Switch Space

[cymbidia]

~stepping cautiously into a place not my own~

Ahem.

I'm not a switch but i am a Scorpio, like R, though i'm a definite unswitching submissive, unlike R.

Additionally, i'll edit your story, T though you *know*, right?, that R is a real writer and a really really good editor. I'm a pretender. (Note: The preceeding was confessed with great good cheer.)

 

[SpectreT]

~stepping cautiously into a place not my own~

Ahem.

I'm not a switch but i am a Scorpio, like R, though i'm a definite unswitching submissive, unlike R.

Additionally, i'll edit your story, T though you *know*, right?, that R is a real writer and a really really good editor. I'm a pretender. (Note: The preceeding was confessed with great good cheer.)

No insult intended, Risia. It's rare that I need an editor. it's a lot more likely that I'll need a technical advisor on some BDSM type stuff in the story. If my english is not of the highest grammatical quality, it is either for the sake of regional dialect in a character, the pacing of the story, or that i've lost my touch.

yes, I'm one of those cocky, tempermental, artists. my own work is barely good enough for my standards, so I expect anyone editing it to tear it to shreds. my poor little ego can't take that.

besides, b. offered first, a long time ago, shortly after I put tuesday up.

hey, waitaminnit.... whatayou mean, a place not your own? Silly Orchid, anybody with a voice and an opinion on switch matters is welcome here, to share their questions, answers, to start discussions, whatever.

and anyone with experience is whole heartedly invited to slap me down when I'm fulla shit! I know just how dangerous my lack of experience can be for anyone with a serious question or problem, so don't be polite, don't ignore my thread. If I fuck up, call me out on the carpet!

 

[RisiaSkye]

Risia: And you griped about my avatar? That smirking blonde face has had me..... distracted for quite a while.

Glad to know she does her job, T.

I did post some possible conversation starters back on Page 2, but it doesn't look like anyone wants to share.... unless I whine and wheedle them into my thread. (sorry about that, Risia,)

Don't be. I need prodded once in a while or I get lazy and idle. It's not for lack of interest, only lack of motivation to come up with anything even marginally interesting to say.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Additionally, i'll edit your story, T though you *know*, right?, that R is a real writer and a really really good editor. I'm a pretender. (Note: The preceeding was confessed with great good cheer.)

Additionally, this is a great big pile of poo, and she knows it, T. I don't at all take offense to you asking cym--I'm no more a "real" writer than anyone else, though I am a damned exacting critic. Ironically, that critical eye does little to improve my own work. Oh well, we can't have it all, can we? Even we Switches.

In reality, however, methinks this is b's way of saying she wants to spread around the workload if people want editors. (Note: the preceeding was outed with great good humor. )

 

[cymbidia]

Damn but this place is getting overrun with uppity, too-smart Switches!
kiss: )

 

[petrel]

Re: topping from below

"Topping From Below": Is it a heightened hazard for Switches, who have experience on both sides? Is second-guessing a Dom(me) someting you've ever caught yourself doing? Ever thought to yourself, after a scene, that you could've done better?

Conversely, have you brought your sub experiences to your Dom(me) style? How much of your Domination is simply passing on a wonderful experience to someone you know will appreciate it?

This one's a personal experience question.

How or when does your Switching take place? Do your needs and desires move like moods, or do you find yourself adapting, chameleon-like, to mirror the side your partner's playing?

And lastly; do you think it's tougher, as a Switch, to find a monogamous relationship that fulfills your complex, mobile needs?

I rarely if ever top/domme nowadays as in my current relationship and with online play partners I find more satisfaction in subbing. I think this is partly because I need to know soemone quite well in order to domme. In my relationship I don't think my partner is a swtich at all although he is not necesarily a f/t dom.

I have however topped from below - I say this becasue although the other person was using all the mannerisms etc of a dom I was definately in control at least as much if not more than he was. It felt more like a game we were playing - a complex one with certian rules and certian paths that once started upon you could leave only by ending the game. The awareness of the situation in this way made it for me more intense.
I love games and complicated ones of the roleplaying (fantasy/sci-fi) variety.
I knew that certian actions on my part woudl start us on certain paths and that once begun neither one would be able to easily pull away.

Now part of this may be that he was not a very experienced dom, but I did not feel any impatiance as I have done with other doms in fact I was very heavily 'under' as a sub to him.

it all sounds very complicated I guess - I think for me the main criteria for topping from below or even being a switch in the first plce is a profund trust and confidence in yourself and your abilities, it is the difference between ego and pride - ego seems to demand that once a dom always a dom, pride says I can do whatever I wish.

Hope that this made some kind of sense - its an interesting area. I should just add that in my humble opinion in order to top from below you must not only be leading the game but you must be enjoying the power it gives you to 'lead'

 

[petrel]

re: switches getting a bad name

or boo hiss to the purity nazis

now I'm not saying that everyone doesn't have a right to their own opinion I'm just saying that anyone who trys the old chestnut of
"well if you want both you have a fear of commitment"
or "you aren't really either dom or sub you know"
is WRONG and an asshole

I have been living with this since I came out as bi at the age of sixteen - when will people realise that being bi and or a switch isn't indicative of an inability to make your mind up between the only two choices available; it is a valid choice in its own right!!!

(rant over - please don't flame me!!!)

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: re: switches getting a bad name

or boo hiss to the purity nazis

I have been living with this since I came out as bi at the age of sixteen - when will people realise that being bi and or a switch isn't indicative of an inability to make your mind up between the only two choices available; it is a valid choice in its own right!!!

Can I get an 'Amen?'
I'm so with you on this, petrel.

 

[SpectreT]

You got your Amen, Risia.

And, petrel, not only is it a valid choice in its own right, it's a damn hard path to walk, being a Switch, being Bi..... You're constantly catching shit from all sides; from the "mainstream" (read that: Vanilla) as a sexual freak, from the Gay/Lesbian crowd as if you were some kind of traitor to anyone who was ever attracted to members of the same sex, from the closed-minded among Doms and subs (hard to find one on Lit), and from the straight people who don't understand the idea of somone not being totally straight or gay, as if it were a light switch that's either on or off.

It's a good way to confuse the hell out of folks around you. And confused people can be mean.

So here's my next stunning piece of advice: Let it roll off you. Just remember who and what you are, grin, and use that core of strength (and it seems everyone into BDSM has one) to shrug off ignorance and assholiness, even when it comes from people you might expect support from. You'll find that core of strength getting more and more powerful every day. You'll also surprise people by giving them something they don't have enough of:

Understanding.

(Side note, and another interesting question: How many Switches are Bi? Is there a possible correlation between the two, is it because the "middle road" just is the right path for folks like us? or am I fulla crap with another intuitive theory?)

 

[petrel]

Bi & Switch?

Thanks for the back up SpectreT and Risia. It would be interesting to see how many Switches are Bi from choice?
From what I have noticed a fair number of subs are Bi but I sometimes doubt if that is from active choice on their own part or merely another way to please and engage with their master.

From my own expereince i am Bi and a switch
I have a close friend who is Bi and probably Sub (scared to go too deeply into it as they are in a vanilla relationship)
My last Girlfriend was Bi and a switch
and my current partner is Bi and a Top / Dom

how about everyone else here?

 

[Lain]

This thread reminds me of a pin I saw once:

Bi/Poly/Switch
I'm not indecisive, I'm greedy!

Sadly, though, I couldn't legitimately wear the pin. Though I'm bi, I'm dominant and monogamous.



Lain

 

[SpectreT]

Well.

Greedy?

Us?

Just because we want to experience everything?

Heh.

Seriously, anyone who's actually reading this: What do you think?

I need some more grist for the mill, something to stimulate a discussion, or this will end up a dead thread at the bottom of a deepening pile of them. Of course, if that happens, I suppose it deserves to be there, but I'm not giving up yet.

 

[RisiaSkye]

I wouldn't call it greedy, I'd call it "committed to the path of most resistance."

 

[NemoAlia]

My first D/s relationship was with a person who strongly believed in dominating me only after he had worked out all the details with his other partner, who was a willing guinea pig and a magician's assistant in practical matters, but who was not erotically attracted to BDSM. Her helpfulness (even just her presence) saved us all the stage fright, the uncertainty, and the technical difficulties of first-time scenes. I will always be grateful to her, this strong and generous woman.

But that's not the point of this post.

Here's the thing: I started as a sub. I still "play" online from a sub perspective. However, in real life, I have yet to meet someone who has such a strong practical foundation and such a broad experience in BDSM as I do. This disparity often frustrates me, since I don't like to top from the bottom, but I absolutely can't stand being mishandled by a Dom. Moreover, I have found that people who don't have as varied a D/s history as I do haven't had the opportunity to imagine scenes beyond the stereotypical fare; and so my limits almost never get tested, and I'm almost never surprised.

In order to keep myself from being disappointed by such unsatisfactory BDSM relationships, I've pretty much cut BDSM out of my life. That's all right -- I do enjoy vanilla sex very much. And it's not without its own implicit D/s thrills -- hair pulling, name calling, etc. However, sometimes I miss the real power exchange of BDSM.

I'm beginning to suspect that I should use my experience and skill for good -- that if I evangelize, there will come a new generation of available, skilled Doms. But I hate teaching people about D/s from the bottom. It's nearly impossible, and I'm never satisfied. So I'm considering switching.

Has anyone else faced a similar decision? What did you do?

Does the erotic thrill of BDSM exist without some element of surprise for the sub? That is to say, will I ever enjoy subbing again? I don't want really want to have my limits pushed any further than they've already been extended, but I don't want to fall into a rut either. I know I sound a little desperate and silly, but these are the things I think about, sometimes.

And if I do switch, how do I do it without envying my sub his freedom from responsibility?

All right, this is a rather disjointed post. And admittedly, there are questions which I haven't asked for fear of losing my readership entirely. I'm at a very uncertain sort of crossroads, I think, and I'll take whatever input any of you are willing to offer.

 

[SpectreT]

I feel safe in saying that this one's a teensy bit over my head. I know what works for me, but it doesn't even sound close to what you're going through.

See, I'm between "wannabe" and "newbie" (ick. hate those phrases.) from the vantage point of actual playtime hours logged. I know that I feel different parts of me fulfilled by roles as both Dom and sub. For me, Switching is part of me, and one I'm glad I discovered, even if it drives other folks bonkers.

That said, RisiaSkye or cymbidia (preferably both) can probably offer you one hell of a lot of practical advice about playing with less experienced people. I'll ask cym if she'll share with the class. I'm sure Risia can add quite a bit on switching with less experienced partners, but she is a switch. She's comfortable and happy as Domme or sub, so her experience may vary a tad from your own experience.

 

[NemoAlia]

Thanks, T! I read all the way through this thread before I decided to post. You all seem to have valuable things to say -- I'm glad of advice from anyone, "newbie" or otherwise.

 

[cymbidia]

NemoAlia, i thought your concerns worthy of their own thread, if you don't mind. I've posted it here: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72790


I can be of no help to you because i'm wrestling (in a perhaps ultimately futlile manner?) with many of the same issues.

I am sorry.

 

[SpectreT]

Yep, another quiet day here in the "Switch Space" studio at K-LIT.

The lines aren't shaking off the walls, and neither is your host.

Hm, we've hashed over the "lack of commitment" thing, we've tacked the "Greedy" remark, heck, I've even counted the ceiling tiles (74)! Have we discussed everything important to us?

Hate to think so.

Risia made a comment in the spin-off thread for NemoAlia about "topping someone to show them how she'd like to be topped".

Anyone else done that?

How successful was it?

Did it build your play partner's confidence?

Did you have fun doing it, or was it a "task" for you?

 

[SpectreT]

Well, should I just pack it in and let the thread die?

 

[NemoAlia]

Hey Spectre - This, in my opinion, is a worthy thread. I wish I had more to offer, but I'm not sure I'm qualified to write as an actual "switch." I mean, I have topped someone to show how I'd like to be topped. But it felt at first like a chore for me, and then it felt like I was indulging in evilness that wasn't necessarily erotic -- more like just plain mean. And anyway, I'm pretty sure I intimidated him. He probably wasn't expecting me to have such intense tastes. But, I'm sure y'all could have intuited that from my complaints on this and other threads lately.

 

[DustyWolfe]

I have commented on the other switch thread but it is important.

A switch is switching from Dominant to sub and return, some women sub to men but Domme to women. That in itself is interesting?

That's me to a T... THough I don't know if I could ever be with a man sexually I always get submissive around men... Then again I am just wierd

 

[pierced_boy]

Experince of switching

.

 

[NemoAlia]

Yes, there is something poetic about a "new, tentative submission" pierced boy.

<smiles>

 

[James Blandings]

That's me to a T... THough I don't know if I could ever be with a man sexually I always get submissive around men... Then again I am just wierd

Everybody has their unique wiring. I have never been able to be dominant with another man, I always slip into submissive mode. But with women, I ebb and flow over time. Although I can always play either way at any point, my preference goes in cycles. My last relationship with a woman was as a dominant, but now I am relating to women almost exclusively as a submissive. I just accept that I am what I am, and don't let it bother me.

 

[SpectreT]

Hm.

"Gender Switching".

I love multiple, possibly layered, meanings in phrases.

That's one I can sort of understand, but only peripherally. I'm still fiddling in my own head about some sex and sexuality issues, so I doubt I'll have any experience to speak of in that regard for a while. My own "switching" is more a function of the personality type of the person I'm with than how many 'X' chromosomes they're sporting. Some people just bring out the calm, self assured aspects of my self; others make me feel like they are my reason for being there.

And, pierced_boy, It's always nice to see a new voice in the thread. It's also nice to know two things:

1) This sort of thing does grow out of 'Nilla situations, sometimes, with the right people.... Glad to know I wasn't alone in that...

2) This thread is serving its purposes: To help folks understand themselves by reading the thoughts and experiences of others, and to help folks understand each other, by reading one anothers thoughts and comments.

A great Philosopher once said, "I cannot teach anyone anything. All I can do is make them think."

Have you made anyone think today?