COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

The All Inclusive Calendar of 2008

graceanne said:
Dunno, but I hear a lot of whining.

Beyond that, this is for people who post something worth quoting. If it was cliquish I'd be quoted at occasionally. But I rarely contribute to the serious discussions, and therefore am not surprised to not find myself here. So wa wa wa, cry me a river. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Just because I love you Gracie and want to be a sammy like you when I grow up
 
*Sobs*

Ok, I won't jack this thread, since actually, you know, useful. I'll go back to having my fun somewhere else.
 
Maybe Catalina or Marquis would be so good as to split the non-helpful-quote posts off into a discussion thread of their own. :rose:
 
April 3rd - words of Etoile

"PG's righteous indignance about men mistreating women, female dominance, men being scum, and other pseudo-feminist comments is a complete sham. No one but a natal female knows what it's like to be a woman from the get-go. You guys know I am a valiant defender of transgender rights, but what we have here is someone who grew up with MALE PRIVILEGE trying to strut her stuff as if she truly understood the female experience. I don't know a single other transwoman who would do that in such a ridiculous fashion, most transwomen respect the fact that their experience is not the same as that of a cisgender female, and they don't try to pull this lame bullshit. Then again, most transwomen remember to take their estrogen every day, and don't let the testosterone get as out of control in their system as this one has."

Lit is not a place for courtesy, respect, or nice people
 
Aw, thank you Cat! I was rather pleased with my own coherency, but I didn't expect to find it on here!
 
April 4th - words of myinnerslut

"humiliation is a very powerful tool. it has the power to completly tear somebody down and destroy thier self esteem and self confidence if you cant get the "erotic" part right and accidently push too far.

this has been used many times in my relationship. from licking cum off the dirty concrete floor after its dripped out of my cunt to forcing me to say what it is i want.

erotic humiliation is different for everybody. what works for one person might not work for another. for example going to a club with "SLAVE" written in marker that glows under blacklight might be terribly humiliating for some for i loved it."

Erotic Humiliation
 
April 5th - words of rida

"I had to think about it not too long ago when talking with someone outside of Lit.

So this is my personal definition. Ultimately it came down to the fact, for me, that you can only be a slave in a 24/7 TPE arrangement. To that I also add that you can only be owned if you are a slave. Now the 24/7 does not necessarily mean you live together, but that you are 24/7 available to your Master.

I think that MIS expressed it very well when she said that the difference is that as a submissive Sir was one of the priority and as a Master he is THE priority. At all times.

You can still have a slave mind set and be a slave during the scene or in the bedroom (no limits and what not), but the fact that it is limited in time &/or space makes you not a slave.

I do not find there is any inherited hierarchy of value between being a submissive or a slave. It is relate to different personalities, different needs, and at times to different life circumstances that do not permit one to be a slave."

Difference Between Subs and Slaves
 
April 7th

Netzach in the "Long Term Captivity" thread

I don't intend to put a disclaimer up every time I want to talk about what makes me hot.

There are always going to be people who take no responsibility for their safety. The info is out there.

I don't intend to spend time making sure everyone else has their safety belt on every time I post a car photo. I don't mean to bust your nuts especially, I just really hate when edgeplayers are made to feel like they somehow have this extra burden of responsibility to make sure everyone else is ok - if you're playing the edges and doing it in an educated way and you took the time to educate yourself and *did the work* to educate yourself, why are YOU more responsible for everyone else?
Click to expand...

I don't usually post here, but I thought this one was worthy.
 
April 8th The words of catalina_fransisco:

...if a PYL feels it is the place of the pyl to place checks and restraints on them and their behaviour in the relationship, no doubt they are unsuited to a dynamic which thrives on challenge and diversity where the PYL controls the direction and goals. In that situation I can see why a PYL might lose respect because basically they do not understand how it could even be possible, nor what effort it sometimes takes for the pyl to remain true to their commitment...they mistake it for weakness, or being broken....that to me is terribly sad.
Click to expand...

From Long Term Captivity
 
April 9th - words of serijules

The other night when Ma'am and I were talking, she mentioned being a bit put off by a comment I made in my journal regarding D/s or lack thereof. I had commented that there wasn't much D/s in my life lately due to life intruding in both my and Ma'ams life, but that it didn't bother me.

Ma'am said that her reaction was "What on earth is the girl talking about, her entire LIFE is D/s!"

And she's right, it is. I apologized and explained that MY idea of D/s these days differs then it used to. I used to consider D/s to be anything well...D/s or BDSM. Now my life revolves so tightly around my slavery that my definition and use of the word D/s differs than it used to. Now it simply means for lack of better terminology, "play time". We haven't had much "play time" lately. Times where we spend hours with implements and instructions and whatnot. Not to say there has not been ANY, my comment was just that there has not been as much time for such things because of school, work, life, moving, etc.

She made me realize that the rest of my readers may have read it the same way she did, and I wanted to correct that. Every morning my day starts out immediately with something that focuses on my slavery. The days end the same way and there are many instances, orders, rituals, thoughts, actions and whatnot in-between that focus on my slavery and my place in Ma'am's life. Very few decisions are made without considering Ma'am's expectations or teachings. Our distance really does not affect my slavery much at all, it's always there, it's always ON.

D/s on the other hand, is not always on. I'm not often thinking of orgasms or paddles or spankings or nipple clamps. My "kink" has shifted away from that. Certainly it's still a big part of my life, but it is no longer how I define my kink. Before Ma'am, that was exactly how I defined my kink. When was my next spanking or play time? Who could I play with? Between those play times and kink relations, there was no D/s. I had no identity of being Her slave, I had no 24/7 mindset that was taught to me by my Owner. I don't call that D/s, I call that...*****. My life as it is now.

So when I talk about lack of D/s, I am merely speaking of play time. Scening. Things I usually write in my journal about. I write less about the day to day life as a slave because much of those circumstances are so subtle, I'm not sure how to even express them. I'm not sure I'm doing a very good job right now!

People express doubt that slavery can exist 24/7 when the two people are so far apart. I'm telling you, it can and does. When I make my bed in the morning, I don't just toss the covers over like I would probably prefer to. I make the bed nicely, neatly, as Ma'am would expect if it were the bed in her room. Some mornings I don't feel like making it, but I do....because at Home, Ma'am would expect it of me. When I'm considering what to cook for supper, I pick out things I know Ma'am would like so I have more practice cooking and preparing meals for her. I spend my money wisely with thoughts of Ma'ams expectations. She rarely asks about these things or even knows specifically what I'm doing, but she does know she's taught me well. The specifics don't matter as much as the mindset.

I make decisions, I pay attention to manners, I dress, I act, I think....according to the slave that I am. Distance means nothing and has no impact on our relationship other than one on one, in person play time and even that we find ways when time allows to have some physical remote interaction. THAT is what I call " D/s" these days.

How have your relationships changed your definitions of things? Share some stories with us that will help the rest of us understand more about you and why you use phrases/words/labels the way that you do.

So many of us get all up in arms when someone else's definition of a word differs than ours but we rarely take the time to respect the reasons behind it rather than just argue about it.

The impact of relationships on defintions
 
Why thank you gracie...nice to know my brainfart of word misuse was worth something <g>
 
April 10th - words of ownedsubgal


i'm someone who has passed out several times from having my breathing restricted by a partner, either by choking with hands, suffocating with some object like a pillow or towels, or forceful throat fucking. while very traumatic events in the moment, i'm still able to walk, talk, and read and enjoy Walt Whitman. but then you have others who black out just once and are vegetables for the rest of their days, or never take another breath. you really never know and there's no way you can make such an activity risk-free. you just have to be aware of the potential consequences, even the very rare but scary/permanent ones, and either you or the one who owns you makes the decision whether or not to go forward from there.

breath play
 
minx1 said:
Firstly you are right, there seem to be a number of dicussions going on here, so please excuse me if I have lost track or am slightly confused in terms of what people are referring to. Also this is a difficult subject for me to remain objective about, but for what its worth this is my opinion.

I think its two fold. I am sure that for some people (PYLs and pyls) its an extremely effective form of punishment. I am sure it can be used in some relationships to maximum effect, with lessons being learned and no long lasting or permanent harm done.

Having said that for me, if it was ever going to be done, I would need it to be done in a measured and controlled manner and have the timescales and reasons laid out. To know what was happening. If a PYL was unable to do that, because they don't know for example, how long they want to ignore me form then I wouldn't have them as my PYL. It would be my feeling that if they weren't in control of their own anger or disappointment and be able to tell me what form the punishment will take, then how could they control me?

Even this more 'diluted'' method of ignoring would have a massive impact on me. Knowing he was disappointed and wanted time away would be punishment in itself.

But, if however it was done in any other way, then yes for me it would become a deal breaker. That would be a hard limit. Just as I would find it an unacceptable practice for me in a vanilla relationship.

Is it a need for constant attention? No. I don't get constant attention from my PYL. I never have done. He has a life and a busy one at that and so do I. To me, its a completely different issue.


Caitlynne, I think it was you who said you weren't talking about the abusive kind of ignoring. That you were talking more about the solution to that abuse in a future relationship. Forgive me if I have misquoted you, or am way off line; I am trying to do it from memory. Perhaps you could clarify. Are you saying that for those of us who have been abused in the past, that ''non abusive'' ignoring may actually help us overcome our trauma or fears?

If that is the case, well I am no psychologist and neither is my PYL. Neither is it something that I feel able to try, or for that matter would want to dabble in, at the risk of my mental well being.
And of course it could be said in the same way, that the reverse of that would be just as effective in ridding us of the after effects.

I think those of us who posted were talking about the abusive type of ignoring and for some of us its irrelevent if its the ''abusive'' kind or not. The fact is they have already suffered the abuse previously and the psychological factors are deep rooted with many triggers. To them ignoring in any guise in not an option, for the sake of their own sanity.

Is it viable to have it as a hard limit? In these cases absolutely it is.

I saw the reference to scat, which confuses me slightly. Are people suggesting that scat is an acceptable hard limit when this, which comes as a result of an abusive episode, is not a good enough reason? That abuse and its aftermath; having to constantly deal with its far reaching effects and try to manage it on a day to day basis isn't valid? That its inappropriate?
I was under the impression that that is what hard limits are for; for protection of ones self.
Or perhaps I have misunderstood and the thought is that its not an appropriate or reasonable hard limit for someone who has not been abused?

I can't speak for the others, but I am pretty certain that when they say its a hard limit, its based on much more that a passing '' oh I don't think I fancy the idea of that, I'll stick it on my hard limit list''

It''s not being needy. Its not an excuse. Its not a cry for constant attention. Abuse is abuse is abuse. Its a legitimate reason as many who has suffered it and are trying to live with the legacy, can testify.
Its a case of, this is a hard limit for me because of a past traumatic experience and if you do it, it may just break me or have serious implications for my well being.
Thats why its a hard limit for us.

It doesn't mean the pyl is running the relationship or topping from the bottom. It means they are protecting their mental health. I would imagine as in Bandits case and her Master, that PYLs have other strings to their bows? Surely in cases like these, there are other less damaging methods of punishment to be implemented, that are just as effective?

And of course not ever relationship is the same. Of course I know that. To be perfectly honest after my own experiences, if I didn''t truly believe that I would never have had another. I have also opted for periods of time on my own too. In other respects I am a strong, well rounded woman, eager to serve and submit but this is one area that is crucial to my well being and I have a choice, just as the PYL does if he doesn't care for it.

I may get my head bitten off for saying this, but I will take my chance and speak plainly just as everyone else does. As its already been said on here, PYLs are only human. Yes they are and consequently they don't always know best about everything, including what is the best way to deal with the after effects of abuse.
I completely admire PYLs who admit that they get it wrong sometimes, who know that they are learning too and who can see when some of their own behavioural traits or outlooks may need modifying too.
in my opinion, sometimes, just sometimes there are occasions when a whim or ''just because I can'' isn't a valid enough reason to implement something that could be potentially damaging to a pyl.
Click to expand...

Ignoring as Punishment
 
April 12th - words of Betticus

The fetish isn't something that I've fully explored but since I seem to be very orally oriented.. love to get every sensation I can that way. Oral just doesn't cover it though, more like overall sensation. There is a lot to process just in kissing a girls neck. The feel of her skin on your lips, her warmth and her taste and then to also take a breath in through your nose, the smell of her skin and her hair, the feeling of her hair on your face.. Feeling her body move with your touch and feeling her breathe in and out, the sounds she makes as you pull her into you in so many ways at once.

I think that if you could put into words every feeling, thought and sensation you have during that one kiss it could fill a book. It's an amazingly close thing when you are with a lover .. different with a stranger in an odd moment .. different once again with a close friend in the moments where you blur the lines of friend/something more.

It's special and intense because of so many things, the ones I've touched on and much more. Then expand all of this to the rest of her body, you're very close to her and know her intimately which is fine and enough for most but for me it's akin to losing myself in a wonderful art museum.. it's beautiful and makes you feel an attachment with another person via the wonderful things in their minds that have been laid out for all to see in their own way. You can't touch the artist though, there is a barrier separating you that can't be crossed, you can touch the paint, feel where the brush stroked against the canvas.

When you can taste a woman it's a deeper connection, you push against that barrier and some more of her gets through and it's exciting and hot and special. I've never been with a woman who was giving milk but I can imagine holding her, either down or close to me and taking the milk from her and into myself. Taking a very intimate part of her like that would get me even further into her.

I'm sure that there would be a difference between the fantasy of that and the reality but until I can try it for myself I'll never know.

Lactation fetish, I has . . . anyone else?
 
April 13th ~ words of Homburg

Shooting yourself in the face, setting yourself on fire, jumping off a skyscraper, and eating arsenic are all very different activities, none of which I have any real life experience with. Yet I don't need real life experience to realise that these activities are fuck-all dangerous, nor do I need real life experience to tell other people don't fuckin shoot yourself.

I didn't post it on this thread, but I've posted a link to Jay Weisman's excellent article on breath play on the other three hundred and seventy six threads about this particular path to dain bramage and death. He's got a pantload of experience and education, and he's vehemently against breathplay. I'll link it here if you'd like.

Personally, I'd love to get a sticky on this topic so we won't have the same fucking thread over and over again.

1) I am new and want to know about breathplay
2) Breathplay is dangerous, be careful, young padawan
3) People die from breathplay all the time
4) Breathplay is HAWT!
5) Sure, but at least be aware of the risk
6) STOP REPRESSING MEEEE

Every frikken time. No one on here can tell you to not do what the hell ever gets your rocks off. All they can do is give their opinion. Did someone delete your post, squelch your voice, come to your house and stop you from seeking brain trauma? If not, you weren't repressed, and no one else was.

There are no sex police here, as gracie said. What you will find is a large pool of folks with a collectively enormous pool of experience to learn from. Learn from it or ignore, but don't try to paint those offering advice as repressors.
Click to expand...

From: Breathplay
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

DomBETO
A glass of wine never hurts... or does it?
Replies
15
Views
2K
artslut86
A
P
As a masochist, what do you get out of hard extreme SM?
2 3 4
Replies
76
Views
5K
Ash999
A
ToPleaseHim
  • Locked
  • Sticky
Submissives - Words of Wisdom from Cascadiabound
Replies
2
Views
10K
ToPleaseHim
ToPleaseHim
MrsPassion
Q: tips to avoid predators while searching for a Dom?
2 3 4
Replies
90
Views
5K
Dapperguy
Dapperguy
simonab1990
Normal behavior of my partner?
2
Replies
38
Views
3K
GlasDomDaddy
G
Back
Top