To keep the review thread clean...

[tungtied2u]

Re:New poetry reviews by Perks and Liar

with Eve throwing inher 2 cents worth.
OK, OK . I cop to it. I tried to pass off prose as poetry. But it wasn't my idea. I met some guy on the street who sold it to me.
Won't happen again. Honest , cross my heart. God, Jim would've cut me some slack. Don't know what I'm going to do without hom doing reviews anymore. Talk about hard times, grumble, grumble , spit.......

 

[tungtied2u]

Re: Re:New poetry reviews by Perks and Liar

with Eve throwing inher 2 cents worth.
OK, OK . I cop to it. I tried to pass off prose as poetry. But it wasn't my idea. I met some guy on the street who sold it to me.
Won't happen again. Honest , cross my heart. God, Jim would've cut me some slack. Don't know what I'm going to do without hom doing reviews anymore. Talk about hard times, grumble, grumble , spit.......

Sorry, I meant neo, not Liar. It's just that the 2 sound so much alike.

 

[RazzRajen]

Re new poems reviews

Thanks to both of you neo and perks for mentioning My poem in your Sunday review and

to all who left PC and feedback - Thanks that means a lot.

Razz

 

[RazzRajen]

Re new poems reviews

edited tpo remove the double post

wonder why that happened since it was only a single post when I posted yesterday and today its a double...Hmmm

 

[fawnie]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I am not sure if this is the right thread...

Make that 3... please reconsider Jim. Your reviews are valued as is your poetry.

hmm,make that 4, jim's one of the few to give me honest feedback without insulting me..making it sad for me to see him go too.

jim, i've appreciated your reviews..your honesty. i'm not sure what you mean by haven't accomplished what you intended but i've listened to your critiques.

ty for your time regardless what you decide to do.

 

[SeattleRain]

mod-- delete this one, it does not belong...

Hi Moderator, I needed to get this info across, but its time is passed, please make it disappear? Poof? Please?

 

[champagne1982]

Thanks re: Scrape

Scrape by champagne1982
Overall, a pretty good poem. Solid voice, great imagery within the context. I have a little issue with your first line's verb tense. You say she "could" fix it, when in fact within the first verse, she "is" fixing it. I'm not sure why you made a line break after "scour" instead of before it, especially with that comma use. Because otherwise, the meaning is illogical grammatically. Scream poetic license all you want, but your second verse is stronger because of the clarity, not the lack of it. You know, if you reworked the first four lines of this poem, it would be magnificent, because the rest of the poem is great, in fact there is that one moment of almost hidden genius when you allude to the bike in the second verse when you say "pedal". I really loved the second verse. This poem, almost read like you were learning to ride, faltered at the beginning and then took off the training wheels at the end. I enjoyed it. Oh yeah, I'm not sure I like your frosting<title>. It's functional, but not too tasty.

That was a great critique Perks, thankyou.

The word 'scour' that you object to was supposed to refer to the raw scrape on that elbow.
(a rewrite of the first verse, I don't know if it's better, but maybe it'll make more sense)

Scrape (or The Lesson)
Momma fixed it.
Pink ovals of her nails
on pretty hands so tender,
Scour the burning hurt.
Then a Bandaid,
softly and carefully laid,
Facecloth, warm and clean,
erasing tearstains on my cheeks,
followed by a kiss.

 

[Guest]

thank you seattlerain

and neonurotic

I appreciate it...

and so does rhonda

PJ

 

[Syndra Lynn]

feedback

Humble thanks to My Erotic Tail, Tungtied2u, Eve, and Neonurotic for all their comments today. i appreciate you taking time to read my two new poems.

Blessed Be

Bright Solstice to you all

Syn

 

[Cordelia]

Re: Warm Wednesday Reviews Part 2

Sorry.... I put my comments in the proper thread.....

Carry on.

Cordelia

 

[Cordelia]

Wednesday's review.....

Cordelia, one of our most brilliant poets, brings us a list of wonderful goals in to do today. Poetic? YES! Poetry? Debateable-but I wouldn't miss reading it if I were you!



namaste my friends

Syn

THanks for the mention, Syndra. It took a week for them to get this posted, so maybe they didn't think it was poetry, either? *sigh* Then I went on a trip, so I just got back to see they posted this... Ah, well. I'm back.

Thanks for the nice words, though I think there's something backhanded about it. Back to the drawing board, I guess? Or is my definition of "poetry" just too broad? I may give up posting to this site. *shrug*

Good to be back at home, though...


Cordelia

 

[tarablackwood22]

originally posted by neonurotic
______________________________________________

tarablackwood22 shares with us the eyes of future mornings —I particularly enjoyed this wonderfully descriptive stanza:

our last walk, dark and lonely
down this familiar street
with its deli smells of pickles and stew
and its boys pitching nickels, and you
knowing our parting
before we meet,
feeling what I feel, the going
of goodness, the in-betweens
of slavery and loss
and what they mean.

______________________________________________

Thanks, neo



Born Too Late -new poem.....please read !

 

[Randi Grail]

Re: Wednesday's review.....

THanks for the mention, Syndra. It took a week for them to get this posted, so maybe they didn't think it was poetry, either? *sigh* Then I went on a trip, so I just got back to see they posted this... Ah, well. I'm back.

Thanks for the nice words, though I think there's something backhanded about it. Back to the drawing board, I guess? Or is my definition of "poetry" just too broad? I may give up posting to this site. *shrug*

Good to be back at home, though...


Cordelia

Maybe they had problem with the formatting? I didn't know you could even post bulleted lists on Lit.

Of bloody course it's poetry. It is also wonderful, inspiring, uplifting, printed out and put on my refridgerator door.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Wednesday's review.....

THanks for the mention, Syndra. It took a week for them to get this posted, so maybe they didn't think it was poetry, either? *sigh* Then I went on a trip, so I just got back to see they posted this... Ah, well. I'm back.

Thanks for the nice words, though I think there's something backhanded about it. Back to the drawing board, I guess? Or is my definition of "poetry" just too broad? I may give up posting to this site. *shrug*

Good to be back at home, though...


Cordelia

Of course it's poetry, Cordelia. There is no debate in my mind.

The delay was surely caused by the bullets formatting.

And don't you dare give up posting!

And welcome back home.

 

[darkmaas]

My vote is that it's poetry.

Welcome back.

 

[Angeline]

Re: Wednesday's review.....

THanks for the mention, Syndra. It took a week for them to get this posted, so maybe they didn't think it was poetry, either? *sigh* Then I went on a trip, so I just got back to see they posted this... Ah, well. I'm back.

Thanks for the nice words, though I think there's something backhanded about it. Back to the drawing board, I guess? Or is my definition of "poetry" just too broad? I may give up posting to this site. *shrug*

Good to be back at home, though...


Cordelia

I once wrote a poem called Things to Do on Tuesday, which is similar. A list-poem can be very poetic. I think even an unadorned list, read in its totality, can say a lot. And I've yet to see you write anything that wasn't poetic, my dear Cordie.

 

[Syndra Lynn]

Re: Re: Wednesday's review.....

I once wrote a poem called Things to Do on Tuesday, which is similar. A list-poem can be very poetic. I think even an unadorned list, read in its totality, can say a lot. And I've yet to see you write anything that wasn't poetic, my dear Cordie.

I specifically stated that it was indeed poetic. I simply said it wasn't a single poem and asked for her to write one of her wonderful poems for each item on her wonderfully inspiring list.

A woman of her talent is quite capable of doing that.

Syndra

 

[Sure]

If it sounds good...



BTW, Welcome back.

 

[BooMerengue]

I'm not sure where were supposed yo do this anymore... someone redirect me if I'm wrong, ok?

Hey Neo! Thanks for the mention of Remember on Sunday! And thanks to those who voted and commented! Much appreciated.


Maria?? We need to talk, dear. I am NONE of those things... I'm just an aging (not so gracefully) hippy, pantheist, spinster who gets a mouthful of words every now and then!! lol
(but I love how you love me!!)

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: deeper than the truth

they buried that soldier boy last Friday
in a pleasant enough graveyard
by the old Baptist church and just
a few yards from the preschool playground

when the tents are gone and flowers removed
by caretakers, family and friends
he might just have a view,
of the old country cupboard where he
and his buddies bough glass bottled cokes and rubbers
before they were old enough to fight or vote

when I drive past the church I think of him
and I wondered just yesterday if he could see
a bit to the left, from beneath the soil
the shell station a half mile down

the price of gas is falling....
but the young men are falling faster

the ghosts of daddy's pool hall -new poem......please read!

the eyes of future mornings -new poem......please read!

 

[minsue]

It's Tuesday again already? How'd that happen?!?!?

I'll likely be working late again tonight, but I see the lovely Miss Swirls has already popped in with a couple of must reads. Anna, how could that bother anyone?

I'll be by eventually with my two cents...

 

[Cordelia]

If it sounds good...



BTW, Welcome back.

Once again, you wonderful man, you have put things in perspective.

Thank you...


Cordelia

 

[BooMerengue]

well you just made me feel something, kiddo. Wow! I was almost there. Thanks for sharing, Ange

 

[JCSTREET]

-

-

 

[JCSTREET]

Wracking my brain to see who this line reminds me of

I impale hell’s starless ceiling

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

gottit

Edna st. Vincent Millary

(try saying THAT in Croatian)