The new #1

[Guest]

pyscho puppy in heat

Uh, uh, UP. Sorry, I'm not impressed with Ms. Blair's pyscho puppy. So what the main character likes to do chicks? And what's up with tearin' off nipples? Her abrasiveness is suppose to be erotic? Wench bit my nipple, she'd get slapped. ;p

The main character in most of Ms. B's work is a bipolar lesbian who routinely abuses her charges. Bad campaign for girlie alternatives and makes your stereotypical macho, ball scratchin' sexist look not too bad. The rhyme is trite and puppy needs some trainin'. Spare me prose frontin' as poetry.

Where's the poop scooper for givin' us recycled babble in "My Senior Prom" and "Catfight"?

jazzy2

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: Losing my religion

Where or where are the forced rhymes? The horrid line breaks, unfinished images, cliché-burdened tripe? I do miss the early heady days when one could not help but trip over a basket full of blunders. Oh well no need to wax poetically over the "Golden Days"

Cheer up, U.P., I've decided to let a few of my earlier poems on the brink of capturing the limelight stay out there just for you. One or two more votes and you'll have a hay day! What a gal, eh? Well we wouldn't want you to get bored now, would we? *smirk*

Kat~

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Jazzy2

I don't think you need to worry Littlemsblair is not trying to make pc correct poetry. Poetry does not have to be pc. In my opinion the poem has promise, The rough treatment is fine. It's just a one trick pony.

Thank you for adding your voice to the thread.



Bless you Katpurrs, your kindness is in keeping with the season. I am grateful.

U.P.

 

[Savage Kitten]

MY SENIOR PROM
by Littlemissblair ©
SENIOR PROM, CUMMING OF AGE

wow... I guess I read more for content than quality? This poem had my eyes bulging out! It starts off sweet and demur. As one would expect any prom too. Shopping for a dress is hectic, choosing the leather attire defiant of tradition. wow... I followed, yes. The sharp contrast between the white and the bold print had me reading and consuming faster than I normally do. So the ~climax~ of the poem snuck up on me rather quickly. The scenerio is not one I would have chosen but, I can see why this poem made it to #1.

Bravo, Littlemissblair.


Sk~

 

[tigerjen]

I had started a thread to promote littlemissblair's
poem "MY SENIOR PROM" back on Nov. 8.......

link if anyone wants to take a peek:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?postid=950264#post950264

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Playing catch-up

A new victim er, I mean Queen. Let’s find out what’s on her mind, or in this case in her mouth

I want
by lovetoread ©

I want...

to cup you with my hand

to scratch you lightly with my nails

to use my hands to stroke so gently

to put you inside my mouth while still soft

to feel it lengthen as you grow

to lick and suck upon your sac

to rub that spot that is right there

to use my nails ever so gently

to lick the moisture beading on your tip

to use my tongue to lick your whole length

to pull you inside my hot wet mouth

to swallow you until it can fit no more

to feel your hands upon my hair

to be told without words how you fast you want to go

to touch everything as I suck

to feel as your sac tightens with whats to come

to feel your member move ever so faster

to taste the essence that is you

to be pulled up and held and

This is an unabashed expression of desire and a perfect example of how poets begin to express feelings. It is blah and as a finished poem blank white space would almost be an improvement. Yet there is effort here and it should not be dismissed out of hand. Even though I want

To run
To turn away
To dig out my eyes with a spoon

But I won’t, instead I will encourage lovetoread to write this again. I want her to write this poem instead of using “the list” approach. I’d like to read a more visual approach. A description of the act with passion and lust. Instead of:

“to cup you with my hand “
”to scratch you lightly with my nails”

She could begin with something like:

”I hold you in my hands your warmth pulses
I scratch my nail on pliable skin etc…’

Yeah so it’s not great but it does provide a image to draw the reader in a bit. Certainly better than simply listing a collection of thoughts.

Another example, why say:

“to pull you inside my hot wet mouth.”
“to swallow you until it can fit no more”

when you could describe the image

Your hardness glides past my tongue
Lodging itself into the back of my throat.

Use imagery; help the reader to dream with you.
It would not be hard to take all these lines and perform similar translations for each one. In the end you will end up with a better poem perhaps full of clichés.
The next step would be to revisit the clichés used and work out new images, and words to describe the action,and desire felt.

Do this with a glass of wine, or a cup of tea, Many writers are amazed that dimming the ambient light and lighting a candle helps them write. Turn off the TV, and the radio create a cocoon and listen to the words as they flow on to the paper. You will enjoy it and with a little perseverance a poem such as “I Want”
could become something worth all those intense feelings.

lovetoread doesn't write much in fact there is only one other poem in her collection Dreaming. Please vote and email her and encourage her to continue. And to ignore folks like me and continue writing, keeping in mine the sugestions.



U.P.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Oh Annie! No not the broadway show. The new No. 1 penned by *Annie*.


Divine Supine
by *annie* ©

Divine supine…On my bed…
You my feast…My torrid beast
And tonight…
The treat is…Mine….
Ties that bind…Tethers of silk
Reminders of place
Reminders….That tonight….
You are mine to please…
Fingertips trace your face
Trailed by lips…
Hot and wet
Sucking your tongue
Between my teeth
Lashing tanglin….Feverishly slow
Languishly lingering
Whispered sweetness
….Don’t move...just feel me…
Magic fingers…with magic flutters
Nips and sucks….hard erect man nipples..
Succulently sweet….watching your face
Hard nipples …making trails down
To the…object of my affection
My lion’s loins
Hearing your gasp…guttural groans…
Wetness on my own inner thigh
I smell that smell ….lick my lips
Feelin your subtle push
Hips into…my tits….
…destination reached…
Me makin love to your…you
Travelin tongue down and up
Smooth shaft skin…
Head encircled…slithery wet
Devoured…voraciously
Into my warm lovin mouth
Firm lips closed tight..and…relax
My mouth is like …a pussy
Grabbin ….just almost…Letting go…
Tasting treats from…your dew point
Making crescendo lovin to your cock
So hot and hard…tongue travlin’s
Sucked lick family jewels and all….
Thobbings gush into my mouth..down my throat
And drinkin…tasting…savorin…
And watching

I can barely speak, I want to say something but I don’t know quite where to start. It’s like a multiple murder scene everywhere there is unspeakable carnage. At some point all you can do is call for the body bags.

I won’t dissect this poem since it arrived "DOA." Suffice to say it needs stanzas, line breaks, and perhaps an exorcism.

Then again as I read this it could be a performance piece and not meant for the page at all. If that is the case, then why is it here?

Good question poets, good question.

*Annie* has more than this and it is also much better.
Annie's Poems Check it out especially the one about Lenny Kravitz. In the mean time I'll just sit here and wait for the coroner.

U.P.

 

[Savage Kitten]

poor girl... she made the ultimate sin of rhyming. what a twit. i don't entirely blame all of this on *annie*, those Lit editors will post anything!

pleassssssssse! even I, the queen of the dot dot dot, know better than to use 'em in a poem like that! sheesh!

hey U.P. .. you know how shy I am and how much I abhorred public humilation. Well, the thing is, I have some new poems and ummmmm YOUR FREAKIN PM BOX IS FULL!

*ahem*
Sk~

 

[Unmasked Poet]

ooops

My apologies, err my fans often fill my mailbox with words of encouragement and praise. ( oh and by the way I have some swamp land that would make a great mall location.)

SK my mailbox is empty for the moment.

U.P.

 

[lovetoread]

Okay this was a suprise to me, as I wasnt even home,but let me say that you knocked me off the #1 spot in poetry but my story rose in the votes,so go figure. Perhaps I will stick to that writing. I do need to rewrite it,granted,but I did enjoy writing the poem to begin with so to me that is all the matters.

Oh and thanks for the suggestions,I will follow them.

It was good to be #1 even if I didnt even know it.

 

[tigerjen]

WickedEve's "tasty trio"!

**#1 on poetry toplist 12/17/01 @ 1:30pm EST**


tasty trio
by WickedEve ©

sugar rush
~*~*~*~*~

at her sweetshop
lick her gumdrop
wanna joypop
yummy dewdrop



sexual seasoning
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

a wiggle, a wink
sprinkle of kink
dab of spice
does entice



two peas in a pod
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

down town
lift my skirt
spin around
shameless flirt

he's a sneak
behind a tree
steals a peek
flashes me


**To check out WickedEve's writings**
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=57753

 

[Unmasked Poet]

TigerJen,
I am very pleased you posted the new #1. I have been hoping other poetry fans would join in.

Please come back and tell us why you liked it or didn't like it. No need to get technical. Otherwise, we could just read it on the list.
I would enjoy a nice conversation about these poems, and I know the author would enjoy the critical feedback.

Thanks,

U.P.

 

[tigerjen]

re: "tasty trio"

Hey all......Here I am...back to say why I enjoyed
"tasty trio" by WickedEve.....

I would have posted my comments when I did the
post but I had to run out this morning to get errands
done....but without further ado.....

"tasty trio" is a recipe for sexy----reads like a recipe
for me....for example:

"sexual seasoning
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

a wiggle, a wink
sprinkle of kink
dab of spice
does entice "

Upon reading this, it reminds me when I cook up dishes
using different spices to make 'em taste yummy......in terms
of "sexual spice", many "ingredients" include the "wiggle",
"wink", and some "kink" as mentioned in the verse. Other
ingredients could include a deep kiss with some tongue,
sucking on toes, and teasing with a feather. I could go on
and on, but to keep "the spice" in the sex life requires
imagination and variety......who would want to stick with
the same spice in a chicken dish (i.e. paprika) when one
can experiment with something different (i.e. cumin). It's
the same way with sex......why stick to the same old
missionary when two partners can experiment with
positions from the Kama Sutra?
If the above verse was expanded, perhaps throw in
what "spices" do entice (i.e. kissing, caresses, etc.) in
"sexual seasoning"

That is how I viewed the poem...as a "recipe" that even Julia
Child can't cook up Thank you WickedEve for a yummy piece!

TJ

 

[tigerjen]

"Say Goodbye" says hello to #1!

RisiaSkye's new poem "Say Goodbye" was mentioned
in the new poems thread about a week ago.....and
today as of **1pm EST 12/18/01** it says hello to the
#1 spot.

Say Goodbye
by RisiaSkye ©
A time to remember,
and a time to forget
memory washing over us
but we dare not relent.

Pictures torn and battered,
photos old and loved
crying over memories
wondering when it's enough.

Lives are lived and lost
lives are changed forever
of course we go on
with love left to remember.

As tears will fall,
and as tears will heal
the pain is great and
our love is real.


I viewed the poem as a real-life experience that many of
us have gone through at some point in our lives. The
words bring me back to when my college boyfriend of nearly
3 1/2 years dumped me over email about a month before
I graduated (at the time he was at grad school at USC,
3000 miles away!). The words "with love left to remember"
say to me that through the good and bad, my ex and I
did love each other and that is something I will not forget.

The "pictures" mentioned...yes.....I recall crying over his
picture many times, but as time went on, I put his picture
(and other pictures with him and I in them) away in my "memory"
box under my bed. Maybe someday I'll take out those pictures
again, and recall the good moments.

The "tears".......I remember crying my eyes out upon reading that
"its over, Jen" email.....but after a few days, the tears lessened,
and the healing process was in full swing.

A touching poem, RisiaSkye......thank you!

Tigerjen

 

[REDWAVE]

Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein!

Are you proud of yourself, UP? Look what you've done-- you've created a monster! It was much better when she was just gushing over poems-- watching her try to be a critic is really excruciating!


Face it, UP, tigerjen is strictly the intuitive type; she has no analytical ability whatsoever. She's the kind of poet who can come up with the brilliant "rose/menstruating vagina" metaphor of "My Rose," but couldn't explain what a "controlling metaphor" is, or how to use it, to save her life.

 

[daughter]

Behave, RED

REDWAVE-

Straighten up.

Ain't that the kettle calling the skillet black? LOL

You'd think folks would get tired of the same old voices. Critiques like poems get better with effort.

Can we prohibit: "Wow, great poem"! "That was awesome!" and sorry, Jen, but "hot, hot, hot!"? Feel like I'm in high school when I see these. I have a teenager. The idea of hanging out with her friends repulses her and the idea doesn't thrill me either.

Peace,

daughter

 

[tigerjen]

Re: Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein!

Are you proud of yourself, UP? Look what you've done-- you've created a monster! It was much better when she was just gushing over poems-- watching her try to be a critic is really excruciating!


Face it, UP, tigerjen is strictly the intuitive type; she has no analytical ability whatsoever. She's the kind of poet who can come up with the brilliant "rose/menstruating vagina" metaphor of "My Rose," but couldn't explain what a "controlling metaphor" is, or how to use it, to save her life.

Hey REDWAVE...... and to everyone else.....
I'm laughing my pants off over here.........but you are right;
I am intuitive, yes.......its difficult for me to be analytical in
many instances. I think that is the beauty of this board;
there will be the writers (i.e. Daughter, U.P.) who will
be analytical, and there is nothing wrong with that. There
are those (i.e. myself) who are intuitive. I can't help the
way that I am, and defending myself.........I am trying to
make an effort to be "critique-useful" but when I read poems
I look how it affects myself (i.e. "Say Goodbye"). People
can't change the way I am, and that's what I have to say.
One more thing.......I am not the "technical" type.......I just
say what I feel, and that's it. That's me.

Sorry for the babbling....but I needed to get that off my
back. I try and make an effort to what people want and
it backfires.....it makes me angry. One can't please everyone,
correct?

 

[daughter]

TigerJen, it is appreciated

No joking. Can I defend myself? Okay, so I look at the technical stuff. I also look for a poem to resonate with me. I want to 'feel' it, too. We may talk differently about poetry, but we're all passionate about it. Why else are we here so much?

To my own chargin, I don't expect folks to use jargon and necessarily examine individual parts. My hope is that we feel so strongly about the poetry that we want to discuss it.

We put a lot effort into our writing, isn't it worthy of discussion and consideration? That's happening in this forum now and that's appreciated. Like Risia said, I'm glad to know folks are reading it.

Peace,

daughter

 

[P. B. Walker]

And now the critics are being critiqued...

- PBW

 

[garyblue]

intuitive v. ANALytic

RW,

A little harsh, no? Tigerjen is intuitive, perhaps connective better describes it. In that sense she represents an awful lot of poetry readers. With no intent to denigrate TJ, many poetry lovers remind me of teeny-bopper girls looking to be emotionally engulfed in the 'soul' of the poem. (OK, maybe that's a little harsh, too.)

She is fulfilling a niche in the poetic ecology. This is especially true now that she is describing the connection she feels. Many readers will be better served by Tigerjen's emotional response than by the technical critiques offered by more sophisticated and erudite pundits.

Writers will weight the technical criticism more, but both views are necessary and appreciated.

g

 

[tigerjen]

responses......

daughter wrote:
<<We put a lot effort into our writing, isn't it worthy
of discussion and consideration? That's happening
in this forum now and that's appreciated. Like Risia
said, I'm glad to know folks are reading it. >>

Of course our writing is worthy of discussion and
consideration! As I said before, there are those
who are more analytical and technical, and there are
those who are more intuitive and feeling when it
comes to "discussing" our writings.

----------------

garyblue writes:
<<A little harsh, no? Tigerjen is intuitive, perhaps
connective better describes it. In that sense she represents
an awful lot of poetry readers. With no intent to denigrate
TJ, many poetry lovers remind me of teeny-bopper girls
looking to be emotionally engulfed in the 'soul' of the poem.
(OK, maybe that's a little harsh, too.)
She is fulfilling a niche in the poetic ecology. This is
especially true now that she is describing the connection
she feels. Many readers will be better served by Tigerjen's
emotional response than by the technical critiques offered
by more sophisticated and erudite pundits.
Writers will weight the technical criticism more,
but both views are necessary and appreciated. >>

Heehee gary....I'm 27...but don't feel or look it
To the matter at heart, many readers will be "served by
emotional response than technical" because here on Lit....
the readers of our writings (whether it be poems or stories)
are here to get pleasure (in more ways than one). Yes, for
writers, technical criticism may be useful/helpful. I agree with
that the different views on this forum serve a purpose.......
and the views do make the writers and readers think. Views
that generate discussion......and that is important.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Tigerjen’s response to the poem belongs here. I am pleased someone took the time and effort to talk about the poem. What could be more important to a poet than how a poem made a reader respond emotionally? I can think of no higher valued critique.

I encourage Redwave and others to add to the discussion of the #1 poem. I am reminded of the current Poet Laureate Billy Collins who once a techno-crat has turned to a more accessible type of writing. (I remain stuck in the middle)

Introduction to poetry
By Billy Collins.

Introduction to Poetry
I asked them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
Like a colored slide.
Or press an ear against its hive

I say drop a mouse into a poem
And watch him probe his way out
Or walk inside the poem room
And feel the walls for a light switch

I want them to water-ski arcos the surface of a poem
Waving at the authors name on the shore
But all they want to do
Is tie the poem to a chair with rope
And torture a confession out of it
They begin beating it with a hose
To find out what it really means.

I am typing this from memory so it may not be 100% accurate or presented correctly.
All the considerate energy expended on Tigerjen could have gone into how you felt about the poem by Risia. Let's just keep our eyes on the ball.

Redwave your up next, tell us about the next #1 I dare you…

It’s a big party there is room for everyone.

U.P.

 

[REDWAVE]

The Devil made me do it!

Sorry, tigerjen-- didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Between UP & me, we sandwiched you pretty good, didn't we?


Anyway, there's nothing wrong with having the kind of intellect that can jump from Point A to Point Z, but can't explain all the plodding, mechanical steps in between. Look at it this way, Tigress-- anyone with as many poems on the toplist as you shouldn't be bothered by a silly remark by a smartass like me!


Well, gosh golly, UP-- how can I refuse a dare? I accept your invitation to be the "guest skewerer" on this thread. However, I see the new #1-- "Adult Concerns" by RisiaSkye-- has already been #1, and already reviewed by you. I'll wait until there's a #1 that's never been there before.

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Something to look forward to.

Redwave,

I am all tingly with the prospect.

U.P.

 

[tigerjen]

Re: The Devil made me do it!

Sorry, tigerjen-- didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Between UP & me, we sandwiched you pretty
good, didn't we?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with having
the kind of intellect that can jump from Point A
to Point Z, but can't explain all the plodding,
mechanical steps in between. Look at it this
way, Tigress-- anyone with as many poems
on the toplist as you shouldn't be bothered
by a silly remark by a smartass like me!

Hey REDWAVE......
What kind of sandwich did you have in mind?
I think you're right, I shouldn't be bugged by what
your remarks were, but I tend to be sensitive to
those sort of remarks.......but that's just me.

Glad you were able to reply back...and looking foward
to your view on a new-new #1 poem very soon!
(in the meantime, what is your view on the poem I
posted up the other day...."Say Goodbye".....would love
to know what your take on it is!)

Tigerjen