Switch Space

[CarolineOh]

Spectre, I avidly read whatever is said in this thread, but I feel I am not experienced enough to add much of value myself. Please don't get discouraged. Even if it is only you posting your thougts, some of us look forward to reading them.

 

[SpectreT]

Spectre, I avidly read whatever is said in this thread, but I feel I am not experienced enough to add much of value myself. Please don't get discouraged. Even if it is only you posting your thougts, some of us look forward to reading them.

This is part of what I'm ranting about! I have next to no experience myself; based on what several experienced (very experienced in some cases) Dom(me)s and subs and Switches say, I've got a good attitude and mind for this sort of thing. My BDSM resume includes exactly one partner, several years ago, who started out our BDSM play Dominating me before she discovered she was much happier and more comfortable as a sub.

With my lack of experience, I started this thread. Arrogance? Possibly. But I think it proves that experience is not the sole measure of the value one can add to a discussion; attitude, outlook, questions, thoughts; these are all things we who recognise this aspect of our sexual selves can contribute to this thread.

All I can say is don't ever hold back simply because you feel it's not your place! Save "places" for your play, if you need them there. Here we need every voice! Every thought!

 

[CarolineOh]

Now Spectre, I didn't say I didn't feel it was my place to comment, I just don't have the knowledge to speak to most of the issues that come along.
I do want your thread to be lively, so I will contribute what I can. I went to a BDSM party last night and I watched a lot of interesting scenes. It was really funny, watching, because I kept flipflopping in my identification, whether I wanted to be the Domme or the sub. That pretty much confirms my switch identity I guess
One thing I noticed is that there were many more women at the party who switched from one role to the other in the course of the evening than there were men. I wonder if this is because more women switch, or if it is because men don't want to switch in a public play setting. Any thoughts?

 

[pierced_boy]

on'we

.

 

[James Blandings]

Now Spectre, I didn't say I didn't feel it was my place to comment, I just don't have the knowledge to speak to most of the issues that come along.
I do want your thread to be lively, so I will contribute what I can. I went to a BDSM party last night and I watched a lot of interesting scenes. It was really funny, watching, because I kept flipflopping in my identification, whether I wanted to be the Domme or the sub. That pretty much confirms my switch identity I guess
One thing I noticed is that there were many more women at the party who switched from one role to the other in the course of the evening than there were men. I wonder if this is because more women switch, or if it is because men don't want to switch in a public play setting. Any thoughts?

I think that in the BDSM club scene, women generally feel more comfortable switching then men do, particularly men who usually identify as dominant. That's been my experience anyway, I don't know that it really says anything about the larger population.

 

[cellis]

I never really thought about switching until the last few months... I have been happy in my relationship with Himself... However as I explore my bi-sexuality, I find that I would prefer to be dominate with most women... there are a couple of Dommes that I am attracted to, but for the most part I see myself in a dominate role with most women...

Then again I could not see myself in a dominate role with Himself by any means... that's just the way it is... we are so well suited in our relationship with each other...

 

[James Blandings]

I never really thought about switching until the last few months... I have been happy in my relationship with Himself... However as I explore my bi-sexuality, I find that I would prefer to be dominate with most women... there are a couple of Dommes that I am attracted to, but for the most part I see myself in a dominate role with most women...

Then again I could not see myself in a dominate role with Himself by any means... that's just the way it is... we are so well suited in our relationship with each other...

It is not unusual to see BDSM households where there is a male Dom in charge, with a primary female sub who dominates with him over other female subs while still being sub to him.

 

[SpectreT]

Carefully Aimed Random Thoughts.

Ok Spectre T I had to ask at last

Tell us about your ennui.

Harry

As for this thread I am still unsure what you want from us.

"Every thought" is a bit daunting even if just on this subject. Do you have something that puzzels you or is this fishing in a diverse pond? If it is fishing how are you going to use what you catch.

H

Not a fishing expedition, more like a conversation, where if you have a thought, or an opinion, or feel secure enough to answer somone else's question, by golly, do so. My overall goal is to increase the general knowledge pool by gathering as much diversity of experience, attitude, and enthusiasm as I possibly can, especially in regard to our "special" interests in the larger BDSM community.

Sound like a lot of BS buzzwords? It is, but I mean exactly what I say with them. I want us all, and others who read our words, to have gained some insight into ourselves and each other from this.

And that's how I plan to "use" what I "catch".

-Tom.

P.S. ) About my ennui: It's an annoying creature I can't seem to shake. Thirty years of inertia pressing me down tightly into a simple mold, the chubby geek who still hasn't managed to move out of my parents' basement, putting an enormous crimp on my social life.

<edited to digress about my Ennui.>

 

[SpectreT]

Public Male Switching.

Now Spectre, I didn't say I didn't feel it was my place to comment, I just don't have the knowledge to speak to most of the issues that come along.
I do want your thread to be lively, so I will contribute what I can. I went to a BDSM party last night and I watched a lot of interesting scenes. It was really funny, watching, because I kept flipflopping in my identification, whether I wanted to be the Domme or the sub. That pretty much confirms my switch identity I guess
One thing I noticed is that there were many more women at the party who switched from one role to the other in the course of the evening than there were men. I wonder if this is because more women switch, or if it is because men don't want to switch in a public play setting. Any thoughts?

Men are linear creatures, and may feel compelled to stick to one role throughout the night just to avoid confusing anyone. It can also be tough to act dominant if your SO has you wearing a French Maid costume.

For me it would definitely the public setting. In private, "turning the tables" can be loads of fun, but as you may have read earlier, male switches have a pretty tough row to hoe, especially in regards to the dignity and respect thing.

On Knowledge and Experience: I don't know if you've noticed, but I call on the more experienced members quite often right after I've posted my opinion, or what I think I know. It gives everyone a nice counterpoint. Thankfully, I have yet to be grievously "full of shit", as I'm fond of calling a state of dangerous ignorance.

Way I look at it is, someone's got to do this, so why not me? And what are we living for, if not to learn and grow?

 

[SpectreT]

Another stray thought about PMS (Public Male Switching)

There's also the socialization factor; we've got pretty firm ideas about what each gender is supposed to act like, so subbing publicly may just be out of the question for some men.

 

[willfulbrat]

It seems like a lot of female switches like to dominate women and submit to men. Are there any more like me? I am a collared submissive to a Dom, but I will sub for Dommes or female switches. Is that really odd? I feel safer subbing to other women, and worry that submitting to other men might hurt my Dom and my husband.

I recently had my astrological charts done, and one of the things it told me was that I had problems with accepting authority from men. LOL That might explain it!

 

[RisiaSkye]

willfull--if there's you, there are more like you, I'm sure.

Personally, I only sub and Domme with my husband (at present), though I engaged in some Domming of a woman a year or two ago, with the participation of my husband. In that three-way thing, I was Alpha, hubby was Beta, she was sub. Previously, I had Dommed women and subbed to another man, before my husband. That wasn't a matter of personal preference for gender-determined switching so much as a matter of who I was involved with, and what their predilictions were.

For what it's worth.

 

[pierced_boy]

Frightened Putting toe into a scary pond

.

 

[petrel]

In that three-way thing, I was Alpha, hubby was Beta, she was sub

Interesting use of words, I actually think most of my play is more around who is Alpha and Beta than dom/sub play. I do get very aroused at the thought of being sub to a Dom/me for an evening or more but have not found the right person or circumstances too do so.
Certianly I think if you are thinking in terms of who is alpha then it is easier to 'switch' places as it depends on mood and ability to 'lord it over' the other person. There seems to be less ritual and rules attached to temporary assigning of a beta role to someone than there is with dom/sub play
just my twopenny's worth!

 

[SpectreT]

More proof I'm a geek.

'Prime' was my own mental shorthand for 'Alpha'.

 

[willfulbrat]

willfull--if there's you, there are more like you, I'm sure.

Personally, I only sub and Domme with my husband (at present), though I engaged in some Domming of a woman a year or two ago, with the participation of my husband. In that three-way thing, I was Alpha, hubby was Beta, she was sub. Previously, I had Dommed women and subbed to another man, before my husband. That wasn't a matter of personal preference for gender-determined switching so much as a matter of who I was involved with, and what their predilictions were.

For what it's worth.

How did that go, RS? Was that a good experience for you and your husband?

 

[RisiaSkye]

How did that go, RS? Was that a good experience for you and your husband?

We continue to switch, quite frequently. It's a *wonderful* thing, I'd say.

 

[DRxBlue]

Okay...good thread...i hope this is right

Risia luv...i'll betcha willfulbrat was wondering about you having another woman in your relationship. As in "Was that a good experience for you and your husband?"

If that's NOT what she wondered about, i sure do. These things aren't covered in that book by Dear Abby. Where else can i find out?

Anticipation infuses me,

Blue

 

[SpectreT]

Hmmm.

Well, this is apropos of absolutely nothing, but has anyone here accidentally "outed" themselves to friends or family? I'm wondering if my friendships will get strained since they're beginning to figure out I'm a "freak". I made a couple of careless remarks, and at least one of my friends has caught on to it.

There's probably even a thread up for this that I've missed.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Okay...good thread...i hope this is right

Risia luv...i'll betcha willfulbrat was wondering about you having another woman in your relationship. As in "Was that a good experience for you and your husband?"

If that's NOT what she wondered about, i sure do. These things aren't covered in that book by Dear Abby. Where else can i find out?

Anticipation infuses me,

Blue

Oy. I wrote about this, at length, in another thread. I'm tired right now, but I'll try to remember to go look it up later.

Anyone remember who started a thread about threesomes here recently?

The short version is that it was a mixed experience. Sexually, fine but not outstanding. Emotionally, odd, and not in the expected ways--not jealousy crap or anything.

Ack. Now I want to go find my answer, but my brain's tired from the long-assed post I just did on lavvie's thread.

Edited to add:
I found it! Here's what I posted to MissT's threesomes thread:
I have a very close female friend with whom I share a lasting bond and strong attraction. As a bisexual, while I am completely satisfied with hubby, and don't even tend to notice other men, I still find myself attracted to women. After flirting, then getting drunk and making out with her in front of him (at his instigation), the three of us sat down for a long, sincere talk.

She's a mildly submissive but definitely not masochistic woman from a very strict Lutheran background. She has long felt bisexual leanings but been hesitant to act on them for a variety of reason. Hubby and I were then six and a half years into our relationship, and had become comfortable enough and secure enough in our bond () to consider the dynamics of a third. So, we set up some ground rules, safe signals (more for personal comfort than any actual need for "safety" concern), and did a lot more talking.

She joined us in many things, and joined us in bed twice before getting involved in a new relationship of her own, and leaving our polysexual relationship behind. In the moment, while it was all very fun & exciting, it was very difficult to keep emotionally balanced. Hubby & I felt kind of like we were being unfair to her, as much of the eye contact and emotional connection was between me & him. On the other hand, her strongest link is also to me, which left hubby and her feeling somewhat uncomfortable in their interactions. Also, while I'm a stereotypically jealous Scorpio, the jealousy factor didn't come from me--it was actually from her, as she felt the bond betwwen me & him, and felt kinda left out of it. She left our three-way relationship somewhat abruptly, after I had helped her prepare for her first date with the new boy, and it was difficult to adjust, as there were mild feelings of alienation all around.

There has been strain on our mutual friendships (though never between MasterMe and myself), but we've all come through it--friends with an unusual and secret bond. I think the main reason we were able to stay friends is because there was so much communication and discussion, and nobody was allowed to slink away with feelings that they didn't discuss. I don't know if I'd go there again, but I'm not sorry that we did. All three of us learned a lot about ourselves, our relationships to each other, and our limits.

My story, for what it's worth.

RS

 

[DRxBlue]

Thank you Risia

That was the kind of thing i was wondering.
Although it's a common enough subject for fantasy and Literotica stories. Where else would one get a chance to find out how it works (or doesn't) from someone who knows.

Thanks for doing the digging, i considered using "search" myself, but one can get awfully distracted by things you didn't know you were looking for.

You are the best!
and Literotica rules!

Blue

 

[petrel]

Hey Blue re threesomes do you particulary wonder about switch threesomes or about a couple inviting another person to join them?


My own experience is that leaving aside all the other emotional, practical and mental issues around a threesome; the plus side is that it can be a great way for switches to try out a new role within the safety of a current relationship but without worrying as much about whether their partner is also willing to switch roles.

 

[DRxBlue]

Well, petrel....the truth is....

*shuffling feet and blushing*

It's my secret fantasy to be temporarily "adopted" by a kinky couple, who'd be willing to share some "hands on" knowledge and, (i have to say it) show me the ropes! <lol>

(edited to add) For my purposes, it doesn't matter if it's a hetero, gay, or lesbian couple. (oooo..) Just as long as someone's Top and someone's bottom.

It seems quite certain that i'd not be happy as anything but a switch, so i could learn from both sides. According to the locals being a switch is more easily accepted up here than in a lot of communities.

To see a BDSM relationship in action, to share a non-sexual role in the "negotiations" and experience some of the aspects of RL play, this would be the BEST!

It's possible...don't you think? Even if i am sickeningly lovable, dontchya spoze that there's someone out there sick and kinky enough to beat me and flog me and melt candles on me, but be careful? Especially when they find out i can COOK!? (oh yeah, i make a lotta music too)

i've always been "the impossible dreamer", BUT! i HAVE had more than a few come true. Just don't wake me up too soon, i'm working.

So now my secret is out, i was gonna make you torture me for the information, but your avatar acts like Wonder Woman's golden lasso on me.

Just don't ask me about my taxes!

 

[SpectreT]

Doc, you crack me up sometimes. Brother, just keep being yourself.

You never did tell us what kind of music you're into.

And Dog?

<Posing at the head of the ramp, mic in hand>

So you can swipe a few catch phrases? That's supposed to impress me? I'm that little corner of your mind that tells you you'll never cut it. I'm that nagging feeling that this just isn't your time. I'm that question, "can I hang in, can I go the distance?" I AM The Beast, and you will know what hell is, if you stay in that ring for two more seconds...

 

[DRxBlue]

Ooops! i forgot...

As luck would have it i just dealt with the very subject of my musicality(?) in a PM this very night. i quote myself:

"As to my musical accomplishments, i don't play any brass instruments and the violin seems to have been invented just to teach me humility. Other than that, i can make music with it.

Guitar (my first love, been playing for...wow! 40 years!) keyboards, percussion, electric bass, any woodwinds (i own a flute, clarinet, recorder and fife) oops, never had a chance to try the double reeds oboe, BASSOON, English horn.

Lessee musical styles, when i say "classical" i include Romantic, Impressionist,Programme all of that. i play Beethoven, (love that guy) Chopin, Debussey, some Bach then i'll leap to Gershwin, the Beatles, Joni Mitchell, Elton John, Scott Joplin.

i sang "for my supper" as i always say, for nearly 20 years playing Deep Purple, Kansas, Head East all kinds of 70's and 80's classic rock, all kinds of Blues. (part of the origin of my nick)

i LOVE Tori Amos, Bjork, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Alice in Chains (i'm gonna miss their singer) and Beatles, Kinks, the Who, Stones. Even salsa, polkas, rap...ohh you name it.

i should also mention Stravinsky, Schostakovich, Mussorgsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, Rogers & Hammerstien, The Monkees, John Cage, Yes, Emerson, Lake and Palmer...aww shit!The whole book!

Music's been my life, for a lifetime."

i added a little and it's still just a fraction, but you get the idea. Like, i couldn't make up my mind, eh? So i picked EVERYTHING!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gee...for a second there, i thought you were dissin'my Bro Mad Dog, but suddenly i got it!

Good thing, or i woulda leaped to his defense, straight for your throat! <lol>

You know how fragile his self-image is...

Happy trails, Dog!

Thanks for asking Spectre! i may have some news on the "Computer to RL" thread soon. Interesting twist, you'll see.

Later On..