The General Commentary Thread

[29wordsforsnow]

Does one need to make a reservation for the five senses? If no one opposes, I would like to weave some lines with the current prompts.

 

[Angeline]

Does one need to make a reservation for the five senses? If no one opposes, I would like to weave some lines with the current prompts.

Hiya Snow.

Anyone can jump in on the thread and write to the prompts at the end of the last post in the thread. That's the only rule. It's explained more fully in the very first post in that thread. Happy poeming.

 

[Angeline]

Ellen More's Seven and Seven is another excellent bit of writing and really good erotica imo: it's at once intimate, disturbing and voyeuristic. It got me thinking and inspired me to write. I'm always grateful for that.

Read Ellen's poem. It's a lesson in how to write good erotica!

 

[todski28]

Ellen More's Seven and Seven is another excellent bit of writing and really good erotica imo: it's at once intimate, disturbing and voyeuristic. It got me thinking and inspired me to write. I'm always grateful for that.

Read Ellen's poem. It's a lesson in how to write good erotica!

it was an oddity for me, I didn't get so much of an erotic vibe, it reads to me of being used in an abusive way, not so much a "she enjoys herself" but that she is having the whole scenario enacted upon her.

that it has my thread as an aside tacked on the bottom I don't know what to say about it, except she can damn well write!

 

[Angeline]

it was an oddity for me, I didn't get so much of an erotic vibe, it reads to me of being used in an abusive way, not so much a "she enjoys herself" but that she is having the whole scenario enacted upon her.

that it has my thread as an aside tacked on the bottom I don't know what to say about it, except she can damn well write!

She sure can write and has proven it many times over.

I know we each bring our own interpretation to a poem. I agree that it paints a degrading scene but remember the ending, where the woman chooses to continue seeing the man. Is it a sexy poem? It's not fun sexy. It's not playful. To me the eroticism comes from the intimacy of the details the poet offers us, the willingness to let the reader see what is a pretty tawdry scene.

And hey if your thread inspired such fine writing in any way, you're doing something right buddy.

 

[todski28]

She sure can write and has proven it many times over.

I know we each bring our own interpretation to a poem. I agree that it paints a degrading scene but remember the ending, where the woman chooses to continue seeing the man. Is it a sexy poem? It's not fun sexy. It's not playful. To me the eroticism comes from the intimacy of the details the poet offers us, the willingness to let the reader see what is a pretty tawdry scene.

And hey if your thread inspired such fine writing in any way, you're doing something right buddy.

After rereading it with a new framework or perspective to read it from, it reads very differently now.

As to my thread it’s an open bar all are welcome

Although it’s not for the faint of heart it would seem

 

[Angeline]

After rereading it with a new framework or perspective to read it from, it reads very differently now.

As to my thread it’s an open bar all are welcome

Although it’s not for the faint of heart it would seem

Actually I read it again and think I misread or misunderstood the ending. But I still would classify it as erotic.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Lyricalli's 3 o'7

Heard a song yesterday
that plays with metaphors
of hurricanes, oceans, and waves
...


Doesn't feel quite there, or finished. Not sure where it wants to go, but it wanted attention paid to it, and I needed to put something here.

While it could tell of winds be caught and tamed with sailcloth, rope and sheets, the tragedies of an oncoming lull or the depression formed by a nearing anticyclone, I think it's right there where it can be; an inspiration or invitation to the reader to go in their mind. It feels like a tornado picked up words from the ground, swirls them around, and who could forecast where they end...Therefore, my suggestion would be to leave it in exactly that state, afloat...

...and use it as a starting point for a new challenge 'Finish My Line'

 

[Lyricalli]

While it could tell of winds be caught and tamed with sailcloth, rope and sheets, the tragedies of an oncoming lull or the depression formed by a nearing anticyclone, I think it's right there where it can be; an inspiration or invitation to the reader to go in their mind. It feels like a tornado picked up words from the ground, swirls them around, and who could forecast where they end...Therefore, my suggestion would be to leave it in exactly that state, afloat...

...and use it as a starting point for a new challenge 'Finish My Line'

Thank you, I think?

 

[todski28]

Actually I read it again and think I misread or misunderstood the ending. But I still would classify it as erotic.

Still sits in an uncomfortable pocket for me, the ending phraseology twisted my brain in knots for some reason, the final two lines took me a long time to try and parse apart.

But whilst I’m on the topic your piece is inspired and brilliant as well

 

[todski28]

Piscators piece reminds me of
Summer of 69

 

[Angeline]

Still sits in an uncomfortable pocket for me, the ending phraseology twisted my brain in knots for some reason, the final two lines took me a long time to try and parse apart.

But whilst I’m on the topic your piece is inspired and brilliant as well

Thank you. I feel my ending was too abrupt, needed more buildup. I may rework it with a third strophe. But I need to give it some time, let my subconscious play with it.

 

[Piscator]

Piscators piece reminds me of
Summer of 69

Thanks Tod, As a Canadian Brian Adam's hit is among my earworms but the resemblance if any was unconscious on my part.

I was trying to come up with something for the 7 line challenge and the opening line "We called ourselves the Heptcats" came up. The next line had rink rats (of which I have have some personal experience) and went on from there. It settled into an 7 syllable 7 line stanza form with an a. a. b. b. c. c. x rhyme scheme. I was hoping for 4 more verses but they weren't there.

 

[HarryHill]

..
...

 

[todski28]

Thanks Tod, As a Canadian Brian Adam's hit is among my earworms but the resemblance if any was unconscious on my part.

I was trying to come up with something for the 7 line challenge and the opening line "We called ourselves the Heptcats" came up. The next line had rink rats (of which I have have some personal experience) and went on from there. It settled into an 7 syllable 7 line stanza form with an a. a. b. b. c. c. x rhyme scheme. I was hoping for 4 more verses but they weren't there.

it had a similar feel of regret, reservation but also the same reminiscent memories, was a goof solid piece

 

[Lyricalli]

EllenMore, your 7 Line and Just Porn are on fire. So glad you're sharing your writing with us.

 

[Piscator]

re: ELllen More's Something Not Unlike the Eucharist

I second Liricallli's highlight of you work.

Along the lines of the discussion of Tod's poem in the just porn thread - this poem seems more like erotica than porn. It reminds me of the fisrt stanza of Leonard Cohen's "Light as the Breeze" although the perspective of the sexes is reversed.

Maybe we should start a "just erotica" thread.

 

[Lyricalli]

Along the lines of the discussion of Tod's poem in the just porn thread - this poem seems more like erotica than porn. It reminds me of the fisrt stanza of Leonard Cohen's "Light as the Breeze" although the perspective of the sexes is reversed.

Maybe we should start a "just erotica" thread.

We do have an Everyday Erotica thread. Of course, as with Todd's piece, it all depends on how the writer views the difference between the two and what category they'd put it in. It's always an interesting subject, to see where someone draws that line, or if they draw it at all.

 

[Piscator]

We do have an Everyday Erotica thread. Of course, as with Todd's piece, it all depends on how the writer views the difference between the two and what category they'd put it in. It's always an interesting subject, to see where someone draws that line, or if they draw it at all.

Too true, I have to get my mind out of the gutter.

 

[Lyricalli]

Too true, I have to get my mind out of the gutter.

No you don't

 

[Lyricalli]

Thought about you a ton today. You always slip in.
Usually, it's songs.

Fucking songs. They get you every time.

 

[todski28]

Fucking songs. They get you every time.

that they do, that's a damn fine write by Levitating_bed

 

[Lyricalli]

that they do, that's a damn fine write by Levitating_bed

It really is.

It's nice to see that thread get a bit of activity, and to see some familiar names come back to visit.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Congrats to both, Lyricalli and Piscator, for finishing the 007 challenge.

 

[Piscator]

Congrats to both, Lyricalli and Piscator, for finishing the 007 challenge.

Thanks, but I must confess I used it to double post.