To keep the review thread clean...

[eagleyez]

you sent me on vacation in only 19 lines!! excellent poem, I hope you post this, amade me want to do body shots off muscular college guys and dance nude till the sun comes up

TY

Bodyshots huh?

I like that.

 

[Angeline]

7/2 Reviews

Thank you Carlie for your review of Continental Divide, which I posted yesterday. I think E.L. Doctorow and I have some shared ancestral geography. I loved his book World's Fair as well as Ragtime--it's a pretty flattering comparison, my friend! And I know "swin" was a typo (believe me I winced when I saw it--I had meant to fix it, too, and it got by me)--thanks Tara, too, for catching it--but the schtetl my tribe came from was definitely lowercase.

Thanks all for public comments and feedback.

 

[Tathagata]

Thank you for the mention JC
( good to see you sitting up and taking liquids)

and to all those who've left such positive comments over the past week or so.

 

[fawnie]

But when we parted
your eyes told me you
still hadn't got
your answers.

We were travelling on
parallel lines
finally
diverging to avoid

something.


The noise of your thoughts
drowned out my sleep
ever wakeful
ever wondering
where you are


now

very sad ..and damn i sure can relate!

 

[Liar]

Thx Carlie for making the review effort, even when it's an uphill struggle. And thanks for mentioning my little schitzo poem.

To everyone who voted, commented et al, thank you. It's overwhelming. Really.

#L

 

[BooMerengue]

There I lay staring upward, while the stars wheeled over... faint to my ears came the gathered rumor of all lands: the springing and the dying, the song and the weeping, and the slow everlasting groan of overburdened stone.
J. R. R. Tolkien

Echoes! Hi baby! I gotta tell you... I remember when I first read the Hobbit... back in the dark ages...LOL I copied so much of the sayings and poetry from those books and had them all over my house. I loved them then and I do now. I wish I still had them...

 

[champagne1982]

Originally posted by JCStreet
CHAMPAGNE1982 writes Wind's Fingers

Meadows larksong lifted in the morning light,
as the dew lifts from the clover,
shaded beneath the wildrose in bloom

is the verse I like best

Thank you M. JC for putting the reviews of our poor verse high on the priorities of things you do when feeling better. . I'm glad this poem is something almost everyone can find a bit of pleasure in. I had a vision painted on the insides of my eyelids about that abandoned spider web, torn and unravelling in the wind. So I guess I grabbed the ball and ran with it..

If you ever need help with reviews you can call. If I can be of assistance, I will.

 

[tarablackwood22]

__________________________________________________

originally posted by JCStreet

I'm a sucker for TARA BLACKWOOD'S work so I should prolly recuse myself
rather than review it in case I have a hidden agenda

(Surely you jest carlieBear)

Ok--mebbe

tara brings us one day in December


--------------

verse one is the scene setter - the buildup

verse two is where the muscle is

"frightening dogs of December/call you home/
with their muscular barks"

the first six lines of verse three don't work for me--
there's a disconnect as the style goes into journalese

but the verse soars later with a brilliant metaphor
(that could yet be slightly more finely tuned)

__________________________________________________


Thanks Doc.....you're a darling. And I won't let you recuse yourself from reviewing my poems. You're far too complimentary to slip away.

Send me your fine-tuning suggestions, and we'll talk.

 

[lipsticksunset1984]

_______________________________________________

originally posted by Liar

invasion by lipsticksunset1984 ©

The prize for today's most uncompromising erotica goes to lipsticksunset1984. This is a straight on plea to be worshipped, aspect by aspect. And by gods, it works.

body
thin and hard, child
of genes and gyms,
curving out below waist
to perfect womanhood,
made for babies
and the bodies of their fathers.

_________________________________________________


Thank you, Liar.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks, Liar for mentioning Sun King and Mesozoic Mama. I appreciated your recommendation and the comments from everyone.

I'd also like to note that both my Sun King and darkmass's Oysters had Beatles references in them. Sun King, is the title of a song on Abby Road and everyone knows the walrus was Paul, right? Isn't that interesting darkmaas? And we didn't even try. I can only conclude we're both old.


Ange

 

[Angeline]

July 3

...Iambic Please by Angeline
If I hadn't read your title, I wouldn't have felt the appropriate meter. I would have known that it was supposed to be implemented, because of the length of line and the breaks of them, but the first couple of lines throw me off. It doesn't feel as smooth as iambic is supposed to. "daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM[da]." For some reason, I can't fit your poem to that.
the gem of your poem is here
"to hear the rumbling tumble of your joy
lilting as water sparkled on the sea,"
there is a fluidity there that, not to mention imagery and emotion that I find choppy in other parts of your poem...

Thank you bellissima early-bird ducky for the review. I know what you mean about the poem. I've been fooling around with the flow of lines in various poetic forms--the sonnet is the latest. And of course there's a respectable precedent for messing with the sonnet form--Billy Collins's version is, I think, my favorite, but Ted Berrigan and Edna St Vincent Milay and a whole passel of poets have done that. Still I knew what you meant from choppy. All my poems are always in edit, lol, it's the Gemini in me. I'll be playing with it and trying to smooth it out.

:kisss:
Angelita

 

[Tathagata]

Re: July 3

I'll be playing with it and trying to smooth it out.

I love waking up and seeing this....


Thanks Querida

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: July 3

I love waking up and seeing this....


Thanks Querida

Damnit! I looked at that line and thought, somebody... somebody...is gonna say something. And, of course, it was you. lol.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: July 3

Damnit! I looked at that line and thought, somebody... somebody...is gonna say something. And, of course, it was you. lol.

LOL
I'd hate to let ya down

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: Re: Re: July 3

LOL
I'd hate to let ya down

I know--it's one of your charms.

 

[Reltne]

thanks perks

23,485,933. . . 23,485,934. . . by Reltne
This poem shows how a title can be directional frosting.

Originally posted by perks
Directional? Perhaps, at least explanatory, but "frosting"? Rather "integral". The title could be the last line, or at least the result of the poem.

Thank you for the mention, except now it will get bombed like the others.

 

[BooMerengue]

nah, Reltne... folks here are pretty individual. very unsheeplike. be patient, and you'll see. the reviews are pretty even handed. you might ask who's reviewing when and post so someone else reviews your stuff. but the list changes now and then.

 

[perks]

Re: thanks perks

Originally posted by perks
Directional? Perhaps, at least explanatory, but "frosting"? Rather "integral". The title could be the last line, or at least the result of the poem.

Thank you for the mention, except now it will get bombed like the others.

well, hmmm, I refer to titles of anything as the "frosting" like the icing on a cake. I think your title would have been lost inside the poem or at the end of it. Making it your title, was indeed frosting your cake. I like a good frosting, and this one was solid.


I hope I explained myself better.

As to your poem bombing, I'm not sure whether you mean it will be cause it was posted in the new poems thread, or because I mentioned it. Either way, if you'd rather I didn't critique your poems, take off the comment option. Otherwise, you're fair game.

 

[perks]

Re: July 3

Thank you bellissima early-bird ducky for the review. I know what you mean about the poem. I've been fooling around with the flow of lines in various poetic forms--the sonnet is the latest. And of course there's a respectable precedent for messing with the sonnet form--Billy Collins's version is, I think, my favorite, but Ted Berrigan and Edna St Vincent Milay and a whole passel of poets have done that. Still I knew what you meant from choppy. All my poems are always in edit, lol, it's the Gemini in me. I'll be playing with it and trying to smooth it out.

:kisss:
Angelita

angelita,
I think it most definitely is salvagable<or however you spell it>. Because of its iambic pentameter intent, I did a little google search on it. I'd always thought that it was "daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM" and that's it, but apparently you can add a down syllable at the end too "daDUMda", if you'd like. Shakespeare is one of the writers known for that extra accent, and probably why I never understood the whole thing in HS. THe little exceptions that vary structure but still keep it are the most interesting architectural components of poetry for me. Thanks for making me do a bit of work to be able to comment with some sort of hypothesis.
perquita

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: July 3

angelita,
I think it most definitely is salvagable<or however you spell it>. Because of its iambic pentameter intent, I did a little google search on it. I'd always thought that it was "daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM" and that's it, but apparently you can add a down syllable at the end too "daDUMda", if you'd like. Shakespeare is one of the writers known for that extra accent, and probably why I never understood the whole thing in HS. THe little exceptions that vary structure but still keep it are the most interesting architectural components of poetry for me. Thanks for making me do a bit of work to be able to comment with some sort of hypothesis.
perquita

You're welcome ducky. I always count the syllablles in a sonnet, but usually don't worry about the stresses, which are of course what make iambic pentameter--unstressed, stressed, I think--across each line. The trick, of course, is finding words that are both interesting and fit the meter. Sometimes I do it; sometimes I'm lazy.

 

[Reltne]

Re: Re: thanks perks

well, hmmm, I refer to titles of anything as the "frosting" like the icing on a cake. I think your title would have been lost inside the poem or at the end of it. Making it your title, was indeed frosting your cake. I like a good frosting, and this one was solid.


I hope I explained myself better.

As to your poem bombing, I'm not sure whether you mean it will be cause it was posted in the new poems thread, or because I mentioned it. Either way, if you'd rather I didn't critique your poems, take off the comment option. Otherwise, you're fair game.

My point was that the poem doesn't make much sense without the title, so the title is a necessity. Further more, the counting begins some time after the last line.

RE bombing: I was refering to the fact that every time I post, or someone else mentions a poem its average rating drops drastically in the following 24 hours.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: thanks perks

My point was that the poem doesn't make much sense without the title, so the title is a necessity. Further more, the counting begins some time after the last line.

RE bombing: I was refering to the fact that every time I post, or someone else mentions a poem its average rating drops drastically in the following 24 hours.

Not always
but don't worry about the numbers
go by the comments

 

[BooMerengue]

Thats the #1 main hazard we all face, Reltne. There are some folks, all in the 'Anonymous' family, who relish bringing someone down. I had a poem that was top of the top list. I didn't even know there was such a list til a friend wrote and congratulated me. The next day it took a huge nose dive. And theres nothing to be done for it- it happens, and it sucks, but that's just the way it is.

If you don't want your poems reviewed, just say that in the comment section at the bottom of your submission page. But trust me- if someone is out to hurt you, they'll do it anyway.

Best thing to do is just ignore it. Eventually they go away.

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: Re: Re: thanks perks

Not always
but don't worry about the numbers
go by the comments

This is good advice. We all get bombed with low votes. Who knows why and really--who cares? You know if you wrote a good poem, right? I prefer the comments and feedback--that way I know what people think. And if they don't like it, that's ok. I can learn from that, too.

 

[Guest]

very sad ..and damn i sure can relate!

Just saw this - thanks, sweetie. I think many of us can relate to missed opps.