The All Inclusive Calendar of 2008
- Thread starter catalina_francisco
- Start date
cherokee_dove
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2007
- Posts
- 649
April 14~Words of Francisco
From: Why I Don't Like Nice Guys.
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=28298333&postcount=136
i don't usually post here, but his words; especially the words in bold, really hit home.
From: Why I Don't Like Nice Guys.
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=28298333&postcount=136
i don't usually post here, but his words; especially the words in bold, really hit home.
cherokee_dove
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2007
- Posts
- 649
It was a rare sighting of Him, indeed.
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
Elvis?
Where??
LOL.
Actually F so rarely makes a comment that it is indeed a rare honor.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
LOL, he is better than Elvis, and I am an Elvis fan!
Catalina
Heh. Funny!
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
April 15, the words of SweetAngelina:
"First off let me say I empathise with you
Second... take care of yourself both mentally and physically
Find an ear you can trust to vent on if and when you need it, use a proffesional if you can, free counseling, a pastor, not the town gossip
It's tough to address the situation at a distance when it's your wife, but you need to look at it objectively
Talk to her, not blaming her but TALK, calm and when you've both set aside to discuss it, let her voice her side of it without judging her
Remember and repeat a hundred times a day "I WILL get through it"
and finally, never, ever take advice from any open discussion board at any website"
http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=28350631
From the thread:
my wife is a cheater
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=608414
"First off let me say I empathise with you
Second... take care of yourself both mentally and physically
Find an ear you can trust to vent on if and when you need it, use a proffesional if you can, free counseling, a pastor, not the town gossip
It's tough to address the situation at a distance when it's your wife, but you need to look at it objectively
Talk to her, not blaming her but TALK, calm and when you've both set aside to discuss it, let her voice her side of it without judging her
Remember and repeat a hundred times a day "I WILL get through it"
and finally, never, ever take advice from any open discussion board at any website
"http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=28350631
From the thread:
my wife is a cheater
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=608414
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
April 16th - words of Stephann
"I've had a good deal of success with BDSM Personals sites. The trick is, as suggested before, to talk a little with the guy before meeting. Meet in a public place when you do, and keep it 'public' for a couple dates. If a guy doesn't give you the time to re-esablish trust, he's not going to be the right guy for you anyway, whether you meet him on a site, at a munch, or in the frozen foods section.
Also, if you do use personals, take the time to do the search yourself. Look for men who have profiles that are filled out and resonate with you. Too many women sign up for a site, and spend hours sifting through the email in their in-boxes. It's very much like if a pretty girl stands at the front of a room, and says "Any man who wants to dance with me, line up!" If you pick whom you choose to initiate correspondence with, you have a much better chance of enjoying that correspondence. Men outnumber women almost 4-1 on such sites, so it really is a buyer's market."
Advice Please
"I've had a good deal of success with BDSM Personals sites. The trick is, as suggested before, to talk a little with the guy before meeting. Meet in a public place when you do, and keep it 'public' for a couple dates. If a guy doesn't give you the time to re-esablish trust, he's not going to be the right guy for you anyway, whether you meet him on a site, at a munch, or in the frozen foods section.
Also, if you do use personals, take the time to do the search yourself. Look for men who have profiles that are filled out and resonate with you. Too many women sign up for a site, and spend hours sifting through the email in their in-boxes. It's very much like if a pretty girl stands at the front of a room, and says "Any man who wants to dance with me, line up!" If you pick whom you choose to initiate correspondence with, you have a much better chance of enjoying that correspondence. Men outnumber women almost 4-1 on such sites, so it really is a buyer's market."
Advice Please
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
twysted73
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
LifelongCyn
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2008
- Posts
- 794
BiaTcHiNFiRe
lost in my thoughts
- Joined
- May 30, 2006
- Posts
- 6,790
April 20 ~The words of Homburg
"I need this."
My fist tangled in your hair
Say it!
Knuckles pressed hard into cheap carpet
Say it now!
Twist you
Need you
Hurt you
Love you
Say it, say it!
Invade you
Destroy you
SAY IT!
Not my name
Don't call me that!
SAY IT!
Want you
Consume you
Say it now! Say it!
Taste you
Smother you
Not your name, goddamn you
SAY WHAT YOU ARE!
"I need this."
My fist tangled in your hair
Say it!
Knuckles pressed hard into cheap carpet
Say it now!
Twist you
Need you
Hurt you
Love you
Say it, say it!
Invade you
Destroy you
SAY IT!
Not my name
Don't call me that!
SAY IT!
Want you
Consume you
Say it now! Say it!
Taste you
Smother you
Not your name, goddamn you
SAY WHAT YOU ARE!
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
April 22nd - words of bridgeburner
How in the world did we ever learn to fuck and murder before movies were invented?
Jeremy Noyes case: child abuse and sex slavery in the name of kink
How in the world did we ever learn to fuck and murder before movies were invented?
Jeremy Noyes case: child abuse and sex slavery in the name of kink
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
April 23rd - words of homburg
Yep, I'm healthier this way. It's a constructive outlet that keeps me from having to dissassociate or sublimate into emotional abuse. When I was younger, I didn't have this outlet, and just exercised iron control. The result was that I was verbally and emotionally mean as hell. My sado side came out through words. And, honestly, that's a helluva lot less healthy for myself and everyone around me than just putting someone over my knee and doing what comes naturally.
Rage
Yep, I'm healthier this way. It's a constructive outlet that keeps me from having to dissassociate or sublimate into emotional abuse. When I was younger, I didn't have this outlet, and just exercised iron control. The result was that I was verbally and emotionally mean as hell. My sado side came out through words. And, honestly, that's a helluva lot less healthy for myself and everyone around me than just putting someone over my knee and doing what comes naturally.
Rage
Last edited by a moderator:
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
April 24th - words of minx1
*hugs*
My abusive relationships were vanilla ones. For me the problem was never not liking myself enough, I do like me. A lot as it happens *smiles* I am strong and made a very conscious effort to recover and mend, and I have done, so much so, but the reality is its an ongoing process and I do still carry the legacy with me (albeit a small one), in one case 12 years later.
You know what can take months or years to zap away at your confidence, to knock your trust and create fear and panic and vulnerability, can take years to repair, but it can be done.
We have been conditioned by abuse. Our behaviour and reactions are ones we have learnt during those abusive episodes. Learned behaviour can be unlearned but it is gonna take time.
Baby steps. Take your time and you will see positive changes in your reactions and outlook. Take these 'wins'' and feel proud and happy that you are mending. They will provide you with the motivation to carry on when the your confidence or your resolve is challenged, or when there is a setback.
I haven't done it. I'm not there yet, but I'm not far off either. Its hard to say exactly what makes a person manage their aftermath or to recommend a course of action as it will greatly depend on the person or situation.
For me it was as I said to make a conscious decision that I would be strong enough to get through. I even said it out loud to myself at times. I remember saying ''thats enough, no more'' and at that point I let it go.
I guess I stopped living with it, or rather living it. I decided it was part of my past, it was gone. Not only was I different now and I could see clearly the person that I wanted to be in the future.
And finally I guess I understand and accept. I understand that I have been effected and I understand that it was nothing to do with me in either case. It was their issue, not mine. And I accept that I have been effected and I recognise it when it arrives.
*laugh* this sounds so silly, or it did until I recognised it in a book I am reading and realised others do it too lol,
but I guess at some stage I made friends with it. I kinda thought ok legacy, you are here for the long ride and thats ok. Just sit over there and keep quiet ok, and you and I will get along fine.
There's not many things we can make real choices about in our lives. They are often dictated by opportunity, finances, time etc. But here, well this was something I could choose.
I had a choice, I could make my peace with it or keep fighting myself which was exhausting and destructive. I was losing the battle because for me, my approach had been wrong. And it took me a long time to realise that. I didn't start coping overnight. For a long time I chose to keep it subdued and pretend it didn't happen. After that I fought hard, internally against it until I reached a point where I almost imploded. I'm not saying don't fight. DO Fight, but remember, as I just said to someone, there is more than one way to skin a cat. More ways to diffuse a volatile situation whether its inside you or out.
Know it. Understand it. Make peace.
For me knowing, understanding and accepting it, helps to stop the angst. It keeps it in perspective and enables me to put it in the ''past'' box in my head *smile*
I wish you all the strength and resolve MIS that you can muster and that strikes me as alot.
once burned....
*hugs*
My abusive relationships were vanilla ones. For me the problem was never not liking myself enough, I do like me. A lot as it happens *smiles* I am strong and made a very conscious effort to recover and mend, and I have done, so much so, but the reality is its an ongoing process and I do still carry the legacy with me (albeit a small one), in one case 12 years later.
You know what can take months or years to zap away at your confidence, to knock your trust and create fear and panic and vulnerability, can take years to repair, but it can be done.
We have been conditioned by abuse. Our behaviour and reactions are ones we have learnt during those abusive episodes. Learned behaviour can be unlearned but it is gonna take time.
Baby steps. Take your time and you will see positive changes in your reactions and outlook. Take these 'wins'' and feel proud and happy that you are mending. They will provide you with the motivation to carry on when the your confidence or your resolve is challenged, or when there is a setback.
I haven't done it. I'm not there yet, but I'm not far off either. Its hard to say exactly what makes a person manage their aftermath or to recommend a course of action as it will greatly depend on the person or situation.
For me it was as I said to make a conscious decision that I would be strong enough to get through. I even said it out loud to myself at times. I remember saying ''thats enough, no more'' and at that point I let it go.
I guess I stopped living with it, or rather living it. I decided it was part of my past, it was gone. Not only was I different now and I could see clearly the person that I wanted to be in the future.
And finally I guess I understand and accept. I understand that I have been effected and I understand that it was nothing to do with me in either case. It was their issue, not mine. And I accept that I have been effected and I recognise it when it arrives.
*laugh* this sounds so silly, or it did until I recognised it in a book I am reading and realised others do it too lol,
but I guess at some stage I made friends with it. I kinda thought ok legacy, you are here for the long ride and thats ok. Just sit over there and keep quiet ok, and you and I will get along fine.
There's not many things we can make real choices about in our lives. They are often dictated by opportunity, finances, time etc. But here, well this was something I could choose.
I had a choice, I could make my peace with it or keep fighting myself which was exhausting and destructive. I was losing the battle because for me, my approach had been wrong. And it took me a long time to realise that. I didn't start coping overnight. For a long time I chose to keep it subdued and pretend it didn't happen. After that I fought hard, internally against it until I reached a point where I almost imploded. I'm not saying don't fight. DO Fight, but remember, as I just said to someone, there is more than one way to skin a cat. More ways to diffuse a volatile situation whether its inside you or out.
Know it. Understand it. Make peace.
For me knowing, understanding and accepting it, helps to stop the angst. It keeps it in perspective and enables me to put it in the ''past'' box in my head *smile*
I wish you all the strength and resolve MIS that you can muster and that strikes me as alot.
once burned....
Last edited by a moderator:
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
April 25th - words of ammre
"besides the general "OMG DISEASES!", You also want to be very careful with your choice of person to play with in this context. I believe the OP was the one who enjoyed the idea of being bled, but I guess this would go more for a Dom. You'd want to know things about whether they've had alcohol/aspirin/anti-coagulation drugs. You'd want to know about any physical health issues. etc. You'll want to know if they've eaten that day, or if they have blood sugar issues. You'll want to know if they've injured themself in the past as an emotional trauma kind of thing, just so you can be sure you're not going to re-rigger them or just be part of their new form of self-harm.
I know a girl who thankfully isn't in the scene but she likes Piercings. The unfortunate part is that she has to go to a specific piercer who is very used to her body. She can deal with the needle. She can watch it go in, she won't flinch or OW or anything, but as soon as it's over her body goes "Oh, a needle" *BAM* and she passes out. Her body just drops her. You'd want to know about their tolerance for blood/needles/etc (I know that seems like a DUH OBVIOUS thing but sometimes things outside the sexual context won't always be brought up as well as they should)
You either have to know your sub really well or know that your sub knows them self really well and will communicate their needs to you ahead of time."
Blood Play
"besides the general "OMG DISEASES!", You also want to be very careful with your choice of person to play with in this context. I believe the OP was the one who enjoyed the idea of being bled, but I guess this would go more for a Dom. You'd want to know things about whether they've had alcohol/aspirin/anti-coagulation drugs. You'd want to know about any physical health issues. etc. You'll want to know if they've eaten that day, or if they have blood sugar issues. You'll want to know if they've injured themself in the past as an emotional trauma kind of thing, just so you can be sure you're not going to re-rigger them or just be part of their new form of self-harm.
I know a girl who thankfully isn't in the scene but she likes Piercings. The unfortunate part is that she has to go to a specific piercer who is very used to her body. She can deal with the needle. She can watch it go in, she won't flinch or OW or anything, but as soon as it's over her body goes "Oh, a needle" *BAM* and she passes out. Her body just drops her. You'd want to know about their tolerance for blood/needles/etc (I know that seems like a DUH OBVIOUS thing but sometimes things outside the sexual context won't always be brought up as well as they should)
You either have to know your sub really well or know that your sub knows them self really well and will communicate their needs to you ahead of time."
Blood Play
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
Thankyou so much Gracie
*hugs*
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
April 26th - words of Netzach
Why on earth would you have to feel so crappy about yourself if you are fat that you don't feel you have the right to dress and groom fabulously? This is better how?
Maybe she has an inoperable water filled tumor and is living up her last 6 months. Maybe she already LOST 100 of 400 pounds and finally feels human again. And here comes the culture to say "how funny it is that you feel you deserve to SPOIL yourself you uppity heifer."
Jesus. This really sucks. Personally I also think I look good in latex and I'm FINE not looking like Angelina Jolie who I think is a CGI'd stick insect weirdo. Maybe the fashion police should inform me I'm a joke, though they'll also have to convince the men lining up to lick my giant shiny ass.
It's not just YOU it's the culture, Velvet. It's so horribly broken. I'm sorry to respond harshly, this just really upset me.
It's this fat phobic "fat is DISEASE so it's fine for me to sport my phobia, these people who look scary to me can't possibly be healthy" mentality I see all over the place.
I also realize that obesity contributes to and causes some horrible illnesses. But so does smoking. So does drinking to excess. So do recreational drugs. So does being so OCD you can't function normally - there are a lot of ways to be sick other than being fat. But it's like "well at least I'm not fat" is the new "safety zone."
I've actually found a lot more MENTAL health among people carting a few extra pounds. Not like 30-50 or more, but maybe 15-20. The times I've hung with really skinny and put together women, I'm left thinking "thank God I'm not that much of a mess" on average. Personality disorders. Suicide attempts. A much stronger and pervasive sense of self hate and an insane craving for body perfection that I've been mercifully free of. There but for the grace of God. It loops around again when I hang with really obese women, the same patterns, not always, but for some people the fat is put on as emotional insulation and all that classic jazz.
It's the people who have a fat roll and don't really give a shit I'm talking about. This seems the healthiest of all to me, if some regular walking and fresh veggies are part of it and a glass of wine before bed. And hot sex. What more do you need?
Then again, finding any women without body hate is damn near a miracle at any size.
We need sick people so we can feel healthy. It's why we lock the insane away. That went out of style so fat is the new hysteric.
A serious discussion about BDSM and weight
Why on earth would you have to feel so crappy about yourself if you are fat that you don't feel you have the right to dress and groom fabulously? This is better how?
Maybe she has an inoperable water filled tumor and is living up her last 6 months. Maybe she already LOST 100 of 400 pounds and finally feels human again. And here comes the culture to say "how funny it is that you feel you deserve to SPOIL yourself you uppity heifer."
Jesus. This really sucks. Personally I also think I look good in latex and I'm FINE not looking like Angelina Jolie who I think is a CGI'd stick insect weirdo. Maybe the fashion police should inform me I'm a joke, though they'll also have to convince the men lining up to lick my giant shiny ass.
It's not just YOU it's the culture, Velvet. It's so horribly broken. I'm sorry to respond harshly, this just really upset me.
It's this fat phobic "fat is DISEASE so it's fine for me to sport my phobia, these people who look scary to me can't possibly be healthy" mentality I see all over the place.
I also realize that obesity contributes to and causes some horrible illnesses. But so does smoking. So does drinking to excess. So do recreational drugs. So does being so OCD you can't function normally - there are a lot of ways to be sick other than being fat. But it's like "well at least I'm not fat" is the new "safety zone."
I've actually found a lot more MENTAL health among people carting a few extra pounds. Not like 30-50 or more, but maybe 15-20. The times I've hung with really skinny and put together women, I'm left thinking "thank God I'm not that much of a mess" on average. Personality disorders. Suicide attempts. A much stronger and pervasive sense of self hate and an insane craving for body perfection that I've been mercifully free of. There but for the grace of God. It loops around again when I hang with really obese women, the same patterns, not always, but for some people the fat is put on as emotional insulation and all that classic jazz.
It's the people who have a fat roll and don't really give a shit I'm talking about. This seems the healthiest of all to me, if some regular walking and fresh veggies are part of it and a glass of wine before bed. And hot sex. What more do you need?
Then again, finding any women without body hate is damn near a miracle at any size.
We need sick people so we can feel healthy. It's why we lock the insane away. That went out of style so fat is the new hysteric.
A serious discussion about BDSM and weight
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
LOL Great minds and all that.
