The All Inclusive Calendar of 2008

[catalina_francisco]

March 24th - words of VelvetDarkness

"I do trust him. I have never had any cause to doubt his concern for my welfare.

It's a fairly new thing for me though, to be very aware that what is and is not acceptable behaviour on his part is not my decision any more. As Cat said, he can and will do things that I find very unpleasant or difficult at the time. There is no concept of fairness in our dynamic. At all times I exist for the sole function of serving him in everything I do. Unless I'm seriously unwell, that involves quite a lot of work on my part. I don't get to say when I've reached the extent of my tolerance to something or am physically and emotionally fatigued. 'Not tonight darling' has been officially and irretrievably expunged from my vocabulary.

I do trust him, but these things haven't really been tested yet. I can't know yet just how far he will consider it acceptable to push me. I'm very much at the start of this journey and having put my money where my mouth is and signed the contract, my life is now in his hands. Neither of us has any experience in TPE which means that Master is very much making it up as he goes along. I know there will be mistakes and I know it is likely that I'll bear the brunt of them.

So while I do trust him, there is still this apprehension. It's also about self doubt on my part as to whether I can be everything he expects of me. You can buy all the equipment and do all the training to climb a mountain but there's still no saying that you'll survive the trip. Anything that involves sustained risk and M/s is pretty risky in terms of BDSM play and the effects of TPE on an existing relationship. If this doesn't work out for us in the long term (and I have no reason to think that it won't) it will be very awkward and difficult to change our dynamic.

There is an overwhelming sense of 'all or nothing' when it comes to TPE. I do feel like it's a gamble. As I've staked everything on it, I have a very healthy fear of losing."


Eat Shit!

 

[Etoile]

I agree, that is a great post. Kudos for VelvetDarkness!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Aww thanks

 

[twysted73]

So long as there's one other who feels as you do...

...you're never alone...

Originally Posted by satindesire
Dear S,

There's something so beautiful about suffering because of love. Poignant, dark, romantic. The hidden glances, the fast frightened heartbeat, the sweaty nervousness. To me, it's the film noir of relationships. The picture of perfection.
I understand where your loyalties lay...perhaps it's my masochistic side that makes it okay for you to love your wife more than you love me. Perhaps it's my sadistic side that prevents me from leaving V for you. Perhaps it's revenge. Perhaps it's lonliness and not wanting to be single. Only time will tell.
I love you. Even if my feelings are wrong, and could possibly hurt someone else, I admit they exist. And although it could possibly end up as tragedy, you need to understand that people don't fall in love because they want to. They fall in love Because They Have No Choice.

" I also know that I believe in fate and I trust karma. If God predestined us together then He will find a way for us. I feel safe in my faith, shielded by my beliefs in something greater than me."

 

[satindesire]

...you're never alone...

Oh wow, I uh...don't know what to say.

Such an honor. Thank you.

 

[Etoile]

Excellent advice, put succinctly. Kudos!

Have you read up on sub frenzy?

I think it's great that you may have found someone to explore with, but I also think you're right to watch for warning signs and be very careful.

Like you said, this is still very new and you're still wrapping your head around it. In my experience, it's important to move slow enough and figure enough out on your own before entering relationships.

I'd think that this Domme would want you to go at a pace that allows you to process thoroughly and make really good decisions for YOU. If she's pushing, trying to move things along quickly or seeking a commitment (more than talking, meeting in public, going on dates, etc.) very soon, that could be a warning sign that she may not be looking out for your best interests. As responsible Dominants, it's our job to ensure our (potential) subs are healthy, safe and reaching their full potential, even if that means not having a more intense relationship with them or getting what we want because they are simply not ready or in a place where that type of relationship would be in their best interest.

If you don't push your hopes too high or beyond where your relationship truly is, you probably won't be absolutely crushed if it doesn't work out. Personally, I set really low expectations for new people/relationships. Then, if it works out, great, but if it doesn't, I just review what I've learned from the experience and move on. I don't make commitments before the time and history are there, nor do I create grand fantasies of what could be. Doing otherwise would be a recipe for great disappointment and grieving the loss of something that was never there to begin with.

So, I'd say keep researching and thinking, then take any relationship with this woman (or others) very, very slow. Communicate your need to take it slow since this is all very new and you're still learning and not make a commitment to anything more than getting to know each other (and perhaps trying some things out, to see what your likes, needs and current limits are) in a clear, respectful way. It's not a test, but her reaction to that will probably tell you a lot. Slow your head down, too, and try not to look far beyond where you really are at any given time.

Apart from getting in a bad situation, moving too quickly is risky because it can allow a relationship to be created on shaky ground. IF this particular woman just happens to be a great match for you in reality, surely you don't want to risk the destruction of your relationship by moving too fast and not taking the time to figure out what you really want and need. Keep it slow and steady so you can see the reality and be your best submissive self for YOU and whichever Dominant you're with.

I hope that makes some sort of sense (I feel all discombobulated tonight! ) and helps. Best of luck on your journey!

Time to say hello

 

[FurryFury]

March 26 the words of Pure

i think that it's worth noting that "BDSM" is not any one thing, nor a list of things, even that found in the best of books on recommended lists.

nor a list of likes, such as "the sting of a slap";

it's rather like someone saying "i think i'm a lesbian; what should i read about lesbian sex? i've heard of the types of strap-ons. should i become familiar with them? where's a catalog?"

i'd say there are themes and motifs, e.g. power, hurt; two (or more) people decide on what symphony they will write, incorporating these themes.

being a 'sub' is not any one thing. it's some form of subjection to someone on terms they decide on and you acqiesce to. there cannot be a handbook on 'subbing' or training course in it; just as there cannot be a handbook on, say, 'being butch' or a training course in that.

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=27557949

From the thread How to start:

http://forum.literotica.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=27557949

 

[FurryFury]

March 28 the words of EmpressFi:

*hugs*

You dont have to get through it with a smile on your face. There's nothing wrong with showing your pain, that you miss your dad. I understand wanting to display a strong, happy face in front of the children, not wanting them to see, not wanting to bring them down... But hiding your feelings to protect them, only teaches that pain and sadness and mourning is something that is to be buried and to be "strong" is to keep it inside.

I've spent every Father's day since I was 12 without him. I tell people that they no longer have to tell me that they're sorry for my loss but that there are certain days where his physical absence stands out and I need to mourn a bit but that I'll be fine.

I'm here if you want to talk .. my PM box is open

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=27581898&postcount=3482

From the thread Dear X

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=27583017&posted=1#post27583017

In response to dealing with the death of a father on Father's Day.

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 29th - words of A Desert Rose

"That sentence really sums it up. 20 years old. You are very young. You have a lot of living yet to do and a lot of history to learn and make.

It's easy to make absolute statements like this when you have practically no life experiences behind you.

Keep your eyes and your mind open. You have a lot of life ahead of you."

In The Closet

 

[VelvetDarkness]

March 30th ~ The words of Recidiva

There is usually a stage or two in someone's life where they want to know if they're lovable.

Being perfect, being always right, being the best, becomes a burden if you don't know that even when you're flawed, wrong and at your worst, you are deserving of love, care and support.

If a person can't get that certainty, it can become a thought they can't overcome, they get stuck in, and they become that conflict.

They can't accept love and support because they can't give it to themselves, so they think the people that are giving it are deluded.

It's a normal crisis. It's a crisis everyone faces. It's a drama that people act out in different ways over and over until they can come to terms with loving and being loved without judgment. That you are worthy of love just because. For no reason. That in order to be healthy, you have to love yourself in order to have the courage to face the areas where you fail in life.

If you learn to love and support and care under the worst circumstances, that's at least one way that I know this drama can resolve. The question is answered. It doesn't get acted out over and over on a variety of issues.

Otherwise the fear and drama remains and the question always hangs over the heads of those who believe that love has to do with deserving instead of being.

It's difficult for highly judgmental people who believe in standards and rules and quality to believe that love is really just a choice. It isn't earned, it's given. You can't control whether or not someone else loves you because of your attempts at perfection. You can control whether or not you choose to love yourself.

And that turns out to be the key to solving this conflict and moving on. You don't lose your judgment or your standards. You lose the ability to win by being right. But you gain the ability to win even if you're wrong. You don't become mindless or chaotic, although that's another part of trying to resolve this conflict. You can become the drama of being entirely nonjudgmental and always having to love, and never being critical. Which is just the same problem in reverse. Knowing when to judge and when to forgive is what you get from dealing with this issue in yourself and others enough to recognize the symptoms and know it's just part of being human and not some incurable disease.

This is not a problem that can be solved through more and more discipline. This is a problem that is solved by understanding the nature of discipline itself, and how it is not the answer to why or how you are loved or choose to love.

Love is mindless. Being mindless and being flawed is okay, and in fact, is what you need to handle a great number of conflicts and stressors that otherwise might kick your ass day to day.

It's the key to forgiveness and understanding and all the things that an overachiever needs to balance judgment with mercy.

Spare the rod and spoil the child is not the whole truth. Spare the forgiveness and spoil the soul must become part of the practice or all you got ever is rod.

From the thread Is this service?

Such amazing insight. An awesome post.

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 31st - words of Netzach

"I never know how I feel about these discussions.

I work in fantasy, I make fantasy my business. I'm sure the verite contingents shake my head when they encounter my work and tsk tsk about how I bring the fine world of lifestyle FemDom down. To which I say kiss my plush ass.

I am in multiple relationships with D/s and BDSM in them, functioning (as much as anyone can claim) and serious relationships, in my personal life. To say that because I create media that celebrate the superficial, fantastic and imaginative elements that got most of us interested in this in the first place, if we're honest about it - means that I'm a danger to the real soul of the lifestyle - again kiss my ass. Nine times in ten the people accusing me and others like me of this have less "time in the water" than I did five years ago.

I came up among leathermen, I've worked alongside A-list Dommes and realized I don't want to be one, I've blacked boots, I've read it, I've done it. Yeah, I have a good wardrobe. Because *I* wanted one, not because I'm manipulated into looking like a male fantasy, because I want to look like MY fantasy.

I enjoy fantasy and reality and disappoint people who can't handle the difference between them."

Fantasizers Interfere R/T BDSM Relationship Searches

 

[unfoundiamond]

if this was all inclusive there might be enough quotes to fill the days.

I think this is funny. This bogus thread has lagged off.
Maybe you smarties should actually include everyone, then you'd have shit to compliment each other on.

I hope you all have a lovely day. *kisses*

And btw.

I don't read this thread... but this time I got curious... I noticed it stopped at march. So here's what ill do...

*giggle*

Go find sinnocent1 or twysted, they'll give you all something to ponder, You jerks.

//endjack runs off laughing...

 

[Kajira Callista]

Someone forgot to refill their rx at the begining of the month?
Or did i miss something again?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Or did i miss something again?

Well if you did, so did I.

Anyone can post anything from the BDSM boards that touches them. Explain to me how that is not all inclusive?

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think this is funny. This bogus thread has lagged off.
Maybe you smarties should actually include everyone, then you'd have shit to compliment each other on.

I hope you all have a lovely day. *kisses*

And btw.

I don't read this thread... but this time I got curious... I noticed it stopped at march. So here's what ill do...

*giggle*

Go find sinnocent1 or twysted, they'll give you all something to ponder, You jerks.

//endjack runs off laughing...

Exactly who are the jerks to which you refer? Names, we want names.

And good luck getting sinnocent to post here, again.

Someone forgot to refill their rx at the begining of the month?
Or did i miss something again?

I think a whole lot of people missed something, doll, like perhaps not quoting her anywhere in this thread (although I have no idea if she has been or not.)

Just guessing that it might be her motivation for the post.

In any event, I'm sorry that she is so unhappy.

 

[unfoundiamond]

actually.

I just stumbled upon this. And the jerks comment was rhetorical*.

LoL

I am a organic vegetarian and I don't use western medicine, unlike you I don't use pills to make me feels better. So there's the actual truth...

Why must people resort to slander... that's lame.

If you spent time updating your lopsided caledar you may feel better. Maybe youlle prove me wrong...

Maybe things won't be queer and cliquish..

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY btw.

LOL... you bunch of jerks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I just stumbled upon this. And the jerks comment was rhetorical.

LoL

I am a organic vegetarian and I don't use western medicine, unlike you I don't use pills to make me feels better. So there's the actual truth...

Why must people resort to slander... that's lame.

If you spent time updating your lopsided caledar you may feel better. Maybe youlle prove me wrong...

Maybe things won't be queer and cliquish..

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY btw.

LOL... you bunch of jerks.

NWMT

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

April 1st - words of intothewoods

"Knowing what you want and need is key, although it does change over time. I think another important component of a long term relationship is a certain flexibility with your partner.

You know, the upside of marriage is you have someone to grow old with. The challenge will be monotony at some points or a change in your partner that you think you didn't sign up for, or any number of things you might not envision when you first get married. Ultimately, there are going to be things that you didn't expect and aren't "perfect." But the payoff for working through that is the shared history."


Needs Met?

 

[FurryFury]

This calendar is wide open to everyone. People can put posts on here that they feel touched them.

Many people have touched others. Many have not.

Upkeep is problematic. I'm not sure why.

That being said, if you look through the calendar you will find there are some here that are, in fact, Lit Stars.

How dare they post such wonderful comments that resonate for those who put them in here? That's just rude. They should only post mundane things.

*L*

 

[A Desert Rose]

You can't slander someone in text. That's called libel.

Slander is an untruth SAID about you, not written.


Signed Sincerely,
HRH Roxanne
The Queen of Jerkdom

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You can't slander someone in text. That's called libel.

Slander is an untruth SAID about you, not written.


Signed Sincerely,
HRH Roxanne
The Queen of Jerkdom

Trudat.

 

[the captians wench]

I just stumbled upon this. And the jerks comment was rhetorical*.

LoL

I am a organic vegetarian and I don't use western medicine, unlike you I don't use pills to make me feels better. So there's the actual truth...

Why must people resort to slander... that's lame.

If you spent time updating your lopsided caledar you may feel better. Maybe youlle prove me wrong...

Maybe things won't be queer and cliquish..

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY btw.

LOL... you bunch of jerks.

But name calling, now that's cool.

Perhaps you have a quote you would like to add to the calendar?

If I remember correctly, sin had quite a few posts quoted in last year's calendar, she also added to the calendar herself.

 

[BiBunny]

Dude, this calendar is not lopsided. If I of all people have been quoted here, then it ain't lopsided.

Though I will say that it does favor intelligent people. The more times you say something smart, the better chance you have of something you say being posted here. If everything you say *ahem*, is a case of diarrhea of the keyboard, then chances are, you won't find your name here often.

 

[Etoile]

Wah wah wah. Less whining and holier than thou bullshit, and more fucking smart shit from people who are intelligent and helpful and worth quoting.

 

[graceanne]

Someone forgot to refill their rx at the begining of the month?
Or did i miss something again?

Dunno, but I hear a lot of whining.

Beyond that, this is for people who post something worth quoting. If it was cliquish I'd be quoted at occasionally. But I rarely contribute to the serious discussions, and therefore am not surprised to not find myself here. So wa wa wa, cry me a river.