Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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Thank you. You rock, and so does this challenge.Tristesse said:
flyguy69
Arch Angel
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2003
- Posts
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I agree that part has the most problems. The "...left to ponder/how..." seems contrived. Unless it was a command (which would be an odd one) I can't picture one in that situation pondering "how is my pleasure like a sickle?" And I don't understand the "into the light" reference. Is it a Dylan Thomas line?
There are a couple grammar things: you use a pronoun in all S's except the second. I would add one. You put an unneeded article with "steam" in S5. Unless it is supposed to be "stream."
A very nice poem.
Umm, "nice" isn't an appropriate adjective for your poetry!
There are a couple grammar things: you use a pronoun in all S's except the second. I would add one. You put an unneeded article with "steam" in S5. Unless it is supposed to be "stream."
A very nice poem.
Umm, "nice" isn't an appropriate adjective for your poetry!
WickedEve said:
wildsweetone
i am what i am
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2002
- Posts
- 6,809
Eve, sorry, these thoughts might seem all over the place. take what you want and dump what you don't need.
line 11 doesn't seem to have the same metre as the rest, is this intended? (maybe re-write it deleting that wretched word 'just'...?)
line 15, is your pleasure a sickle, or does your pleasure come from a sickle?
i'm guessing that 'steam' relates to the steam rising from an open wound caused by the cane? i like the way that line reads.
i'm not sure you have the tense consistent...?
'Was "into the light" written yonder.' - needs a question mark?
line 11 doesn't seem to have the same metre as the rest, is this intended? (maybe re-write it deleting that wretched word 'just'...?)
line 15, is your pleasure a sickle, or does your pleasure come from a sickle?
i'm guessing that 'steam' relates to the steam rising from an open wound caused by the cane? i like the way that line reads.
i'm not sure you have the tense consistent...?
'Was "into the light" written yonder.' - needs a question mark?
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
I only have a second, but wanted to thank you and Fly. I wrote it quickly and never edited. So, it needs work. I'll check out the suggestions better when I get home from round 2 of t-or-t.wildsweetone said:Eve, sorry, these thoughts might seem all over the place. take what you want and dump what you don't need.
line 11 doesn't seem to have the same metre as the rest, is this intended? (maybe re-write it deleting that wretched word 'just'...?)
line 15, is your pleasure a sickle, or does your pleasure come from a sickle?
i'm guessing that 'steam' relates to the steam rising from an open wound caused by the cane? i like the way that line reads.
i'm not sure you have the tense consistent...?
'Was "into the light" written yonder.' - needs a question mark?
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Apr 11, 2002
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- 21,061
End of the week. I wished for an extention.Liar said:
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
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- Posts
- 21,061
Words and phrases that rhyme with quid pro quo: (470 results)
1 syllable:
au, aux, beau, beaux, bleau, blow, blowe, bo, boe, boeh, bow, bowe, breau, breault, breaux, bro, broe, browe, chau, cho, choe, cloe, clow, co, co., coe, cro, crow, crowe, dau, doe, doh, dough, eau, eaux, flo, floe, flow, flowe, foe, fro, froh, gau, glo, gloe, glow, go, goe, gogh, goh, gro, groh, grow, growe, ho, hoe, hoh, jo, joe, joh, know, ko, koh, krogh, kroh, krowe, kyo, lo, loe, loh, low, lowe, luo, m'bow, mau, meaux, mo, moe, mow, nau, neault, ngo, no, noe, noh, o, o', o., oh, ow, owe, plough, po, poe, poh, pro, queau, quo, reaux, rheault, rho, ro, roe, roh, rohe, row, rowe, schau, sew, sgro, show, sloe, slow, snow, snowe, so, sow, stow, stowe, stroh, strow, tho, though, throw, toe, tow, towe, trow, tso, vo, whoa, wo, woe, wroe, yau, yo, yoe, yoh, zoh
2 syllables:
aglo, aglow, ago, although, and so, arnaud, arnault, badeau, badeaux, barbeau, beaudreau, bebeau, begnaud, belleau, below, bestow, bibeau, bibeault, big toe, bio, biscoe, blincoe, boileau, boisseau, bonneau, bordeau, bordeaux, boudreau, boudreaux, bourbeau, bourdeau, bourgault, brancheau, brasseaux, brazeau, bread dough, brideau, brosseau, brousseau, bruneau, brusseau, budreau, buteau, cabo, campeau, celo, chabot, champeau, changsho, chateau, chateaux, chenault, cointreau, comeau, comeaux, compeau, corn snow, cousteau, crepeau, croteau, crotteau, daignault, daigneault, davao, davault, deboe, dedeaux, defoe, denault, deneau, deneault, devault, devaux, deveau, deveaux, devoe, dog show, drapeau, dubeau, dufault, dumb show, dussault, dusseau, dusseault, dutch hoe, enloe, enlow, enslow, escoe, escrow, facteau, faucheux, faurot, fauteux, favreau, fecteau, floor show, forego, forgo, free throw, fregeau, frost snow, furlaud, game show, garceau, gareau, garneau, gaudreau, gauthreaux, gautreau, gautreaux, gauvreau, gendreau, georgiou, gibeau, gibeault, giraud, golf pro, goudeau, goudreau, great toe, groleau, group o, guandjo, guilbault, guilbeau, guilbeault, guilbeaux, guillot, hard roe, hello, hurteau, hwang-ho, hwang ho, ice floe, ice show, imo, inco, inlow, inscoe, i know, jacquot, jandreau, jarreau, jim crow, joe blow, john doe, just so, kayo, kowtow, labeau, lafoe, laid low, lambreau, lareau, laveau, lebeau, lebow, ledlow, legault, leleux, lettau, let go, lheureux, lienau, lie low, ling ko, loew, loewe, lozeau, make grow, malveaux, manseau, marceau, marceaux, margaux, mayeux, michaud, michaux, micheaux, migneault, mineau, miro, monceaux, mongeau, monroe, moreau, morneau, morneault, mousseau, munro, nadeau, nedeau, neveau, news show, nouveau, or so, outgrow, papo, pernod, perot, perreault, peugeot, pineau, plateau, primeau, primeaux, pruneau, rambeau, renaud, renault, reneau, rideau, rideaux, riendeau, road show, rondeau, rope tow, rougeau, rouleau, rousseau, run low, shad roe, skid row, ski tow, so-so, soft roe, soileau, strip show, tableau, tableaux, talk show, tarot, tebeau, tetreault, thebeau, thibault, thibeau, thibeaux, thiebaud, thoreau, thurnau, toe toe, tondreau, tong ho, to know, trudeau, truffaut, turbot, tyo, type o, ungo, uno, valleau, van-gogh, van gogh, veilleux, viau, vieau, vienneau, vigneau, vigneault, you know
3 syllables:
apropos, c. b. o., c. e. o., eeo, even so, ever so, g. a. o., genego, golden glow, h. b. o., h. m. o., hammer throw, holy joe, ivo, i don't know, james monroe, let it go, little joe, little toe, long ago, minstrel show, overflow, p. l. o., pastry dough, picture show, pinsoneault, piping crow, po box no, puppet show, rate of flow, red bordeaux, scuffle hoe, sentry go, shadow show, sloppy joe, status quo, streamline flow, taekwondo, tallyho, tennis pro, theriault, therriault, tidal flow, tourtelot, to and fro, tv show, u. f. o., ufo, undergo
4 syllables:
carrion crow, charity throw, electric glow, from head to toe, laminar flow, menstrual flow, turbulent flow, vincent van gogh
5 syllables:
american crow, cumberland plateau, desire to know, penalty free throw, television show, variety show, w. t. o.
6 syllables:
a. f. l. c. i. o., anisette de bordeaux, henry david thoreau, since a long time ago
1 syllable:
au, aux, beau, beaux, bleau, blow, blowe, bo, boe, boeh, bow, bowe, breau, breault, breaux, bro, broe, browe, chau, cho, choe, cloe, clow, co, co., coe, cro, crow, crowe, dau, doe, doh, dough, eau, eaux, flo, floe, flow, flowe, foe, fro, froh, gau, glo, gloe, glow, go, goe, gogh, goh, gro, groh, grow, growe, ho, hoe, hoh, jo, joe, joh, know, ko, koh, krogh, kroh, krowe, kyo, lo, loe, loh, low, lowe, luo, m'bow, mau, meaux, mo, moe, mow, nau, neault, ngo, no, noe, noh, o, o', o., oh, ow, owe, plough, po, poe, poh, pro, queau, quo, reaux, rheault, rho, ro, roe, roh, rohe, row, rowe, schau, sew, sgro, show, sloe, slow, snow, snowe, so, sow, stow, stowe, stroh, strow, tho, though, throw, toe, tow, towe, trow, tso, vo, whoa, wo, woe, wroe, yau, yo, yoe, yoh, zoh
2 syllables:
aglo, aglow, ago, although, and so, arnaud, arnault, badeau, badeaux, barbeau, beaudreau, bebeau, begnaud, belleau, below, bestow, bibeau, bibeault, big toe, bio, biscoe, blincoe, boileau, boisseau, bonneau, bordeau, bordeaux, boudreau, boudreaux, bourbeau, bourdeau, bourgault, brancheau, brasseaux, brazeau, bread dough, brideau, brosseau, brousseau, bruneau, brusseau, budreau, buteau, cabo, campeau, celo, chabot, champeau, changsho, chateau, chateaux, chenault, cointreau, comeau, comeaux, compeau, corn snow, cousteau, crepeau, croteau, crotteau, daignault, daigneault, davao, davault, deboe, dedeaux, defoe, denault, deneau, deneault, devault, devaux, deveau, deveaux, devoe, dog show, drapeau, dubeau, dufault, dumb show, dussault, dusseau, dusseault, dutch hoe, enloe, enlow, enslow, escoe, escrow, facteau, faucheux, faurot, fauteux, favreau, fecteau, floor show, forego, forgo, free throw, fregeau, frost snow, furlaud, game show, garceau, gareau, garneau, gaudreau, gauthreaux, gautreau, gautreaux, gauvreau, gendreau, georgiou, gibeau, gibeault, giraud, golf pro, goudeau, goudreau, great toe, groleau, group o, guandjo, guilbault, guilbeau, guilbeault, guilbeaux, guillot, hard roe, hello, hurteau, hwang-ho, hwang ho, ice floe, ice show, imo, inco, inlow, inscoe, i know, jacquot, jandreau, jarreau, jim crow, joe blow, john doe, just so, kayo, kowtow, labeau, lafoe, laid low, lambreau, lareau, laveau, lebeau, lebow, ledlow, legault, leleux, lettau, let go, lheureux, lienau, lie low, ling ko, loew, loewe, lozeau, make grow, malveaux, manseau, marceau, marceaux, margaux, mayeux, michaud, michaux, micheaux, migneault, mineau, miro, monceaux, mongeau, monroe, moreau, morneau, morneault, mousseau, munro, nadeau, nedeau, neveau, news show, nouveau, or so, outgrow, papo, pernod, perot, perreault, peugeot, pineau, plateau, primeau, primeaux, pruneau, rambeau, renaud, renault, reneau, rideau, rideaux, riendeau, road show, rondeau, rope tow, rougeau, rouleau, rousseau, run low, shad roe, skid row, ski tow, so-so, soft roe, soileau, strip show, tableau, tableaux, talk show, tarot, tebeau, tetreault, thebeau, thibault, thibeau, thibeaux, thiebaud, thoreau, thurnau, toe toe, tondreau, tong ho, to know, trudeau, truffaut, turbot, tyo, type o, ungo, uno, valleau, van-gogh, van gogh, veilleux, viau, vieau, vienneau, vigneau, vigneault, you know
3 syllables:
apropos, c. b. o., c. e. o., eeo, even so, ever so, g. a. o., genego, golden glow, h. b. o., h. m. o., hammer throw, holy joe, ivo, i don't know, james monroe, let it go, little joe, little toe, long ago, minstrel show, overflow, p. l. o., pastry dough, picture show, pinsoneault, piping crow, po box no, puppet show, rate of flow, red bordeaux, scuffle hoe, sentry go, shadow show, sloppy joe, status quo, streamline flow, taekwondo, tallyho, tennis pro, theriault, therriault, tidal flow, tourtelot, to and fro, tv show, u. f. o., ufo, undergo
4 syllables:
carrion crow, charity throw, electric glow, from head to toe, laminar flow, menstrual flow, turbulent flow, vincent van gogh
5 syllables:
american crow, cumberland plateau, desire to know, penalty free throw, television show, variety show, w. t. o.
6 syllables:
a. f. l. c. i. o., anisette de bordeaux, henry david thoreau, since a long time ago
Liar
now with 17% more class
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2003
- Posts
- 43,715
Yeah, I've got the list too. Just one problem...it's too forgiving. Most of those doesn't have the right prosody or even the right end vowel. Close, but no cigar with the way I hear the language.
And the rest I can't fit coherently or have used once too many times.
And the rest I can't fit coherently or have used once too many times.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Well, no one really knows how to pronounce quid pro quo anyway. Latin is dead(ish).Liar said:Yeah, I've got the list too. Just one problem...it's too forgiving. Most of those doesn't have the right prosody or even the right end vowel. Close, but no cigar with the way I hear the language.
And the rest I can't fit coherently or have used once too many times.
G
Guest
Guest
Venus Earthbound
a heptasyllabic sextilla - sorta
Venus took on mortal form
descending through a starry storm
She thought to walk among mankind
upon that green and peaceful star
so pleasant-looking from afar
where men and women were confined.
Great Mars had begged her not to go
but he was very biased so
she kissed his cheek and turned her head
to start her sojourn down below.
“I was of chaos born, you know.”
was all the goddess said.
The storm clouds parted as she came
and startled godlets mouthed her name.
Serenely swept *Euronome
until her feet were on firm ground
and her stability was found
she rested ‘neath a kumquat tree.
Her journey covered many lands
from mountain top to desert sands.
She saw white crosses row on row
each one had marked a violent death
so many that they took her breath.
but onward still she had to go.
Venus traveled far and wide
where wives had mourned and children cried.
To places where indignities
to quick and dead was much the norm,
where cruelties of every form
drew strength from human frailties.
She joined the tourists as they walked
where once the Nazi evil stalked
through Bergen-Belsen’s chilling ground
and under Auschwitz’ lying arch
where still the Jewish spirits march
and genocide, the word, was found.
Venus saw the little ones
that hardly bore their loaded guns
in Africa, their eyes were void,
their bodies young, their faces old.
The sight made Venus’ blood run cold
So many with their youth destroyed.
Cambodia was next for her
The killing fields a frightful blur
of skulls and bones heaped high.
She wept to see such devastation
so much death in one location,
did Man like killing, if so why?
In Ireland she took pleasure in
the peace where once great strife had been
but even there the fragile truce
could fracture once again
bringing further death and pain
the dogs of war would loose.
Amidst the earthquake’s legacy
South Asians still fought desperately.
As children died they set their bombs
Oblivious of everything
Except their goals the pain would bring,
their lands becoming tombs.
Venus hugged herself in grief
all of this beyond belief
that man learnt nothing from his deeds
She made the trek back to Olympus
carrying home the saddened corpus
knowing Mars had sewn his seeds.
a heptasyllabic sextilla - sorta
Venus took on mortal form
descending through a starry storm
She thought to walk among mankind
upon that green and peaceful star
so pleasant-looking from afar
where men and women were confined.
Great Mars had begged her not to go
but he was very biased so
she kissed his cheek and turned her head
to start her sojourn down below.
“I was of chaos born, you know.”
was all the goddess said.
The storm clouds parted as she came
and startled godlets mouthed her name.
Serenely swept *Euronome
until her feet were on firm ground
and her stability was found
she rested ‘neath a kumquat tree.
Her journey covered many lands
from mountain top to desert sands.
She saw white crosses row on row
each one had marked a violent death
so many that they took her breath.
but onward still she had to go.
Venus traveled far and wide
where wives had mourned and children cried.
To places where indignities
to quick and dead was much the norm,
where cruelties of every form
drew strength from human frailties.
She joined the tourists as they walked
where once the Nazi evil stalked
through Bergen-Belsen’s chilling ground
and under Auschwitz’ lying arch
where still the Jewish spirits march
and genocide, the word, was found.
Venus saw the little ones
that hardly bore their loaded guns
in Africa, their eyes were void,
their bodies young, their faces old.
The sight made Venus’ blood run cold
So many with their youth destroyed.
Cambodia was next for her
The killing fields a frightful blur
of skulls and bones heaped high.
She wept to see such devastation
so much death in one location,
did Man like killing, if so why?
In Ireland she took pleasure in
the peace where once great strife had been
but even there the fragile truce
could fracture once again
bringing further death and pain
the dogs of war would loose.
Amidst the earthquake’s legacy
South Asians still fought desperately.
As children died they set their bombs
Oblivious of everything
Except their goals the pain would bring,
their lands becoming tombs.
Venus hugged herself in grief
all of this beyond belief
that man learnt nothing from his deeds
She made the trek back to Olympus
carrying home the saddened corpus
knowing Mars had sewn his seeds.
G
Guest
Guest
A double post.
BooMerengue
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2002
- Posts
- 5,456
Tristesse said:
I am stunned! This, Ms Tris, is absolutely wonderful! I was mesmerized from the very first. I haven't read the others yet, but I just love this! Many thanks!
Remec
Master Glomper
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2003
- Posts
- 8,455
Evocation: A Triolet
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
drawing forth our passion for one another,
bringing us peace when push turns to shove,
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
Watching over us from Olympus above,
helping the hearts of many a lover,
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
drawing forth our passion for one another.
First thing I came up with. I haven't reviewed it since jotting it down; mostly because I was working on a different form, but have been tied up with this and that to work on either lately. Will see what I can come up with by the end of the extension.
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
drawing forth our passion for one another,
bringing us peace when push turns to shove,
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
Watching over us from Olympus above,
helping the hearts of many a lover,
I call upon Venus, Goddess of Love,
drawing forth our passion for one another.
************
First thing I came up with. I haven't reviewed it since jotting it down; mostly because I was working on a different form, but have been tied up with this and that to work on either lately. Will see what I can come up with by the end of the extension.
eagleyez
going up
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2003
- Posts
- 22,879
Saturn behind the clouds...
Up there
Somewhere
While my tires
Smoke with desire
For a longer life
Or a self cutting knife
A hemisphere away
Death is on display
Oh, rings of gold and silver
The mysterious myth you deliver
Aphrodite came up on the shore
Asked is there no more?
She headed for the atmosphere
Naked and posed with a tear
Live forever in my heart of stone
Saturn lives forever but lives alone.
Up there
Somewhere
While my tires
Smoke with desire
For a longer life
Or a self cutting knife
A hemisphere away
Death is on display
Oh, rings of gold and silver
The mysterious myth you deliver
Aphrodite came up on the shore
Asked is there no more?
She headed for the atmosphere
Naked and posed with a tear
Live forever in my heart of stone
Saturn lives forever but lives alone.
G
Guest
Guest
BooMerengue said:
*laughing* Go and read the others quickly.
Thanks Boo, you're very sweet.
Liar
now with 17% more class
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2003
- Posts
- 43,715
Gaah. Had to toss the one I was working with. I couldn't ever get it right.
Here is one that I wrote today. It's something completely different from what I had before.
The Dark Ages of Neptune
Behold, a jewel passing nigh and clear
as Galileo plotted Jovis' flight,
but only saw the sparkle, not the tear,
so silence grew anew by dusk and night.
A score of dozen years, and yet an eye
is scanning darkness, episteme aligned.
In doubt, in vain, impatient to deny
an ancient rambling's echo redefined.
But in the void, deduction proven true,
a cobalt spike to redefine the depth,
as Neptune glows in mankind's mind anew
it's beacon a reminder to be kept:
The sharpest eyes may stumble upon stars.
The eyes that must be open wide, is ours.
Here's a little (probsably needed) background story for the poem, coursey of my National Encyclopedia, and Wikipedia.org.
-----------------
Galileo's astronomical drawings show that he had first observed Neptune on December 27, 1612, while studying the then known planets. But Galileo mistook Neptune for a fixed star when it appeared very close to Jupiter in the night sky. Believing it to be a fixed star, he cannot be credited with its discovery. At that time it was stationary in the sky because it had just turned retrograde that very day. So it's motion, usually clearly rapid enough to be distinguished from a star, was too small for the legendary astronomer to note it.
Instead, it wasn't until 1846 that Heinrich d'Arrest became the first to observe, and identify, the eight planet. Two matematicians had individually analyzed the orbital path of Uranus and found anomalies that suggested that something unknown out there was affecting it. D'Arrest is claimed to have been out to prove them wrong by spotting no moving celestial bodies, but found Neptune almost exactly where they had predicted it would appear.
Moral of the story is: Tough titty, Galileo.
Here is one that I wrote today. It's something completely different from what I had before.
The Dark Ages of Neptune
Behold, a jewel passing nigh and clear
as Galileo plotted Jovis' flight,
but only saw the sparkle, not the tear,
so silence grew anew by dusk and night.
A score of dozen years, and yet an eye
is scanning darkness, episteme aligned.
In doubt, in vain, impatient to deny
an ancient rambling's echo redefined.
But in the void, deduction proven true,
a cobalt spike to redefine the depth,
as Neptune glows in mankind's mind anew
it's beacon a reminder to be kept:
The sharpest eyes may stumble upon stars.
The eyes that must be open wide, is ours.
Here's a little (probsably needed) background story for the poem, coursey of my National Encyclopedia, and Wikipedia.org.
-----------------
Galileo's astronomical drawings show that he had first observed Neptune on December 27, 1612, while studying the then known planets. But Galileo mistook Neptune for a fixed star when it appeared very close to Jupiter in the night sky. Believing it to be a fixed star, he cannot be credited with its discovery. At that time it was stationary in the sky because it had just turned retrograde that very day. So it's motion, usually clearly rapid enough to be distinguished from a star, was too small for the legendary astronomer to note it.
Instead, it wasn't until 1846 that Heinrich d'Arrest became the first to observe, and identify, the eight planet. Two matematicians had individually analyzed the orbital path of Uranus and found anomalies that suggested that something unknown out there was affecting it. D'Arrest is claimed to have been out to prove them wrong by spotting no moving celestial bodies, but found Neptune almost exactly where they had predicted it would appear.
Moral of the story is: Tough titty, Galileo.
Last edited:
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