"To keep the review thread clean..."

[bronzeage]

anyone else had trouble getting on Lit today? I finally had to get in via google chrome and it's still slow loading

It's been slow loading all day.

 

[butters]

thanks for the comments, twelveio - if i ever get around to rewriting that long one (and i can't guarantee i will as it was published a few years back and i don't feel the drive to atm), i will certainly look at it with your comments in mind. see where i can cut and amend to get at the heart of it better. the wordiness was, at the time, quite deliberate ... it was supposed to tie in with and, perhaps, amplify the nature of the person being observed - a scholarly type steeped in mythology and history and not averse to the sound of their own voice. (no taking the mick, pls )

creepy? oh. it's meant to be relaxing. we all die sometime, right?

and the other... ty, i'll give it some serious consideration.

 

[vrosej10]

Thanks for all the comments on After I Burnt Dinner.

Ange, my hubby would die of shame before he'd hit me (besides we are about the same size, so it would be on if he did). My father beat my mother.

Twelve, yes there is a little pandering going on but its more along the lines of seeking relief from being told that I am too cryptic. My subject matter always runs in this direction. Check out my poem in Chip's exercise thread. It's a tanka for the record; five lines, each a phrase, and the optional pivot line. (though I have cheated a little by giving it a title). I am spending sometime working in that form again because it is a centering experience. I liked the paint line but to each his own.

 

[Maria2394]

I hope no one is bothered by my using the submission tool as a first-line of critique. I expect Many others edit multiple times before submitting. However, I find it speeds up my whole process if I get the big problems can be identified early so that I can be more scrupulous later-on, assured that I won't have to do a complete re-edit afterward.

For that reason, I hope you all will be especially brutal on me in the future. Point out problems which may, very well, leave my pieces crippled. It's a better alternative than accessorizing for an amputee.

Hello NS, ( if I may call you that) if not, I apologize

Since I have been here, 2002, I have worked a poem until I am bug-eyed and then submit it hoping that some kind talented soul will give me advice that I can use to make my poem better.

There is nothing at all wrong with your doing that and anyone that says otherwise is wrong and what can they do about it anyway. I can't speak for others, but from what I have seen over the past 9 years I believe most people submit for advice to some extent. But then there are those who feel their work is perfect and resent any type of feedback at all, and they are usually the ones with back-click poetry anyway.

I have truly been enjoying your work, so keep up the good work because I look forward to reading some good stuff every day.



~ maria

 

[Maria2394]

Thanks for all the comments on After I Burnt Dinner.

Ange, my hubby would die of shame before he'd hit me (besides we are about the same size, so it would be on if he did). My father beat my mother.

Twelve, yes there is a little pandering going on but its more along the lines of seeking relief from being told that I am too cryptic. My subject matter always runs in this direction. Check out my poem in Chip's exercise thread. It's a tanka for the record; five lines, each a phrase, and the optional pivot line. (though I have cheated a little by giving it a title). I am spending sometime working in that form again because it is a centering experience. I liked the paint line but to each his own.

Dear Rose-

I'm sure you know domestic violence is a vicious cycle and I am so glad t o hear that the poem is not about you. It angered me when I read it, so Lady, you did a fabulous job. I did not leave a comment because I didn't know what I could add of value. But your poem brought back a tidal wave of memories.

My own parents had a tumultuous relationship and when I was 16, living with my dad, he called home one night and told me when he got home from work he was going to take his .38 and load it and that he had a bullet for each of us kids, my mom and then himself. He didn't handle the divorce well at all.

I took his gun to a neighbor who unloaded it for me and then took me to my mom's house. we called the local police who posted an officer at the house all night long. He eventually got over that one episode, but it affected me all my life.

Years later, when my youngest was 6, I overheard her and her cousin talking about their younger cousin who was 4. She had told them Papa had a gun in the truck. Well, I went over there, looked in his dash and there was that same .38, loaded and in reach of those kids. My kids. My sisters' kids. I had a flash of that 4 year old shooting herself or one of her cousins by accident so I took that weapon, and buried it.

The funny thing is, when he discovered it was gone, he knew I had taken it because I swore to him that one day I would and he would never get it back. The cops made me give it back to him after he "cooled" off because it was his and registered and he had a permit. I went to dig it up for him and it was gone but there were dog paw marks. My Lab had beat me to it. We rented metal detectors and searched 5 acres of land for days and couldn't find that gun.....until

When we moved several years later, I was dismantling the kennel and found that gun in the woods where the dog had dropped it. It was about 30 feet from where it was initially buried, partially covered with leaves, just across the neighbor's property line. They had moved and taken down the fence and I don't know how they didn't find that gun but they didn't.

It was still in the baggie but had rusted where the bag had begun to decompose. I found the little baggie with the bullets a few feet from it. My siblings remembered when my dad flipped back in '78 and I gave them each one of those bullets and I kept one and the ones he meant for them. They are in my jewelry box. Family violence makes memories that don't dissipate even when the family is gone. I'm so glad yours is happy.



~ j

 

[bogusagain]

Thanks for the comments on my poem 1201, vrosej, Ange. Interesting and thought provoking as usual. Thanks for the compliment Ange

I feel a little guilty at the moment because of work load I can only pop my head round the metaphorical door for a couple of minutes at a time at the moement but hope to be around a little longer once I've got my current glut of work out of the way.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks for the comments on my poem 1201, vrosej, Ange. Interesting and thought provoking as usual. Thanks for the compliment Ange

I feel a little guilty at the moment because of work load I can only pop my head round the metaphorical door for a couple of minutes at a time at the moement but hope to be around a little longer once I've got my current glut of work out of the way.

That's ok. As you know we are a mostly understanding bunch here. Respond when you can or, better yet, write more poems.

 

[vrosej10]

Dear Rose-

I'm sure you know domestic violence is a vicious cycle and I am so glad t o hear that the poem is not about you. It angered me when I read it, so Lady, you did a fabulous job. I did not leave a comment because I didn't know what I could add of value. But your poem brought back a tidal wave of memories.

My own parents had a tumultuous relationship and when I was 16, living with my dad, he called home one night and told me when he got home from work he was going to take his .38 and load it and that he had a bullet for each of us kids, my mom and then himself. He didn't handle the divorce well at all.

I took his gun to a neighbor who unloaded it for me and then took me to my mom's house. we called the local police who posted an officer at the house all night long. He eventually got over that one episode, but it affected me all my life.

Years later, when my youngest was 6, I overheard her and her cousin talking about their younger cousin who was 4. She had told them Papa had a gun in the truck. Well, I went over there, looked in his dash and there was that same .38, loaded and in reach of those kids. My kids. My sisters' kids. I had a flash of that 4 year old shooting herself or one of her cousins by accident so I took that weapon, and buried it.

The funny thing is, when he discovered it was gone, he knew I had taken it because I swore to him that one day I would and he would never get it back. The cops made me give it back to him after he "cooled" off because it was his and registered and he had a permit. I went to dig it up for him and it was gone but there were dog paw marks. My Lab had beat me to it. We rented metal detectors and searched 5 acres of land for days and couldn't find that gun.....until

When we moved several years later, I was dismantling the kennel and found that gun in the woods where the dog had dropped it. It was about 30 feet from where it was initially buried, partially covered with leaves, just across the neighbor's property line. They had moved and taken down the fence and I don't know how they didn't find that gun but they didn't.

It was still in the baggie but had rusted where the bag had begun to decompose. I found the little baggie with the bullets a few feet from it. My siblings remembered when my dad flipped back in '78 and I gave them each one of those bullets and I kept one and the ones he meant for them. They are in my jewelry box. Family violence makes memories that don't dissipate even when the family is gone. I'm so glad yours is happy.



~ j

That a terrible story; I am sorry to here that it was so awful. My dad was six kinds of arsehole and beat on mum at least weekly. I would say that he wasn't what you would usually expect in a wife beater though. I made a decision early on not to repeat my mother's errors and married best-husband-ever, who is a lovely, gentle man. The stuff that happens to you as a kid lingers around in you subconscious though.

 

[vrosej10]

Thanks to all those who commented on Hell Conceived For Ballerinas. SweetOb was right in that in arose from my seeing Black Swan but it took a will to percolate to the surface. 12, i tried it with three repeated lines (three being my favourite number in an OCD way) but it was gilding the lily. The permanently imperfect thing came from something I read about eating disorders years ago; that a lot of anorexics particularly are perfectionists and a lot of ballet dancers are anorexic so...

 

[butters]

Thanks to all those who commented on Hell Conceived For Ballerinas. SweetOb was right in that in arose from my seeing Black Swan but it took a will to percolate to the surface. 12, i tried it with three repeated lines (three being my favourite number in an OCD way) but it was gilding the lily. The permanently imperfect thing came from something I read about eating disorders years ago; that a lot of anorexics particularly are perfectionists and a lot of ballet dancers are anorexic so...

i have read this, V, and love it! tomorrow i should have the son-free time to be able to think enough to make comment. and catch up on the others i've not yet read or read and not left a comment on yet. some goooooood stuff out there!

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I've been very bad about thanking the people who have read, left comments on and voted for my poetry, so - a BIG thank you to you all (you know who you are).

Also thanks to 1201, senna jawa, theognis and maria for dusting off some old ones.

Special mention and thanks to OT for popping in and leaving some lovely words for Last Lust - he's seldom seen but ever present and I miss him.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I wonder if Lit is throwing a wobbly again or if one 'poet' has removed a less than flattering comment? I suspect the latter as the rest are still there but I still wonder at the use of the word 'mound' which I always thought was a small hill. Perhaps other poets could set me right

 

[vrosej10]

Hi all,

Thanks for the humour comments on The Sex I Am Thinking Of... This trio of poems were written as replies to things Blunt Trauma said she was thinking of on the GB. They came out so well I thought I'd post them. They are not that great but shit off the top of my head, they aren't too bad either. Number 3 is definitely the best, Number 1 probably being the most truly tanka.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I just had a look at my submissions scores and by the look of it somebody has done a systematic sweep through the lot, but only one thought comes to mind really ..... I do so hope they stopped to read before heading back to Kindergarten

 

[butters]

I just had a look at my submissions scores and by the look of it somebody has done a systematic sweep through the lot, but only one thought comes to mind really ..... I do so hope they stopped to read before heading back to Kindergarten

i got that a fair bit last week, annie - some muppet trying to stir things up. such a shame, isn't it? thank goodness there're muppeteers here. all for one and ...

well, you know the rest

 

[bogusagain]

Have you got a job to go to chip? I could do with an editor, I hate editing. I have a comfortable box at the end of my bed in which you can snuggle up. Thanks for your comment on my poem, you make some good points, plenty to ponder over.

1201 It is a bit of a one sentence isn't it.

oops got to get back to football and a beer, good game, Bayern are playing some nice stuff.

 

[butters]

Have you got a job to go to chip? I could do with an editor, I hate editing. I have a comfortable box at the end of my bed in which you can snuggle up. Thanks for your comment on my poem, you make some good points, plenty to ponder over.

1201 It is a bit of a one sentence isn't it.

oops got to get back to football and a beer, good game, Bayern are playing some nice stuff.

best offer i've had all week

 

[UnderYourSpell]

i got that a fair bit last week, annie - some muppet trying to stir things up. such a shame, isn't it? thank goodness there're muppeteers here. all for one and ...

well, you know the rest

most of mine averaged out around 4.50 now they are 2s or less, there is a vindictive sod around and it's not like I've done anything except give an honest opinion on 'someones' poem. I've had some cracking putdowns on mine before now but it never entered my head to go to the trouble of sweeping through their submissions ....... some people should get out more. Actually I find it somewhat amusing which I don't suppose was his intention at all!

 

[butters]

most of mine averaged out around 4.50 now they are 2s or less, there is a vindictive sod around and it's not like I've done anything except give an honest opinion on 'someones' poem. I've had some cracking putdowns on mine before now but it never entered my head to go to the trouble of sweeping through their submissions ....... some people should get out more. Actually I find it somewhat amusing which I don't suppose was his intention at all!

i'd imagine (hope) the glut of those will get swept, annie.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

i'd imagine (hope) the glut of those will get swept, annie.

well I've only tangled with one person that I know of so he's rather cut his nose off to spite his face as far as I'm concerned and any other discerning person here

 

[vrosej10]

Hey Chip,

thanks for the mass comment spree! You've been busy!

After I Burnt Dinner is a tanka, so by definition has five lines.

Again

 

[butters]

Hey Chip,

thanks for the mass comment spree! You've been busy!

After I Burnt Dinner is a tanka, so by definition has five lines.

Again

i've been unable to sit at this pc for long enough with my word-head on uninterrupted by no2 son's disruptive presence. i was trying to make up for lost time

ah, sorry, i completely missed the wood for the trees then, didn't i?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

i've been unable to sit at this pc for long enough with my word-head on uninterrupted by no2 son's disruptive presence. i was trying to make up for lost time

ah, sorry, i completely missed the wood for the trees then, didn't i?

I have the same problem wih no1 husband ..... sigh

 

[twelveoone]

most of mine averaged out around 4.50 now they are 2s or less, there is a vindictive sod around and it's not like I've done anything except give an honest opinion on 'someones' poem. I've had some cracking putdowns on mine before now but it never entered my head to go to the trouble of sweeping through their submissions ....... some people should get out more. Actually I find it somewhat amusing which I don't suppose was his intention at all!

I gave you a five, although I was a little confused as to
"gay abandon"
you can't let these jackasses bother you, I lost my H's, bye, bye, piss on 'em.


and I was just havin' a little fun with you, the correct term is new wave, not punk

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I gave you a five, although I was a little confused as to
"gay abandon"
you can't let these jackasses bother you, I lost my H's, bye, bye, piss on 'em.


and I was just havin' a little fun with you, the correct term is new wave, not punk

I was using the term gay abandon for what it used to mean but realise now that may just be an English term

Oh and smacked your backside hard for the 'new wave' comment on Giselle ...... it was punk then how can it be new wave when it's now old?