Switch Space
- Thread starter SpectreT
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RisiaSkye
Artistic
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This just reminds me of my old sig-line, the one that lasted a year or so: If I can't be an icon, I'll settle for an iconoclast, but never a stereotype.SpectreT said:
I would *hope* nobody here would think I was labelling anyone in a perjorative manner, but petrel and T's posts make me wonder...
pierced_boy
Really Really Experienced
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Human
The only label I will wear is HUMAN. Any other is too limiting.
I live with the author of a 1981 thesis on labeling.
Message :-accept no labels, no matter what. All you will get is inherited prejudice.
On Switching:- the only way to melt:- this way, that way, this way, that way
IF you can off course.
H
The only label I will wear is HUMAN. Any other is too limiting.
I live with the author of a 1981 thesis on labeling.
Message :-accept no labels, no matter what. All you will get is inherited prejudice.
On Switching:- the only way to melt:- this way, that way, this way, that way
IF you can off course.
H
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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RisiaSkye said:
This just reminds me of my old sig-line, the one that lasted a year or so: If I can't be an icon, I'll settle for an iconoclast, but never a stereotype.
I would *hope* nobody here would think I was labelling anyone in a perjorative manner, but petrel and T's posts make me wonder...
Color me confused. I wasn't aware of any perjorative labelling going on, but I can be pretty dense at times. As far as labels per se, I don't dislike them, I just find them....inadequate but necessary tools of communication.
Regarding the Iconoclast or Icon, It was a bit of irony on my part, in light of the origin of the word Iconoclast. Basically, am I the one doing the smashing, or am I the smashed? Fitting for a Switch, and further proof that my brain works too deeply on relatively inconsequential matters.
Is anyone on here in a relationship that only allows them to express one side of their 'switchyness'?
I am in a very happy relationship (wedding is now 25 days away!!! *smile*) I love my partner deeply and passionatly and we have very few problems either in bed or out of it. It is not even that he would be totally unwilling to switch it is that I cannot imagine him being submissive - espceially to me, and If i can't imagine it then I can't get into a domme frame of mind around him. However this is part of me and I cna easily (and erotically) imagine domming to other people.
Its not a big issue right now I was just wondering if it maight become an issue in future years - kinds like beign Bisexual too - do you miss the aspect you don't have in your relationship - do you find other ways to express it (llike having a high powered job) or do you negotiate some form of leeway in your relationship _ i'd be itnerested to hear other poeples views and experiences.
Oh and by the way - I am not looking for offers and I am not looking for judgements on my relationship along the lines of - if this concerns you, you shouldn't be getting married!
(I don't think any regulars would do this but I can't be bothered with any of that from 'guests' or 'trolls')
I am in a very happy relationship (wedding is now 25 days away!!! *smile*) I love my partner deeply and passionatly and we have very few problems either in bed or out of it. It is not even that he would be totally unwilling to switch it is that I cannot imagine him being submissive - espceially to me, and If i can't imagine it then I can't get into a domme frame of mind around him. However this is part of me and I cna easily (and erotically) imagine domming to other people.
Its not a big issue right now I was just wondering if it maight become an issue in future years - kinds like beign Bisexual too - do you miss the aspect you don't have in your relationship - do you find other ways to express it (llike having a high powered job) or do you negotiate some form of leeway in your relationship _ i'd be itnerested to hear other poeples views and experiences.
Oh and by the way - I am not looking for offers and I am not looking for judgements on my relationship along the lines of - if this concerns you, you shouldn't be getting married!
(I don't think any regulars would do this but I can't be bothered with any of that from 'guests' or 'trolls')
cellis
Saucy
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petrel said:
Petrel...
I haven't really discussed this much here, other than just eluding to my "switchiness" from time to time...
With Himself, I can never see myself as anything but submissive... a lot SAM... but submissive just the same... however... and that is a big word... both of realize that I have a strong dominate and bisexual streak that needs to be explored.
I think Himself saw this in myself before I every did or at least before I was willing to recognize it much. In retrospect, from my very first ad on alt.com, I listed myself as a switch, not really understanding at that time what this was truly about.
I have a strong personality, and tend to be assertive and outspoken in every other aspect of my life. This does not really make up for or compensate for the "other" needs I have.
So the two of us are looking at some alternatives to help me explore this other aspect of my personality... I am truly lucky.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Okay....this thread has grown very quickly and I am afraid I haven't kept up.
I am interested in learning more about personal tastes involved in "switching."
If I date someone who is a switch, what should I expect? Do any of you see yourselves in a Dom space or Sub mode with respect to specific partners or does it take multiple partners to meet your needs? Agh! Bad question....retry! Do you take on only one role with a specific partner...D or s? Or
Also, I have been asked to play Domme on occasion. While I am able to meet my partner's needs by nature of my need to please, to serve, I am not always comfortable with this. Other times, I find it highly erotic.
Errrr and if these issues have been covered in this ever growing thread...please just kick my ass and tell me to make time to read the entire thing!
I am interested in learning more about personal tastes involved in "switching."
If I date someone who is a switch, what should I expect? Do any of you see yourselves in a Dom space or Sub mode with respect to specific partners or does it take multiple partners to meet your needs? Agh! Bad question....retry! Do you take on only one role with a specific partner...D or s? Or
Also, I have been asked to play Domme on occasion. While I am able to meet my partner's needs by nature of my need to please, to serve, I am not always comfortable with this. Other times, I find it highly erotic.
Errrr and if these issues have been covered in this ever growing thread...please just kick my ass and tell me to make time to read the entire thing!
MissTaken said:
I tend to slip into either domme or sub with specific partners but then there have been two people I have had relationships with where we have both been switches and therefore we could change sides (so to speak)
I find that when I meet someone I get an immediate reaction to them - strangly enough for someone who feels more comfortable overall as a sub my reaction is often as a domme - maybe its because I am sub in my current relationship and therefore I am drawn to people who would allow me to express the other side of my personality or maybe its becasue I have very tough criteria for anyone who is going to Dom me!
(or maybe just maybe I like being awkward!!!
)
cellis
Saucy
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I can only speak for myself, but I find the attraction towards women is a dominate one... for the most part I cannot see myself submitting to a woman (well, maybe there is one exception). I have a harder time seeing myself in a dominate role with men.
I just personally find it much harder to put on the Domme hat than the sub hat... Dom/mes have to do all that thinking and such and stay one step ahead of the sub... It is a lot of work...
I just personally find it much harder to put on the Domme hat than the sub hat... Dom/mes have to do all that thinking and such and stay one step ahead of the sub... It is a lot of work...
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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cellis said:
I have often said the same thing, on all counts. The first time I was asked to "switch", it was an impulsive request. I struggled to change my head space and felt I failed miserably.
AFter that, I told him he needed to let me know and give me time to plan. Yes, it is a lot of work.
This was a man I could have learned to dominate. However, I wonder if that ws the case because there was so little emotional involvment on either of our parts. (He was someone I spent time in my days of having "friends with assets.")
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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I've only been in one relationship where D/s was a factor, and in that one we switched exactly once, then stayed in our new roles. For us, at the time, the relationship came first; the "extras" were just that. We both came to realize that she needed a more dominant person than I was, and I was noticing a restlesness in the Dominant role; I relished it (the Dom role), but I missed having somone else in charge, too.
MissT, it may be possible that yourability to dominate him was, indeed, due to the lesser emotional involvement. If you identify yourself strongly as submissive, it could also have been the fun of doing something for him, because he wanted or needed it.
I dunno; we'll talk on it, though.
MissT, it may be possible that yourability to dominate him was, indeed, due to the lesser emotional involvement. If you identify yourself strongly as submissive, it could also have been the fun of doing something for him, because he wanted or needed it.
I dunno; we'll talk on it, though.
James Blandings
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petrel said:
This isn't really a big issue for me personally, because I tend to move between dom and sub in a cycle of fairly long periods of time, although within that I will be "opportunistic" if the right situation comes up.
In your situation I'd like to ask, have you considered the possibilty of co-Domming another submissive with your partner? This would allow you to express your dominant side while maintaining your role with your partner.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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I'm sitting here on a marked-up and still-warm butt...
Y'all know i don't belong here, in your switch thread, because i don't switch. I'm a completely centered and contented sub. I think most of you know, too, that i've had a long-time rule of not playing with people who are new to this, as some of you have heard me proclaim on occasion. Recently (ummm, last night) i relaxed that rule.
He's part of my everyday life. For a number of years, he's been a self-identified bottom (not a sub) and an admitted SAM. Lately, however, for the last couple of months, he's been making sounds about checking out the view from on Top.
We've talked about that, about he and i doing that kind of experimentation. I've offered my reservations about playing with someone who was a neophyte to Dominance and explained how it's crucial for me to feel fully controlled in order to relax into the play, among other reservations. In my experience, most of those who are new to Dominance don't know how (yet) to wield the level of control i need.
However, there were a few extenuating circumstances in his favor.
* He's totally safe.
* I know him and like him and already trust him.
* Crucially, he's not going to fall in love with me and i'm not going to fall in love with him BUT we can still have that all-important and deeply caring emotional enegry flowing between us, too.
So last night i went there to talk about it.
We talked.
Then, slowly, deliberately, without fanfare and with a great deal of sensitivity and control and assurance on his part, we played.
For the first time ever, he was coming to a scene as Dom. It fit him seamlessly. It was a really good fit for us both. So good, actually, that at one point i started dropping. I think he and i both realized it almost at the same time - and he pulled me out of the drop at the same time i was trying to shake it off. We don't know each other well enough yet to play while i'm in a place where my responses aren't trustworthy.
I've never in my life dropped with someone the first time we played.
He says he had a good time too - and wants us to do more together.
He's still got a bottom side, though, and still wants to play out that side of his needs. Not with me, of course - i don't switch - but with his regular partner. (Who, btw, knew i was there and had already approved the likelihood of play between my friend and i.)
So from my admittedly partisan perspective, switching is - like everything under the BDSM umbrella - a perfectly natural thing for some of us to do and an eminently wonderful way for some of us to find deep pleasure. (Not me, of course...i like my side of the flogger - but some of you. )
Y'all know i don't belong here, in your switch thread, because i don't switch. I'm a completely centered and contented sub. I think most of you know, too, that i've had a long-time rule of not playing with people who are new to this, as some of you have heard me proclaim on occasion. Recently (ummm, last night) i relaxed that rule.
He's part of my everyday life. For a number of years, he's been a self-identified bottom (not a sub) and an admitted SAM. Lately, however, for the last couple of months, he's been making sounds about checking out the view from on Top.
We've talked about that, about he and i doing that kind of experimentation. I've offered my reservations about playing with someone who was a neophyte to Dominance and explained how it's crucial for me to feel fully controlled in order to relax into the play, among other reservations. In my experience, most of those who are new to Dominance don't know how (yet) to wield the level of control i need.
However, there were a few extenuating circumstances in his favor.
* He's totally safe.
* I know him and like him and already trust him.
* Crucially, he's not going to fall in love with me and i'm not going to fall in love with him BUT we can still have that all-important and deeply caring emotional enegry flowing between us, too.
So last night i went there to talk about it.
We talked.
Then, slowly, deliberately, without fanfare and with a great deal of sensitivity and control and assurance on his part, we played.
For the first time ever, he was coming to a scene as Dom. It fit him seamlessly. It was a really good fit for us both. So good, actually, that at one point i started dropping. I think he and i both realized it almost at the same time - and he pulled me out of the drop at the same time i was trying to shake it off. We don't know each other well enough yet to play while i'm in a place where my responses aren't trustworthy.
I've never in my life dropped with someone the first time we played.
He says he had a good time too - and wants us to do more together.
He's still got a bottom side, though, and still wants to play out that side of his needs. Not with me, of course - i don't switch - but with his regular partner. (Who, btw, knew i was there and had already approved the likelihood of play between my friend and i.)
So from my admittedly partisan perspective, switching is - like everything under the BDSM umbrella - a perfectly natural thing for some of us to do and an eminently wonderful way for some of us to find deep pleasure. (Not me, of course...i like my side of the flogger - but some of you.
)
DRxBlue
Literotica Guru
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Oh cymbidia!
Thank you for that wonderful report. i really can't express how much vicarious joy this gives me.
The BDSM scene seems to be so open to change. A person can actually try on new expressions of their own personality, as if they were trying on a new suit of clothes.
If the clothes don't fit, you can put them in a box and send'em back, but if they bring out a new persona you may suddenly be able to share a side of yourself that has been locked away since you were born!
This is the possibility i saw when i first found this forum, and it has been proven already that i can be more than i've ever been.
Bless you AND your friend AND his SO for taking such chances, and taking such care in doing so.
One more lesson learned,
Thank you for that wonderful report. i really can't express how much vicarious joy this gives me.
The BDSM scene seems to be so open to change. A person can actually try on new expressions of their own personality, as if they were trying on a new suit of clothes.
If the clothes don't fit, you can put them in a box and send'em back, but if they bring out a new persona you may suddenly be able to share a side of yourself that has been locked away since you were born!
This is the possibility i saw when i first found this forum, and it has been proven already that i can be more than i've ever been.
Bless you AND your friend AND his SO for taking such chances, and taking such care in doing so.
One more lesson learned,
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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Definitely cool cym...
Nice to see that you've got some friends to play with; from your earlier posts it seemed like there's a drastic shortage of people who meet your criteria.
Not saying you're picky! You just know what you want/need, and it's a pretty high standard, from the looks of it. Glad you found someone to measure up. Especially nice that he "caught you before you fell".
In other news:
I don't want to get off on a rant here, but......
I am sick and tired of people, either Dom or sub, coming into this conversation with the phrase "I know I don't belong here," or, "I know this isn't my place". Wake the hell up, people! It's the BDSM forum at Literotica, for cryin' out loud! If you have a thought, question, opinion or experience relating to Switches in general, or a Switch in particular, this thread is the place for it! (Unless someone makes a better thread, or you think it fits better somewhere else.) I was under the impression that we, as a community, were a little past the idea of elitism, and I patently refuse to be viewed, even subconsciously, as elitist in any way, and that's what the phrase "I don't belong here" says to me. That we're some kind of elitist group, who don't welcome the thoughts and concerns of people we might be friends with, hell, might even play with! We're just like you (and your Dom/me
). I don't want to have this rant again, so pass the word around, folks!
But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
(Post edited to fix an Italics blunder.)
Nice to see that you've got some friends to play with; from your earlier posts it seemed like there's a drastic shortage of people who meet your criteria.
Not saying you're picky! You just know what you want/need, and it's a pretty high standard, from the looks of it. Glad you found someone to measure up. Especially nice that he "caught you before you fell".
In other news:
I don't want to get off on a rant here, but......
I am sick and tired of people, either Dom or sub, coming into this conversation with the phrase "I know I don't belong here," or, "I know this isn't my place". Wake the hell up, people! It's the BDSM forum at Literotica, for cryin' out loud! If you have a thought, question, opinion or experience relating to Switches in general, or a Switch in particular, this thread is the place for it! (Unless someone makes a better thread, or you think it fits better somewhere else.) I was under the impression that we, as a community, were a little past the idea of elitism, and I patently refuse to be viewed, even subconsciously, as elitist in any way, and that's what the phrase "I don't belong here" says to me. That we're some kind of elitist group, who don't welcome the thoughts and concerns of people we might be friends with, hell, might even play with! We're just like you (and your Dom/me
). I don't want to have this rant again, so pass the word around, folks!But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
(Post edited to fix an Italics blunder.)
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Re: Definitely cool cym...
a round of applause for SpectreT - I couldn't agree more
SpectreT said:In other news:
I don't want to get off on a rant here, but......
I am sick and tired of people, either Dom or sub, coming into this conversation with the phrase "I know I don't belong here," or, "I know this isn't my place". Wake the hell up, people! It's the BDSM forum at Literotica, for cryin' out loud! If you have a thought, question, opinion or experience relating to Switches in general, or a Switch in particular, this thread is the place for it! (Unless someone makes a better thread, or you think it fits better somewhere else.) I was under the impression that we, as a community, were a little past the idea of elitism, and I patently refuse to be viewed, even subconsciously, as elitist in any way, and that's what the phrase "I don't belong here" says to me. That we're some kind of elitist group, who don't welcome the thoughts and concerns of people we might be friends with, hell, might even play with! We're just like you (and your Dom/me
[/B]
a round of applause for SpectreT - I couldn't agree more
cellis
Saucy
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Re: Definitely cool cym...
Oh Spectre T... I'd say your Domly side is showing just a bit... lol
SpectreT said:Nice to see that you've got some friends to play with; from your earlier posts it seemed like there's a drastic shortage of people who meet your criteria.
Not saying you're picky! You just know what you want/need, and it's a pretty high standard, from the looks of it. Glad you found someone to measure up. Especially nice that he "caught you before you fell".
In other news:
I don't want to get off on a rant here, but......
I am sick and tired of people, either Dom or sub, coming into this conversation with the phrase "I know I don't belong here," or, "I know this isn't my place". Wake the hell up, people! It's the BDSM forum at Literotica, for cryin' out loud! If you have a thought, question, opinion or experience relating to Switches in general, or a Switch in particular, this thread is the place for it! (Unless someone makes a better thread, or you think it fits better somewhere else.) I was under the impression that we, as a community, were a little past the idea of elitism, and I patently refuse to be viewed, even subconsciously, as elitist in any way, and that's what the phrase "I don't belong here" says to me. That we're some kind of elitist group, who don't welcome the thoughts and concerns of people we might be friends with, hell, might even play with! We're just like you (and your Dom/me
But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
(Post edited to fix an Italics blunder.)
Oh Spectre T... I'd say your Domly side is showing just a bit... lol
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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cellis said:
Oh Spectre T... I'd say your Domly side is showing just a bit... lol
I think it's all the time I've been spending with MissT.. I tend to react to people's core personalities. I'm sort of a chameleon, in that regard. petrel noticed it in my "Computer to RL" thread, too.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
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Oh, God, not another question about....
Topping from below.
Slightly different from previous questions, where I asked if we were more likely to do it.
Are we more likely to get topped from below, because of our submissive sides? Or are we more likely to be "wise to their tricks", again, because of our submissive side?
(edited to omit some info not necessary to the question)
Topping from below.
Slightly different from previous questions, where I asked if we were more likely to do it.
Are we more likely to get topped from below, because of our submissive sides? Or are we more likely to be "wise to their tricks", again, because of our submissive side?
(edited to omit some info not necessary to the question)
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