The new #1

[Guest]

The swelling has subsided!

Khul,

I am delighted to read your addition to this thread. All your points are well taken and on target. (hence the swelling)

I stand forever by my words, and just as staunchly reserve the right to distance myself and look sheepishly in the mirror for the wind bag who muttered all the nonsense in the first place.

I will end my comments for now. The stanzas grow long amd it is difficult to hold this level of concentration.

U.P.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Somethings get better with age

This creation seems to come from an admirer’s inspiration. I am sure the poet had fun constructing this. If only more of that joy and sense of wry could have made it into the poem

Appreciating A Young Admirer
by KatPurrs ©

So you say that my poems make you incredibly HOT!
You love that I'm an older woman.
When I asked you why, you repied,
Because inhibited you're sure as hell NOT!

If we were to meet
Would I scare you away?
Would you notice each imperfection?
Or would you fall on your knees
So willing to please
And eat my well-seasoned twat?

Would you lift my breasts
To your hungry mouth
And suck them like you were my child?
Or would you twist them and bite them
Rubbing nipples to excite them
Driving both of us totally wild.

Would you mind my aged and weathered hands
As they felt your young velvet cock?
Would you find that the years
Could bring you to tears
As I took you to heights never thought?

I must admit that I think of you
When my body calls me to play.
I wonder how it would be to make unbridled love
To a young lad all night and all day.

The first stanza is a good illustration why rhymes are best left to the wise. Read aloud please, and imagine my squeal at that last line.
“Because inhibited you're sure as hell NOT!”
Sure as hell not? What is it I must say to illustrate why this is not, clever, funny, or well written? The syllabic loops and twist a mouth must go through to pull this off is akin to a triple front twist, reverse summersault dismount off the pommel horse. That’s right folks, it can’t be done!

I like what the poet is trying to say but this is just bad. Do not force the rhyme in your poems. Also support the rhythm with surrounding lines. The second and third lines of the first stanza:
"You love that I'm an older woman.
When I asked you why, you repied,"
move the story forward but are flat and uninspired. There is neither cadence nor inspiration, which is needed to pull together the horror of the first and last line.

The second stanza misfires also. The first 5 lines maintain cadence 3rd line forces "imperfection". But this is all for not with the last line #6. What gives?

1 If we were to meet
2 Would I scare you away?
3 Would you notice each imperfection?
4 Or would you fall on your knees
5 So willing to please
6 And eat my well-seasoned twat?

Huh?

The remaining stanzas settle down and more or less hold the rhyme.
I like what the poet is contemplating here. I enjoy the image alternation of:

”Would you mind my aged and weathered hands
As they felt your young velvet cock?”

I also enjoyed the end twist where she adopts his desire.

“I wonder how it would be to make unbridled love
To a young lad all night and all day.”


I hope KatPurrs revisits this poem one day and I would love to see what her well seasoned hands could do with a rewrite.
The poem has a good concept and some promise to exist as a bit of whimsy.

For more of KatPurrs:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=41444

And to read what I think is her best of this genre try:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=20312

U.P.

 

[KatPurrs]

No argument here, U.P.

I can't tell you how long I've been shaking in my shoes seeing this poem at 9 votes....praying I wouldn't get the 10th! I KNEW I should have taken advantage of the new option to stop votes! And after I finish this, I'm going back to do just that on some others. If I had known this hit the #1 spot (how in the hell did THAT happen anyway?)
I would have begged you to disregard it as Thesandman did on one of his because I know this poem sucks the big one. I actually liked Thesandman's by the way. But then I've liked everything of his that I've read.

The first stanza IS the pits! It is excruciatingly awful!

And why didn't I think to have line 6 read this way, as suggested by Judo ages ago?

1 If we were to meet
2 Would I scare you away?
3 Would you notice each imperfection?
4 Or would you fall on your knees
5 So willing to please
6 And eat my sweet confection?

What a difference!

When I first stumbled onto this site, I had no idea it would end up being my second home. I didn't take it or myself seriously. I was just having fun cranking crap out being very flippant. I won't do that any more. And that's why I haven't submitted much of anything in 3 months. I have been scrutinizing my poems, and want to make sure that I like what I see and hear and feel before I hit that "submit" button!

Thanks for your positive comments and the links to my other poem and member page, U.P. I really appreciate it.

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

U.P.

I want to add a thank you for ALL of your comments, not just the positive ones.

You cracked me up about the impossibility in saying that first stanza out loud! I could just picture RisiaSkye rolling on the floor in hysterics!....talk about your Athletic Discipline! It WAS an impossible feat! LOL! (that is a fabulous poem, in my oh so very humble opinion)

Your link to my very repetitive "Commands..." poem
was just what I needed.I was getting sooo confused about the use of repetition. Some feedback on that poem was negative, but for the most part, I was told that it was extremely effective in setting the tone of the scene. So knowing what you liked helped tremendously too. Plus it kept me from jumping out my 2nd story window! LOL!

So anyhoo, thanks for all your effort here at Lit. Poetry hasn't been the same since you landed. From what I hear, the reader count and votes show you're presence has had an incredible impact.

Keep up the great work!

Kat~

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Kat,

Thank you,
I enjoy your writing and I must admit you have peaked my imagination regarding the virtues of "Older Women" It has been my experience that everything is better with the appropriate seasoning.

U.P.

 

[Guest]

Thesandman has once again gained the fame and notoriety he so richly deserves. The is the second time at least that;
"The encounter" has garnered the top spot. On the first I was asked to take a pass, well the second times the charm.

The Encounter
by Thesandman ©


7:45

The bus arrives, busy day.
And crowed… people standing.
Staring out the window then,
She approaches…. Steps up onto the landing.

Tokens dropped inside, she turns
Our eyes for moments meet.
She walks down the isle, slowly…
As though looking for a seat.

7:47

Standing now back to back
I pretend she is not there.
But the perfume’s a reminder,
And the softness of her hair.

A gentle bump as we move along,
I feel the softness of her skin
Pressed so close, I hold my breath,
Where do dreams like this begin?

7:49

A moment more we’re moving.
Not so much that anyone might know.
A subtle pressure, stimulating
How far can this all go?

I turn around behind her,
Feel her pressing in to me.
The smoothness of her dainty leg
As I caress it with my knee.

7:54

She turns now round to face me,
Though neither of us looks.
I… now reading paper,
And she… while holding books.


And once again we’re touching.
Pressed so close by others by….
My hand drops down between us
And I rest it near her thigh

7:58

Slightly turning then is she
And my hand then finds the place
Her heat is burning through my hand
As it runs across the lace.

Rotations then beneath me,
Subtle as they may be.
We’ve got miles to go before we’re there,
And we move in ecstasy.

8:04

Her breath is coming faster
Though only a whisper do I hear
Her wetness now coats my hand
As I slowly bring her near.

Again her soft felt movement,
A sudden shudder…she is there.
I press her deeply, holding still
And inhale the aroma of her hair.

8:10

Movement slows, we’re stopping.
A knowing look tells me we must part.
A moment more, hands pressed together,
Can she feel the beating of my heart?

I watch her on the sidewalk,
As she slowly walks away.
And once again we’re moving.
Another busy day.

Mmmmm, the chance meeting, that delightful moment when the mundane is whisked away from our perception.
Thesandman captures the facts of such an encounter, yet often in his poem we do not feel the ineffable quality of such an occurrence. But thank the deities we are not stricken with motion sickness.

7:45
a pleasant beginning he has captured out attention, the rhyme is subtle and not forced. The first two lines are awkward perhaps more vision and less matter of fact.
This is what I mean let’s use the opening line of the second stanza:
“Tokens dropped inside”
Factual yet there is nothing here to stir imagination. Apply a little vision perhaps use a phrase to describe the tokens dropping.
“At the rattle of her fare, she turns…”
Just a little something image wise that the reader can identify with to help us to see & feel what you do.

The time markers add an interesting element. With a decrease in the factual narration and an increase of imagination this would be a ride I’d like to take each day. As it stands perhaps I could interest the lady in a walk it’s only a 25 minute bus ride.

Do I hear the encounter part 2?

Yes and the title it’s okay. I would go for something more mysterious less obvious.

Hey sandman! how about Fare exchange?

Read and vote for Thesandman
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=22909

I’m partial to "Going up"
It's fun and bouncy has a good beat you can dance to.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=23045




U.P.

 

[Guest]

Wow............

And I'm not even bleeding!!!!!!!!

I liked the idea of the tokens....point taken, could have been smoother. So yes....maybe a part II.

I'll make the bus-ride longer next time. Maybe long enough to get right down on the floor and fuck in the isle...hey, its a thought!

I'm glad you liked the time factor though....(pleased in fact), thought it was a different factor to throw into a poem...story based, poetic all rolled up together. But not so obvious as to detract from the point, it WAS a poem afterall.

"Preciate" the critique U.P.

See folks? He can play nice.



To sleep.........perchance to dream - William Shakespear

I remain........

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Well what do we have here? A new #1 and from a previously unheard voice.

Bolero
by SA Storm ©

You were wearing something secret,
something dangerous.
Perhaps it was your perfume
or maybe you had bathed in my desire.
I caress soft sounds and the moan of silk
as you pass.
Dangerous.

My throat dry
candles flicker.
Causing shadows to flow across the room,
in an impassioned rhythm.
Your silhouette responds in kind.
Seductive,
swaying,
dangerous.

You bring the glass to your lips,
I feel my heartbeat.
A dance of emotion and the veiled promises
of red wine flowing, tempo’s lilting,
urgency through
candlelight.


You smile, a slow smile
lean your head back and close your eye’s.
I bring my lips to your neck,
the shadows dance,
the music drifts in.
I move toward you
dangerous.

A sigh, and surrender
hands whisper over you,
in concert with mouth and kisses in rhythm.
You taste of salt and desire
part for me,
as I search for you.
Dangerous.

I like the title, I guess Storm is a fan of Ravel or the Movie 10.
The poem does exhibit cliché throughout. Yet Storm doesn’t let this entirely handicap him.

The opening is effective but workman like. The whole stanza is saved by:

I caress soft sounds and the moan of silk
as you pass.
Dangerous.

I like that “the moan of silk”

Storm gets a cliche award for:
"or maybe you had bathed in my desire"

The imagery and story build with each stanza, Storm employs a classic device, notice the perspective changes.
This device is sometimes called feeling and observation, and when used effectively it can draw us into the scene of each stanza. Each stanza also desribes an action and often a result.

Lets take a look at the second stanza:

My throat dry (feeling)
candles flicker. (observation)
Causing shadows to flow across the room,
in an impassioned rhythm. (action)
Your silhouette responds in kind. (result)
Seductive, (feeling)
swaying,
dangerous.

Each stanza is constructed in this fashion like a mini story each separate yet adding to the whole so that by the end we have shared an entire evening. Like rhyme this structure can be constucted in alternating stanzas and patterns. The effect when done well is hypnotic. Many poets have used this device. TS Elliot, Rober Frost, The bard himself. Most common use in terms of form is free verse.

I would revisit some of the word choices. Try to eliminate some of the cliché.
The poem works from a technical aspect and could rise further with a bit more creative use of phrase. There are enough good lines to pull it all together though.


To read more of Storm:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=58139

I’m trying to figure out another one of his poems
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30549

Read, Vote and tell him what you think.

U.P.

 

[Guest]

How quickly they go.

Another hero fallen, pitched so unceremoniously off the throne.
Much like the stamina of a 16 year old male SA Storm assaulted the top spot with the deft touch of grabbing your first boob. Too quick! Too harsh! Sure it was exciting, but now it's over.
The #1 is a fickle lover sure she'll kiss you but rarely will she fuck you. She's a tease alright. (Of course for those so inclined reverse the gender referances where appropriate)

To add insult to injury she's now going out with your older brother!

The new #1 is SA Storm's "Shattered like a glass goblin" You may be wondering why I'm not talking about the poem and rambling in this vague adolecent narrow minded way. I don't know probably because I'm not sure what to make of this poem. Oh well, here goes.

Shattered like a glass goblin
by SA Storm ©

a thousand pieces torn
focusing in shards
refraction’s of exigency collide
within translucent eyes

womb me in velvet corrugations
before you strike your acrid mallet
bare witness as I
shatter

Perhaps this is an existentialist rambling, maybe a bad experience with acid (I hear its making a comeback) Too much Lewis Carroll? Somebody turn off that Pink Floyd music! I’m just reading and grabbing my dictionary as I go.

The words are interesting I think I get. The first stanza is a premonition of being destroyed. He foresees the individual moments of his destruction an explosion in slow motion. Glass is a metaphor for skin, soul, emotion or something.
Whew! I’m tired and I’m not even through the first stanza. I look over at my bust of Sigmund Freud, he’s telling me something about a mother and a cigar…

The first line of the second stanza:
“womb me in velvet corrugations”
it’s an interesting image and line
He wants to be comforted before he’s destroyed why? Perhaps it’s a BDSM thing? WriterDom help!

You know what it doesn’t matter!
I am happy to have something that’s not easily accessible.
In the meantime perhaps you the people of Literotica could offer your opinion.
This is one of those opportunities to talk about a poem because it’s creative and lets us think between the images. The words and rhythm are effective. Read it aloud and see what I mean.
I did not find a obvious cliche

He whatever, vote tell him what you think and join the conversation.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=58139

I gotta go there’s a knocking at my chamber door… “Hey stop that banging! Go away I don’t know anyone one named Lenore!

U.P.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Yes again!

My computer does not seem to hold cookies when I toggle back and forth between screens. Hence my post often show as the famous "Unregistered." Bare with me.

U.P.

 

[daughter]

Lord, it is me thy humble servant

UP--

Scoundrel! How dare you mock a maiden's lover
That poor louse you just carved up is my beloved.

Okay. Not true. ROTFLMAO

So you pulled out a dictionary. How much exercise do you get anyway? Me thinks you need a little lovin' to smooth out thy rough edges.

If my laughter overexerts me, and I should faint, will thee catch thy fair lady?

daughter

((who's old English is poor))

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Daughter wrote:

"Scoundrel! How dare you mock a maiden's lover
That poor louse you just carved up is my beloved."

Daughter, I don't think I carved up Storm at all just a few remarks.

So you pulled out a dictionary. How much exercise do you get anyway? Me thinks you need a little lovin' to smooth out thy rough edges.

I had to look up "exigency" and "acrid" I like my rough edges.

If my laughter overexerts me, and I should faint, will thee catch thy fair lady?

I could but I suggest you sit down while you read it's safer. Besides I'm holding my dictionary.

U.P.

 

[KatPurrs]

Oh no, U.P........Thank you!

Kat,

Thank you,
I enjoy your writing and I must admit you have peaked my imagination regarding the virtues of "Older Women" It has been my experience that everything is better with the appropriate seasoning.

U.P.

U.P.

I'm delighted that I wrote something that "peaked" you! That it was your imagination is as good as it gets.

Now please, do yourself a favor and eat Rosemary with wild abandon! We won't watch...huh uh, nope, not us, no way!

Kat~

 

[Savage Kitten]

Re: How quickly they go.

TThe first line of the second stanza:
“womb me in velvet corrugations”
it’s an interesting image and line
He wants to be comforted before he’s destroyed why? Perhaps it’s a BDSM thing? WriterDom help!

"grabbed his first boob" eh?? lol I hope it was as good for her as it was for him! teehee (you slay me with your analogies)

I've read and reread this. You interpret this stanza as a request to be comforted before being destroyed. I read it as he is saying "it is inevitable that I am going to be hurt, changed, just don't destroy me."

You know when you have a cube of ice and you want to crush it? Do you just smash it with a hammer or do you wrap it in a hand towel before you crush it?

I do agree with you about the dictionary. Maybe I am just a whole lot more illiterate than I originally thought but, this was so terribly hard to read. It didn't flow for me. I had no ideal what I was reading until I pulled out the ol handy dandy dictionary. Normally, I wouldn't have gone to that trouble.

I really enjoyed Bolero!

U.P. I truely don't believe it will crack your PC if you gave a compliment every now and again. Shoot, I'm suprised you didn't say how relieved you were that these poems didn't rhyme! hehe

 

[Unmasked Poet]

I beg to differ

Kat, Rosemary eh? I've always had a soft spot for the irish.

Savage Kitten, thank you for joining the discussion.
My PC is as sarcastic and rigid as I. A undue compliment? A casual smile would send a crack that would eventually reach "Grand Canyon proportions. Surely a chasm that wide and deep could hold all the rudimentary rhymes on Lite.

Then again I could lighten up but why when a frown is just a smile turned upside down.

I am so happy

U.P.

 

[Savage Kitten]

Re: I beg to differ

A undue compliment?

Is there such a thing? Maybe an overdue compliment but never an undue compliment.

Sir, Due to the dew of your undoing I am afraid I shall have to bid you Adeiu until we can do this again

*snickers*
Sk~

 

[KatPurrs]

ok, ok, I gave this a lot of thought. Here's my interpretation.

Shattered like a glass goblin
by SA Storm ©

a thousand pieces torn
focusing in shards
refraction’s of exigency collide
within translucent eyes

womb me in velvet corrugations
before you strike your acrid mallet
bare witness as I
shatter

Some blind person with 2 glass eyes gets walloped real fast in the face by this spook using a stinky hammer and the whole thing was witnessed by a buck nekkid guy. And because the poor victim knew it was coming and that he would die, gave his last wish to be buried in a velvet-lined, cardboard
box.

No? Hmmmm....Well this is just waaaay to cerebral for my brain. *reaching for my Excedrin Migraine Strength, rubbing my temples 'cause I had to bend down with this headache and pick my dictionary up off the floor*

Kat~ (the truth be known, I'm just not worthy!)
Carry on folks.....I've done my part.

SA, I hope you know I'm just kidding. I'm just
jealous.

 

[PeterBilt]

Re: Re: I beg to differ

Is there such a thing? Maybe an overdue compliment but never an undue compliment.

Sir, Due to the dew of your undoing I am afraid I shall have to bid you Adeiu until we can do this again

*snickers*
Sk~

Scooby dooby do ... Sinatra

 

[REDWAVE]

Shattered goblin

"Shattered like a glass goblin" by SA Storm is a very unusual poem for this site, not just because it's non-erotic. Its dense, complicated imagery and opacity of meaning put it light years ahead of most of the poetry on this site.

Your interpretation of the first stanza is plausible, UP. I'd like to suggest another interpretation, however. Maybe the first stanza is describing an intense orgasm, male or female. The experience of orgasm can feel like a shattering. "Glass" might equal semen, or the waves of pleasure of a female orgasm.

I think the crux of the poem is the amazing line "womb me in velvet corrugations." I'm not at all sure what that means, but it could refer to a vagina encasing a penis. The phrase "bare witness," punning on "bear witness," reinforces the sexual interpretation-- the other party is the "bare witness" to the speaker's "shattering," i.e., orgasm. (On the other hand, the witness' soul could be bared.)

Then again, it could be just meaningless but evocative words strung together by the poet to make us guess at its meaning.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Very good points REDWAVE!
and I assure you I will get to "Seven of Nine"

U.P.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

A now for your reading pleasure...

Applause please! We have a new Queen. Debbiexxx .

A Deep Obsession
by debbiexxx ©
Sexy mini dress, long legs, flowing dark hair
A look given, saying to me, touch if you dare
You turn on your heel, quickly walking away
Damn it, beautiful woman, come and play
You are a challenge, I am in deep obsession
How to win this sexy woman is the question

My goal tonight, is to touch your soft dark skin
I lust, a naked desire with you to sexually sin
I need to feel my arms around your nubile body
Follow you a must, to implore that you see me
Catching up, I get your attention, "You are so fine.
"Can feel your aroused body pressed against mine?"

You smile at me, my heart skips again, a beat or more
I say, "I got it so bad and you are for me the only cure"
"Honey." You say back to me in a sexy southern drawl
"What took you so long?" Pushing me against the wall
You are so close , I am clasped to your ample chest
I can feel the thin sheer material covering your breast

We kiss, our passions inflamed, caring not who sees
All I want is to take you, inside and out, wanting to please
I feel your excitement, inhaling, I can smell your scent
My penis arises, my crotch bulges, a visible trouser tent
Awakened senses, hearts racing, seeking sexual pleasure
I want to fill you, give you orgasmic bliss, my dark treasure

Coming to my senses, I pick you up, carrying you away
Up the steps, guests forgotten, to my room for sex play
Opening the door and placing you upon my large bed
Your long dark hair, resting on my pillow, gently spread
Admiring your body, you watch as I strip, naked now
You sit up, taking you dress off, you are so sexy I vow

I kiss you tenderly, you respond to me passionately
Your naked body beneath me, I caress your body
Finding myself lost in your beauty, I make love to you
You want me too, caressing, kissing, I know you do
Suckling your hard nipples, nuzzling your wet pussy
You juices flowing upon my tongue, I lap thirstily

When you are ready, I take my hard swollen prick
Rubbing on your clit, your pussy wet, warm and slick
I tease you, you thrust wanting more, I give it to you
You cry out, I thrust into you, deeper, a great screw
Your tight velvet purse encircling my erect hardness
Thrusting deep inside you, causing an orgasmic finesse

I hold you tight as we catch our breath, our chests rising
Your pussy holds me tight, bodies spent , we still cling
Our mutual pleasures reached, we fall sleep on silk
Waking at dawn to find you, skin like chocolate milk
Such a pretty sexy woman, slumbering beside me
I close my eyes, opening again to capture a beauty

I must admit I am not familiar with Debbiesxxx’s work, so before I cast a eager eye on:
“A Deep Obsession”
I went to her author page. The volume of poems Debbiexxx has penned surprised me. I did not have a chance to read all of them (41) yet I did manage to read more than two thirds.


“A Deep Obsession” rolls out more short story than poem. Quite a few cliché images/lines are used to move us from beginning to end. The occasional rhyme is mixed with dialog.

For my taste removal of the dialog would help, those gaps could be replaced with sensual images or left out. Example the third stanza:

You smile at me, my heart skips again, a beat or more
I say, "I got it so bad and you are for me the only cure"
"Honey." You say back to me in a sexy southern drawl
"What took you so long?" Pushing me against the wall
You are so close , I am clasped to your ample chest
I can feel the thin sheer material covering your
breast

with the dialog removed:

You smile at me, my heart skips again, a beat or more
You are so close ,
clasped to your ample chest
I feel the thin sheer material covering your
breast

Debbiexxx’s fans would most likely disagree her poems consistently appear on the most read list (this one included) perhaps the story dialog is what pleases her readers and provides extra insight into this poem.

Read and enjoy Debbiexxx’s labors
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=15324



U.P.

 

[alice]

Shattered Like a Glass Goblin

Very cool poem. I'm with Kat, I needed a dictionary but that's cool.

Red and Kitten's comments helped big time.

Alice

 

[Unmasked Poet]

It appears the kingdom is under assault, three new poems by a single artist, taking the three top spots. They are indeed Hot, Hot, Hot! The H next to each one on the new poems list tells us so.

Soul - Flamedby
shaya ©
He lingers in my mind on a languid Sunday morn
The inextinguishable desire, the flow of souls.

The carnality and the urgency of our joining
The wanton depletion of reserves

Uncontrollable, ungovernable lust
Flaming down into one's core

The current #1 “soul flamed” is a short poem. The challenge when writing a short poem is that your skills as a poet have to be just as sharp perhaps sharper than if you were writing a longer piece. With so few lines to work with every word become enormous and not just important. This is not the time to trot out over written words and phrases.

That malady afflicts this poem before it has a chance to soar.
Lets take a look at the first line:
“He lingers in my mind on a languid Sunday morn”
Okay a fairly straightforward image and that’s the problem no passion the cliché phrase “he lingers in my mind” gives us an uninspired starting point. The second half of this line “on a languid Sunday morn” doesn’t work either primarily because of the use of the word “languid” I think languid is a poor choice for the image/emotion she is trying to paint.
I think she intends to imply a lazy morning. So what’s the big deal?
There isn’t one, just that I think a more judicious choice of words would provide us with a better image, a better poem.

I think Shaya is aiming for something deeper, perhaps a steamy visual sultry feel.
With a few rewrites and a little practice I think she will get there.

U.P.

 

[alice]

Re: Cingular Connection-- Rasputin's daughter makes daddy proud

The latest #1 poem, "Cingular Connection," by daughter, poignantly evokes the sense of bittersweet loss felt by separated lovers. As usual for daughter's work, it is extremely well crafted, and obviously has been rewritten, honed, and polished. Note the highly effective repetition of the first few words at the end. daughter just keeps getting better and better! She's a serious poet, not just a smutslopper.

Red, I'm with you. Well, D is my gurl, but that's not the reason why I like this. She is a hopeless romantic and it shows in this one.

Alice

 

[alice]

Bolero
by SA Storm ©

You were wearing something secret,
something dangerous.
Perhaps it was your perfume
or maybe you had bathed in my desire.
I caress soft sounds and the moan of silk
as you pass.
Dangerous.

My throat dry
candles flicker.
Causing shadows to flow across the room,
in an impassioned rhythm.
Your silhouette responds in kind.
Seductive,
swaying,
dangerous.

You bring the glass to your lips,
I feel my heartbeat.
A dance of emotion and the veiled promises
of red wine flowing, tempo’s lilting,
urgency through
candlelight.


You smile, a slow smile
lean your head back and close your eye’s.
I bring my lips to your neck,
the shadows dance,
the music drifts in.
I move toward you
dangerous.

A sigh, and surrender
hands whisper over you,
in concert with mouth and kisses in rhythm.
You taste of salt and desire
part for me,
as I search for you.
Dangerous.

Sa--

Are you single? I'm dangerous. Seriously, I like how you keep coming back to 'dangerous'. Stanza 4 was very hot. If we were at open mike, I wouldva been the fool screamin' "bravo" !

Alice