Tolkien Fans: Comments and Questions

[old_prof]

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That's geek speak for replace the d with a k

She had something like two conversations with Aragorn, but spent weeks talking and bonding with Faramir.

So she meant turn the bonding into bonking

 

[SimonDoom]

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This describes me some of the time.

And it's only getting more that way.

 

[StillStunned]

That's geek speak for replace the d with a k

So she meant turn the bonding into bonking

Ah! I thought it was some clever allusion to tying up and spanking. I can definitely see Eowyn and Faramir getting into a kinky D/s relationship later in life.

 

[StillStunned]

Ah! I thought it was some clever allusion to tying up and spanking. I can definitely see Eowyn and Faramir getting into a kinky D/s relationship later in life.

Or weirder stuff.

E: "You go out into the palace gardens and hide..."
F: "Haha, you know I was a Ranger, right?"
E: "...But if I find you, I get to ride you like a pony."
F: "Wooo-hooo!"
Cpt. Beregond (aside): "And I risked my life and career for this?"

 

[TheLobster]

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She meant it should've been:

She hak something like two conversations with Aragorn, but spent weeks bonking with Faramir.

but I'm equally as confused as you what kind of euphemism "hak" is.

Put down that keyboard Wanda, you're gonna hurt someone!

 

[SimonDoom]

So who's read Bored of the Rings? I read it as an adolescent, maybe a few years of reading LOTR. Perfect time to do so, because its humor (although often clever) is often adolescent.

My favorite part of the parody was the fake "teaser" passage on the inside cover. It is itself a parody of salacious teasers like it, because the passage doesn't actually occur in the novel. Here's part of it:

“Do you like what you doth see . . . ?” said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Frito’s throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale. She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her. “Let me make thee more comfortable,” she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. “Touch me, oh touch me,” she crooned. Frito’s hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest. “Toes, I love hairy toes,” she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet.

 

[SimonDoom]

s/d/k/g

Now that this has been explained to me, this seems like a piece of fanfic that you were meant to write.

Of if not you, Emily should do it. Or maybe it could be a contest idea.

 

[old_prof]

So who's read Bored of the Rings?

My favorite part was the names. I still chuckle at some of them something like 50 years after I read it. I think I read it in college, but I;m not sure any more.
I kind of suspect that the whole thing started as a joke making up the names and everything else got filled in to justify them.

 

[BeechLeaf]

Oh yes, I've been thinking of Eorache a lot, all through this discussion. I love that book too.

 

[SimonDoom]

My favorite part was the names. I still chuckle at some of them something like 50 years after I read it. I think I read it in college, but I;m not sure any more.
I kind of suspect that the whole thing started as a joke making up the names and everything else got filled in to justify them.

Bilbo -- Dildo Bugger
Frodo -- Frito Bugger
Sam -- Spam Gangreen

Legolas -- Legolam
Gollum - Goddam

Hobbits were "Boggies."

 

[old_prof]

Bilbo -- Dildo Bugger
Frodo -- Frito Bugger
Sam -- Spam Gangreen

Legolas -- Legolam
Gollum - Goddam

Hobbits were "Boggies."

And Giblet son of Groin (Gimli)
Aragorn was Arrowroot son of Arrowshirt (by my memory at least, I might have father and son backwards)

And of course, Tom Benzedrino (Tom Bombadllo)

 

[LegendInMyOwnMind]

Be honest, Tolkien fans.

Don't you wonder about Aragorn and Eowyn getting it on at some point?

Think about it from Aragorn's POV. You're the most eligible bachelor in Middle-Earth. Arwen is hundreds of miles away, and you've been hanging out in the wilderness with dudes on a desperate quest for a long time, with no relief.

Suddenly, you are faced with a hot horse-warrior princess who is practically throwing herself at you.

You've got to be thinking, "I'll invite her into my tent. I'll have Legolas stand watch at the tent door. Elves are discreet. Nobody will know."

I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought about this.

Read Barahir's Eowyh the xage series

 

[BeechLeaf]

And of course, Tom Benzedrino (Tom Bombadllo)

Tim.

Tim, Tim Benzedrine
Hash, boo, valvoline
Clean, clean, clean for Gene
First, second, neutral, park
Hie thee hence, you leafy nark!

Not saying that's perfect, but oh my, I can quote it all from memory! That's stuck deep then.

 

[onehitwanda]

Now that this has been explained to me, this seems like a piece of fanfic that you were meant to write.

I could never. Oh... okay, I suppose I could, but I would never.

 

[onehitwanda]

I still maintain that if I ever get a pet snake, I will name him Legless.

As in Legless of the Woodland Realm.

 

[SimonDoom]

Tim.

Tim, Tim Benzedrine
Hash, boo, valvoline
Clean, clean, clean for Gene
First, second, neutral, park
Hie thee hence, you leafy nark!

Not saying that's perfect, but oh my, I can quote it all from memory! That's stuck deep then.

Impressive. I vaguely recall that now that you recite it. But I wouldn't have remembered it if not for that.

I've been looking for my copy of the paperback version of the parody and can't find it.

Speaking of which: what's your version of LOTR? I still have the paperbacks I read back in the mid-70s. The cover art is by Tolkien himself. My copy of Fellowship of the Ring is literally falling apart. The pages from The Council of Elrond chapter fall out of the book if I'm not careful. It's held together by scotch tape.

 

[EmilyMiller]

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I could never. Oh... okay, I suppose I could, but I would never.

I have much lower standards…

 

[Britva415]

what kind of euphemism "hak" is

tuah

 

[onehitwanda]

I have much lower standards…

Well, you are shorter than me...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Well, you are shorter than me...

I’m shorter than everyone, except Sabrina Carpenter.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Gormenghast? Do you mean the unreadable pile of glop by Peake, or is there another, better story by that name?

You are cursed and condemned for the remainder of your life, infidel.

For me, it walks all over LOTR, ever since I first read it, aged sixteen. Fuschia was my second literary crush, being the same age in the first book.

 

[SugarStorm]

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I could never. Oh... okay, I suppose I could, but I would never.

Yeah, nobody is buying that.

We all expect volumes I, II and III of something like Eowyn: A Study in Yearning (by oneringwanda) being locked in a safe behind a random painting (of Beethoven) at your place.

 

[onehitwanda]

Yeah, nobody is buying that.

We all expect volumes I, II and III of something like Eowyn: A Study in Yearning (by oneringwanda) being locked in a safe behind a random painting (of Beethoven) at your place.

... I am giving away too many secrets. How the fuck did you know?

 

[onehitwanda]

I'm going to hell.

I’m shorter than everyone, except Sabrina Carpenter.

You bum's nicer than hers, though.

 

[YmaOHyd]

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I could never. Oh... okay, I suppose I could, but I would never.