To keep the review thread clean...

[My Erotic Tale]

thanks Du~

thanks Du for the wonderful mention of ...
Serendipity ...

I found the links, awards thread and
that was the result of an enlightening read
from the many great links Lit offers on
that thread, Thanks again and great job~

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Re: There was a new poem on Saturday

That I thought was worth a second look. I think often times subtlety is mistaken for being vague, but in this case the subtle presentation is anything but vague. Sack's little girl could have slipped and become an overtly sentimental poem, but he deftly remained aloof, allowing the reader to enter the poem though his images.

I was a bit torn about the ending, initially hating it, then conversely, loving it, then hating it and finally loving it again. Everyone should go read the poem and decide... did the ending get too sentimental, should he have ended the poem earlier, or should he have ended it like he did? I think by just considering the alternatives Sack had and how he decided to end the poem is a lesson in poetry we can all benefit by.

Here is the first two stanzas:

"impressions in sand
a shiny ring
petals of a dandelion

you were there...

silky pink gloves
a doll that sleeps
Lion King lunchbox

you were there..."

The refrain is haunting isn't it?

Read the poem... you'll feel it, truely.


jim : )

exhibit 'A'

on another note since this is poem reviews
I thought this was a good poem too <grin>
so mention away~

(~_~)

 

[duckiesmut]

My Erotic Tale, thank you for the mention of my poem, Empty Mirrors, on Saturday.

 

[foehn]

Thanks much for the mention of my latest submissions. I'm not reallly happy with them but they seemed the best I could do for now.

I struggled internally for hours, wanting to add, in my own comment on "Late Correspondence," a link that is relevant. I finally decided that the actual link for the poem wasn't the place, but I feel ok about putting it here, for anyone who cares to take a look:

Daniel K. Methvin

I appreciate all comments and feedback.

Some things I write will not be adequate for years to come.

If I live long enough, I want to make them all better.

cheers/
foehn

[Edited to correct a typo]

 

[jthserra]

Some things I write will not be adequate for years to come.

If I live long enough, I want to make them all beter.

cheers/
foehn

Late Correspondence "worked" on so many levels, I think your eloquence and craft touched something important. Surely they felt it and will be better for it.


jim : )

 

[Guest]

Re: Tuesdays Reviews.... Part 1

Okay.... heres the first delivery of Tuesday the 25th of January's New Poem reviews. Please bear with me as Im still trying to get the hang of the Vb Code and the urls and stuff....

I wish my bank was like Hoopers in 'An Account of Us (Sestina)' . Very clever use of the jargon, to the extent that I even had to get my dictionary out to discover the meaning of Lien. This one should have Maths teachers across the world on the edge of their seats, champing at the bit.

'The truth of us is that we own the loan
We must maintain ourselves within the sum
Careful in all regards to not subtract
Ourselves from the lovers of our pure lien;
To them we owe our love and surely add
Our learned love to them and not divide'

'Through your Eyes' by Mdnyte Shadow. A good little poem. Short and simple, but with a hidden depth and a good use of rhythm and rhyming scheme.

'Within your eyes,
Passion and fire,
Yearning and longing,
Lust filled desire.'

'This is.... for you' by Thesandman. Heartfelt and touching in its own way. Puts the themes of devotion and commitment at the fore....

'It is the trusting look in your eyes,
That gives me the greater pleasure.
It is the kiss so softly, tenderly shared,
Even as our bodies burn in rapturous desire, merged.'

'There's always Heaven' by impressive is another one to check out in my opinion. Relaxed yet direct... Subtle yet sharp. This tale of longing for a forbidden love gets my thumbs up.

'imagination unlocks
the chains of responsibility
and frees like minds
to dance in a forbidden embrace'

'Off Track' by catastrophe caught my attention also. Well written and concise and more than capable of delivering its intended imagery.

'right now I am riding a train
that appears to have
no direction
(impossible)
since straight
lines of steel set
this experience into motion'


Well.... thats the first bunch, I wanted to start off small to see if I've got the hang of the URL's etc.... theres still a lot to read through... so watch this space for the next installment. Should be in the next hour or two....

Thank you very much for the mention. Much appreciated!

 

[Guest]

Re: Tuesdays Reviews.... Part 2

Okay, heres part 2 of Tuesday 25th of January's new Poetry reviews.... hope you enjoy.

Although already mentioned by Catastrophe above, 'of Tattoos, Bridges and Pigeons' by Maria2394 also caught my eye, myself being a big fan of bridges (I live right next to one), pigeons (there like rats with wings..... great) and tattoo's (I have a few, but prefer them on the female canvas)......

Putting jokes aside however, what I found was a well worded poem with powerful emotional overtones. Although a little eclectic in timing and stanza length, it conveys the imagery and situation it intends too very well indeed (even exceptionally well).

'Home is like a temporary tattoo,
when it's gone you remember-
it was there, on that exact spot
near the patch of freckles
on your left arm.....'

Freehawks 'Words seem to fail me' may be accused by some of being somewhat generic in theme, but in delivery I find it rather refreshing. Not as wordy or esoteric as some and, although a little faltering (no pun intended), its use of a simple, almost spoken, rhtyhm serves it well. An enjoyable, if not unique, poem.

'A moment like the one we shared
In my mind, nothing could be compared
When I wasn't me, and you weren't you...
As one, we were true.'

'Wandering Thoughts' by Cavu182 caught my eye..... then I got sidetracked, but eventually came back to read it. Its quite punchy, and although it trailed a little around the fourth stanza I liked the ending.

'whose to say what goal we strive
what spark keeps our soul alive
if I knew I’d order two
one for me, and one for you…'

Another mention for Hoopers comes in the form of 'Word Beat (Sonnet)' . A commendable effort that took me back to English classes in High School and University.... except this is a little more intimate than it was in those classes.....

'Our touch not real as miles keep us not there
The grasps and gasps are tools in our rich notes
Our words cover us with warmth as we share
The ends of our firm lines gush out in quotes.'

AnnaSwirls 'Sketch of a Woman' is another piece that deserves a mention. A Tastefully written and well structured poem. Perhaps a little vague and esoteric for my usual likings, I enjoyed it none-the-less.

'You understand and display
what makes this piece alive
Not only a piece of woman
but woman condensed into one piece'


There's still a few poems I need to look through, so stay Tuned for Part 3.... which should, actually and honestly, be done in about an hour or so.

And I have to admit to having a special appreciation for Freehawks poem. Nicely done.

 

[Maria2394]

Thanks!!

Treant_Dutch and catastrophe, thank you for mentioning my pigeon poem in the review thread. It was based on an interesting time in my life. Who knew being homeless could bring such happiness so far in the future

also, thanks to neo, Anna, angeline, 1201, duckiesmut, catastrophe and trent and reltne for your comments reading time is valuable and this wannabe very much appreciates the time and effort you have expended on me

julie

 

[foehn]

glitches, twitches, and other ...

I just tried to send personal thanks to everyone who commented on Late Correspondence. I noticed somewhat late in the game that some of the messages were not being sent.

Please know, if you've commented as of this hour and day, I have tried to thank you personally. I was unable to discern to whom the messages were successful, and where they failed.

 

[annaswirls]

AnnaSwirls 'Sketch of a Woman' is another piece that deserves a mention. A Tastefully written and well structured poem. Perhaps a little vague and esoteric for my usual likings, I enjoyed it none-the-less.

Thank you Trent, for the mention and for the feedback. I don't think anyone has ever used a 4 syllable word to describe my poetry before!



Thank you especially for taking on the job as reviewer.

 

[annaswirls]

Breaking the seal by annaswirls tops the list with a tasteful (pun intended) erotic piece which gives "literal" thought to the phrase tongue in cheek with her intersexing metaphor.

ooh I like that-- intersexing metaphor. another four syllable word! I think I will try to go use both in a poem.


Thanks Neo for tackling the reviews-- you and all the reviewers do a great service for this community.

all the best,

~J

 

[BooMerengue]

I voted on every single poem today... I'm very proud that I read them! But I have quit commenting, so...

 

[annaswirls]

Here's one I have a feeling the reviewer might leave off of his review list later that very much needs and deserves mentioning.

Breathless Before 99 Steps
by: neonurotic

From the view point above,
sun rays slice holes into
the thick gray clouds, shining
a warm spotlight on Pacific waves,
highlighting the cold white caps.

And it just gets better. Put down your coffee, your newspaper, or your stack-o-work and take a moment to read and enjoy. Exhilirating use of language as expression.

agreed! it was gorgeous.

I am going to take over for Neo tonight.

here I go....

 

[catastrophe]

Anna and friends...

Thanks for spending time with my poem today. I really like the direction that this one is headed in, so I appreciate the feedback. I was asked to deconstruct it a bit on the Poem Academy thread, so if anyone is interested in where it came from, the explanation is here.

Thanks again.

...cat

 

[Angeline]

Thank You

swirly Anna for recommending my poem Washington Street, and thanks to those who commented on it. It's sort of in transition because I'm already thinking about how I want to revise it, but the night described in the poem was real. It feels good to bring those memories back to life.


Angeline

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Thank you ana

for the mention of BEE-CAREFULL

while at work I saw a bee go into my
DR PEPPER and I knew there was a poem
there some where, had it writ before I got
home <grin>

thanks to all who take the time to read and
comment~

 

[WickedEve]

stray - wicked eve

another illustrated poem.
and oddly enough, being placed under anna's, it looks to me like Japanese school children walking home.
The poem itself seems to speak of the one individual who, though he seems like all the others, find beauty in what others find a nuisance.
one of Eve's more subtle ( not vague) efforts
---------------------------------------------------------------
Greberbeaner, monkey (In means thank you in some country--I bet). Stray is a cool illustration with a mediocre poem. Forgive me when I sink to the depths of lameness. Actually, lameness is rather relaxing.

 

[annaswirls]

thanks for the mention, T, and for doing these reviews so thoughtfully.

I apologize for the inaccuracies and will do some more reading tonight.

~J

Little Boy and Fat Man
Little Boy was the first nuclear weapon used in warfare. It exploded approximately 1,800 feet over Hiroshima, Japan, on the morning of August 6, 1945, with a force equal to 13,000 tons of TNT. Immediate deaths were between 70,000 to 130,000.

Little Boy was dropped from a B-29 bomber piloted by U.S. Army Air Force Col. Paul W. Tibbets. Tibbets had named the plane Enola Gay after his mother the night before the atomic attack.

Fat Man was the second nuclear weapon used in warfare. Dropped on Nagasaki, Japan, on August 9, 1945, Fat Man devastated more than two square miles of the city and caused approximately 45,000 immediate deaths.

Major Charles W. Sweeney piloted the B-29, #77 that dropped Fat Man. After the nuclear mission, #77 was christened Bockscar after its regular Command Pilot, Fred Bock.

While Little Boy was a uranium gun-type device, Fat Man was a more complicated and powerful plutonium implosion weapon that exploded with a force equal to 20 kilotons of TNT.

..............

~

The paint is composed of radium, zinc sulfide and a glue binder. The zinc sulfide emits light when struck by the radioactive particles. It glows all night and exposure to light is not necessary.
Radium dial painting began in 1917 but it was deadly for the dialpainters.

Young women ranging in age from the mid teens to the early 20's were employed to apply the paint to clock dials and other products for several different companies. The dialpainters were typically single and lived with their parents. Dialpainting was easy work with comparatively high wages. Over the first 10 years about 2000 women were employed in this work, mostly in three locations: Orange, NJ, Waterbury, CT and Ottawa, IL.


Workers were required to use lippointing to bring the paintbrushes to a point between the lips. This practice was passed on to the radium painting industry that also needed fine work. The majority of dialpainting was for wristwatches. The watch at the right was made in the late 1920's by Illinois Watch, Springfield, Illinois. The painting is done exceptionally well.

This radium dial was probably painted by a dialpainter that later may have suffered and/or died as a result of having painted the numbers and hands on this and other watch dials. By the 1920's and 1930's some dialpainters and former dialpainters began to suffer from a variety of illnesses, often crippling and frequently fatal as a result of ingesting the radium paint. Ingested radium is known to deposit permanently in bone structures. Radiation can then damage bone marrow, causing anemia. It can also weaken the bones so they might crush or snap under normal pressure. It can weaken bone tissue making it easy to get infection such as the jawbones that have dental work or gum disease. It can cause other forms of cancer in the sinus and mastoids.

 

[foehn]

Thanks, Tath, for the mention of "I Dreamed..." ... which has undergone emergency medical treatment and winged its way again into the ethereal mists...

 

[Guest]

Thanks to Tath, Anna, and duckiesmut for the mentions of my two poems, Breathless Before 99 Steps and Unmask The Gray.

 

[WickedEve]

Current Review Schedule

Sunday Du Lac
Monday duckiesmut
Tuesday Trent_Dutch
Wednesday Syndra Lynn
Thursday Liar
Friday Tathagata
Saturday My Erotic Tale

 

[Du Lac]

hey Eve..

RE: Sunday reviews.. foehn said he rather not do them.. hence I will be doing them from now on if that is all good with everyone else... I did them last sunday and planned on it tomorrow..
Let me know doll...
blessings
Du~

 

[Du Lac]

Re: 1/28 Friday reviews

it's 19 degrees in Massachusetts and I am equalizing my internal temperature to the external temperature by drinking cold beer.
Please keep that in mind as you read the reviews.


Great job on the reviews!!!! And yes from one Massachusetts kid to another... it is cold as hell up here... lol.. I am with the hot tea and my heater... hmmmm funny that heater vibrates so loudly lol...
great job
thankyou
du lac

 

[minsue]

For MET and his all-too-kind words....

And many thanks to all who commented, too

 

[My Erotic Tale]

For MET and his all-too-kind words....

And many thanks to all who commented, too

hey goose~

hehehe thanks min~
your welcome ...my pleasure~