way you describe your on line relationship sounds very familiar to me. I have had a few on line Doms take me under their wing so to speak. Each taught me something about myself and my submissive nature. When I met my current 'Master', though it is not official, everything just clicked into place. In a very short time we both knew this was the right match. It is hard to maintain a virtual Relationship but so far I think it is well worth the time and effort. We stay in contact by chat, texting and e-mail. I recommend you get your hands on a web cam a.s.a.p. Make sure it has a built in microphone too. Master has a cam and microphone built into his laptop so I could see and hear him right from the beginning. You are right about being able to hear your Master's voice...mmmm, yummy. (drooling on the keys again) Anyway, get one. Even if he doesn't have one, then he can see you. You can even take pictures. The cam is a great tool to keep your relationship clicking. I don't know if you've experienced virtual sex with your Master yet but with the cam it is almost (well, almost, almost) next to the real thing! When I masturbate in front of the cam for my Master and he says, "Cum slut!", then well.....I always do what my Master says.

Thank you for this. You know as fast I seem to be going into this, idk that I can go there yet, though I find it's no coincidence that Master and I discussed pics today as well.
again, thanks!

 

[KinkE]

wow, I think you're voice might sound harsh if I heard this rather than read it... KinkE started the thread asking questions about this, coming on as a newbie to the lifestyle (i am too and appreciate her forthrightness in jumping in with her questions)... i think it's that harsh kind of response that makes me afraid to post at all or ask a question. There are gentler ways of offering up your advice. And I appreciate the book links. I'll look into them, thanks.

Prudence, thanks!
I admit at first read, it did sting a little... but i'm a big girl and I do rather fancy a little pain here and there...lol. Seriously, I want to say I understand where she is coming from, and as amore experienced woman, it's good to have her advice.

And you too, you're sweet to care that way!

 

[KinkE]

"Gentler ways of offering up your advice" presumes that the reader will comprehend it. CM has made several attempts in this thread to warn the OP that what she's feeling is a bunch of infatuation with some dude who's just words on a computer screen at the moment. And what has CM gotten in return?

"Noooooooooo, you don't understaaaaaaaaand."

And people wonder why the folks with all the knowledge and experience that used to inhabit this place don't bother posting much anymore. The inexperienced people are convinced they know everything and hold all the secrets to the real and true way, so what's the point?

Asking for advice means you're inviting different opinions. And if you can't handle that, don't ask for advice. Just say what you really mean, which is "I need you all to validate my feelings."

Just so you know, you're opinion is highly valued as well.
Thank you for sharing

 

[dear_prudence]

Aha! I must've of misunderstood Pru's post, cuz I thought she too is having a LDR, and in "sleeping on the first date" I took it to mean, "cybersex" at first meeting...and yeah, it was very Caliente!

i'm cutting and pasting too...
and yes i did mean that mine is an LDR... and in the first chat (not email) it got hot, and so thats what i meant by sleeping with him on the first date...

i didn't mean to offend anyone by taking up for you, the words stung me as much as if they were directed at me... i'm sensitive like that...

i do want to hear what all of you more experienced ladies have to say... i have a lot to learn...

 

[bakedbeams]

Ownership. I find it difficult that one could be owned without ones knowledge or permission freely given. If one considers the full parameters of such a statement it is very far reaching. It is concerning if this state is assumed without a full discussion of expectations, ramifications, and total agreeance. JMO

Perhaps as a particular part of a 'scene' I become 'owned', that ownership is given by me during the 'scene' and taken back at the end of the 'scene'. But in our everyday relationship NO. I defer to him, but always of my own free choice. Having said that I am not in a slave relationship.

We have a safeword. I know that it hasnt been explained, and hope that I can give a satisfactory explaination. It is a word that means STOP. Either physical or emotional boundaries have been crossed, or are being pushed. Perhaps things need to stop altogether, or maybe slow down. The safeword is used to let the PYL know that limits have been reached. It is the PYLs responsibility to STOP. It is abuse if a safeword is used and the 'scene' continues. JMO

I know my PYL feels secure that I have a safeword. I know I can let go, and he will continue, because I have a safeword. In my mind a safeword is not something that is used lightly, it is a serious signal that things are going very wrong. JMO

 

[Sayyid]

So forgive me for barging in here unceremoniously, but this is the thread for female subs and I have a question for them. Namely, why is it so hard for me to find one of your kind at my young age? I've scoured personals, the Internet, asked around and the closest I came to finding a willing partner was a female domme who wasn't really into the idea, naturally. Am I just doing it wrong, or do I need to be more patient? I thought female submissives were common. In fact, I've heard finding suitable female dommes is hard, which is why men stereotypically resort to professional dominatrixes.

 

[CutieMouse]

wow, I think you're voice might sound harsh if I heard this rather than read it... KinkE started the thread asking questions about this, coming on as a newbie to the lifestyle (i am too and appreciate her forthrightness in jumping in with her questions)... i think it's that harsh kind of response that makes me afraid to post at all or ask a question. There are gentler ways of offering up your advice. And I appreciate the book links. I'll look into them, thanks.

I will give you that my response was quite blunt in its delivery. I took a few moments before my date showed up this evening to skim the boards and felt the idea of being told one was "owned" without express consent to be troublesome. I did not have time to mince words, yet felt compelled to respond.

I responded bluntly, forcefully, and strongly - because it's really really easy to walk into this [BDSM/submission] naive and/or blind, and wake up one day realizing you've been used, or mistreated, or stuck in an unhealthy relationship. There are things that are considered red flags for a reason; I viewed the comments made @ being "informed" of ownership as one of them.

This thread is full of humor and sound advice for new submissives; you might consider it more genteel in its delivery, than myself.

 

[CutieMouse]

So forgive me for barging in here unceremoniously, but this is the thread for female subs and I have a question for them. Namely, why is it so hard for me to find one of your kind at my young age? I've scoured personals, the Internet, asked around and the closest I came to finding a willing partner was a female domme who wasn't really into the idea, naturally. Am I just doing it wrong, or do I need to be more patient? I thought female submissives were common. In fact, I've heard finding suitable female dommes is hard, which is why men stereotypically resort to professional dominatrixes.

How long have you been looking, where/how have you been looking, and what do you bring to the table?

 

[Bandit58]

Ownership. I find it difficult that one could be owned without ones knowledge or permission freely given. If one considers the full parameters of such a statement it is very far reaching. It is concerning if this state is assumed without a full discussion of expectations, ramifications, and total agreeance. JMO

Perhaps as a particular part of a 'scene' I become 'owned', that ownership is given by me during the 'scene' and taken back at the end of the 'scene'. But in our everyday relationship NO. I defer to him, but always of my own free choice. Having said that I am not in a slave relationship.

We have a safeword. I know that it hasnt been explained, and hope that I can give a satisfactory explaination. It is a word that means STOP. Either physical or emotional boundaries have been crossed, or are being pushed. Perhaps things need to stop altogether, or maybe slow down. The safeword is used to let the PYL know that limits have been reached. It is the PYLs responsibility to STOP. It is abuse if a safeword is used and the 'scene' continues. JMO

I know my PYL feels secure that I have a safeword. I know I can let go, and he will continue, because I have a safeword. In my mind a safeword is not something that is used lightly, it is a serious signal that things are going very wrong. JMO

Sir and I have been in a 24/7 real time D/s relationship for 5 1/2 years now. I met Him here on Lit in 2002, in a thread called aussies on the Playground forum. He is my first Dom. He has health issues (link to my thread in my sig line, or PM me if you want to know more). I serve as His full time carer, plus chief cook, financial wizard and general gofer

I am not owned. That's not part of our dynamic, both because it has bad connotations for me and He does not believe in owning a person.

After all this time I still have a safeword. Sir will not play without one and I feel "safer" if I can call a halt or slow things down if it becomes too much. New subs, do NOT feel like a failure if you have to use your safeword. It is in place for you to keep yourself from serious emotional or physical injury - and even if you have a leg cramp that needs to be attended to

 

[Adakgirl]

The Predatory Dominant

From: LrdAzrael

The following is a composite profile of an Online Predator. This profile was compiled by a number of submissive women for the use of submissive women. It is written from the perspective of a submissive female whose nature requires her to respond to a dominant male.

The Online Predator

1. Definition :

The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body, mind, heart and soul.

2. Characteristics of a Predator:

1. Liar:
( Self explanatory )
2. Deceiver:
His self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer:
He is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure:
He is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent:
He will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor:
Usually while protesting that he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect:
He will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient:
He is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator:
He calculates and contrives for his own benefit to the detriment of his partner.
10. Secretive:
He will tend to cloak himself and his activities.
11. Charming:
If he could not steal your breath away, he would not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective:
He will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon:
He will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control:
Although at times, he may have extraordinary self control and discipline.

A predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value "Truth" is in the "Relationship" he is developing with his victim. When developing a new relationship, a submissive should make a conscious effort to observe her partner's interaction with others, not just how he interacts with her. The predator may well reveal his true self through his interactions. But, the submissive may only see this revelation if she is committed to taking every precaution for her own safety.

3. Predator Warning Signals:

While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them.

Phrases:

1. Do not tell _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .
2. ( _ _ _ _ _ ) is crazy ! ( or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to get me )
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous ( of me, of us, of what we have, that you have me ).

Actions:

1. May seldom be in the D/s chat rooms. Operates from other areas or private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive or angry when questioned.
4. Questions the sincerity of the submissive when questioned.
5. He will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. He will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.

4. The Submissive's Personal Warning Signals:

These are items that a submissive should pay attention to if she is saying them to herself or hearing them from others.

1. I feel he is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering " something is not right about this person ".

5. Summary:

The final best defense any submissive has against an Online Predator is her own common sense and judgment. The submissive should always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back, take a deep breath and look at a potential partner with common sense and not with passion.