To keep the review thread clean...

[duckiesmut]

I sorry, I saw four good ones in a row, that I liked.
I saw alot more better than average today, congrats to the writers.

No need to be sorry. I thought it was fun that you picked the exact four I would.


Congrats to the writers, indeed.

 

[WickedEve]

Hi people.
I got a PM from Sabina. I'll be covering for her today. (Hope you feel better.) I just got home so it will be a little awhile before I get a chance to read the new poems.
Be back later.

 

[~hellbaby~]

seeds go bad after a while, they should have a date on them

I'm still trying to get to the poems. I'm in the middle of planting 5 year old seeds. Do seeds expire? Anyway, check out Liar's poem for now.

Swing Your Blade
by Liar ©

You swing your blade
sometimes, and severed bodies
are too startled to fall apart

until you're too far away
to hear them topple over.

I love the above lines. Couldn't you just kill some poet for those lines? Okay, back to my old seeds. They're forget-me-nots. Forgotten and expired. I'm sure I'll write a poem about them.

 

[flyguy69]

seeds go bad after a while, they should have a date on them

I've dated some bad seeds. I've got stories and bite marks to show for it.

 

[JUDO]

Rybka,

Thanks for the mention, fishboy. Good to see you still wriggling.


- Judo

Rybka said:

***

June Gloom by JUDO.
New Poets: If you like Angeline and Wicked Eve’s poetry, then you will also enjoy the way Judo writes. She has been gone from Literotica for quite awhile, but she was here and very active on this forum when I first came. I learned quite a bit from her poetry and her comments. I think the aforementioned poetesses will say the same. It is nice to see her active again.

***

 

[Guest]

Hello? by Tristesse. This is an excellent lesson in line breaks and subtle word play in an excellent poem by an excellent poet.

thank you, Rybka.

 

[champagne1982]

Hello everyone.

I'd like to thank Rybka for the New Poems review and express my appreciation to all of my fellow poets who share and comment on the poetry here at Lit. You're all wonderful.

Thanks for the mention.

 

[Angeline]

Your Eyes Are On Me

Your eyes are on me.
I can feel them through my blouse.
They look and search with radar's stealth
But terminally, I act cool on guarded watch.
Look, but don't touch.

Across the room they sweep the hills
Roll over my curves
To search the crannies.
You hair glints through smoke-filled haze
Near the bar, by the door - third stool from the end.

A chill, was it?
I reacted just the same.
Your eyes are on me.
Shivering up my spine.
The cool grows cold, then hot.

A want of silver liquid desire
flushes me, engulfs me, I know not why.
Why you? Why me? Why now? Why talk?
When palms over knuckles let me know
I'm not paying.

Your eyes are on me,
And I carry them home.

Up to your old tricks I see, you flasher.

 

[Tathagata]

Thank you Rybka for the kind words

 

[annaswirls]

Thanks Tess and Rybka for giving your time and putting yourself out there in doing reviews.... and thanks for mentioning my poem things in your reviews, much appreciated.

​

 

[Angeline]

. . . Uuuh, Angie, are you still hung-over from your birthday? My Ange was posted today, not yesterday (which was my birthday). I would not ignore the sonnet queen. (New poets, Judo Jenson can crack off a solid sonnet quicker than you can do free verse.) I liked the poem, but must admit that it took me some time to decipher the acrostic (another one of Judo's talented predilictions), since the words did not break with the stanzas. (She is either rusty or she is laying in wait to suck you in for the kill!) I am so happy to have her back and active again!

Sorry. I don't remember whose day it is for reviews anymore.

Yesterday was your birthday? Our birthdays are only a day apart?

Well Happy Birthday, dear fishy, happy birthday to you!

 

[~hellbaby~]

Thank You

Thank You, WickedEve, for mentioning my poem.

A Viscous Villanelle
by Adore ©

Some forms of poetry simply have to be checked out. Go ahead. You know you want to see how Adore handled her Villanelle. Just check out these lines:

With this smell, of lust and ambergris,
His gifts of viscous pearls, precious souvenirs,
My lover craves the need in me.

Not bad.

----------

Silver and Orange pt.l..Haiku
by ~hellbaby~ ©

Haiku? I don't know. 5-7-5 alone may not always be a haiku. But it's a nice little poem.

Useful as slivered sliver
In a rhyming bee

----------

Here's a good poem with just one comment so far. I think it definitely deserves some more reads and comments. It's good!

Wedded to Silence
by Eileen82 ©

She’ll be pregnant wihin the year.
I’ll stay here,
and not smell the lei blossoms.
Instead I’ll comfort myself
with white lilacs and routine,

-----------

Viva Las Vegas Baby!
by rarebreed21 ©

she walked by and blinked
her levelor blinds
blue was the shade
a bid was made

i saw the bid
and it was raised
the ante was too steep
and yet i stayed
i played

she won, and in the end
i payed

This has lots of rhyme and it's a darn fun read!

 

[JUDO]

Thanks Ange and Rybby,

I do that, and then totally screw up a non-structure the very next day. Oh, rusty, rusty! Hmmm... "Melon", if only.

- Judo

Rybby, you obviously forgot to mention what is so clearly the top poem of the day, perhaps year--Judo's My Ange. It's an acrostic sonnet and it's really good even if it is about um...me. Anyway she writes them not only cuz she loves me but because she is now waiting for *me* to write an acrostic sonnet, at which point *she* will write a double acrostic sonnet that leaves me in the dust.

Isn't that right, Judo my love?

PS--Her blues name is Blonde Melon Jensen.

 

[Guest]

New Poems Reviews
for Saturday 04, 2005, June~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Infrared, You another cleverly written poem by neo~ I could almost feel the burning love in this poem from ultra violet rays of writ!

So~ love is like UV rays ~
can't see it but you can sure feel it <grin>

Art, thanks for the mention in your review yesterday, the support, and good words. Much thanks to all who have taken the time to comment as well. I've been a blah writing mood lately so it helps to get such encouragement.

 

[aschen_engel]

I have more poems to come, as well as a few short stories..trying to see if this type of writing suites me best..Just testing the waters ;-)

 

[Guest]

As of 11.30 PMT no new poems have appeared. I'll keep checking between other stuff I have to do.

 

[duckiesmut]

Ms Duckie

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

has asked if I'd do her reviews today.
Apparently she's involved in some wet t shirt thing or something.

In your dreams, Monkey-Man.



(Thank you for covering reviews yesterday!)

 

[bennmorland85]

Firstly, Tathagata, thank you for your graceful review of my shtuff.

Now:

Farrago - Kaishaku

Perhaps a bit too restrained or understated , it seemed very vanilla to me compared to some of his other work.
The last verse, to me, was the strongest.
Still anything by this poet deserves a look .
Chances are I'm missing the point..so read it and set me straight.

Certainly!

I might be utterly wrong in this, but I get the impression from two particular places that this poem is, in the tradition of such verses as Heaney's "From the Frontier of Writing", a one set down before the poet's pain is fully recovered. Hence, strange arrangement and rambling meter. No time or wherewithal to dispassionately nip/tuck the body into something neat and readily "understandable".

The two bits I speak of are 1.1-2.3

My abundant words
arranged, rearranged
and arranged again

This speaks to me of an irritation I have oft been victim to. "Why, of all times, are words now failing me, words which have never failed me before? What the hell is wrong with my head?" The poet appears to be relating a current habit of third-guessing himself.

This leads on, without pause, to

lack dimension, scope
as I hope to cope
with nothing.

Ah! Here we go. The words don't match the feeling of an abyss. We've all felt that. After all, language, a product of the mind, cannot hope to fit the most frantic extremes of the human emotional spectrum. It's something poets have been internally screaming about for centuries. It's certainly something I've been known to cuss about.

What follows is, more or less, a bemoaning of a person's (assumedly sudden) absence. Whether this be a friend, a lover, or a parent, does not matter. I agree with you, Tathagata, that the last stanza is particularly striking. But restrained and understated, I do not believe it to be. Nor too "vanilla". It's soulful chocolate, though unsweetened and bitter to the tongue.

as my words fail
to shape even a moment of you.
Please forgive my noise my silence.

Here it becomes clear that the whole piece, all these words, are a failure. Utter and complete failure to recapture what the poet feels for the departed.

"Please forgive my noise my silence."

All these words, noisy to the penner, all amount to silence, because they don't convey the message and truth behind that suffering going through his heart and soul at this moment.

This poem... wow, I love it.

--Kate

 

[bennmorland85]

Let me add something that should be assumed; the above is only my own take on the poem. Poetry is always a subjective thing, and inspires in different people suitably different reactions and ideas.

--Kate

 

[annaswirls]

to me, the best poem yesterday, by far.

and one of the best in what has been a couple of weeks of very painful reading here.

and it's sitting there buried, with not even one comment.

i recommend Liar's The Science of Stressing a Point

thanks Pat, I would have missed it.

 

[bennmorland85]

I'm terribly sorry. Did I commit a faux pas by replying here? It got deleted.

I'm new, and I apologize if I overstepped my bounds.

--Kate

 

[The Poets]

I'm terribly sorry. Did I commit a faux pas by replying here? It got deleted.

I'm new, and I apologize if I overstepped my bounds.

--Kate

I sent you a PM Kate. It was not a major faux pas.
Anytime you're missing a post just check this thread.

 

[Fflow]

Just thought I'd pop by to see how the poetical secousse de cercle is going...

Kisses to all.


srw

 

[bluerains]

cheers to all!!!

smiles , grins, and hugs for the nice comments...thanks T for the mentions today...
some much inspiration am in creative absorbing...I bow to the muses of Lit...take care
blue

 

[hotti]

New Poems Reviews
Saturday 11, 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Too Bad by Hotti ... this clever poem asks some very interesting questions as well as give some witty and humorous answers. chewing gum for the mind poetry. Self measurements come in different sizes <grin>

Am I not smart enough?
Is your own intellectual confidence
Somehow lessened
By my blonde hair?

Does my laughter offend you?
Is your own humour
A flat reflection
Against my unsophisticated wit?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you Art! "Chewing gum for the mind poetry" - that's a term I like lol

And self measurements also come in different moods, didyaknow?

~Shawn