To keep the review thread clean...

[flyguy69]

Dear god, it's me again. Would you please take fly now. Take him gently, though. Try not to bump his head or let your angels trip him on his way through the gates. And try to put him in the nicer section of Heaven. Yes, I know it's all good, but fly wrote a sex poem, and I'm afraid you may put him in that part of heaven that's less glorious.
Anyway, amen.

Umm, St. Peter? I've been strolling the aisles of Heaven for about a hour now trying to find the section for sex poem writers... the basement? No, I haven't checked there yet. Will I need a sweater?

 

[WickedEve]

Umm, St. Peter? I've been strolling the aisles of Heaven for about a hour now trying to find the section for sex poem writers... the basement? No, I haven't checked there yet. Will I need a sweater?

When god puts you in the "basement" you don't need to worry about a sweater. You may want to bring a fan, though.

 

[flyguy69]

When god puts you in the "basement" you don't need to worry about a sweater. You may want to bring a fan, though.

To cheer me on?

"Rhyme that line! Keep good time! goooOOO FLYGUY!"

 

[Liar]

Supa Dupa Poem

Supagirl u tripper,
swirl dis honey dipper.
To da b-b-b-bone, baby...where it fits soooo fine.
You oughta be a-tellin';
'taint mah wallet swellin'.
In da z-z-z-zone, baby...where it's yours n mine.

Yeah, Liar can write it, but can he read it out loud? Huh? I want to hear that.
So, anyway, here I am wallowing in the depths of jilted depression and I come across this poem. I think I almost smiled. If I was feeling all wicked and frisky, I'd be giggling and gleeful over Liar's poem. So, you go read it and get giggly for me.

Thanks supa Eve. Glad you liked it, and glad to see it made you (almost) smile.

Might read it aloud, if I ever get drunk enough...

#L

 

[The Mutt]

Umm, St. Peter? I've been strolling the aisles of Heaven for about a hour now trying to find the section for sex poem writers... the basement? No, I haven't checked there yet. Will I need a sweater?

Hey, if you're going to miss heaven, don't miss by an inch. Miss by a mile!

 

[flyguy69]

Hey, if you're going to miss heaven, don't miss by an inch. Miss by a mile!

or Miss by an Oatlash!

 

[jthserra]

I had some extra time to read today, so I started on the New Poems... ended up sending this little note to a few.

Dear...

I've read some of your work, but not all. A word of advice. When you post a poem, just post one. Two at most. More than that and sometimes your work will be skipped over. The reviewers are volunteering their time, many scrambling to do them in between jobs and home and their own writing. Your work deserves to be studied the same as anyone elses.

Boo

Boo,

I think what you are seeing is a flood of poems from some Survivor Contestants, the contest for 2005 is underway and the quick mass of tiny poems are flocking in. Most probably aren't too interested in the reviews, they want the points.

jim : )

 

[BooMerengue]

Boo,

I think what you are seeing is a flood of poems from some Survivor Contestants, the contest for 2005 is underway and the quick mass of tiny poems are flocking in. Most probably aren't too interested in the reviews, they want the points.

jim : )

That may be, but for a long time I have gone to read new poems and seen many poets post as many as a dozen poems at once.

 

[annaswirls]

Boo,

Most probably aren't too interested in the reviews, they want the points.

jim : )

that made me instantly nauseous

good poems being buried by someone looking for points for a contest?



it is sad on so many levels
I might just go post a poem about it.

or maybe 15 three word poems

 

[Liar]

Boo,

I think what you are seeing is a flood of poems from some Survivor Contestants, the contest for 2005 is underway and the quick mass of tiny poems are flocking in. Most probably aren't too interested in the reviews, they want the points.

jim : )

I wonder what's the hurry is. They have a whole year to post them aftar all.

#L

 

[jthserra]

Sometimes...

I wonder what's the hurry is. They have a whole year to post them aftar all.

#L

Sometimes the strategy is to leap in early with a huge score and scare off the competition. They can get 68 points for posting 40 poems, 10 each in each of the categories here. I keep hoping some of the contestants will work a bit more on the poems.

jim : )

 

[twelveoone]

that made me instantly nauseous

good poems being buried by someone looking for points for a contest?



it is sad on so many levels
I might just go post a poem about it.

or maybe 15 three word poems

1.) you are funny

 

[Uncle Pervey]

Right on Angel!

If someone's flooding the site with poems for monetary gain, then give them "Holy Hell" Darlin', give it to them! Grin. This is supposed to be for fun, isn't it? Uncle Pervey, the (DOME!

 

[annaswirls]

1.) you are funny

2.) this thread, hijacked

 

[The Poets]

2.) this thread, hijacked

The big cheese (make that low-fat pepper jack, or something healthy but exciting) is here to run you varmints off. Damn chatters! I'll give you a few minutes to say any last words, then ya'll gettin' moved.

I bet you can't guess which mod this is!

 

[The Poets]

The big cheese (make that low-fat pepper jack, or something healthy but exciting) is here to run you varmints off. Damn chatters! I'll give you a few minutes to say any last words, then ya'll gettin' moved.

I bet you can't guess which mod this is!

Okay, where did everybody go? Lauren! Are you moving posts? I was going to do it! lol Now I have to move this.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Okay, where did everybody go? Lauren! Are you moving posts? I was going to do it! lol Now I have to move this.

Oops.

Move this one as well, while you're at it.

 

[annaswirls]

Neo, thanks for reviewing the poems today... a very nice job

And the broomsticks were not metaphorical, they were just broomsticks, painted white by my dad and used as aisle markers. We played with sticks a lot as kids. I always carried one to the meadow, we would climb the trees and pretend the cows were evil beasts out to get us

 

[Guest]

Neo, thanks for reviewing the poems today... a very nice job

And the broomsticks were not metaphorical, they were just broomsticks, painted white by my dad and used as aisle markers. We played with sticks a lot as kids. I always carried one to the meadow, we would climb the trees and pretend the cows were evil beasts out to get us

Cows are evil. I think Gary Larson's The Farside was proof enough with the talking/standing cows—that cow-eyed innocence and mooo is all just an act.

Thanks, Miss Anna, for the explanation on the broomsticks

 

[Angeline]

Tathagata said

New York Tendaberry - Angeline

As I was reading the first couple of verses I was thinking.." Wow..this is kind of subpar for ange"
ex;


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura walked on by at eight
on positively 4th Street
when neighbors own the square:
old women with suspicious eyes
and two unwary dogs passed there.
Two gamers jabbed indignance,
pointed at a snowy bench,
at no-go early morning chess.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Ordinary language and images, unwary?? Suspicious??
Hmmm??

then Ange takes over

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But Laura!
Teenaged once and future empress
of the New York Tendaberry
walked by hip sista, daughter
of my tribe, Laura, urban blues
waif, tweed capped but tumbledown.
Her soul-smart black-brown eyes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



oh look honey...JAZZ
and from that point on the poem is wonderful.

the language and internal rhymes, the stutter steps that remind me of a Van Morrison singing at the end of Wavelength.

I wondered if perhaps that was the point..the lull and then the explosion of Laura..
Music does this too.
My problem, and I suspect the problem with others, is that in this push button age our attention span is almost nil..
I give a song 30-1 minute seconds and if it hasn't " done anything for me" I delete it.

it does explode, the Wizard of Oz going from black and white to Color..but you may want to jazz up the first couple just a smidgen to get them to the banquet.
certainly worth a read

Ok Tathagata my simian.

Here's the thing. This really did happen--I saw her walking through Washington Square and for me it was magical. I wanted to create an image of the square. And what about this:

The park was clean, still quiet
absent junkies, cocaine blues-train
buy-and-sell, and fast-talk, flim-flam man.

That's not jazzy? (There are about a million references to her songs in it, you know.) But you and Reltne said the same thing. I may have to bite the bullet and excise the second and third stanzas.

PatCarrington had reservations too now that I think of it.

(Only Maria praised it totally, so I like her best.)

I've been writing this poem for two years. I have to publish it damnit. I'll take those boring stanzas out. I just will. They'll turn up somewhere else. I recycle.

Thanks, btw. Each of you for your recommendation and comments.

 

[Tathagata]

Tathagata said

New York Tendaberry - Angeline

Ok Tathagata my simian.

Here's the thing. This really did happen--I saw her walking through Washington Square and for me it was magical. I wanted to create an image of the square. And what about this:

The park was clean, still quiet
absent junkies, cocaine blues-train
buy-and-sell, and fast-talk, flim-flam man.

That's not jazzy? (There are about a million references to her songs in it, you know.) But you and Reltne said the same thing. I may have to bite the bullet and excise the second and third stanzas.

PatCarrington had reservations too now that I think of it.

(Only Maria praised it totally, so I like her best.)

I've been writing this peom for two years. I have to publish it damnit. I'll take those boring stanzas out. I just will. They'll turn up somewhere else. I recycle.

Thanks, btw. Each of you for your recommendation and comments.

If Pat had reservations........

you know he shows up at a restaurant and they say
" Do you have reservations??"
and he says
" Not a one"

baroom ba doom


don't get rid of the verses
add some ground black pepper


and as too " That's not jazz?"
yeah
Kenny fuckin' G
it needs some Coltrane


Namaste' sweetie

 

[Aunty Muse]

. . .

don't get rid of the verses
add some ground black pepper
. . .

I agree with what Tathagata said. You do not need to remove, just make the connection more obvious. The mood flow seems to break at the point to which people are referring.

 

[Angeline]

What the monkey said!
I didn't mean to say that the beginning was bad, just that it doesn't seem to mesh with the rest of the poem at first read.

Thank you Aunty, whoever you are. And whoever you are I like your name a lot.

And I know. I'll rip those stanza up, shift em somnehow. Especially if Lauren says it too, lol.

 

[Angeline]

If Pat had reservations........

you know he shows up at a restaurant and they say
" Do you have reservations??"
and he says
" Not a one"

baroom ba doom


don't get rid of the verses
add some ground black pepper


and as too " That's not jazz?"
yeah
Kenny fuckin' G
it needs some Coltrane


Namaste' sweetie

Three Jewish women are just finishing their lunch in a local deli
when the waiter comes over and asks:

"Ladies..... was anything alright?

 

[Tathagata]

Three Jewish women are just finishing their lunch in a local deli
when the waiter comes over and asks:

"Ladies..... was anything alright?

LOL

ok do you know the joke..

" But don't the suit fit nice"