Being afraid of showing our real emotions is a by-product of our Anglo based culture...we are taught and told from a young age not to cry etc., and role modeled how we should at all times keep our emotional self under control and hidden lest we be seen as being weak, vulnerable, silly, or taken advaantage of. I consider myself fortunate to no longer have to live that way as it has been the root of many of my sorrows and struggles.
Catalina
I have only my present and only relationship to speak from, but after an initial first very very intense meeting/scene my Dom decided to step back and take it slow with me. He is very experienced and I was a D/s virgin. I let him lead, and I followed. He encouraged me to never be afraid to ask questions and speak up when I had concerns. I still almost three years later consider myself in training and I am loving it.
His concentration has been more on my training to be submissive, to fully accept that I am his, and to fully understand what that really means. I hopefully will be in this relationship for ever and am in no rush to try every kind of pain play and gadgets out there. I like the slow progression. I like the emphasis on he and I as a couple, as lovers, as friends--always with the knowledge of the D/s dynamic--but in this way we have built a strong foundation of trust and love.
It is not really passive. at all. I put time and energy into learning all that he has to teach me. I actively use my imagination to find ways to please him and complete tasks the very best I can.
Slow down and enjoy the journey.
Exactly! You are right on here!
I've seen quite a few posts along these same lines lately, and from personal experience, sometimes you can have no warning signs at all that there is something "not quite right," and this goes for D/s and vanilla relationships. I think there are just going to be times when you're going to end up hurt, or more specific to your original post, become involved with someone who is in it for an ego boost, no matter how careful you are, how much you pay attention to your instincts, and how slow you take things.
Unfortunately, if you're going to "date," in any sense of that word, odds are that this will happen eventually. When it does (unless you're extremely lucky and it never does), I want to offer a bit of advice that a very wise and very kind man recently shared with me when I was going through a very painful time after ending up hurt, betrayed, and feeling very taken advantage of (despite being very careful and looking for warning signs) when a L/D relationship ended.
Two of the several pieces of advice he offered were:
"Your time, your thoughts, your feelings are the most precious things you have in this life. Do not waste them in anger or grief on fools who cannot appreciate their worth or value."
and
"Leave with him the wrong that was done, hold your head up with grace and strength."
In addition to that, I would just try and learn from each of your relationships, the good ones and the not-so-good ones, and use that knowledge when you enter into your next relationship, whether it be L/D, D/s, vanilla, etc. There is no way to 100% protect ourselves from being hurt or taken advantage of at some point, no matter how careful we are. Hopefully we meet less of the "I need an ego boost at your expense" kind of people and more of the honest and respectful ones.
Good luck to you in your search for the right partner, for, as Netzach so wisely said, we all have to rely on a little bit of luck when entering a new relationship!
