"To keep the review thread clean..."

[bogusbrig]

Thanks for the mention of my poem Why Judas Me? Ange and thanks for the comment 1201. Points taken on board.

was I your personal Jesus
a product of your Messianic zeal
your chosen one, someone to believe in
who could walk on water
turn water into wine, heal the sick
and make the dead rise
someone you could crucify

I always suspected
you had a cross under your bed
a flagrum in your drawer
a crown of thorns in your closet
there was always something about you
something suspicious, something creepy
as though given time
you would expose my fallibility

I should never have turned the other cheek
when you put me on trial for breach of trust
of being a charlatan, a fraud
of not being what you wanted me to be
you were nuts, irrational, paranoid even
but something made me stay
maybe you were a curse I deserved
maybe I wanted to be crucified

 

[WhiteWave48]

Wildsweetone - thank you for the review

*****

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Raisin Bread by Boxlicker101. Is a joke I was sent a while back in my email

 

[LeBroz]

.
.

So there I was, finally got around to fill in for Ange in doing the reviews when I look up and there she is, doing them herself. Didn't expect to see her till after 7. So, since she picked the same 3 that snared my attention, I'll yield to her better poetic wisom.
.
.

 

[Angeline]

.
.

So there I was, finally got around to fill in for Ange in doing the reviews when I look up and there she is, doing them herself. Didn't expect to see her till after 7. So, since she picked the same 3 that snared my attention, I'll yield to her better poetic wisom.
.
.

Thanks for being ready to fill in for me. I was supposed to have a divorce hearing today but it's postponed until later this week or early next. I should have pm'd you but I forgot I had even asked for help reviewing today. I'm hoping that when all this is behind me I'll have a brain again.

 

[hippiedude]

Thank you Angeline

Thanks a million Angeline for the review below. It is without a doubt the most thoughtful comments I've ever received.

The poem I half like is hippiedude's The Empire Ends, Part 1. The dude has written many wonderful poems here and has obvious talent. And I empathize, hd. I saw your brave comment about writer's block the other day and I know how you feel. I feel what you feel. And you're writing in spite of it, which is the best possible thing to do imo. So. I like the idea of this poem, its title is excellent and I love the dialogue. I like its minimalist shape, which supports the idea that generational commonalities are simultaneously wide and intimate. What I'm not wild about is the description, which is fitting but not poetic. It's declarative and that may be especially obvious to me because the poem is short. I think it deserves a rewrite, maybe a few more details like the old men's cough, maybe a bit of imagery about the young men to sharpen the difference between them and the duffers. Don't give up on it though--it (and you) are too good for that.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks a million Angeline for the review below. It is without a doubt the most thoughtful comments I've ever received.

You're welcome. It's good to see you here writing again.

 

[hippiedude]

You're welcome. It's good to see you here writing again.

yes well i think it is only safe to say i'm spitting and sputtering at this point, but thanks for the encouragement

 

[hippiedude]

Thanks LeBroz and WickedEve

Thanks to LeBroz for the observation below. You're exactly right. I should have said mid-19th century. I've been reading about WWII lately and to be honest I think I got my centuries confused. Thanks again for pointing this out.

hippiedude has some strong imagery in an unillustrated piece, Remains. The only problem I have with this is the reference to early 19th century America. Somehow, I think this was too early for photography to present images of the War of 1812. Perhaps closer to mid-century, as the first photographs began appearing circa late 1830's, and wives and mothers gathered in gloom as their men folk went off to that horrid meat grinder known as the War Between the States.

Thanks WickedEve for the fix. I knew "heads/heads" was wrong but for some reason I could not fix it. Its amazing what age and sleep deprivation does to you.

 

[Rybka]

Thanks, WSO. If I can get you to understand/appreciate that rhyme and rhythm are not only much older, but harder (because they are more restrictive, and because most of the rhymes have already been used) than free/blank verse, than I have done something!

The theme of course is the weeding of Memories' garden.

PAX, Rybka

i love Rybka's Pull Only The Weeds. this poet's poetry always teaches me something. every single word in this poem is there because it is needed. each and every line break has meaning. and the messages carry strength and meaning. i think it is this poet's fault that i am getting past my dislike for rhyme.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I have always found rhyming verse extremely easy its free verse I have a hell of a job with.


I would like to say that although Half a Dozen of the Other by Cal Y. Pygia has not enabled comments it is the most erotic thing I have read in a long time and can I copy paste and keep it to read and read again?

 

[Rybka]

I have always found rhyming verse extremely easy its free verse I have a hell of a job with.
. . .

Ineresting, Can you please give us references (links) to which of your Literotica submissions you consider your best rhyming poems, and also to your best free verse submissions.

PAX, Rybka

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Crikey now your asking! You might disagree entirely! Will try if you will tell me how to send links .. blonde you know! Wasn't until I came on here that I wrote anything but rhyming poetry and found I was out of date!

 

[Rybka]

Crikey now your asking! You might disagree entirely! Will try if you will tell me how to send links .. blonde you know! Wasn't until I came on here that I wrote anything but rhyming poetry and found I was out of date!

If you don't know how to link, just post the name of the poems (submitted to Lit.) you would like us to read in this thread and we can go read them. ~ Where in Oz do you live?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ok will see if I dare dig them out again! I don't come from Oz .. what made you think that? I am an English Rose through and through.

 

[Rybka]

Ok will see if I dare dig them out again! I don't come from Oz .. what made you think that? I am an English Rose through and through.

I thought "crikey" was Australian, never heard anyone else say it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It's from London cockney .. probably taken over to Oz many years ago ... not saying who by as I value my skin lol

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The Rhyming Verse

All Hallows Eve
For Ron
Going home
Inside your heart
Lost
Who's Concern
Sweet Pleasure

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The Others!

Through a childs eyes
My England
Give me the Darkness

 

[vampiredust]

Thank you to WSO and WickedEve for mentioning my poems in the new poem reviews

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thankyou for you answer to me Lorencino it was very kind of you to take the trouble. Actually I still feel very new myself on these boards and I have learnt one hell of a lot since I have been here. I had never heard of many of the many types of poetry till I came on here let alone tried them out for myself. I had just written ryhming poetry for myself and friends who it seems didn't know any better (if that's the right word) either! A lot of other peoples poetry seems very abstract to me, a bit like understanding paintings really. You know what you like and when you broaden your horizons it takes a while to sink in. I do try to grasp other peoples concepts but am not always successful, so what I was asking really was how do I get into what people mean? Do I just enjoy the words (or not as the case may be) and let it flow on by? Or is life to short to worry that I just don't get it on occasions ?!!! Seems to me some people just use too many words as if they have opened a dictionary and picked out the biggest and most obscure and shoved them all in a poem.

 

[LeBroz]

Thankyou for you answer to me Lorencino it was very kind of you to take the trouble. Actually I still feel very new myself on these boards and I have learnt one hell of a lot since I have been here. I had never heard of many of the many types of poetry till I came on here let alone tried them out for myself. I had just written ryhming poetry for myself and friends who it seems didn't know any better (if that's the right word) either! A lot of other peoples poetry seems very abstract to me, a bit like understanding paintings really. You know what you like and when you broaden your horizons it takes a while to sink in. I do try to grasp other peoples concepts but am not always successful, so what I was asking really was how do I get into what people mean? Do I just enjoy the words (or not as the case may be) and let it flow on by? Or is life to short to worry that I just don't get it on occasions ?!!! Seems to me some people just use too many words as if they have opened a dictionary and picked out the biggest and most obscure and shoved them all in a poem.

You can draw solace from these words from one of Lit's more prolific contributors, the late smithpeter.

.
.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

There that just said what I took a whole paragraph of waffling to do!

 

[Angeline]

Thankyou for you answer to me Lorencino it was very kind of you to take the trouble. Actually I still feel very new myself on these boards and I have learnt one hell of a lot since I have been here. I had never heard of many of the many types of poetry till I came on here let alone tried them out for myself. I had just written ryhming poetry for myself and friends who it seems didn't know any better (if that's the right word) either! A lot of other peoples poetry seems very abstract to me, a bit like understanding paintings really. You know what you like and when you broaden your horizons it takes a while to sink in. I do try to grasp other peoples concepts but am not always successful, so what I was asking really was how do I get into what people mean? Do I just enjoy the words (or not as the case may be) and let it flow on by? Or is life to short to worry that I just don't get it on occasions ?!!! Seems to me some people just use too many words as if they have opened a dictionary and picked out the biggest and most obscure and shoved them all in a poem.

I think we like what we like, and none of us should feel we need to defend our preferences. I write primarily for myself. I want other people to like my poems, but if they don't that's ok, too. I also don't expect readers to understand all my references. Sometimes they're specific references to or about a certain person that only that person would get. Sometimes they're my own private jokes, just for me. The joy of writing, for me, is that I can do that and still know that (well most of the time) readers appreciate something about my poems, even if it isn't what is most important to me about them.

I also find that I've grown a great deal since I started coming here. I have a degree in Literature and I read a lot of poetry in college and after but there are many, many things about poetry that simply never occured to me until I was here, interacting with other poets. This is where I learned to write form poetry and so many other things. Sometimes I have no idea what someone else's poem (or post) is about. smithpeter is probably my all-time favorite poet here and I understand very little of his poetry as far as what he was getting at in it. But that's ok--I just love the wordplay, the twists and turns of his phrasing and the whimsical quality of his poems. He could be profound and whimsical at the same time.

So I guess I'm voting for just enjoy (or not) what you read here and see where it takes you.

 

[lorencino]

I have a degree in Literature and I read a lot of poetry in college and after but there are many, many things about poetry that simply never occured to me until I was here, interacting with other poets. This is where I learned to write form poetry and so many other things. Sometimes I have no idea what someone else's poem (or post) is about. smithpeter is probably my all-time favorite poet here and I understand very little of his poetry as far as what he was getting at in it. But that's ok--I just love the wordplay, the twists and turns of his phrasing and the whimsical quality of his poems. He could be profound and whimsical at the same time.

Clearly, your education and your experience here with other writers have combined to produce a masterly touch. Your verse is finely nuanced and your style is unobtrusive. Yet, your style thrills. I find smiles tumbling joyfully onto my face because of how safe it feels to be buoyed along by the play of your words. It is, I suppose, the joy of admiration. Your style hits my sweet spot.

Then there are the many other thrilling poets here that I have just begun to discover. Who would have imagined such a rich literary experience on a site called literotica. I arrived expecting sexual stimulation and find that all of me is stimulated, body mind and soul.