The new #1

[Cyberguy]

My Shooting Star

Thanks for the welcome and the kind words tigerjen. I'm glad you like it considering I found my inspiration in your profile, and in a way it's a reflection of the in-the-momentness and imagery I enjoy in your poetry

I have to admit it was exciting to see that 10th vote come in and then to show up at the top of the list, if only for a few hours! I didn't expect it to stay there long, and it didn't. I think top list readers vote more critically than new list readers or those that stumbled upon poems elsewhere, and they vote when they read. It took 102 reads to get the first 10 votes, and now it has 15 votes after 106 reads (yes, I know that doesn't compute, but that what my submissions page said/says).

I've gotta go to the store now and get some strawberries

 

[tigerjen]

thank you much, Cyberguy

Thank you and you're welcome, Cyberguy!
I am very flattered and touched that my writing
gave you inspiration......makes my day!

Oh yeah...that toplist...I remember quite a few times
some poems making #1, then they drop down either
the next day, or even in the same day! I know that
feeling......

Keep on writing!

tigerjen

 

[Savage Kitten]

Re: Innuendo of a poem

I tried liking this one, SA Storm is a talented writer but this just shows you can’t always hit the mark.

Innuendo
by SA Storm ©

Pale indeed. For die hard Storm addicts only! Check out his newer poems for a better journey Storm Warning

U.P.

I guess you had to be there. Readers relate to poetry by expierences in their own life. If you don't get it or it didn't hit the mark for you, then maybe you haven't been there yet.

I got it. I got how it related to my life. Sometimes, I feel like I have my own empty box. In the cobwebs, that are in the corners to high for me to reach, are the what could have beens.

Innuendo, ( to insinuate, to insert craftily, to hint artfully), is a fitting title for this poem.

I'm not trying to be antaginistic U.P. but, I have noticed that if a poem doesn't have any grammical errors then you don't have much to say about. Dry indeed.....

Sk~

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Oh really

Savage Kitten,

The premise or idea of the poem is a good one; I was speaking to the execution of the concept. A good poem has more than words than make sense. We have all been cut before yet when I read a poem that say's "I bleed" the poet better put something around it that makes me check my scar. Otherwise it's flat. Innuendo is flat for me.

I usually don't take a poem apart on every level; my first concern is imagery, then form, and last but not least grammar. If a poem fails completely on the first I usually do not go to the second or the third. If I can get by the first, then I examine what comes next for me.
Those times when the grammar is so poor that it is the chief fault of the poem, I will talk about it more. I myself am "grammar” challenged when writing on the fly.

I always go for the biggest problem I see in a poem, "Innuendo" is just flat and for SA Storm it is bad. I’m sure his ego can take my opinion.

U.P.

 

[mskittykatt]

i think i understand what U.P. is saying here, the first verse held so much promise and i could feel things building up inside, i even had a person in my mind... but it hit a plateau and i was left wanting.

 

[Whispersecret]

I think that part of my problem with this poem was that I knew it was written by SA Storm, and so I was expecting great things. There were no phrases that GRABBED ME BY THE INNARDS, and usually in a Storm poem, there are several of those.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

The one two punch

I guess SA heard our complaints; already he’s back with a new #1. I’m sure apologetic for phoning in the last #1. This one comes with a bullet as the saying goes, a perfect score no less. Even the Russian judge gave him a 5.

Everybody has a poem called 'Lust'
by SA Storm ©

You smile at me
I see hours of pleasure in the smallest places
Pursuing my hearts corridors to places love tries to grow
subjugating tender feelings slipping strings to bind them
and so I dance.

I pretend not to notice how proud your breast
or the fire in your eyes
the kittenish posture suits you
moves me.

The truth tears away cautiously built caverns
corrupting my longing, confronting lust
insisting that I surrender completely.

Betrayed by desire.
I am
engulfed,
enveloped,
engorged.

More animal than man,
struggling for the last shred of pretense,
I can find no home for temperate feelings.

My senses ignite.
I am awash in sounds I had not heard;
with sights I had not seen,
on scents that cause my mind to reel
the taste of precious flesh.

Lost in the touch of textures
both subtle and coarse
transformed I am more
and less than what I was.

I want you.
If not forever then now will do,
because lust demands payment
and you have made me it's slave.

Lets skip the accolades for now. The line breaks could use some work. They are far too uneven. Although I admit the poem sounds good when you read it. This poem needs better punctuation for the visual read. Okay now the good stuff, true to form or should I say "Storm" there are some wonderful images and lines.

I’m am fond of:

“I see hours of pleasure in the smallest places”

The rhythm of the entire 6th stanza is audio poetry. Read it aloud, find the rhythm and enjoy. SA Storm like alliteration he’s so good at sometimes you don’t notice check the third stanza.

The truth tears away cautiously built caverns
corrupting my longing, [/b]c[/b]onfronting lust
insisting that I surrender completely

He does it again in an obvious way in the fourth.

Overall a nice effort and return to form, now someone push this guy off I’m tired of talking about him.

I'm not going to post his link you know where to find him.

U.P.

 

[daughter]

Congratulations, SK

Pink Seduction
by Savage Kitten ©


Pouting lips
Flushed cheeks
Shear fabric
Over matching crowns

Moist petals
Rose pearl
Lingua shaft
Exploring velvet depths

Anticipation mounts
Pastel wash
Lovers merge
Meridian of reality

It appears Savage Kitten has chosen a different approach. She’s abandoned rhyme, playfulness and explicit language. Instead she’s giving us a subtle, sensual read. She’s taken great care to give the reader a view of an erotic and inviting image.

In stanza one, we are drawn to her lips. On a first read I think she is taking about her mouth, but the descent is quick to her breasts. My mind wants to interpret the curve of her ass as ‘lips’. Her cheeks are flushed because of the fabric covering them and the crowns are again her ass. This way, there is quantum leap from mouth to ‘V’. Of course, it is even easier to see her mouth, cheeks and breasts. That though leaves me with more visual gaps than I want to concede.

In stanza two, we appreciate the frontal view. Her labia are moist, and her bud is enticing. Must be, because a tongue enjoys exploring her depths.

It is her anticipation in stanza three. You can’t help but imagine the pastel wash sweeping over her. He, too, is caught up as suggested by their merging. The union is akin to a single a line, one reality.

Lush though sparse. I’d like to see greater development and transitions here. I have a snapshot, and I am left to interpret the picture. No argument though that doing so is a pleasant exercise.

Congratulations on your #1 spot, Savage Kitten. Good read.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Unmasked Poet]

The bandwagon

I will jump on the bandwagon and congratulate Savage Kitten for a good piece of writing. And I will also challenge her to make the toplist again. The initial surge of votes is always from the regular readers of poetry and the other poets. It is a nice acknowledgement to know your peers like your work. How long you stay on the list is dependent on the opinion of public at large and your popularity. One time is mighty nice Kitten, now can you tap into inspiration and talent and do it again? We your audience humbly waits.

U.P.

 

[Savage Kitten]

haha wow!

i am so shocked and suprised. If you guys could see my ratings on my other poems you would know that I am no where near the favorite of the readers haha

Daughter, Thank you for snatching it off the #1 spot and bringing it to everyone's attention. I appreciate the spotlight, sister poet!

UP... All I can say is I'll do my best to meet that challenge. But, my public, she is a fickle wench *wink* hehehe

Sk~

 

[SA Storm]

.

 

[TheDR4KE]

woohoo

Resonance has made it to the number one spot

Nothing like getting there to get some seriously low votes of course. From 10 votes totaling 4.60 (my calculations show you can only get that with 9x5 + 1x1) to 13 votes totaling 3.92 (another 3 votes totaling 5 - 1+1+3 or 1+2+2) when I look at my submissions page now.

Soon the toplist will be updated and resonance will disappear again completely. C'est la vie. But fun while it lasts, hey.

I wonder what the correlation is with very low votes and hitting a high spot on the top list... ;-)

Drake

 

[daughter]

Congratulations

DR4KE--

I think votes drop because the general population is more critical of works on the list. I'll admit I am. I expect a certain calibur of work. There are also mean-spirited folk who simply feel it's their obligation to ensure that no one has the limelight too long lest he mistakenly believes he's actually a good writer. LOL

Enjoy it, friend. I enjoy the rush whether it's ten seconds or five minutes.

Be well.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Cyberguy]

Funny you should ask

I wonder what the correlation is with very low votes and hitting a high spot on the top list... ;-)

I've been watching the list for the past few days, the correlation is very high:

"The Minstrel (Audio)" by Hecate was #1 on Sunday afternoon. It got hit by 2 votes totaling 4 and dropped to 32. It hasn't received any votes since and is now #34. At the same time, pleasureu's "Sorry Hun, I Don't Cyber" was #2 and dropped to #16 with two votes totaling 5. It is now #20, having received two more votes totaling 8.

pleasureu's "Have I Fallen For A Daydream" moved into #1 and immediately received one 5 and three votes totaling 8 on its next 4 votes. It is now in 6th, having received 6 more votes averaging 4.17. The #2 poem at the time, "Cycles" by RisiaSkye, received 2 votes totalling 4, but it had 68 votes at the time and didn't budge. It is now the #1 poem.

daughter's "Center of Trees" moved into #1 and immediately received a 1 vote, dropping it to #16. The #2 poem Monday night was RisiaSkye's "In memory of Naomi," which also got a 1 vote, dropping it to #6.

SA Storm moved into #1 with "Shameless" and quickly picked up 4 votes totaling 11 to drop it to #41. His "Performance Art" took its place and picked up a 2 vote and a 1 vote to drop to #3 (from a 5.0 to a 4.42). Since then it has picked up 2 more votes totaling 6 and is #42.

This morning, Ishmael's "The Eighteen Thousandth, Two Hundred and..." was #1 and my "Lips" was #2. He picked up 3 votes totaling 5 and dropped to #98. I received a 2-vote and two 1-votes, dropping me to #48.

Surely coincidence

 

[SA Storm]

[No message]

 

[Cyberguy]

So Cyberguy, what does it mean? "Everybody hates you when you're on top of the list."

I don't think it is an "everybody" thing, I suspect it is the work of one, or perhaps relatively few, people. I expect it to happen, but it kind of renders the scores meaningless when some of the votes are not legitimate.

I know Laurel and Manu are working hard trying to prevent, detect, and correct fraudulent votes to try and keep the voting system credible. So what it means is it takes their time and impacts their ability to make other enhancements to the site, like new top lists, etc.

It's sad that someone (or someones) has nothing better to do than mess with the list.

Ode to a One Voter on a Rainy Sunday Night

 

[daughter]

Keeping things in perspective

Cyber--

Keep in mind that we're all not using the same criteria when we vote. I'll admit that I am very critical and technical. I do not vote solely on if I like the message.That is only one criteria. Enjoyment in a read for me is based partly on how a poem is constructed.

The reader who gives a "5" because she could relate with the content and the reader/writer who looks at structure will more often vote at opposite ends of the spectrum. Look at our first Olympic competition. All the contenders who commented said they typically voted in the middle and gave out maybe one of their rare "5" vote to a single entry. Think about your own voting. How often do you give a "5"? And it is the fives that account for the high ratings on the list. How many poems on the top list would you rank with a median as high as the top slots are?

The "1" vote is not all attacks. The reader who cannot identify with a sonnet because it is a structured form, may vote one. He doesn't appreciate the poem so he votes it low. Homer Pindar pens a fine sonnet. I can't recall him ever being on the list. Conversely, the analytical like me will vote low when a poem lacks any form or device that demonstrates skill. I vote on content and skill. If a poem is in all caps or is prose, I am turned off. I don't care if it's #1 or #60. If I think it is a "2", that's how I vote. I'm not persuaded by it's current ranking.

I think all the poems on the list are really overrated, and I'm including mine own. The average Olympic poems ranked in the high 3s, and to me that is a more accurate guage of the quality of the reads.

As I mentioned before, you have greater exposure once you're on the list. The average reader doesn't see our work until it hits the list. Most of these folk vote on a simple criteria: "Do I like it"? That is subjective. If you want a better gauge of your skill, you're better off asking your peers who share your passion and understanding about the mechanics of writing.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Yak, yak, yak,

All this chatter, Cyberguy go back and review all those number ones. WickedEve, where are you? Savage Kitten, Redwave, just pick one from Cyberguys list (sorry for picking on you guys.) How about mskittykatt, or Vailyn? If each of you do one I'll do the others. I must say I'm pleased with the first page of the top list. Their are 33 different poets with 33 differernt styles. Nothing stays on top long anyway. Now would someone like to go back and talk about the poetry?

U.P.

 

[Savage Kitten]

Re: Yak, yak, yak,

Savage Kitten, Redwave, just pick one from Cyberguys list (sorry for picking on you guys.)
U.P.

well.. now that you mentioned it.... why are you picking on me?? haha

what would that accomplish U.P.? Are you referring to his list of previous #1 poems that have been voted down or the list of poems on his author page? If it is the list of pervious #1 poems... why beat a dead horse? IMHO, I think he is just stressing over the small stuff. If the #1 list is all he has to contend with in his life then he has it pretty much made in the shade. As for me.... I have bigger fish to fry haha

Sk~

 

[daughter]

hey SK

I don't think U.P. is picking on you. I think that is as close as he is going to do to get to saying that he can't keep all the threads current. You're a regular so he's hoping you'll help pick up the slack.

We're all busy so a little help goes a long way. Speaking of threads, come play with us in the trivia thread. I'm trying to make it interesting.


Good to hear from you.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Cyberguy]

Re: all the above

I didn't start writing poetry to see if I could make the top list. I write for personal reasons, but when I do so, I do write with an audience in mind. Lit provides an audience. I'm interested in having my work read, and I'd like to know whether the readers liked it and what they thought of it if they are gracious enough to take the time to tell me, good or bad.

Read counts tell me if I'm getting read, votes theoretically tell me whether the readers liked it. Making the top list means the first ten readers who cared enough to vote really liked it. Considering there are over 1000 poems on Lit with scores high enough to be in the current top 100, about all getting on the top list means is that you managed to get 10 votes and did a little better than the average! It's kind of the poetry equivelent of an NBA basketball team making the playoffs

So the top list is pretty meaningless except for the fact that it helps reach an audience of readers that is more likely to vote and provide feedback. It's still nice to make the list, and it still sucks to see your work low-balled simply because it did. Fraudulent votes bother me whether they are low or high because they pollute the poem's score, but fraudulent low votes are attacks and carry with them a palpable element of latent hostility.

Certainly there are times when people vote 1 or 2 because they honestly feel that way about the work, but these votes affect the top few poems too exclusively and too consistently to be attributed to honest voting.

I'm going to leave this horse here now and go fry some fish

 

[Cyberguy]

Getting back on topic

The number one poem right now is I want to kiss you while you scream by rnabokov.

first,
it is free-fall through velvet air,
the holding,
quickening ...

until her skin’s perfume explodes my senses,
luminous drops of blood red flowers erupting with each
touch
echo bursting through skin in songs of yearning,
a chorus of breath and moaning,
songs of aching flesh for each other calling,
our almost touching mouths and fingers, lips and
tongue,

then when your tongue moves like a hot snake in my
mouth,
when you stalk my hardness like a cat,
whisper, give it to me baby, give it to me now,

I wet my fingers and find you open,

cage you my animal with muscles, sinew,
hard flesh rippling,
my arms and legs are flexed, unyielding,
hold you slithering, arching, twisting, clawing
I want to kiss you while you scream,

... that's the first half of this poem. I can't say I see its appeal, trying to read it aloud I get the impression it is to be read as rap; otherwise, it reads like a run-on sentence and leaves you breathless for the wrong reason!

I get the impression the author is going for pulse-pounding passionate intensity, and it does achieve that, but I think it needs to come up for air occasionally!

 

[daughter]

Different view

Cyberguy--

Thanks for taking time to review the poem. I enjoyed it. I love r's work though there are times I could choke him for his syntax errors. I've told him as much. He likes me still.

I disagree about the rap. I don't care for that genre of music for the most part though at times, it has struck some fine moments for me. So too it is with this poem.

r's poem is more reminiscent of the Beat era for me. I must confess I don't know this genre well either, but from what I have read including those works influenced by this body of work, this poem has that kind of appeal. This is a piece, I can easily visualize at open mike. I love live readings. There is a particular flavor at open mikes and slam competitions. Kudos for these crazes. They are generating a renewed appreciation for the spoken word.

"kiss you while you scream" has some very cool lines that at times are surreal and it has some of that 'good turn of phrase' element. A little polishing would increase the shine, but the context is solid and the delivery is fresh. r's tone and approach rises above the sappy sentimentality, stuffed formality and stiff 'trying to sound poetic' tones that too many poets mistakenly scratch out.

By the way, Cyberguy apparently the fans love this poem. It's been #1 before. Despite the hostile voters, this baby keeps rising.

Good read, rnabokov. Very cool penname, too.

Peace,

daughter

 

[fa_king_bay_b]

Unmasked Poet,


I 'm young and new at Literotica, so I could use some constructive critisizm. And all I have been told is you will eat me alive . Well, so be it ! How else will I learn??

fa_king_bay_be



Sara's Lover

He touches my hand and I melt
I have such desire for this man
No other has ever had this affect
And no other ever again can

The love in my heart is but challenged by
This huge overpowering lust for his skills
Oh ! touch me babe and take me to our glory
A wonderful state full of passion and thrills

He knows my body as well I know his
As his hands work their magic
Tiny little needles under my skin
Please don’t stop for it would be tragic

As he continues my eyes flutter
My head rolls back and I quiver
His hand on my breast I moan
Nipple between thumb and finger I shiver

His hand journeys to places that only he knows
It’s path planned by his well traveled route
Across my tummy his fingers explore
Then lower still to that soft place about

O yes my love has found the spot
The precise arena of my desire
His hand lingers to make me so hot
I scream his name oh God I’m on fire

Suddenly his fingers still and are gone
Just to be replaced with a kiss
His tongue works it’s magic in place
O I can’t take much more of this

I reach the highest peak no turning back
Exploding in liquid fire and color abound
He continues with his magnificent attack
As I cry out he savors the taste and the sound

I am unable to regain a trace of control
I beg him to fuck me I plead without pride
And he answers my plea with one swift stroke
And with all my passion I take him inside

He knows the art of fucking extremely well
Always keeping in mind my pleasure
A mastermind of talent in splendid detail
This breathtaking man is my treasure

We arrive in climax together in heaven
I scream out his name as our juices mingle
He slows his pace and becomes so gentle
With each tender stroke there is such a tingle

Afterward we talk of the love we have shared
How we have found this love reborn
For this man my heart and soul I have bared
And never again from each other shall we be torn

 

[daughter]

I'm a vegetarian

As the Unmasked Poet I will take it upon myself to review the #1 ranked poem each time I visit.

faking--

I prefer to think we're honest. We will tell you what we think about your poetry. We don't eat poets.

I know you're new so please take time to familiarize yourself with the forum. This thread is dedicated to New #1s. Posting comments to your poem here is diluting this thread. Better luck getting the feedback you want by creating a thread for your poem. We are encouraged to discuss poems in the forum once they are published on the site. If you haven't submitted this poem yet, you'll want to.

Welcome to Lite and our poetry community. Please join in the current discussions. Don't forget to create a thread requesting feedback. You might also consider writing members privately in PMs if you want someone's particular opinion.

Peace,

daughter